www.insidetheparker.com

2:34:32 PM EDT
Hearing Old 97's
                            Try Icing It

So with the gauze lesson learned (and new "Non-Stick Dressings" protecting "Smitty")  the experiment turned to the next stage, stress tests. Tuesday night was hockey night in Maryland so I threw on the shin guards, laced 'em up and wondered if the tape would hold the dressing on after it was drenched in sweat. The game was chippy and featured a couple fights, but no damage to "The Flaming-Red Gecko." 

 The "Non-Stick Dressing" lives up to the claim made by its name.

 I'm pretty sure I see the face of Jesus in the dressing. Look for it coming to an eBay near you. Search for "The Shroud of Smitty."

The following night was softball, a quadruple header no less. And, of course, in game three I slid into second. Not head first, a straight pop-up slide. But "Wolf Blitzer" is a fighter. It opened up a little bit in the middle but only a few drops trickled out. This thing is basically invincible now. By Friday it was a whole new world in more ways than one. The scabbing was coming along so nicely that no dressing was needed to protect the pants and "The Red Monster" actually started to look like a topographical map.

 "George" looks disturbingly similar to my World Cup pick Argentina, you know, if the pampas were composed of semi-dried blood.

So "The Red Badge of Stupid" has survived it's first week of life. The next week should bring total scabbing and the first look at any potential scarring so stay tuned.

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1:38:45 AM EDT

                       The Trouble With Gauze

Let me start by saying simply, "I know." When you have a huge, pus-filled sore on your body that's in the early stages of the healing process, you don't put stuff on it that can be enveloped into the developing scab. But, I was wearing semi-nice pants to work today so I needed to protect them. We didn't have anything at home to cover "Smitty" so I risked it till I got to the first aid kit at work. The only thing they had that could help at all were some gauze pads. I had no choice, so on went the gauze. When this afternoon's 3 hour meeting  was done, it was time to check on "Suri." Of course, throughout the course of the day, the gauze had been claimed in the name of "The Red Monster." The pads and the scabs were not getting along and had to be separated. So with you, the reader, in mind I hobbled over to Sampson's desk and let him document the extraction. Schrages, you should probably tune out now.

       The gauze of record is removed from "Red Strange" fiber by fiber which gives life to new drops of love.

The good news of the day is that were getting some pub on Sports Bloggers Live. As the "Blog of the Week" there's a module dedicated to insidetheparker (it's over there on the right) that includes a picture that Schrages had to spend time carefully editing. He loves "The Red Badge of Stupid."

Tuesday night was hockey and Wednesday is four games of softball. More pretty pics to come.

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9:26:30 PM EDT

If you listened to Sports Bloggers Live this week then you've heard about the puss-filled gash on my right leg. If you haven't, click on the link. Listen to the whole show, we talk to Hall-of-Famer Ozzie Smith and chat with some of the most knowledgeable bloggers in the country about MLB, the NFL, golf and NASCAR. When you get to the 59-minute mark you'll hear about the leg. It happened on Saturday at the Metropolitan Media Softball League tournament. We were lucky enough to advance to Sunday so I was able to open it right back up. If you play softball you've probably had one like it, it's pretty much an annual event for me. It really doesn't hurt much, the fun part is watching it suck things into its vortex. I covered it Saturday night so I could wear shorts to a party at my Mom's. Of course then I had to pull gauze out of the monstrosity when I got home. I have to sleep with my leg over the comforter so I don't bloody the sheets. And of course it's nothing but dark, baggy pants at work this week, The jeans I wore today now have their own scab on the inside of the leg. And we're just getting started because I have many opportunities to screw up the healing process over the next couple of days. I have hockey on Tuesday and a quadruple header in softball on Wednesday. So enjoy it in its infant stages. I'll update with more pics after my games this week. Oh, and let's name this thing. Leave comments with your suggestions.

