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Friday, April 28, 2006
This Just Sucks...Period!
I'm sick of it. I want it to end!
I'm tired of seeing these commercials where 98 pound women strut around in nothing but white bikini undies doing gymnastics...while advertising tampons. Hell, I wear overnight pads WITH super plus tampons, granny panties and thick sweatpants and I still end up doing the emergency laundry time at the bathroom sink.
Last night, I went to bed at 1 a.m., awoke at 8. Sounds like a perfect, blissful 7 hours of sleep, right? Nope, I had to be up at 3:30 when I discovered that Mother Nature was calling. (FYI - "nature" can call men or women when it comes time to use the restroom, but "Mother Nature" only calls women.) Then again, at 5:30 I'm dreaming that I'm wetting the bed, so I awaken to discover that I really need to rush into the bathroom. When I return bleary-eyed to bed, is there any rest for me? Hell no. I have to strip my bed and change my sheets. It's just not fair, I tell ya.
Come to think of it, I'm done having children. My kids are both teenagers. Can't someone turn off this female plumbing of mine? I have at least 15 more years of this torture every month and it's just not fair. Women shouldn't have to waddle around wearing mini-diapers. We should be able to just push a button and turn off the spigots or something.
There are, of course, some women who deserve to have periods. They're the ones who rush out to the store to buy "pads designed for thong wearers." Umm...if you're wearing a thong while you're menstruating, trust me, you deserve all the headaches that come with periods. And I hope you get so much water bloating that you can't even find the back end of the thong the next time you need to use the ladies' room.
When I was a kid, we didn't really talk about our periods. We discreetly duck-walked our way to the bathroom carrying our purses and did what we had to do. I'm sick of keeping quiet about periods...I'm going to complain, loudly! Unfortunately, it sounds like I'm gonna be complaining for the next 15 years because I'm in purgatory -- halfway between the time in my life when I needed a period and when it will finally be over.
Lord, bring on the hot flashes. Anything is better than this!
diannevan at 9:19:42 AM EDT
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Monday, April 24, 2006
Who's The Boss?
Judges, by and large, are very intelligent folks. They've made it through high school, college, law school, passed the bar, and even been elected (or selected) to preside over the court.
So how come they make so many rock dumb decisions?
I read today in this article that "websurfing at work" is perfectly fine and you CANNOT be fired for it.
His justification? "It should be observed that the Internet has become the modern
equivalent of a telephone or a daily newspaper, providing a combination
of communication and information that most employees use as frequently
in their personal lives as for their work."
Ummm, so now I have to pay my employees to sit around checking out their favorite blogs all day long? No. Not fair. I pay folks to work while at work. That's, after all, why they call it work.
Since this judge feels that employees should have the right to use company equipment and company time to do personal things, I wonder how many assembly line workers are going to start walking off the line and barging into the CEO's office so they can get themselves a little bit of a mental health break a few times a day to check out the ww.people.com article to find out if Brangelina have had their little baby yet. After all, if it is good enough for white collar employees to waste employer's wages, shouldn't the same apply for blue collar employees?
And speaking of his decision, since when did it become fair practice to have folks sitting around reading the newspaper, either? Sure, it happens in a lot of offices, and that's fine. But saying that I am not allowed to fire an employee when I have repeatedly told him to "get back to work" is ridiculous.
Now quit reading this blog and get back to work.
diannevan at 10:26:40 PM EDT
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Wednesday, April 19, 2006
Like, totally gymmin' dude
Remember that nasty number on my scale last week? I'm sick of it. I'm ready to do something about it. Of course, I've said this all before. If I had a dollar for every time I said "this time I'm gonna lose weight..." I'd be rich. If, of course, I hadn't spent all those dollars on donuts.
Well, this time I'm not saying "this is it!"
This time, I'm saying, "if it works, great. If it doesn't, well at least I got some exercise just transporting the damn thing."
Carrie, who has more money than sense, bought one of those "Total Gym" machines that Chuck Norris and Christie Brinkley sell on late night TV infomercials. It sat in her extra bedroom since she bought it and hasn't even touched it. I finally asked if she would mind if I borrowed it. She practically cheered - not because she thinks there will be less of me to hug, but because now she doesn't have to look at the monstrosity anymore. What is it about dusty exercise equipment that seems to mock every well-intentioned fool?
