Body of Evidence

9:33:15 AM CDT
Feeling Ecstatic

So it is Monday and I really am gonna give it a go, with the best attitude I can scrape up.(it will not be much...fair warning*)

So I kinda gotta lil plan scheming in my mind.

Today I think I am gonna go for a day of not fasting, not quite all liquids either. I am gonna drink coffee/tea/water like a mo fo, stay away from any meats and grains. I am gonna just try and keep it to mostly liquids, lite yogurt and things like that.

I am hoping that those Hoodia things help me out, if not I may just have to check into bulemia or even try to score some crack(those crack hos are always skinny) lol, oh it is only a lil after nine and I am making a plan B.........that can't be good. <sigh>

Check in later

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9:59:42 AM CDT
Feeling Silly

so yeah, I know, this so called diet journal turned into just another neglected space.

I have NOT been doing anything worth writing about.

I mentioned to someone else, who is going through the same ole song and dance that I am with the loosing weight issue that I just can't seem to hit that so called rock bottom, but I know my fat ass has to be dragging close to the bottom, because I really do feel like shit about myself and all the bad choices I have made nutritionally for myself.

I purchase some of that Hoodia stuff yesterday and gonna give it a shot.

It is supposed to curb your appetite and make you feel satisfied and not hungry........As if NOT being hungry is gonna make me NOT eat* lol, ok not funny.

I dare not even say that I want to truly do this and that I am praying it works, because I have that damn saying in my head.

"Don't ask the good Lord to guide your path, if your not willing to pick up your feet"

I hear ya, I hear ya. Not asking. hehehe

Anyways, I am gonna give it another try.....It is all I can do or promise myself right now and not be totally lying.

 

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8:01:55 PM CST
Feeling Chillin'

I have many friends that are trying to get in shape, loose some weight, adopt a healthier lifestyle and just trying to hold on to a tad bit of sanity along this process.

I can't really say that any of us are doing anything exactally the same.....to each his own ya know.

I have had this "I'm not hungry" thing going on the last couple of days and tonight I found out why- seems like I had an ear infection in the making.

You know something is wrong when Eca can fry up some killa Southern fried chicken and not eat ANY. lol

The actual pain and throbbing did not start till I had to go pick up the girls after school today, but if it is feeling any worse tomorrow I will have to get in to see a doctor.

Ok, now on to this "MOTIVATION" business.

Last night I watched a show on TLC(I think that was the network hosting it)called BIG MEDICINE

Oh my lawd, my heart ached and I thought how sad of an exsistance.

I tell you, as I watched this show, I felt more determined and "motivated" to NOT become this overcome with food and allow myself to continue on this road to an early grave like I have been.

I have so many things to look forward to in my life, things that I would be one stupid ass fool to cheat myself out of experiencing.

Damn! can't there just be some magic potion out there?

 

 

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9:10:18 AM CST
Feeling Surprised

So a whole week gone...no weight gone with it, I should add.

I slacked off a whole hella lot this week.

Can't get it together for nothing.

I would mention that I have this new fascination with baking....ever since Christmas holidays*

I have become real good at it too. I have proof<sigh>

Last night I made homemade chocolate brownies.....how stupid can one person be, who is trying to shed weight be? BROWNIES?

Never mind you that I "still have" a fridge full of yogurt and fruit for sweet tooth moments....I still set myself up with making some of the freaking  best evah brownies evah.

DAMNIT!!!!

(not even gonna mention that I doubled the recipe..nooope, not gonna mention that)

I am just gonna do what I can to try and stay focused on today...right now.

I have healthy things here, so the choice is mine....do I put some damn effort into this or do I continue to keep myself down.

 

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11:49:31 AM CST
Feeling Happy

It is here....I have a whole week ahead to get the weekend out of my system.

The weather here today is very nice....no reason I CAN'T get outside and do some yard-work, which equals exercise.

I have yet to get on the scale, I know this is a major NO NO for some, but for me, it is basically a necessity, to be blind to the number. I have issues with numbers and no matter how many times I hear or even say it myself, NUMBERS freak me out.

Not "freak me out" in the way that it will make me open my eyes and have this ahh haa moment and stay focused, but take me to a place that only ice cream or general tso can make better.

Pittiful, perhaps....just how it is for me.

With that being said, I have decided that I am gonna try and eat more often and move more often.

Lawd knows the sedative life and starvation sure has not panned out to well for me.

I may not "want" to do this......food is really good ya know, specially that fat kind, but I have that saying playing over and over in my head.

"we all have to do things we may not necessarily WANT to do, fact is, some things have to be done"

 

 

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9:23:40 PM CST
Feeling Frustrated

That saying that this diet thing only gets harder, the older you get. I am starting to believe that.

If I don't get this under control NOW, while I am still young...it may never happen.

Today I was not very productive. I think the lack of sleep that I had last night pretty much just drained me of my strength.

My little "binge" yesterday really showed me how hard it is to get off track, even for one day and then have to get back in line.

I don't want to have to keep learning this lesson over and over again.

When will I learn?

