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2:04:00 AM EDT
Feeling Hopeful
Thoughts of a new Love
I just went back and read the old entries of my journal. What pain in those times. It seems pain has been a big part of my life. Still, I have hope. Thank God. I counted all my blessings tonight as I thought of where I have came back from. Acceptance is a hard thing for me!! I dwell on things I have no control over. I want to try and change this!! The time is now. We are not promised another moment. Time here is so short. It is time to try and make a change. My thoughts for so long have been that I was unlovable. I thought it had to be this way since both my relationships failed. I am believing I can have another chance. Why not???? For so long I didn't want to try again. Recently I feel I want someone to love me again and share with. I have asked God to lead that person to me. I certainly can't pick the person. My decisions have been wrong both times. God knows if there is someone for me. He knows how to make it all happen. If it doesn't happen, I will be content with the blessings I have. They are many as I reflect tonight on my life. I have love. I have friends. I have my wonderful mother. I have my little baby dogs. They are my world. I have never had such love as they each give to me. I am so grateful for this blessing. My life from this point is going to be spent believing that I can have all the happiness I need in this life.
I have found recently that a positive attitude means a lot. I think this is the " secret" that has become so popular. It just has a new name. It was there all along. Take the cards we are dealth and make the most of them. Believe in yourself with all of your imperfections. I can't allow others any longer to allow me to think of myself as unlovable. The faults and mistakes of others that have been a part of my life has caused me a lot of pain. Even the pain I have had is a part of my life that has been a learning experience. It has taught me to love myself and believe that the mistakes and faults of others are not mine, but their's. My mistakes are mine and I take responsibility for them. I will no longer accept others mistakes as a reflection of the person I am!!
Tommorrow is another day. May it be the start of a better life for me.
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Saturday mornings and the smell of Brut aftershave lotion :
i am seeing some parallels to my life here. i see myself in your shoes and i know your pain. i am thankful that i chose to GET OUT before it was like that, years of my life in the double digits. being left behind sucks. i am glad you found your way out too and i am sorry for the loss of your sister. your children, shoot you do what you can for them but there's a point where you gotta let go-- i am thinking they are in my age range, late 20s to thirty something. your daughter, i was the daughter of a woman who chose drugs over me. hopefully she will get herself straight. i dont know if my mom did or not, we have not spoken in like 15 years. your son, maybe being distant is his way of dealing with the aftermath of what his father did. take care and keep blogging--
http://journals.aol.com/abaleman666/boysaremean
2/6/08 1:50 AM
Women are to blame
Most women have no respect for one another
Adultry is against the law
the person who entices the man/woman who is married should be put in jail
If your man swayed before letting you know that he was having a problem with your relationship it is because of the respect that is not given in the woman community to one another
For richer or poorer ... is gone
everyone has to protect themselves emotionally and physically
Some cops use prostitutes so it is hard to prosecute for the damage adultry does
judges commit that crime
woman tolerate the crime - and then vote for a woman who tolerated the crime - its ridiculous - do your best to make sure hillary clinton doesn't get elected