 

Here's the star after it was re-opened during Sunday's game. (Photo coutersy Sheinkin/Sampson)

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11:31:01 AM EDT
Hearing Doobie Brothers (They're playing on Field of Dreams)

My stepfather has a buddy named Clem that sends out emails about obscure baseball facts. Usually we get a mail when someone let's the first batter reach base and then retires the next 27 or some little noticed record is broken. They're all interesting, but I recently got one that became my favorite. His friend put together the following roster:

All-Time Team of Players Whose Careers Are Defined by One Play

1B - Bill Buckner You Have To Ask?
2B - Bill Wambsganss Unassisted Triple Play In The 1920 World Series
3B - Freddie Lindstrom His 12th-Inning Error Lost The 1924 World Series
SS - Tony Kubek Struck In The Throat By A Bill Virdon Line Drive In The 1960 World Series
C - Mickey Owen Committed A Passed Ball That Cost The Dodgers A Victory In The 1941 World Series
LF - Fred Snodgrass Dropped a routine fly that led to the Giants losing the 1912 World Series
CF - Dave Henderson His Home Run In The 1986 ALCS Kept Boston Alive
RF - Ron Swoboda Had a game-saving catch in the 1969 World Series
DH - Kirk Gibson Hit a pinch-hit home run in the first game of the 1988 World Series
PH - Dale Mitchell Was The Last Out Of Don Larsen's Perfect Game In The 1956 World Series.
PR - Fred Merkle Failed to complete a game-ending force out in the 1908 NL pennant race

Pitching
RH - Atlee Hammaker Surrender All-Star Play's Only Grand Slam To Fred Lynn
LH - Chuck Stobbs Surrendered Mickey Mantle's 565-foot home run
RP- Donnie Moore Surrendered Dave Henderson's Home Run
RP - Mitch Williams Surrendered The Game- And Series-Winning Home Run In The 1993 World Series

Mgr - Gabby Hartnett Hit The Famous 1938 "Homer In The Gloaming", Helping The Cubs To The Pennant

Pretty solid list but there were a few others that jumped to my mind.

2B - Bill Mazeroski Sure he was a Hall of Famer and one of the best defensive 2B ever but he's remembered for the walk-off HR that won game 7 of 1960 World Series for the Pirates. The first time a Series ended on a HR.                                                        

LF/DH - Joe Carter Mitch Williams is on the list, why not the guy that hit the WS-ending walk-off HR against him?

C- Carlton Fisk Hit one of the most famous homers of all-time off the foul pole at Fenway to win Game 6 of the 1975 WS.

C - Sid Bream Scored the winning run in Game 7 of the 1992 NLCS exposing Barry Bonds' pre-steroid, infinitely overrated, candy arm.

C/IF - Jim Leyritz Hit the HR that tied Game 3 of the 1996 WS and helped propel the Yankees to 4 WS Championships in 5 seasons.

SS - Bucky 'Bleepin' Dent Hit the HR for the Yanks that lead them to a win over the Red Sox in the one-game playoff in 1978.

3B - Aaron 'Bleepin' Boone Hit the walk-off HR in Game 7 of the 2003 ALCS. Yankees 6, Red Sox 5.

OF - Bobby Thomson Hit the 'Shot Heard 'Round the World' in 1951. The 3-run walk-off put the Giants in the WS.

Pitching

RH - Ralph Branca Gave up the 'Shot Heard 'Round the World.'

Fans

Jeffrey Maier Punk that interfered with a can of corn helping Yankees defeat the Orioles in Game 1 of the 1996 ALCS.

Steve Bartman Punk that interfered with foul ball in Game 6 of the 2003 NLCS and may have prevented Cubs from returning to the WS.

That's all I can think of right now. Who else should be on the list?

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9:06:12 PM EDT
Hearing The Format

The All-Star game is only a week away and soon everyone will be announcing their mid-season award winners. My list is only one name long because there's only one award I care about this year.

National League Rookie of the Year: Ryan Zimmerman

 Ryan Zimmerman celebrates his second walk-off homer in less than three weeks.

Yes I'm a Maryland fan, and yes he went to Virginia, but I've been in his camp since the day he was drafted. And the only thing I love more than a guy who hits a walk-off homer against the Yankees on Father's Day with his dad in the crowd is a guy who hits a walk-off homer in the nation's capital on July 4. 

Not many things are certain when you're a Nats fan. We didn't know when we'd get a team, when we'd get an owner, when we'd get a stadium, and we still don't know when Soriano will leave. But I know this, I want Zimmerman at the hot corner for the next decade.

