Story's From the City~Tale's From the Sea

7:13:41 PM EST
Feeling Hopeful
Hearing Van Halen

 ANTHONY & SAL-2004-below-2005 ANT IN HIS ROOM ANT IN CAR~now

Hey everyone-I'm back, finally! I had a few set backs in the past few months, plus, my computer crashed! For the second time, and I'm afraid it couldn't be fixed this time around. Bummer, I know. I had my first PC for 8 yrs, so that's not too bad. I received my new PC yesterday, and just finished hooking it up. It's PRETTY! Silver this time, with the flat screen! My mom and aunt paid for half, as a Christmas gift! I'm just now getting around to ordering it! LOL No, I've had a couple of very bad months; first with my mother, having to go BACK to the hospital, with Pneumonia! So three more weeks she was in-again. And I'm having a hard time helping my dear friend, Anthony. Let me tell you briefly about him. He was my son Chris's friend back in high school Not very close, but friendly. Anthony would come over from time to time, to hang out and play pool down stairs, or play video games with Chris. Sometimes they would fool around with Chris's drums and guitar. When Chris left this Earth, Anthony was one of the first friends to come to the wake, the funeral, and then over to the house. He was just starting collage, Drew. this kid is SMART! He scored a perfect SAT in high school! So, of course he got a scholarship at Drew University. His mother is more like his sister, rather than act like a mom, and he always had to pay board, even at 16! {if my kid scored a perfect score and got into DREW U-I WOULD HAVE BOUGHT HIM A NEW CAR!} So, he had to work-FULL time, pass all his grades, and it got to be all too much. He was diagnosed as being Bi-polar, at 15 yrs, but with medication, he kept it in check. {this entire generation were put on SOME type of medication! it's like, every teen born in the 80's-is bi-polar!} he started getting panic attacks, lost his job, had to leave a semester in his second yr, and went into the hospital. He hasn't been back to neither since. AND he's been VERY depressed! His step father is abusive too. Ant is a very talented artist, he took Fine Arts, among other good courses. he can sculpt, draw, paint, and write wonderful poetry. Someday I'll share one with you guys. Anyway, I kind of tucked him under my wing, so to speak. He stays in his room for days on end, sometimes crying, sometimes sleeping, and at other times he appears to be fine! When he had to go on SSD-he needed a payee. Do you know his mother wouldn't do it! So I did! The kid needed medical attention! His check comes here, in my name, every month. he pays his bills online, from here. Getting him out of the house is a struggle, sometimes, most of the time, lately. Oh, I'm so sorry for dumping on all you good people, but I wanted to do a long over due entry {thanx for all the concern-especially you Sue!} and he has been on my mind. This is what this journal is all about, anyway. To let my feelings out, onto paper, knowing I have lots of J Land friends who care. I could say more, but, that's enough for now, and I hope you guys understand why I help him. he has been suicidal, and I can't let that happen again! I just got back from Livingston, where he lives, and I brought him some food; soups, English muffins, cake, Boost, etc. He's not allowed to eat his step fathers food! Did you ever hear of such a thing??? Oh, let me stop, I wasn't raised like that, and my son wasn't raised like that, so I can't imagine not being able to eat in your own house! Plus he STILL pays board! Not what he USE to pay, when he was manager at a great office, but gives what he can. I'll keep you posted.

I hope everyone is well. I have a lot of mail, and I will begin to answer all my emails, and write a few of my own. I have pictures on the way too. Helen-read your entry today, for the first time in a LONG time! Loved the Pix of the pups you were babysitting! LOL Let me say good night-it's good to be back online! ~Diane~

 

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12:50:17 PM EDT
Feeling Chillin'
Hearing FM radio

Hey, how's everyone doing out there? Hot enough for ya? I swear, the older I get, the more the heat bothers me! I'm sitting here, with an extra hour for myself, so I figured this is a good time to do my long awaited meme, that I think I got from Dawn. The 10 book picks? I think it's ten books everyone should read? Well, I don't know if everyone should read my picks-but most will like the ones I've chose. In no special order: #1. Pride and Prejudice-Jane Austen 

