Dreamweaving

My mother passed away late yesterday morning. Unexpected, but my feeling is that when we buried my father on May 26th, Mom ceased to have direction. He WAS half of her whole. Mom suffered from dementia, and I think her grief was bigger than she could deal with, so she slipped away in her sleep to be with her one true love. They will celebrate 52 years together October 9th of this year. I guess Mom couldn't  realize that I didn't want her to leave me, but I suspect it was her undying love for Dad that took her from me. The red type today is in Moms honor...it was her favorite color.

                          I miss you Mom, I hope you are at peace.

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Wow, has it really been that long since I posted? It's not like I have been overwhelmed with work. I am still at the local grocery store...HATING it to no end. I hate working with teenagers that have no respect for the managers. I worked with one girl who told a manager to kiss her behind when told to wait on a customer, and then refused to complete another task the manager asked her to do!! I had a second interview and drug test at the major retailer 10 days ago. I have 3 "acquaintances" that work there, and they all agree that if I got the drug test then I was "in". I was supposed to hear back this past week, but have not heard anything yet. The position does not start until September 25, so I am not tooooo paranoid......YET!!

I guess I am slipping into my depression again. I have plenty of reasons to be sad ---still grieving my fathers passing in May, putting Mom in assisted living, walking out on my job, taking the job I have now to pay bills, having to ask for help from my sister, having to stop the kitchen remodel in mid-stream, which leaves me walls half plastered, staring at me, mocking me, not being able to drive to visit with Dad, or even my Mom at times. I have to watch my money so closely it is tough. If that wasn't bad enough, I am fighting off an ear infection, which in the past, I would pop into my Dr, get an Rx for amoxicillin and be done. Well, no health insurance equals no Dr visit or meds. It also equals no refills of current meds, such as one I relied on to help with depression. I took the last one of those a week ago.

The one shining light I have is looking forward to the Caribbean cruise my sis is taking me on in December. I feel so bad right now about going. I have NO money to take to spend, in fact sis has paid for all the excursions we are going on. The only thing on the ship we pay for is alcohol, gambling and souvenirs. No tipping allowed. I know a lot of you think havng "no money" means you are low in funds. For me it means NO MONEY. Right now I have to buy eggs and bread, and will have to pay with coins as my paper money is gone. I can't go anywhere, because the gas in the tank will have to make it until Wednesday, which is payday. We get paid every 2 weeks, so I pay bills for 2 weeks, which will have me in the same boat as now. I have no idea how I can do this if the other job does not come through.

Well, time to hang sheets on the line. I am sorry to bring such depressing words to light, but wanted to make an entry so I would not be forgotten.

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Hello all!! First things first...I thought I would be different this evening, and post text in a color to match the picture. I want to give credit to the amazing Chris, who manages to create such beautiful images for us to share in. Check out the site at http://journals.aol.com/cacklinrosie101/CabsCreations/

So, an update on the employment search. You recall I wrote in my last entry that I had not heard back from any employer. I stopped in the grocery store to pick a few items, and the lady I spoke with about employment was there, saw me and asked me for a moment. Turns out she has been swamped, and was unable to call. She was going to call me that evening when she got home, as work keeps her hopping. Turns out, she did receive my application from the Internet, and wanted me to start tomorrow,(Thursday), evening. Yippee, whoo hoo, hot darn!! Finally a job, and more importantly...MONEY!! We did not discuss any specifics, and I realized that although this is a part time position, she promised to get me as close to 40 hours as she could. I figure I can always pick up another job somewhere to make up the difference. I don't know if I said, but the job I walked away from had me on a 40 hour salary, but ask anybody, I was pulling a minimum of 60 hours. Boy, was I getting the raw deal. No wonder I made it almost 10 years....cheap labor. Hell, I bet the kiddies in all the sweatshops made out better than me!!! :)

So, I am finishing up dinner, and relaxing on the couch when the phone rings. It displays "unknown caller", so when the caller asks for me by first AND last name, I say..."I'm sorry, she is not in, may I take a message?"....*shaking head*....It was the human resources dept of the big retailer that I had applied for calling!!! Of course, I could not confess that I was really I, so I took the information down, and said "she is at the grocery store". Of course, this was at 9:00 P.M., so I will wait until tomorrow to call back!! What the heck??? Sweating it out forever, and now they are ALL going to come calling? Interesting thing to ponder here. I called my buddy Mike, and we talked about this "dilemma". I mentioned above that I pulled 60+ hours a week, why cant I do close to that again, only GET PAID for it?? Both employers have FANTASTIC benefits, even for part time employment, so I can't go wrong either way. I think I will *gasp* set the alarm clock, get up and be ready to go to an interview early tomorrow morning. That way I can call, go in and see what is what, then make a decision. I don't go into new job until 7:00 P.M. so I can mull my options. At this point, I feel really good about taking both jobs, I just have to have the schedules mesh to be able to do it.

Wish me luck, and I will keep you updated. Take care my friends.....