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12:09:01 PM EDT

Obviously watching sports is more fun if you have a rooting interest. And obviously most of us were rooting for the U.S. in the World Cup. Guess what, they sucked. So, if we're going to care about the "greatest sporting event in the world" anymore, we need new teams to root for. Not to worry, InsideTheParker is here with a handy-dandy guide to help you pick your new team.

The first rule is to go with your ancestry. If your family comes from a country still playing, root for them. Next is money. If you bet on a team that advanced or are in a pool and your team made it through, you have an easy choice and you are a degenerate gambler (the teams I had in the pool failed to advance so I'm a normal, healthy American).

If you've read those rules and still don't have a team, this should help you male this vital decision.

 Brazil

Root for Brazil if you like: New York Yankees

With five championships (1958, 1962, 1970, 1994 & 2002) Brazil has won the World Cup more than any other nation and finished second two other times (1950 & 1998). They have the most talent now and throughout history. The Babe Ruth of soccer, Pele, played for Brazil. Now they have Ronaldo (who is tied for the most goals in World Cup history) and Ronaldinho (two-time world player of the year). The squad wears classic uniforms that may not be the best, but they have the most class.

 Argentina

Root for Argentina if you like: Boston Red Sox

They're Brazil's rival. At the first World Cup, way back in 1930, Argentina made it to the Finals and lost. The tone was set. They're always among the best teams in the world but have only won two World Cup championships. And if you ask me, they have the coolest uniforms on the planet.

 Lionel Messi sporting the tight vertical stripes of Argentina.

 Germany

Root for Germany if you like: Losing World Wars

You can root for the Germans if you like. They're the host nation and my buddies Sampson and Crissman each have gone there this year and had a great time. I'll pass.

 Sweden

Root for Sweden if you like: Losing, period

The Swedes were eliminated by the Germans in the first game of the second round. Save them for the World Cup of Hockey.

 Mexico

Root for Mexico if you like: See Sweden

Mexico was eliminated by Argentina on Saturday thanks to the most amazing goal of the Cup so far.

 England

Root for England if you like: Philadelphia Eagles

A long history with passionate fans that get a little rowdy, but despite all the talk they've only been to the finals one time. But unlike the Eagles, England won a title when they hosted the World Cup back in 1966.

 Ecuador

Root for Ecuador if you like: New Orleans Saints

They've been around for a long time but this is only their second appearance in the World Cup. Don't get your hopes up.

 Portugal

Root for Portugal if you like: Oakland A's

A small market team with talent. You don't want to play them but you doubt they'll win it all.

 Holland

Root for Holland if you like: Buffalo Bills

They're the best team to never win the World Cup. They've been to two finals and another semifinal but no championships.

 Italy

Root for Italy if you like: Montreal Canadiens

Nearly a century of consistency. They've been to the World Cup 15 times, the final match five times and won it all three times.

 Australia

Root for Australia if you like: Fosters

The Socceroos don't have much of a World Cup pedigree. Their only other trip to the World Cup was in 1974 and they failed to score a goal. They advanced this year but will be greatly overmatched against Italy.

 Switzerland

Root for Switzerland if you like: Kansas City Chiefs

Apparently they were good a long time ago. Always a threat to make it to the World Cup but never really a threat to win it all.

 Ukraine

Root for Ukraine if you like: The unknown

This is their first trip to the World Cup. Could be a tough match-up for Italy if both advance.

 Ghana

Root for Ghana if you like: George Mason men's basketball

An talented team from an unheralded continent (conference) that not many people gave a shot of advancing.Now they have to take on the team favored to win it all in Brazil (UConn).

 Spain

Root for Spain if you like: Purdue Boilermakers basketball

Good squad that's almost always in the World Cup but no final fours, much less a title.

 France

Root for France if you like: Syracuse/Maryland basketball

Good team that's a tough out in the tourney but that one title probably makes people think they're better than they really are.

Hope that helps.

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5:02:15 PM EDT
Hearing The Raconteurs

If that was just something I spewed in my blog, no big deal. But the Miami Herald says that's what Mavs owner Mark Cuban yelled at David Stern and his minions (after a couple choice expletives) at the end of game 5 in Miami Sunday night.

 Mark Cuban rocks a Stackhouse jersey supporting his player that was ridiculously suspended for game 5.

This afternoon Cuban was fined $250,000 by the league for his actions after the game, but both the NBA and Cuban say he never accused Stern of fixing games.