#2. Uncle Toms Cabin-Harriet Beecher Stowe 

#3. {not for nothing-but why O why is it SO HARD to change TEXT & COLOR in AOL journals??? WTH? It's like, IMPOSSIBLE, cause it automaticly jumps back to the LAST text & color I used before! See what I mean? it will NOT go back to purple! sorry} My # 3. WUTHERING HEIGHTS- Emily Bronte 

{Or back to BOLD! wth??} #4. IN COLD BLOOD-Trumen Capote

#4. CATCHER IN THE RYE- J. D. Salinger  { now it's switching all by itself! I HATE AOL!}

#5. On The Road- Jack Kerouac

# 6. MEIN KEMPF-Hitler {this is definitely NOT for everybody!}

# 7. INTERVIEW WITH THE VAMPIRE- Anne Rice 

# 8. THE SHIPPING NEWS- Anne Proulx

# 9. THE DE VINCI CODE-  Dan Brown

# 10. JANE EYRE-  Emily Bronte

So, there you have it-my ten book picks. You know, there were so many going through my head, I doubt I could write down each and every book I've read over the years, and how to choose Tennessee Williams over the Bronte sisters, or vice versa, lol, like I did, ykwim? I wrote what came to mind, as I wrote this, because if I sat and thought about them all, I wouldn't have been able to choose! And forget about trying to make the page look good, and change colors and all, cause it's aggravating with these journals! I mean, the letters had a mind of their own! Sometimes I was able to change size and sometimes not! Why?? It should be an easy thing to do! Maybe there's a trick I'm not aware of? Who knows, anyway, PEACE-tell next time!

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10:02:29 PM EDT
Feeling Chillin'
Hearing Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young~Deja vu

Hello everybody! Anyone out there remember this great album? This LP meant a lot to me back in the 70's, Deja Vu. While engaged, the tune 'Our House' was the 'picture perfect' vision it produced in my head, on how MY marriage would be.

"Come to me now,
and rest your head for just five minutes,
everything is done.
Such a cozy room,
the windows are illuminated,
by the evening sunshine through them,
fiery gems for you,
Only for you.

Yep, as I hear it now-it takes me right back...and we did have two cats in the yard, no fireplace yet, but it 'set the mood' for sure.

Our house, is a very, very fine house,
With two cats in the yard,
life use to be so hard,
Now everything is easy cause of you!

La, la, la, la, la, la

I'll light the fire, while you place the flowers in the vase, that you bought today.

Love that song-the whole album really. The reason for this entry though, is to name my five Picks, for the Rockin Girl Blogger award. Here they are.[in no special order]

The Shadow of the Iris~Rebecca is a wonderful writer! It truly is a gift for her, and each one of her entry's make you think, smile or cry. She took a small break recently, finding out she had cancer of the skin, which was a huge blow to her, of course, but she's back, and writing better than ever! Not even sure if she already has one, but here's another, from me, if she does!

 

Unfussy-She's a dog lover, has a big beautiful dog, named Yager. Always writes interesting entry's, like her latest about an NFL player abusing his animals! See, she cares....I like that-go check her out. Again-don't know if she has one, but in case she doesn't-she does now!

Grains Of Sand-I love this journal! OK-it's a guy-so what? I've been reading Marc for quite some time, and he writes well also! Don't believe me? Go check out his entry called, Transitions. Or a short entry called, 'I wish there was a river I could skate away on', and you'll be hooked! Good writing Marc.

Mortimer's Cafe-Like this journal too, and been reading it for about a year now. This is a male also-although I think he's female deep inside! Oh, he won't mind I'm telling you this-he tell you himself! Go read! Sometimes bar tender, sometimes Chanteuse...all the time Genuine.

 

Carpe Diem~Seize The Day-Dawn's journal is another read I find very moving. She has that 'Gift' too. And she has the best meme's! She's another animal lover and gives me a smile reading her entry's! She definitely already has one-but 2 is the charm!

So, there you have it-my five picks! I probably could have named TEN-but only had to choose five. Until next time, PEACE.

