Premature Jock-ularity

Friday, December 1, 2006

    Last week: 14-6. Season: 160-80.

   Holy hole in a doughnut, Batman!

   He drives the lane and takes the rock to the hole!

   Now that she's clean and sober, let's hope Courtney Love has another strong Hole album in her.

   As we move into December, it seems like every serious Super Bowl contender has a gaping hole that will doom it in January. To wit:

   Indianapolis: Can't stop the run. A world champion does not get hit regularly for 150 rushing yards.

   San Diego: Love LaDanian Tomlinson, but is Philips Rivers ready to deliver on the big stage?

   Baltimore: Maybe playing the best ball of the bunch right notw (UPDATE: until last night). But can the Ravens move the ball against top teams?

   New England: Huuuuuuuuge win over the Bears, but doubts linger about the wideouts (and linebacking depth after seeing Junior Seau break his arm in rather graphic fashion).

   Denver: Is Jay Cutler that damned good? For the Broncos' playoff sake, he better be,

   Chicago: I've never seen a defense so skilled at forcing fumbles (the third-quarter play in which their secondary made both Ben Watson and Reche Caldwell cough it up is the stuff of legend). Teams have won Super Bowls with so-so quarterbacks (Trent Dilfer, Brad Johnson), but Rex Grossman looked thoroughly inept the final three quarters.  

   Dallas: Tony Romo does kind of look like the second coming of Tom Brady, but between the coach, the owner, the kicking game and that 800-pound gorilla we call TO, there's too many combustible elements.

   Seattle: I need to see Matt Hasselbeck get back on his feed before I put the Seahawks at the head of the NFC, but if he makes the same leap from first to second game back that ShawnAlexander did...

   New Orleans: Inexperience, even though the Saints are capable of upsetting their way to the Final Four. 

   New York Giants: From boneheaded plays to Michael Strahan threatening female reporters, Tom Coughlin has finally lost this team.

   On to the picks (note: the first was placed in a hermetically sealed envelope early last evening, before I could get to the computer. I will say that this six-point play put me on top of the Shallow End of the Gene Pool for at least three days, and Mother Jockularity's eight-pointer moved her into fourth, just four points out of the lead):

   BENGALS 27, RAVENS 20: Finally, a sense of urgency in Cincinnati gets Ocho Cinco focused on the game.

   PATRIOTS 34, LIONS 13: Detroit's the pits, but we were saying the same thing about Miami a month ago before the Fish visited then-unbeaten Chicago.

   RAMS 26, CARDINALS 23: Matt Leinart could throw for 500 yards, and Arizona would find a way to lose.

   REDSKINS 21, FALCONS 16: Crank up Tom Petty; the Falcons are free-fallin'.

   COLTS 38, TITANS 24: Tennessee has officially become the team that won't make the playoffs but you want no part of down the stretch.

   CHIEFS 17, BROWNS 10: Has the Pittsburgh choke two weeks ago set off the chain of events that costs RAC his job?

   BEARS 27, VIKINGS 13: Chicago recovers from its three-week sojourn into Northeast slugfests.

   JETS 20, PACKERS 17: If the Jets can't take a wild card with their remaining schedule, start doubting Eric Mangini.

   CHARGERS 30, BILLS 23: LT saves the Bolts against another dangerous non-contender.

   SAINTS 24, 49ers 20: San Francisco's turning a corner, but the playoffs and .500 will have to wait.

   DOLPHINS 16, JAGUARS 13: Jacksonville doesn't travel well, and Miami continues its second-half charge.

   RAIDERS 23, TEXANS 22: Entertaining matchup on WGAF, anyway.

   COWBOYS 24, GIANTS 13: As a town selectman from my news reporting days would say: It can be a new beginning, or the beginning of the end. For Coughlin, I'm guessing the latter.

   STEELERS 30, BUCCANEERS 10: Relax, Bill Cowher. The pressure to defend the world championship is gone.

   SEAHAWKS 24, BRONCOS 17: Colorado may be landlocked, but the Broncos are on a sinking ship.

   PANTHERS 20, EAGLES 12: Sorry, Andy Reid. That town won't accept injuries as an excuse two years in a row.

   And in college:

   GEORGIA TECH 28, WAKE FOREST 21: I'm banking on a Calvin Johnson bustout.

   FLORIDA 14, ARKANSAS 10: The SEC champs, sad to say, are not BCS titleworthy.

   WEST VIRGINIA 27, RUTGERS 18: But I still want an explanation of the big fat egg the Mountaineers laid against South Florida.

   OKLAHOMA 28, NEBRASKA 25: Hard to believe these two don't play each other every year. In the '70s, this game was just as big as Ohio State-Michigan.

    

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

            

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