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Feeling Quiet
Enough With Mommy Wars--How About Those Daddies?
I do want to address all the fuss about Leslie Morgan Steiner's "The Mommy Wars: Stay-at-Home and Career Moms Face Off on Their Choices, Their Lives, Their Families" and the topic of being a SAHM versus being one who works outside the house. First, of course, I need to read the book...(there's a blog entry somewhere about how difficult it is to get through a book once you're a busy mom ;)
What I will say about the book and its subject matter right now is this:
*I absolutely hate the idea of pitting SAHMs against 'career moms.'
*Having done both jobs, I can tell you that comparing them is sort of like entering a foreign land and expecting the culture there to be just like that of your native soil.
*There is a vast middle ground of women, like myself, who have stayed at home AND worked on a part-time/freelance basis that no one talks about.
What I think is far more interesting at present is not this age-old debate but rather a notable phenomenon that no one seems to be talking about, involving the changing role of men in the workforce and on the homefront.
As more and more women admit that they don't want to go it alone when it comes to parenting and home responsibilities, more men are stepping up to the plate. And as men become more involved with these jobs once relegated solely to the woman of the house, they are taking ownership and pride in doing so.
What happens, as such, is that the work/home balance we usually talk about in female terms is now becoming an issue for men, too. For one, the more money women make and the more equal men are at home, the more stay-at-home dads there are.
I also, though, see this phenomenon play out among the many baby boomer/urban/media-type guys, 'career dads' I know--men like my husband (from whom I'm separated, but who also happens to be a terrific guy and amazing father). Over the years, I have watched as S has changed from someone who worked countless hours to a dad eager to spend as much time as possible with his kids, and working on his beloved house. He still loves his career, but he also takes ownership of his role as an equal parenting partner. That means he struggles--just like so many women--to make enough time to do all of his jobs well.
This is great news for women like myself who are grateful for the shared parenting responsibilities (and probably a 'be careful what you wish for' scenario for others), but its effect on the economy--like that of career women and SAHMs--is definitely worth considering.
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I graduated from college, got married, had a baby. Did the stay at home mom thing, played dutiful corporate wife, etc. Downsizing caused my husband to lose his job, he decided to have a mid life crisis at the age of 36 and left me. So here I am....10 years out of the job market, a degree I didn't get a chance to do much in, and needing to find something to keep my 10 year old and I alive. It was as if the entire job market had passed me by. Not exactly a lot of jobs out there advertising for someone with good hair along with excellent written and verbal skills. My advice: If you choose to stay at home, please, please, PLEASE keep up with any and all job skills you might have. It doesn't need to be a divorce to find yourself in the position of breadwinner. It can be death, disability, any number of things. Just please keep current. I wish I had.
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I am one of "thoes " SAHM " < stay at home "men" ( dad's). You mention Middle ground of women like < Which is quickley being taken over by men. Then you like it's a " Notable Phenomenon" These socitial changes have been rapidly accellerating since the mid 70's.! And "No one seems to be talking about." ? LOL what Century were you born in ?? the 21st ? LOL. The majority of SAHM,s don't have the option as you have ! > " Part-Time / Freelance basis that no one talks about". < Personaly wonders about that one.... But as a SAHD< ( dad)
I'm rather to busy thruout the day to consider "Freelance".. Let alone what Electrican, Plumber, Pizza delevery person, Extermanator, Appliance Repareman, Gardener, HIVAC Guy, Tradesman, Heck Tradeswoman < there are some !! Who would want to "Freelance" with a 40+ SAHD < ( no need to repeat) ... When there is a vast middle ground of freelanceing Part timers, Takeing the crem del la crem , ( no pun intended) ! From us up and comeing < ( no pun intended again "). "Wow I didn't know i could Giggilo/ SAHD in the same breath let alone, the same day !! or week that matter!!! But the thought is nice !!! and i think Thanks i think ?? -
you're separated?
you edit a blog on aol?
didn't i just see you last week?
whassup with all the haters commenting? would they talk that way to their friends who work, or do they save their sanctimony for this anonomous outlet?
xoxo
L -
you are really on a different planet aren't you? I'm sorry--I'm just now reading all of your "working mom-I want to have it all-why doesn't the world beat a path to my door" junk!
You know what--your husband will never share responsibilities--but he can still be a wonderful father.
You will always be MOM--i.e. primary and #1 caregiver---get over your other job.
You are no match for the economy--go read Kevin Phillips if you want to understand how we've been dealt a bad hand economically and why we're stuck with 2 income families--it has nothing to do with parenting or social issues---we can't go back to the "good old days" when families could survive on one income! This isn't about working moms--it's about international debt. READ KEVIN PHILLIPS" latest book!
3/31/06 7:45 PM