 

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7:01:19 PM EDT
Feeling Happy
Hearing The Unknown Soldier

An AOL AWARD! Yep.... I have kept a journal, not an 'everyday-gotta-write' type thing, but just somewhere I can go write when in the mood! [encouragement from the other journal people helps too, and I receive a lot!] So my last blog I did, [slaved over! lol] was the Springsteen blog-very similar to the one I did here, but better, and I received so many comments and e mails, most positive, but all welcomed. Now, I do have my steady readers; the journal's I have been reading right from the beginning, and a few new, and those people deserve these little awards, they put a lot of time and effort into it, I only do that once in a blue moon! I mean, who wants to read about my problems, day after day? No one. Even I don't want to read about someone's daily routine, and all their problems, each and every day, never- mind writing my own! I like different. And that's why I switch up, one day I'll feel like writing about Chris, then I'll hear a Dylan song, and I'll write about the song itself, or a memory it might have stirred in me. On this particular day I heard 'Brilliant Disguise,' and was moved my the Memory, so I sat down and wrote. Didn't really care who was going to like it, cause I enjoyed writing the thing! Hey, anything that can get my mind off of the News and all of my aches and pains-I'm for! Count me in! I'm sick of now. That LP brings me back to THEN. Then-when Christopher was alive, and we were in his room watching video's together; Him making fun of Springsteen's gruff voice, and the inability to understand what he is saying! LOL He'd imitate, and exaggerate the lyrics, even stuffing paper in his mouth, to give the effect Bruce sang with marbles in his mouth! LOL Ahhh...he'd surly make me laugh.



back then....Back to then when Jorge was alive, and we were all together, back then, when we thought [i did anyway] we had all the time in the world to live and love.

back then.....Back before I was sick. Before all the blood tests,injections,exams and all the poking, prodding, the piss tests, the mammogram's,the pap smears,the questions,the paper work, blood work, medications, the medications...more blood work, did I mention medication? and this is all in a three week period of time!  Then it starts all over again!      take   me  back   Back when all was good, when we were young, healthy, happy, crazy, wild, unafraid,unscarred,TOGETHER, sitting in the Stone Pony, feelin' no pain, screaming, BRUUUUCCCCCE!!!!



Now here comes the hard part: voting five more journal's to  receive their ROCKIN' BLOGGER AWARD! It can be a male too-and I have one in mind! LOL   I was contemplating not to even take part, don't want to 'step on anyone's toes,' or in other words, don't wanna piss anyone off! And man, the chicks over here can be catty! lol But I have 'met' some awful cool folk over here, I'm sure I can name 5 pretty easily. Just give me a couple of days.


Oh yeah-thanks Sassy! Let me post exactly what she said, when announcing I was picked:Dianne of Story's From the city~Tales From the Sea--- sometimes she does not have regular entries, but once she puts her mind to it look out! ;-) Her latest is about Bruce Springsteen; this piece is well written, informative, bound to interest fans and "non plus on Bruce" people both, includes tender lyrics and through insight into the mind and heart of the boss from NJ. Also of note is her courage and perseverance given that her son took his own life shortly after his HS graduation. You rock Dianne!



So, there you have it-boring stuff, huh? Well, not to me-cause they think  I ROCK!

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9:44:25 AM EDT
Feeling Happy
Hearing Tunnel Of Love

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1:51:18 PM EDT
Feeling Sad
Hearing In The Arm's Of An Angel

JANUARY 15, 1980~JUNE 30, 1999

Rest in peace my love, I know you would want me to put this picture

in my journal, of you and Kim~Placed bright blue and green flowers

today on your grave~Kim came over, and we reminisced~Missing you!

Mom

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1:16:04 PM EDT
Feeling Hopeful
Hearing Sargeant Pepper's Lonely Heart's Club Band

Did you know it's been 40 years since Sergeant Pepper taught the band how to play? LOL Yes baby boomers, it's been THAT long since the Beatles released their masterpiece Sargent Peppers! Don't know about you, but that LP was a Hugh part of my life. I remember receiving that double album, and being so excited I just had to call my best friend up to tell her, and when she arrived, we ran off to my room to listen to it, all the while studying the strange photo's and trying to figure out the even stranger lyrics. Those were the days alright, young and free from worries and illness.

Speaking of illness, I hope everyone who reads Jeannette's Jottings, say some extra prayers for her, she's suffering from Cancer, is having a time with it! Same for my friend Helen and her hubby, not only having eye problems but also worrying about those horrible out of control fires that are going on down south! Her journal, My Everyday Life, always brings a smile to my face, between her bird pictures, and great flower shots, she proves to be a very strong women who I look up to.

