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Day 174
Well it's day 174
Somehow I am surviving the weekend. Im still pretty down today and Im not sure why...Could it be the insanity of everything around me? I just don't know right now.
I was so excited forthis weekend to come so I could sit and watch the Superbowl but I dunno right now im really not interested but Im hoping that changes come game time!
Ok here's the craziness....2 weeks til court ugh, My sponsors daughter has run away for the second time in 2 weeks and shes active as hell :( My AA brother Brian went back out last week and Im so sad for him, my mother...well we wont go there, my kids are out of control the past couple days and Im feeling it deep in my soul, losing my patience, my self esteem, etc etc etc.
OK now I know with the bad I must present the good and I do have some of that as well.
My step brother chad came over Friday and he was still sober..thank you God. So here's the funny little story that goes alonog with it. Thursday night after we talked I had told him that when he got up friday morning (the morning he was supposed to get high) to get on his knees and ask God for help to keep him sober another day. I had planned to talk to my step mother aobut it Thurs night after he left but I decided to let go and let God. I had done my part. So Fri morning my step mother comes to pick me up and I say to her how was things at the house this morning. Guess what she said....She said Chad was running late for the bus and she decided to drive him to the stop and wait for the bus with him....LOL THANK YOU GOD!!!!!!!
So later that afternoon I say to Chad when he gets home, did you ask God for help this morning? And he said yeah but I asked him in the shower...lol and I laughed and he said what are you laughing at, and I said I heard you got a ride to school today...and he laughed...somehow I think he got it...He asked God for help and it worked.
These are the miracles I need to hang on to when Im having days like I have been. These are the things I need to remain grateful for that happen in my life daily.
The truth is, so many people I know have walked out the door lately and all I know is that by the grace of God I have not, and for that I know that whatever it is today that I am going through it will all be ok as long as I dont pick up.
On that note...GOOOOOOOOO PHILLY!!!! :)
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hey how are ya i had to write you and tell you to tap your self on the sholder and tell your self your doing good be proud of your self that you have made it this far and like they say one day at a time you can do it if you want it thats the thing is if you want it by the way my name is donna im from connecticut im in recovery to ive been clean now for 5 years i was addict to herion and coke i started getting high when i was 17 crazy right well i kicked that shit realy hard many of times i wanted to just run and go do a bag just to take that pain away that sickness you just dont know but i stuck it out my life was at that point where everything was going wronge for me but i made it threw and if you want it you will to somedays are always harder then outhers but you keep your head high if you want to e-mail me someday do it i have alot to share if ya want to hear it
donna -
Hi, I'm a nursing student and I need to interview someone going through the process of Alcohol Detox recovery, and your blog interested me...if you wouldn't mind me interviewing you, please email me at nyclizzo@aol.com
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I have seen your blogg and I am inspired ! I have been sober a year this month January 1 to be exact and it feels no darn different exect one thing I am not the person I once was . Keep doing what your doing.
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I wanna read how you felt from the first day of recovery how you felt what u were going through emotionally, and mentally to now. how good does it feel? how hard was it and how hard is it now or how easy is it. I want to know the ups and downs of recovery for other people.
4/26/07 3:13 PM
I didnt bother to read too much of any of the entries you have ,but I dont say that to be mean.
I've been fighting alcohol and addictions 20 years now. I'm a 50 yr old married male with a 20 yr old daughter and a 12 yr old son.
I admitted 20 trs ago , spent time in detox at least 20 times ,ruptured my esophogus and bled to death {literally}, spent a year in treatment , been to thousands of meetings.
Finding a purpose in life other than staying sober made a world of difference , that purpose had to be an enlightenment to a cause that makes life more valuable and rewarding. Unfortunatly this realization came with maturity, and repeated lost battles with my demons.
Just like we must accept our addiction , I now accept the path of shit I leave behind whenever I think I can go out and get loaded again.
I dont run all the cliche AA slogans through my head or say serenity prayers,Isimply look at the past and say to myself "it just doesnt work"Unfortunatly it took 20 yrs to accept this with maturity and reality.
Hang in there is easier said than done, but one of the best ways I've found is, to find that enlightening purpose , and give yourself a little more credit. From what I have read ,I think you're focusing too much on the problem and the amount of work you put in to your sobriety everyday.I believe in whatever works for the individual , and AA has helped enormously , but I changed my focus by making myself proud of myself.
Doing the right thing in itself is addicting , Know what I mean ?