   Since she hasn't been able to find the workout videos that came with this thing, I decided to go to the website to find out what I could do with it. I just about had a heart attack when I saw that it cost almost $2,000! Unfortunately, that's all I found out on the stupid website. You'd think that when you spend that much moolah for a machine, they'd have an incredible website. Nope. Just some teeny black & white photographs of a handful of exercises. Sheesh.
I've done the first two exercises at the lowest resistance and my thighs are STILL tingling. Here's hopin'.
Again.
diannevan at 10:12:59 PM EDT
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Tuesday, April 18, 2006
Divine Coincidence?
Tell me there's not just a touch of irony regarding the fact that Brooke Shields births her baby girl just mere hours before Tom Cruise's daughter was born.
 Perhaps Brooke will share some of her anti-depressants with Katie after the pregnancy hormones are gone and Miss Holmes realizes what the heck she did.
diannevan at 8:19:59 PM EDT
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Saturday, April 8, 2006
No Longer A Pre-Teen
Is there enough Maalox in the world for me to be able to tolerate having two teenagers in the house? Heather turned 13 today. And yeah, I'm still claiming that I'm still carrying baby weight. It's a mom's right.
It was an all around perfect day. She's been begging for a guitar so she can "be good at something." Her school mentor (the speech therapist) has an acoustic guitar and Heather's got it in her head that Miss Phillips will teach her. Sure 'nuff, Miss Phillips called and said she thinks it would be a delightful way of spending their time together. Let's see if she still uses "delightful" after the lessons start. My girlfriend bought a beginner's guitar and Heather has been on cloud nine ever since she opened the gift.
 
Carrie also took all of us to Damon's to celebrate Heather's birthday. The best part of going there, of course, is that they sing to you. Sure, everyone claims to be dying of embarrassment, but c'mon, when you have a whole bunch of people singing just for you, it's hard not to feel special.
When we came back home, my mom made the birthday cake. I think Heather must have been channelling Elvis and his famous fried sandwiches or something, because she asked for a banana cake with peanut butter icing. It sounds disgusting, but as with all things fattening - it was heavenly.
 The day was topped off with Heather and one of her best friends playing on the trampoline.
 Can days get any better than this?
diannevan at 10:45:37 PM EDT
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Tuesday, April 4, 2006
My Life - Part Two
During my last entry, I wrote:
When it comes to work - Ugh.
When it comes to my children - Arrgh.
When it comes to the red ink on my bank statement - Ugh.
When it comes to the escalating numbers on my scale - Ooomph.
Now, a few days later...
When it comes to work - Ugh.
Apparently I still am employed by the East Canton office. I finally got a response to my proposal that I drive to the office less frequently in order to save expenses. It took a week, but Lois agreed to let me skip driving on Wednesdays. Plus, there has been work for me every day since Friday. Apparently the doc is just really behind and I should expect a bucket load of work this week (I hope!).
When it comes to my children - Arrgh.
When Heather's home-based therapist came for our session yesterday, we were all frustrated and had given up hope. McKenzie talked with us for about two hours and by the end of the session, everything had turned around. I don't know what she did, but she's a damn miracle worker. Will it last? Probably not, but it's getting better every time. She explained that Heather will backslide, but each time will get easier to get back in focus.
When it comes to the red ink on my bank statement - Ugh.
Even though four of my checks had bounced after I mistakenly paid my car payment early, the bank only charged me for two of 'em. That's $62 in NSF fees that I really, really didn't have right now (and yeah, it totally sucks to sock fees at someone who obviously has no money to start with, but I understand that's the way the game is played), but that's better than $114, right? Plus, Dr. N was my salvation today. Even though I only turned my invoice in to her yesterday, she emailed me this morning and said my check was ready. I coulda kissed her!
When it comes to the escalating numbers on my scale - Ooomph.
Well, umm, it's still 231.5. But the milkshake was good!
diannevan at 9:46:00 PM EDT
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Sunday, April 2, 2006
My life is full of consistency
When it comes to work - Ugh.
When it comes to my children - Arrgh.
When it comes to the red ink on my bank statement - Ugh.
When it comes to the escalating numbers on my scale - Ooomph.
Sounds like everything in my life is pretty damn even finally - all sucky.
I'm in a totally frustrated mood.