My Mom is coming along just fine, I'm glad to say. I was really very worried about her, I thought for sure SHE had cancer, but no-she had surgery and it seemed to do the trick! The reason for her constant diarrhea was these 'bands' of adhesions, in her lower abdomen, pressing on her lower bowel, preventing the blood from flowing properly! The surgeon told me as soon as he cut them, the blood flow was corrected! THANK GOD! She has been staying with me, and between me and my aunt, we are feeding her and she'll have some weight on her bones very soon! Doc says she should be gaining weight some time in July, cause it takes time after being ill for so long. [she IS skinny-90 Lbs]

As far as myself, I'm good. I do have that annoying rash all over my body, and I do try to keep it in check. I must shower everyday with oatmeal soap, and use a luffa or a buff puff on my skin, then apply medicine, followed by a special creme the Doc gave me. I went over to St. Michael's for my monthly visit, and my blood work was good. There's not much I can do about my lack of energy, except eat right and rest, which I do. When my T cells dip below 200, I will have to go back on the anti viral's, but they are at a steady 360 right now. Not bad really, at one time I only had about 50 left! For those of you who do not know-I suffer from HIV and Hep C. It's been a struggle, I tell you that! Not only am I ridiculed and shunned, but it changed my whole life! [I'm sure I'll loose a bunch of J landers after they read this-but I can't worry about that now] I plan to speak out more on my illness in the future. This well NOT be a 'Pity Page,' just somewhere I can be totally honest.

That's all I have to say at this moment-hope I have everyone's support! I need it desperately. So, until next time remember: LET'S GIVE PEACE A CHANCE~

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6:31:05 AM EDT
Feeling Hopeful
Hearing Johnny Cash~LIVE! At Folsome Prison

 Hello All...thought I'd make an entry early this Saturday morn, 4:00 AM to be exact. This is a terrible time to be up and awake, especially if you don't wish to be! The pain in my back has been severe today, with all the dampness from all the snow and now, sleet,we are receiving here in Jersey. Sometimes it doesn't matter how I reposition the pillows I place beneath my legs and left hip, I just gotta get up from the bed! It's the only way to relieve the pressure, get up and walk around a little...so I parked myself here, in front of the puter, and started to read my alert's, answer my emails and send a few birthday cards out, all the while thinking of how so many of you are going through a bad time, health wise! It's beginning to really upset me, it's one person after another it seems like, either asking for prayers for themselves or loved ones. Prayers I have, hope is right up there too-but the despair I'm feeling isn't good. :( I feel so helpless sometimes when I read a friend, right here in our community, is suffering from cancer. My heart and prayers have been with Helen and Ken, thank goodness Ken is finally home-Patches is happy, and poor Helen is getting some much needed rest! Never mind HER back troubles! And Sugar I do believe was in surgery today, so many prayers are with her this evening. {umm...morning! lol} I'm not mentioning everybody, but you know who you are, and my message to you all is, we are all thinking and praying for you, and to be STRONG-what's that saying about 'God not giving us too much to handle at one time'? Well, I'm close, it's something like that! lol He  doesn't give us anything we can't handle! That's it. And it's true-it's so true. Sometimes I feel like everything is coming down on me-all at once-and I'm going to either explode, have a heart attack or die. Or I feel like I can never go through another death, another person I love, leaving me...but I do-I always pull through the tragety, how I make it through 'the storm', And that people, is GOD. He's making sure, standing by our side, to make sure he doesn't give us too much. And besides, it makes you strong! Stronger! I have become very strong over the years, bitter too. {?} I have no idea why?! {the bitterness I mean} I was told I was going to die. No ifs, buts or maybes about it-I was dieing-and had a few years to live, IF you have any years left. Yep-that's what I was told. They told my Mom, aunt, everybody! But it looks like they were ALL WRONG! lol I'm still alive, by the Grace of God I'm here. I've been through a lot-a whole lot. OK-enuff of that stuff! Hey-I got some 'FUN' pictures today, I thought I'd post a few, OK? They are NOT great-no-they are no where near as good as someone like, umm...Helen. She's practically a Pro! LOL I know you all agree too. {you ARE good Helen} They are very amateurish, yes, I am a amateur. lol Some I took with my Sony cell phone camera, and some I used my Kodak Easy Share camera. I'm just learning how. I mean, like, from scratch! lol I had to read my little booklet, and watch the DVD, before I took any pictures. And when I finally DID-I had no idea what the heck i was doing! Trial and error-that's what it was; and I like to take the advice of Helen, she says, "you gotta do it to learn it!" " Do and learn." So with no further adue' Here's a shot of my room-the Dresser.