Of course if he had said that, he would have some fairly solid evidence to back him up. Forget about the phantom foul (though Mr. Irrelevant says it was a foul) and the controversial time out. Dallas should really be pissed about the lack of a backcourt call when Wade caught the inbounds pass to start the play. If the refs make the call of an obvious infraction that happened right in front of their faces then Dallas has the ball and the lead and the other controversy never happens.

But even with that Dallas has no one to blame but their coach. Two times in Miami the Mavs had the ball and a chance to take a game winning shot. Both times they had a time out and set up the play that Avery Johnson wanted to run. Both times the coach thought it would be best if Dirk Nowitzki didn't take the shot. In game 3 he even had Dirk throwing the ball in so he couldn't even be used as a decoy. If you have a 7-footer with a pure stroke that comes up big in the clutch I think you try to get him the ball with a chance to win the game. You can at least try it 50% of the time. But not the Mavs in this series.

Dirk will get his chances tonight and I think they'll use their anger to force a game 7. The league knows the teams and the fans deserve a seven game series. Not that they have anything to do with deciding who wins.

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2:14:47 PM EDT
Feeling Frustrated

When you're 17 and have just graduated from high school you can do anything in the world. The first thing I did was go to beach week. Well, actually, beach weeks. I came home for one day of recuperation and laundry between the two trips. The morning when I was home I was awakened by the phone. It was my boy Doug Hemmig. He knew I was tired and hungover and wouldn't usually bother calling before noon. Disoriented I answered and mumbled "Hello." He told me Len Bias was dead. I said OK and hung up. Then about two seconds later I shot up out of bed. I called his number as quickly as I could. When he answered I almost yelled "What the hell did you just say?" He said it again and my life changed.

The phone kept ringing all day. After a while I stopped answering. I didn't know what to do. I spent most of the day staring at the wall. I had a bunch of Bias pictures hanging in my bedroom. Sometimes I'd look at them, but most of the time I was focused on the blank spaces. Trying to figure out what the hell was happening.

I was a huge Terps fan. I grew up in Rockville, MD. His four years at Maryland were my four years in high school. He was a god to us. He was hope. He made Maryland matter nationally. And he brought back all the fears Terps fans had. We were never quite good enough. Never got respect. I still can't believe the Wooden Award went to Walter Berry instead of Lenny. I still can't believe Red Auerbach duped Cleveland into taking Brad Daugherty first over Lenny. And I still can't believe he never played with Bird, McHale and the Celtics.

``In my time as a coach, there have been two players that were above the rest in my mind. One was Michael Jordan and the other was Len Bias."  -- Mike Krzyzewski

He played before SportsCenter dominated the universe so he never got the attention he deserved. But because of the way he played, we almost created our own SportsCenter just for him. I taped (on Beta) most of the games he played in his senior season at Maryland. The guys would watch the games at my house and before tip-off (and during most commercials) we'd watch highlights. Every tape was cued to an amazing play. We watched them so much that we knew Mike Patrick's play-by-play calls by heart. Twenty years later I still do. I remember the sequence against Virginia where he blocked four shots on one possession. The last leading to a fast break that ended with an alley-oop to Lenny.

"He (Keith Gatlin) has the best assist-to-turnover ratio in the ACC, you don't see him make the bad pass very often. Here's Polynice, swatted away by Bias...

Polynice again, blocked again. Here's Baxter. What a sequence. Holy cow! Alley oop! OOOOOOHHHH!"

And I'll never forget when he single-handedly beat North Carolina, the Tar Heels' first loss ever in the Dean Dome. 

"Bias from outside and he got it. Len Bias with 29."

"Oh my!" (Dan Bonner)

"And he makes the steal and a jam. What a play by Bias. Holy cow!"

It's been twenty years now, but I still can't let go. Every few months I'll Google his name and read some articles. I'll go find some videos to remember what it was like to watch him change a game. Sometimes it makes me feel sick. Sometimes I want to cry. Sometimes I watch with a huge grin, just trying to live in the moments (moments now two decades past). But usually I just feel numb. I wonder what might have been and why it happened.