 

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12:48:31 PM CST
Feeling Silly

Don't tell! lol

Oh soooo not funny.

I had a bad ,bad, real B A D day yesterday.

Well I am not gonna beat myself up or dwell on it, like the old me would of.

I am not gonna give up or keep going till "Monday"

Today is a new day.

I went to the grocery store yesterday and first up....Why the hell is fruit so damn high right now?

A bitch can't even get a decent fruit bowl going in the kitchen without going bankrupt these days. Damn!

I am making some turkey/beef grilled burgers tonight....I am ditching the bun and grilling portebello mushroom caps instead.

One thing I can say that I am happy that I held out on is the fact that I have not had any of the cookies that are in my kitchen or have broken down and got the big mug of ice cream.(even though I have three boxes in the freezer, just taunting me)

I have not gotten back on the treadmill, but am actually not dreading it, like before. I am not looking forward to it, but I am sticking with it. Do or die, it's happening.

 

 

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7:22:25 PM CST
Feeling Happy

GULP~

This is where I am gonna be tried to the max.

Actually today was my first day of temptation.

Friday is my date day with my husband.....it is his day off and with the girls in school we go do something, just us- we always do lunch somewheres.

Well, and yeah, that is a deep subject*

We went to a casino and lost, then decided to do lunch there. It was buffet. GULP~

I ate.....I did NOT go hog wild, like normal, but hadsmaller/healthier choices.

Here is what I had......

a salad of mixed greens and baby spinach, black olives, cherry tomatoes,and a dollop of blue cheese dressing on the side to dip. (yay me....I was proud of myself for doing this, as I can do like most people and drown the healthy out of a salad with blue cheese dressing)

I had one fried(yep fried...they had NO baked like normal)catfish filet

3 of these lil baby baked potatoes(I have never seen these before.....they were the size of the cherry tomatoes)

Steamed brocolli.....It had melted cheese on it, but I found a spot that was naked

I had some boiled shrimp

I also had a small amount of nuts over fudge pie.

Now this is the only thing I had to eat....so I am figuring that it is ok, but no more lil luxuries this weekend. Damn, I am gonna really miss my Michelob.

I am really proud of myself, because the choices there, before me OMG....YUM YUM YUM!

This sucks.

I did not get on the treadmill today, but did go take the girls to the mall tonight.....I got quite a bit of walking there and also my foot is hurting and I don't want to push myself into hating or having an injury to lean on, to make excuses to NOT do it.

I hear in the grape vines that some of ya'll lil dieters are all goo goo ga ga happy doing this.....well from me and a few other cranky people.

KISS OUR ASS* lol

 

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6:29:10 PM CST
Feeling Hopeful

So I made it through another day on plan.

I got on the treadmill twice today and even did some arm exercises with canned veggies.....what is real funny is that Sherry just had a journal entry on using them. Great minds ey* lol

I have had an upset stomach all day.....some would say, maybe a lil virus, but I say it is just my tummy getting smaller~

Here is what I had today***

cup of coffee

boiled egg

lettuce,scallion,cherry tomatoes,sliced beets

baked, plain tater.....ok, I really wanted to stay away from the "white stuff", but I needed something hot and since I have not been to the store and knew I was having soup tonight, yeah I went there. lol

another boiled egg

mug of veggie soup

diet coke

I really need to get to the store tomorrow for some healthy foods.

One question I have to anyone out there that eats the 90summin fat free popcorn.....How the hell do you calculate the calories? I wish they would just come out and say, "if your fat ass eats the whole bag, you have consumed this many calories" I mean why put how many calories are in the unpopped bag.

I guess some dumb ass actually would eat it like that.

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10:50:14 AM CST
Feeling Surprised

Ok, so I wake up still fat today.

I feel thinner......I know that I sure was filled of fluid and bloated, because I had to get up twice during the night to go tinkle.

NOT normal for me.

I kept my heating blanket on high last night, affraid that I would get legg cramps from the treadmill workout I had. I know it may not sound like a workout to some people, but to me, the only move fast if I am in the line of danger, yeah, it was a workout.

No cramps happened

Not much sleep either......I was not hungry, but just had this sick feeling in my stomach.

I bet it was crying.

I was doing so great on the food yesterday....nothing got in my way. Then last night, the girls are in the kitchen and one of em breaks out the ice cream...SOB!

I LOVE, LOVE,LOVE ice cream people!!!!!!

That is when I had a reality....I am not gonna be having ice cream anytime soon. I don't think I realized just how bad this is gonna be, I mean I know it is gonna be hard and all, but damn that ice cream looked good....and it was only vanilla*

Ok. Past it.

I promised the girls that I would make pancakes for them this morning....these lil witches NEVER ask for pancakes* Why NOW lawd?

I am gonna make them, I have to throw myself around things that I know I can not have....I have to build up that will power early onor I will surely fail later.

NO HIDING

 

Well that is all I have for now........time to go do the fat girl thing and try on everything in my closet that has not fit in a year and see if after one day of not eating unhealthy...it will fit~~~~~~~

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