 This is a huge piece of furniture dresser is-I've had this since my wedding in 1976. This is the bed room furniture we picked out for our wedding! We were getting our first apartment and furnishing it. We were having a ball-anywho-there you see only one mirror, but two belong on it. I have the other mirror in my closet. The next picture is of my bed.

 I painted my bookshelves hunter green, to match the spread and drapes. I have white blinds up there, and I hate them! They are coming down soon, very soon-Im replacing them with hunter green, sun blockers. I have them on my two side windows, the sun can't stream in my room, rudely waking me up much too early. So with the sun blockers it stays dark in here, the way I like it. I prefer dark, candle lighted room, than to bright, sunny, happy! lol Here's the same picture but at a different angle.

 OK-boring...next. lol  OK-my bookshelf, at a different angle.

 That is a real poinsettia, from Christmas no less. Looks good, huh? Those pillows, one is Grober and the other was...?  what? cookie monster? Cookie monster's face...they are Christopher's {i can't get my text out of bold!!?? aol! ugh} Yeah,  and there's a candle there on the window sill, a wooden box on a shelf above cookies head, on the other side, a few pictures. This next is a little marble top, cherry wood little half table, I found in an antique place in Montclair.

 Can't see what's on it, like my camel ashtray? There is a piece of bone china, a little saucer with a few stones in it, special stones, keep sakes. Here's a close up.

 The stone, in the round saucer, is inside a sea shell, it says HOPE on the side of the little black onyx; see my brass camel ashtray? Got it in Tuscan, but it was made in India-it's stamped and numbered in the back; I like different-and he was different. There's also a small picture of Chris, and you can see my Midnight in the other shot-the black cat head on the ledge there? It's actually a candle holder. I got it because of my black cat, Midnight! Here's another of the window and plant.  Can't believe it's still alive. This is Christopher's Rocking Horse.

 He LOVED THAT THING. When we went up to Vermont, to my uncle's house, we went to town one day, and we saw a man making everything and anything out of wood, and saw a few rocking horses he had made, so my grandmother asked him to make Chris one, and in a week, he gave us this. I now keep in in my room-why not? It was in the garage! I was horrified to see it in that dirty place, not covered or anything. And of course I felt guilty, guilty for not remembering it at all! It was the furthest thing from my mind..I guess...and assumed my mother was taking care of it. I  brought it right up on the back porch, Sis gave me some Old English Oil, and cleaned it real good. I like it in my bed room, it's comforting to me. Picture of a picture-sad.  Yep-that was taken when we went to Disney world; you could have posed for any magazine in the world, and Chris just wanted to hold Van Halens guitar, and pose on the 'cover of the Rolling Stone'! Yeah, he, we had a good time that summer. So, it's up, in my room, between two roses I waxed. One rose is from Chris's Wake, and the other is from my Nana's Wake. Another pix of a pix. Sadder.  Me and Christopher posing in the back yard, it was dark and rainy out, we were coming back from the store, me, Kim, and Chris; he was taller than me-I had a Cedar Grove sweat shirt on-his. He had on his yellow Addis sweaty on, and he'd wear strange pants, jeans, you can't tell, but his jeans were short! Not to his knee short-but shorter than usual, turned up on the bottom, and REAL baggy! LOL And his Timbs on too. White socks,  and hat. Here's a very small one of me on my wedding day- 1976, and I'm walking with my grandfather, he gave me away. Can't hardly see it-sorry. OK-think I'll lay down now and try to rest some, before my aunt is up making the java! Cause once I hear the coffee pot gurgling, and smell the coffee, I'm up! Unless of course I fall asleep, hard. It HAS happened-not too often tho. I'll leave you with one shot of my 'reads' for this evening-the two books/zines I'm into at the moment. A novel, by Anne Proulx, titled, POSTCARDS, and my bimonthly Rolling Stone,ready and waiting for me-see my glasses are there too! It's a little staged, I must admit, but hey, I'm learning. Goodnite all....PEACE