When you're 17 you feel invincible. That day I didn't. I've done many stupid things since then but cocaine is not one of them. I'm not saying I would have if Lenny didn't die, but I knew that after that day there was zero chance that I was ever going to try it. And I'm not the only that had that reaction. Articles have been written about how it changed the way America thought about drugs and it even changed legends of the game like Charles Barkley:

"It was just shocking. Thing is, cocaine was huge then. My brother had been in and out of rehab. . . . It was a popular drug at the time. And guys I was playing against, like John Lucas and Michael Ray Richardson and John Drew had done cocaine. I was thinking: 'What the hell is up with this cocaine? I should try this once to see what it was all about.' Then, we heard the reports were that Bias only used it once . . . that it was his first time. When I heard that, it scared me to death . . . scared the daylights out of me. It scared me into not trying it even once, not going anywhere near it."

I like to think his death saved lives. Tons of people stayed away from drugs because if they could kill someone like Lenny, they could kill anyone. But people are still doing drugs and kids still die in the streets every day. Maybe he helped some, but not nearly enough.

In the end, he was a basketball player. And that's plenty. He was amazing to watch. He dominated the ACC and smiled the whole time. I don't know how I'll feel when I watch the videos of him on the court tonight, but I hope I'm smiling. I know he would be.

Michael Wilbon column from the anniversary

Scoop Jackson explains why Bias is a martyr

Bob Ryan from what would have been Bias' 40th birthday

Video one

Video two

Video three

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10:13:24 PM EDT
Hearing Panic!

I really wanted to get into the World Cup this year. I'm not a big soccer guy but I don't dislike it either. I actually covered D.C. United for a couple years as a reporter and was in the locker room as they celebrated a championship. Bruce Arena's wife handed me the MLS Cup and said I helped them earn it. Pretty cool. I did nothing to really help them, but it was still cool. Now Arena is at the helm of the U.S. team. The Americans looked good going into the tournament and I wanted to get excited. And even if they didn't do well, it is the greatest spectacle in the world of sports so I wanted multiple rooting interests.

What makes people care about things they wouldn't ordinarily? Gambling of course, so I started a World Cup pool at work. 16 people, 32 teams. Each person draws two teams out of a hat. Winner gets 75%, second place gets 25%. First time through I draw Croatia. Not great, but not Angola either. I end up with the next-to-last draw. Two teams are left. One is Togo, the other is the U-S-of A. I reach in and immediately my hand is drawn to one piece of paper. I hesitate. Was I drawn to it by good or evil forces? After a beat I decide to trust the fates. I pull it out, slowly open it and see the stars and stripes. Do I think America is going to win it all? No, but I know they have a better chance than Togo and I'll be rooting extra hard when they finally play a game on day four.

I check scores constantly the first three days of the Cup. My plan of forced interest is coming to fruition and USA hasn't even stepped on the pitch yet. Of course, eventually they do play, and play poorly. By the time I can even get a glimpse of a TV they're already down 1-nil and we all know it doesn't get any better.

Why, cruel fates, did Parker draw the US team? 

I'm not giving up. I'll be planted in front of the TV Saturday afternoon as they take on Italy. My heart will tell me they have a shot. My head won't listen. And if they play like they did against the Czech Republic, there's always Croatia vs. Japan Sunday morning.

I guess that's why this is the biggest event in the world. It took four years of plans, hopes, dreams and hard work to get there and five minutes of bad play to be gone. And that's why I figured I needed a pool to keep me going through the whole thing. Deep down I knew the US wasn't ready and I should have other teams to get behind. That's probably why the evil fates took my hand to that piece of paper. At least Togo scored a goal.

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1:01:32 PM EDT
Hearing Me Laughing

Lisa: Dad, do you know what Schadenfreude is?
Homer: (sarcastically) No, I do not know what Schadenfreude is. Please tell me, because I'm dying to know!
Lisa: It's a German term for 'shameful joy', taking pleasure in the suffering of others.
Homer: Oh, come on Lisa. I'm just glad to see him fall flat on his butt!

In case you haven't heard, former Duke star J.J. Redick was busted for DWI last night. I know that drinking and driving is not funny at all, but I do enjoy it when a smug player from a smug program gets taken down a couple notches.

Pain is supposed to be the key great art so I can't wait to read the amazing poetry that he'll write after this trying experience. Best of luck in the draft. Oh, and how do Maryland fans feel about the news:

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