A day in the life of Alcohol and drug Recovery

HA HA Im back

The funniest thing just happened to me....I was reading todays Daily reflections and the topic was convincing Mr. Hyde. The link is on the left if youre interested... Also while I was at my meeting to day the topic....FEELINGS...

Seems us AA's are going through a rough time mentally...Our feelings are geting to us and we dont like it one bit...TOUGH....lol and thats that.

Today my friend james spoke up and said he has good days and bad days, ups and downs and he's feeling things that he just doesnt get....do we feel that way too...YES JAMES..I DO I DO...and when he was done the hands went up...and kept going up and our meeting turned into one big ball of emotions tha tI think we all needed to get off our chests and I dont know about the rest of them but I sure did feel better.

The hardest thing we alcoholics do is deal with feelings...WHY? Because we never had to feel them or we were told we shouldnt feel this way or that way, or why do we feel that way so what did we do...STUFF them, grab a drink and we were happy again or so we thought....for me that brings me 20 years later at the age of 33 trying to figure out what the heck I am feeling at any given moment and why. I am getting much better with accepting how I feel and knowing that Im feeling that way for a reason, its just finding out what is connecting me to that feeling and what I can do about it.

I think it's easier for me to accept feelings today because I understand that life is connected to feelings and that you cannot possibly not feel for 20 yrs and then all of a sudden wake up one day and life will be merry. Somewhere along the line you have to learn what feelings are...RIGHT! ahhhhh it all makes sense...

So yep we are all a big ball of feelings and we must learn that theyre ok and that theyre essential to our daily living....the sooner we accept that, the better off we will be :)

Thank you to my newest reader for your comments...you made me think and you unknowingly kept me on the subject of the day...Congrats on your 4 months and keep going girl :)

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• #3 Comment from drivlikeitzstoln 
  11/24/05 12:07 PM | Permalink

  That last part of this entry made a lot of sense to me. It also gave me reassurance and a backing for some of the things that i have thought about. Fear has always put me at a disadvantage. i'd back away from salvation in an instant if i could just have one chance to get the truth off my chest. I've realized that the past can not be unlived. As ashamed as i might be; i must continue to live the life which i've been placed into. Perhaps it was all meant to happen this way. And believing that only makes me feel less in control, but also not at fault at some of the things that have happened.
  I'd like to add, that i am only 15 years old. I too have come to the recognization of my disorder with alcohol. Although my age keeps me pretty well straight most of the time.
  i'd like to add in a piece from my past...
     I was raped when i was 14 years old by my best friend. I told my other friend about it and she didnt believe me, and instead turned her back when i needed her the most. When i felt like i didnt have anyone else there for me, i found reliability in alcohol. It could work mericles for me. With every drink i was recieving some kind of forgiveness. Some kind of acceptance.
   Even still i understand that alcohol wont solve any problems. i can't initially make myself stop wanting it. i desire alcohol, because it makes me forget... and it seems to put a blanket over all the things that hurt me.
  
  My name is Amanda by the way.
• #2 Comment from nmamfqlmsh 
  2/9/05 4:19 PM | Permalink

  Oh, I am so with Faith.  Feeling stink.  Living life on life's terms stinks.  But you know what I'm doing it.  YOU ARE DOING IT!  God, girl we got to get together.
  Peace - JJ
• #1 Comment from sydmom18 
  2/8/05 9:37 PM | Permalink

  I hated feeling.  People always asked me why I drank, you know, if it was for the buzz or the "freedom" or what.  But no, I drank to PASS OUT.  To stop feeling...anything.  It took me years to figure that out, but even when I realized what I was doing I STILL couldn't stop.  Great post!!