     

That last one is a shot of my bed when it was all in disarray! Was checking my little note book for things, sending out my Valentine cards out, see my Valentine stickers? The North Shore Animal Hospital sends me address stickers and all kinds of stuff. I have medication out and everything! THAT scene was NOT staged. I remember, Kim ran in right after work-I didn't expect her, was undressed, not ready for company, and yes, my bed and entire room was messy-look-my bed was still unmade at 6 PM! Well,she takes a few shot's of me, the bed, me again-lol I look worst than the messy bed.  Kim.  Chris's girl. SHE looks great! lol ME-below.

 No make up on! Yikes! Kind of just stepped out of bed-but hey-it's me. PEACE { for real}

 

 

 

 

 

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1:58:55 PM EST
Feeling Happy
Hearing Some Girl's-The Stones

Even though I have passed my 29th year, I know many of you are approaching thirty, and might find this thing I found, called 'Saturn's Return', insightful. And maybe some of you might want to read it anyway-maybe a friend or one of your children might be approaching their Saturn Return. So,

I leave you a very interesting piece to read! Yes, that's me, in the mirror! LOL

Saturn Return: The Twenty-Ninth Year

By Skye Alexander

 

Many of us approach our thirtieth birthdays with anxiety, even dread. We start looking for gray hairs and paying attention to ads for wrinkle creams. We question whether we are climbing the career ladder quickly enough. We hear the biological clock ticking loudly and worry that soon we will be too old to bear children.

Astrologers call the period between ages twenty-eight and thirty "Saturn Return." That's because it's the first time the planet Saturn completes its cycle through your birth chart and returns to the spot it occupied when you were born. Internationally respected astrologer Rob Hand calls Saturn Return "one of the most important times in your life. . . a time of endings and new beginnings."

For most of us, ending a phase of life that is familiar and embarking on one that is new and untried is unsettling, even painful. Few people describe Saturn Return as a pleasant period. While undergoing your Saturn Return you may find yourself turning inward and reflecting on your individual destiny. You examine your true needs and desires and the role you want to play on the world's stage. You may feel lonely and alienated from those around you, while family and friends think you are shutting them out. But this is a necessary period of consolidation, when you must retreat from the distractions of the outer world and focus on yourself at your most fundamental level. The Saturn Return is every individual's search for the Holy Grail.

Coming of Age

The first Saturn Return marks the end of youth and the beginning of the productive adult years. It is now that you truly become an adult--not at eighteen or twenty-one. You realize your need to define yourself as an individual within society and to demonstrate what you've learned. Newswoman Jane Pauley described turning thirty as having grown into womanhood. German film director Werner Herzog compared this period in his life with a maidens loss of virginity, a line drawn across his path marking the end of his youth.

This transition into adulthood is often accompanied by a sense of urgency, a feeling that you must try to accomplish everything you've ever wanted or planned to do now. Goals start to come sharply into focus. If you have not settled into a definite career, or have been pursuing one that is inappropriate for you, you'll experience a strong push to establish yourself in a more fulfilling occupation. Sometimes this means a complete change. During his first Saturn Return Vincent Van Gogh decided to be a painter rather than a minister. More frequently it means a new direction or specialization within your chosen field.

If you have been building steadily toward a goal that's right for you, Saturn Return can be a time of achievement and rewards. Your labors bear fruit. Runner Bill Rodgers' Saturn Return marked the first of three consecutive Boston Marathon wins. William Faulkner published his first novel at age twenty-nine.

According to California astrologer Stephen Arroyo, author of Astrology, Karma and Transformation, "The quality of the entire experience and the extent to which it is felt to be a 'difficult' time depends entirely on how one has lived during the previous twenty-nine years." If you have been pursuing an unsuitable vocation or merely fulfilling someone else's expectations, Saturn can be relentless in prodding you to make adjustments.