My East Canton client is playing games with me. I wrote an email saying that several times I had driven the 30 miles (each way) to the office, only to find that there was no work available yet. I proposed that I start picking up and dropping off work every other day in order to make it more worth my time. I got no response, but after I sent that email, suddenly my work load was cut in half this week. At this point I don't even know if I have them as a client anymore. Ugh.
As far as Heather goes - well, the honeymoon period is over. She's decided that good behavior is highly overrated and life was more fun when she was wreaking havoc in our lives. She's back to her nasty behavior and then when she's thoroughly pissed us all off, she says "Sorry" and thinks it makes everything better. Nope. I'm ready for her to go back to the Juvenile Center where they'll force her to behave because obviously I'm incapable of performing that feat.
I've recently discovered that online bill-pay from my bank is completely incompatible with an over-worked, harried, scatterbrained woman like I am. I could have sworn that I had changed the date for my car payment to be paid this month so that it would come out the day after my next payday. On Saturday morning, I discovered that I must have been hallucinating or something because the payment came out on 4/1/06 and my bank account was overdrawn by over $200. And my next paycheck won't arrive for over a week. AND I have three other bills that will be automatically deducted this week. Hmmmph.
Let's see, can we top off all of those things? Yeah! Let's really sink down into despair by getting on the scale. Even without a stitch of clothing (my apologies to anyone sitting across the street who may have inadvertently chosen that bad timing to look toward my bedroom window) and before eating, my scale still screamed those nasty numbers at me - 231.5 Huh? How the heck did I get to that weight? I love carrots for heaven's sake! I've never had a Budweiser in my life, yet I've got the beer belly that would shame Homer Simpson.
I think I'll go drown my sorrows in a chocolate milkshake. Ugh.
diannevan at 5:11:18 PM EDT
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Tuesday, March 28, 2006
Yawwwwwn
I detest mornings.
I could spend the rest of my life perfectly content if I peacefully slept through every gorgeous sunrise.
I don't understand how when I go to bed and I'm tired, it's so hard to fall asleep. I'm stumbling through the house yawning to the point where I think my jaw will become unhinged, yet when my body hits the sheets, I'm suddenly open-eyed like a teenager strung out on Red Bull.
But when I wake up after a full night's sleep, my body says, "not enough!" and I can barely pry my eyelids open long enough to find the damn alarm that is piercing my skull. I flop my hand onto the snooze button and I'm asleep even before I have a chance to snuggle back into the covers. I've snoozed my alarm so many times that the snooze actually ran out (for the record, that would be after two hours...in annoying 9 minute increments) and still couldn't get my lazy butt out of bed.
Why do I have a hard time sleeping when I've been without sleep, yet can't wake up when I've had a whole night of sleep? It's weird, I tell ya.
Actually, from the folks who've heard my sonorrous nocturnal symphany, I'd say I probably have a wicked case of obstructive sleep apnea. If I lose weight, I'll stop snoring and sleep better, but heck, we wouldn't want Burger King to go out of business just so I can feel rested, do we? Another option is a night-time CPAP machine, but I'm totally claustrophobic and can't imagine wearing a mask to bed at night.
For now, I'll just overdose on caffeine. Man, I wish I hadn't been so tired yesterday that I forgot to buy coffee filters. Somehow a paper napkin just doesn't work the same.
diannevan at 11:04:18 AM EST
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Tuesday, March 21, 2006
Delaying Vista
I've been planning to purchase a new laptop this year, but didn't want the hassle of upgrading the operating system, so I decided to wait until Vista is released. It looks like my wait just got longer. I just read a blurb that Microsoft is delaying delivery of their new operating system until January 2007.
Remember when the concept of computers in homes was a novelty? When I was a senior in high school (back in 1986 - can it really be two decades??), I read that by the turn of the century half of all homes would have a computer. I mustered my best "teenager knows everything" sneer when my teacher said that and told Mrs. Thompson that she must have been sniffing chalk or something because there was no way that any old fart grandparents would even know how to turn on a computer, let alone have them in their living rooms. Well, the good news is that the teacher was wrong, half of the homes in the country don't have a computer. That 50% prediction was way low. And those same old farts who wouldn't know a disc drive from a cup holder...well, they're sending digital pictures of their grandkids to everyone in the Sexy Seniors chat rooms.
