A day in the life of Alcohol and drug Recovery

Day 178

Today started off well enoguh and then panic set in as I realized I didnt have any gas which meant that I wasnt going to make it to my noontime meeting...Well i would make it there but not back...Panic turned into anger, then dispair...lolwhoda thunk I would get so upset. Then it hit me....duh ask for help. So I picked up the Nextel and called my father at work, which is halfway to my meeting and borrowed a couple bucks for gas....ahhhhh relief...Instantly I was happy again..what is up with that.

So my sponsor got home from Vegas a week and a half ago, well maybe 2 weeks, and I said, Im ready to do my 5th step when you are....She replied with, I think you should take some more time on the 4th....so I agreed and along I went...well wouldnt ya know tonight she calls and says hey, is that 4th step done yet...UGH! I was like ok, I guess it's time after all. First she lets me off the hook and then when Im not looking she hooks me...lol Soooo Sunday morning before the kids get home I am going to do my 5th step, like it or not.

Ok so I was thinking today about life and how we are powerless over everything right, and per usual the meeting had to do with being humble and so on. And as I sat there thinking, it was quite amazing, because really it all comes back to ACCEPTANCE. Yup Yup. When my life is whirling about and feeling uneasy, agitated etc, its all because I dont like something and when I dont like something, I want to control it and the more I try to control it, the more wrong it gets until I finally surrender and accept it...Im learning this, like it is just that simple....Accept it, life on lifes terms...dont fight it, becasue thats my will, not Gods will and who the heck am I to think that I am more powerful than he is....when I just surrender, somehow, someway I am at peace with myself and the things around me, no matter how big they are...like duh....why cant I always remember that. WHY? Because its progress not perfection and the steps say that I only must try....try to practice these things everyday...it doesnt say that by some miracle I will do them everyday, but just to try.

Light dawns on marble head...KEEP IT SIMPLE!!!! Acceptance, Tme, but for the grace of god.....Good god, listen girl listen....lol

4th Step Prayer

Dear God,

It is I who has made my life a mess.

I have doneit, but I cannot undo it.

My mistakes are mine & I will begin a searching and fearless moral inventory.

I will write down my wrongs, But I will also incluse that which is good.

I pray for the strength to complete the task.

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• #1 Comment from sydmom18 
  2/10/05 9:16 PM | Permalink

  Doing that fifth step...I think I'm still stuck on the first one.  Oh well...it will come with time.  You sound so positive and upbeat and I'm so happy for you.  Keep it up!