Staring at a Blank Page

6:57:43 PM EST
Feeling Angry

Men, men, men..."can't live with them, can't live without them." I am not an oversensitive woman but sometimes I feel that men's sensitivity is somewhat numbed, or maybe, in severe cases, that it hasn't been developed at all. But to avoid unjust generalizations, I'm also aware that some men are quite in touch with their emotional side and aren't afraid of revealing their compassionate selves. With that addressed, let's go back to my ranting...some men don't understand they're sabotaging themselves in their relationships with women. Is it so hard to pick up the phone and call if you can't make it to a date? In Johnny Cash's words..."did I ask too much, more than a lot?" I need to remember my breathing exercises...count to 10...inhale...count to 10...exhale...find inner peace...letting go frees your soul...

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2:30:03 PM EST
Feeling Silly
Hearing Someone playing the new VC game Good Grief!!! Anybody home??? I can't remember this place being so dirty or being so full of cobwebs. I have been gone for far too long and I was losing my sanity. But now I'm back and I plan on blogging more often...for my sake and everybody else's. My dear journal has been too neglected...I just hope it takes me back...

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6:08:46 PM EDT
Feeling Quiet
Hearing Seinfeld in the background

Rumi's verses always "speak" to me. I'm certain that we've all found ourselves in this situation at some point...  

"Distracted by objects of desire"
 

People are distracted by objects of desire,
and afterwards repent of the lust they've indulged,
because they have indulged with a phantom
and are left even farther from Reality than before.
Your desire for the illusory is a wing,
by means of which a seeker might ascend to Reality.
When you have indulged a lust, your wing drops off;
you become lame and that fantasy flees.
Preserve the wing and don't indulge such lust,
so that the wing of desire may bear you to Paradise.
People fancy they are enjoying themselves,
but they are really tearing out their wings
for the sake of an illusion.    

Zin botân-e khalqân parishân mi shavand
shahvat rândeh pashimân mi shavand
Zânke shahvat bâ khayâli rândast
vaz Haqiqat dur-tar vâ mândast
Bâ khayâli mayl-e to chon par bovad
tâ bedân par bar Haqiqat bar shavad
Chon barândi shahvati paret berikht
lang gashti va ân khayâl az to gorikht
Par negah dâr va chonin shahvat ma-rân
tâ par-e maylet barad su-ye Jenân
Khalq pendârand `eshrat mi konand
bar khayâli par-e khvod bar mi konand  

Persian transliteration from Yahyá Monastra

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12:26:07 PM EDT
Feeling Silly
Hearing My doggy barking Geez, so today I get this angry call at 3am in the morning. However was calling, sure sounded intoxicated. The first words were unintelligible, but after about a minute I could make up a few comprehensible sentences...something around the lines of..."It's been a whole week, haven't you missed me?" and "Here I am, thinking you've forgotten about me"..."Neglected, that's how I feel right now." Then it hit me, it was my journal telling me I've been away for too long...I've decided to make amends.

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5:23:51 PM EDT
Feeling Silly
Hearing Rob Zombie - Freakshow Baby

We're finally here. After a considerable wait of four years, we're a mere two weeks and a day away from the Presidential Elections. This is one of the most heated Presidential races in recent years and the population's divided.
There's a growing gaping drift in the middle of the country creating two different, and sometimes hostile towards each other, groups of idealists. Yet this is a small price to pay for the freedoms we get in this country. In the United States people CAN actually make their voices heard and once united, the noise of these voices CAN led to change. In a democratic nation such as this one people are ABLE to get involved and even they CAN agree to disagree with the cental government without fear of being censored or restraint of speech and thought. Even though, suffrage is not a requirement, it is a right, and as responsible citizens it is necessary for Americans to exercise that right. As a person who fled to the USA from a shadow democratic republic, I had never seen the freedom in which the people opposing the governmental policies were able to express their discontent, which more often that not, stroke me as overwhelming and even scary. How this people had this degree of liberty held its own beauty and mystery to me.
This is why, in my opinion, apathy is one of the biggest crimes against one's country, the simple lack of interest is hurtful. Go out and vote this November...remember we get such a bargain here....<A href="http://edit.journals.aol.com/_do/<IMG%20hspace=4%20src=" vspace="2" align="right" vote.gif? dirtylilkit10 members.aol.com http:>" target=_top>

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11:11:14 PM EDT
Feeling Mischievous
Hearing Led Zeppelin - Over The Hills and Far Away

I absolutely love Led Zeppelin...