Revising Worn Out Patterns

Saturn strips away illusions and points out limitations, allowing you to view yourself in a harsh, often unflattering light. At the same time, it endows you with prudence, practicality, and the perseverance to work hard toward achieving your purposes. Consequently, this is a good time to rearrange your career or lay the foundation for a new one.

Saturn Return almost always requires some major adjustments in lifestyle, attitudes, and relationships. Anything you have outgrown, or have tolerated but not found satisfying, must end now or be altered to meet your emerging needs. According to Hand, "Consciously or unconsciously, you are pruning your life of everything that is not relevant to what you really are as a human being."

Often interpersonal relationships are deeply affected by Saturn Return. Gail Sheehy writes in Passages: Predictable Crises in Adult Life that during this period "Almost everyone who is married will question that commitment." The U.S. Census Bureau lists the peak divorce years as ages twenty-eight to thirty. Some people experience more subtle or private adjustments in their patterns of relating, such as shifts in responsibilities. Many couples decide to become parents, not only altering their relationships but their financial obligations and perhaps their vocations as well.

If a relationship is sound, based on mutual respect, honesty, and sharing, it will probably survive the test of Saturn Return and become even stronger. But a relationship begun before the partners knew what they really wanted is likely to fall apart. Relationships that start during this period may have a "fated" or "karmic" quality about them.

When Enough is Enough

"Saturn. . . is never easy to deal with because his function is that of promoting growth," explains astrologer Liz Greene, author of Saturn: A New Look at an Old Devil, "and it is only frustration and pain which at present are sufficient goads to get a human being moving." This frustration and pain have given Saturn a bad reputation. But the planet's often misunderstood value lies in its very ability to evoke pain. Like the pain of an illness, it warns that something is wrong. Saturn doesn't create the problems, it merely illuminates them.

Growth is often accompanied by trepidation and turmoil. As the old self is pushed aside to make room for the new, you may feel weak and vulnerable. You want to move ahead, yet are frustrated by a fear of doing so, torn between a compelling urge to throw off everything connected with your past and an equally frantic need to cling to the familiar rather than brave the great unknown.

Even if your external world seems to be in order, your internal structure may feel as though it's being assaulted with a battering ram. Nervous conditions, irritability, depression, insomnia, and feelings of insecurity are common. Most people go through some sort of identity crisis.

Even though your Saturn Return may be disturbing, ultimately it reveals what you truly want and sweeps away the clutter that may have been impeding your progress. Your Saturn Return is a personal spring cleaning. No matter how difficult it seems to let go of inappropriate people and things, the first Saturn Return is the time to do it. For if lessons are not learned, the problems will come knocking again during your second Saturn Return at about age fifty-eight, when you are more set in your ways. Once the conflict is confronted, the tension usually subsides. You feel stronger and more capable of moving ahead.

Saturn Return is one of the most crucial turning points you ever experience, when you assume the greatest responsibility of all: responsibility for your own life.

 

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11:45:30 PM EST
Feeling Worried
Hearing James Taylor~Fire and Rain

It's the Ieds Of March, and we need prayers people! Our good friend and fellow J-lander, Helen, is having a hard time visiting Ken, dealing with HER back pain, and now-is going to have to travel in all that bad weather they are having down south tonight! She might stay home this evening, and skip the hospital tonight, it's just too dangerous. As you all know, her and Ken have had their share of pain this year, and now Ken is in ICU, and I know Helen is worried sick. Let's all send her well wishes and prayers-maybe send Ken an E card or two-so he has something to open and read when he is home and feeling better. Helen's poor back is giving her heck-let's pray THAT pain goes away, so she feels stronger for the trip tomorrow-weather permitting that is. Yes-they are suppose to be having very bad weather down south-worse than here-I do believe she stayed home this evening because of it! The poor thing rode, lying in the back seat, with an ice pack! Thank goodness her daughter drove up and took her-this way she was able to rest a bit, in the back seat.

Helen, be strong, we are all praying and thinking of you and Ken every minute. Don't hesitate in sending me an email, or if your in the mood to chat-I'm here. Things will be a bit better each and everyday-you'll see-until tomorrow then-prayers wispered-fingers crossed. We love you both! ~Diane~PEACE

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