I got my first real home computer in 1993 and it was a DOS-based computer. Although MS Windows had been around since 1985, really, there weren't a lot of applications that required it, so DOS was good enough. It didn't take long for that to change, though. By the time Windows 3.1 came out in 1992, Bill Gates really got into total world domination mode and suddenly there were games and programs that would not work on DOS. I begged, borrowed, and pleaded with my brother to buy me the Windows upgrade software for Christmas so I could enjoy the world through Windows-colored glasses.
A year after I had Windows 3.1 loaded onto my machine, Windows 95 came out and effectively changed the way most home computers ran. I decided to finally buy MS Office and discovered that I HAD to upgrade, they didn't offer the latest Office suite for previous versions of Windows. So I switched to Windows 95.
Before you Mac folks start throwing rotten apples at me,
I DO realize that Macs were available back then, but since I'm not a
Mac user, you'll just have to bear with me here.
So the chronology of events for my home computer systems is:
1993 - DOS
1994 - Windows 3.1
1995 - Windows 95
1998 - Windows 98
1999 - Windows ME
2000 - Windows 2000
2003 - Windows XP
That's a decade of computers - 7 different operating systems. Yet XP was introduced in 2001 and hasn't had anything new for over 6 years. Is that a sign of progress? Or of "Ooops, we can't get it right?"
Admittedly, I've loved every new OS far more than the previous one, so my hopes are high. But damn, I'm getting sick of waiting to buy that new computer.
diannevan at 10:37:37 PM EST
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Monday, March 20, 2006
The More Things Change, the More They Stay the Same
Big changes on the horizon and I'm torn about my feelings regarding them.
As I mentioned, my six month relationship with Carrie ended last month. There were many reasons for this, but the main ones were her long commute to work (over an hour each way) and the fact that she's just totally inexperienced at the parental role. It's not that she's not incredible in the way that she deals with the girls, it's just that it's extremely overwhelming for someone who has spent all of her life without the chaos that comes with teenagers.
Carrie and I have maintained contact and have had lunch several times over the past month just to stay caught up with each other. This weekend, she asked if I would be willing to come to her house so we could talk about something. Of course, my mind played out various scenarios ranging from "I'm getting married" to "I have cancer." I didn't truly believe any of that was what she wanted to discuss, though. I assumed that she was going to tell me that she is dating again.
I was right. She has been on four dates and she wanted to tell me she's in love.
With me.
She said that the four women were all very different people and probably would be great relationships, but that she just couldn't stand the thought that it wasn't me sitting across from her. She can't imagine a life without me. Of course, my feelings have remained the same from the start. I love her. I loved her just as much a month after separating as I did a month after meeting her.
So where does that leave us? She says the commute isn't too bad, especially now that daylight arrives earlier and stays later. But obviously my kids are still in the picture and they are my priority.
After talking a lot of pros and cons and discussing different options, we came to the same conclusion - neither of us want to end things, but we need to make changes in order to make the relationship work.
Previously, she was trying to come over every night in order to blend in with my family, but it was kind of like a trial by fire - too much, too soon. Beth and Heather never left her alone the whole time she was at my home. It made Carrie freak out, so she started coming up with excuses to avoid coming over. So, we've learned to take it slow regarding the family.
She loves the girls and wants to be with them...but also needs some time away. She needs to enjoy some adult time with me where I'm not being pounced upon by teenagers every 15 minutes (umm, no exageration there, we actually timed it one evening). I agree. I think it would do wonders not only for our relationship, but also for my own mental health.
We're going to try a new schedule. She'll stay at my house one evening a week. That's time for all of us to be together to enjoy the family time. Then, for a day (or sometimes two), I'll go to her house, leaving my girls at home with Mom. If there are problems, they'll call, but for general stuff, they'll just leave me alone during that time.
Will this work? Oh hell, I don't know. Half of me is very excited, the other half is feeling extreme guilt at leaving my girls for an entire night. If Eric was still alive and lived near us, I'd think nothing of having him have custody over the weekend which would give me the break I've needed for the past 14 years. So why do I feel like I'm imposing on Mom so much?
Of course I've talked to Mom, Beth and Heather. The girls are all for the idea and think it's great. Mom says "give it a try, if it doesn't work, we'll change the plans."
diannevan at 12:09:49 PM EST
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