I am here pondering about why am I home on a Saturday night when I could be somewhere else, perhaps hitting the downtown club scene, dancing the evening away? Why I ask...because I have to work tomorrow, making this Saturday the second Saturday in a row when I'm supposed to be working. But I don't complain too much, I'm warming up to my new job. However, entering the work force has led me to the bitter-sweet realization that there's two kinds of workers in this world...

1. Dedicated people who perform far and above their expected obligations, who I must express my fondness for...

2. And lazy people who barely do what their job description says they should be doing...

The latter seems to be rather a populous bunch at my place of work. And it aggravates me to death. They don't do their job, therefore I have to be "reminding" them in a "professional" and "courteous" manner what they need to do, which in turn makes them resent me. I can see those eyes rolling...you're not fooling anyone...

My only question is, is it too hard to do what you get paid for doing? Some people are plain lazy...I need a massage ASAP....<A href="http://edit.journals.aol.com/_do/<IMG%20hspace=4%20src=" vspace="2" align="center" dull.gif? dirtylilkit10 members.aol.com http:>" target=_top>

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11:01:33 PM EDT
Feeling Quiet
Hearing No music, just a game on TV Farewell to Christopher Reeve. I've always felt that he was going to surprise us one of these days by walking on his own again. Now he's won't need to...he's got his own wings...now he can really fly...

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5:55:04 PM EDT
Feeling Quiet
Hearing Bob Marley - Buffalo Soldier

The other day I happened to come across an Oliver Stone's documentary about the Israel-Palestinian conflict on HBO. Regardless of Stone's obvious self-loving mannerisms, it's not a bad film after all. At least it got me thinking, are human beings "wired" to fight each other? Why are we unable to achieve coexistance and acceptance? Because the underlying reason behind the majority of these problems arise from the incompatibility of the political or/and religious beliefs of two different groups of people. Beliefs that are considered "sacred" by these individuals because it basically shapes their personality and values, it defines who they really are. I heard once that more people had been killed in the name of God than by any other motive, but in my opinion, it's a matter of principles and human nature. I might be censored for saying so, but there's good people who in actuality don't believe in God, yet this doesn't make them any less good. That is what leaves me with my concept of principles and human nature. Are these two things at odds with each other? the rational v. the irrational? But my millon dollar question is...are some people born evil, or is evil a product of upbringing and environment? Perhaps one day we'll all learn to get along...hey, it's not a crime to be a dreamer...

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11:00:09 PM EDT
Feeling Sad

Much to my disappointment, I found myself in a situation where I had no other choice but to fire one of the girls I supervise. It wasn't fun making that decision I tell you. Even though I had to do it and it might sound irrational given the circumstances, it actually made me feel like a bad person. I was simply pointing out to my boss what my plans were for increasing production and how I was going to move the girls around...

Me..."See?she's fast"
Him..."Who're you going to switch her for"
Me..."That girl right there"
Him..."Are you sure?"
Me..."Yes sir,why?"
Him..."To tell you the truth I've been watching her and I'm not impressed"
Me..."I know what you mean"
Him..."I'd tell you to cancel her, but that's your decision"
Me...(Gee, I'm in a pickle here, don't look like you have no idea what to do)...I am aware that she's underachieved in another areas...
Him..."Then my advice is get rid of her, but again, it's up to you"
Me..."She might have to go...Sir, you must understand this is my first time firing anybody"
Him..."I understand, don't let it make you feel like you don't have a soul"

So I fired her...not a nice day at the job. I hope she doesn't hold it against me for doing what I had to do...then see me in the street one day and shoot me.

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1:57:22 PM EDT
Feeling Silly
Hearing Jimi Hendrix - Johnny Be Good

Did you know Jimi Hendrix's real first name was James? I absolutely love him...but I digress. Sundays are the sports fan's heaven, specially during this time of the year when baseball and football season overlap. It's glorious. As you probably can tell so far, I like sports. I belong to a rare breed known as "the girlie tomboy." The kind who's addicted to high heel shoes but prefers a baseball game over any other kind of tv show. This might be due to the fact that I'm the only girl out of 3 children and my whole family from my dad's side is filled with sports nuts. It's fun just sitting there watching, it's even better being at a game, feeling part of the crowd. As it is a plus that my future spouse won't have to fight for his right to be in heaven every Sunday, not that he'll win anyways. Go Yanks!!!

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