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What is that saying about the best laid plans?? My "grand" plan was to take a couple weeks to myself, and then walk into the next job tomorrow morning or afternoon, depending on the employer. Wellll, after several "positive" comments about employment, I find myself still unemployed. I do realize that the weekend may cause a delay in the process, but I need work, both financially and mentally. The thought of spending any money "foolishly", has me staying home, with a kitchen torn apart, and the contents spread throughout my living room. I was in the middle of a kitchen remodel, including removing a section of cabinets and counter to accommodate one of my fathers antiques. Well, I woke up today, and "closed the door" on the remodel. I put away everything that I had removed. The bulk being stacked on the floor where Dads cabinet will eventually go. I say "closed the door" because I can no longer spend any money on THAT project, which I consider a "want" and not a "need". The walls are hideous and marked every so often with spackling compound, which is sanded, but still an eyesore. The mess in my living room is now contained to my desk, but I have my home "somewhat" in order now.

My daughters are in Alaska with my sister, enjoying their annual vacation. Every year she takes them on a special jaunt, this year being the best place to be temperature wise after the broiling heat we have been having on the east coast. She has told both the girls when they turn 16, she will take her...just the two of them...ANYWHERE the girl wants to go. Last year my eldest chose, and they were off to Greece. That's why I call my sister "fabulous at 50". I will never be able to give them these experiences, so I am grateful she can and chooses to do so. She is actually taking me on a cruise in December. I am very excited, but sort of depressed....I have three containers that I throw my change in. THAT was my cruise money....but with the job search going nowhere, I had to cash in all my quarters Saturday to fill the gas tank and pay 1 bill. Now I have the nickels, dimes and some pennies rolled awaiting their trip into the account to pay another bill, and more gas to look for work. SOOO sad, but I guess I should be lucky I had them to fall back on.

This is turning out to be a dismal entry...didn't mean for it to be. I guess its easy to let it all hang out when you sit in front of all these buttons with letters on them huh?? Have a great week, wish me luck!!

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Well, I made the decision and applied online,(per the instructions of the lady I spoke to), for the position at the local grocery store. She told me to let her know when I had done so, so that she could "retrieve" it. I guess it goes into a big data base and at some point is sent to the store in which I expressed a desire to work in. By her "going after it", I am assuming the hiring process will be much quicker. The only thing is, I don't like phone calls in this situation, but today was my lazy day, and with the heat and my inability to rise from the sofa into the 100+ air outside, I did not alert her. I am heading to Washington D.C. tomorrow, so will stop in as I pass by. By the way...my buddy Mike also told me to take this job, and not wait for the other. His explanation was that they ALL know I am unemployed, and my walking out after a short period of employment to better myself and my wallet would be more tolerable than if I was still employed, quit to go to them and then quit AGAIN to go to the retailer. My problem, if you can call it that, is that I don't know HOW to do this. The job I left I started in November of 1996, and before that I was employed for 8 years until they shut the business down. I am NOT a habitual job hopper, which employers favor.Welllllll, MOST employers anyway. I love the job that I recently left, just knew I was TOO old to play a role in a soap opera.

The fact that I stayed in all day afforded me a chance to take an afternoon nap, which I loved, but keeps me up 1/2 the night!! You know how it is though. You are sitting/laying reading or watching television when the head droop/eyelid droop starts to happen. Gee, lemme think a second. Get up and move around OR turn over and be asleep in less than 5 minutes. We all try to justify it, but we know we are just being lazy and taking a moment for ourselves. Not that there is ANYTHING wrong with that!!!! The past 10 years I worked M-F so I was in bed and sound asleep by 8:00 P.M. Weekends were for laundry, cleaning and afternoon naps!! Since the fateful call about my Dad being sick came, the weekends were devoted to getting to him and spending what little time was left making him comfortable. Since then, Mom has been the recipient of my attention, and now the job will be doing so. Man, how much is Mega-Millions or Power Ball up tonow??? LOL!!!

I will sign off for tonights edition of Dreamweaving. Not much dreaming here, except for the lottery notation. Hey a girl can dream can't she?? Take care of yourselves....

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Just got off the phone from speaking to my buddy Mike, I have a dilemma that I was asking for guidance about. I won't say what his advice was...let's see what you have to say.

I walked off my job of almost 10 years a couple weeks ago. I had NO new job lined up, was just fed up with all the BS. I also did not have any savings so the checks I received have almost run out, but the bills still keep coming.

I applied online to a major retailer, and stopped in the actual store this evening to see one of the employees whom I had worked with about 15 years ago. We stayed in touch somewhat and I knew that I could count on her. When I told her I was unemployed, she said I should apply there. I stated I had, and would she put her two cents in with the store manager. She said she would, so I anticipate a call soon. Welllll, just before I came home, I stopped in my local grocery store, to chat with one of the managers about obtaining an application. She almost cried, because they need "someone like me" RIGHT NOW. All they have at the moment are part time positions, but she will get me close to 40 hours per week. They have GREAT BENEFITS, even for PT work. The dilemma??? I would prefer the retailer that I applied online for, but I NEED to get work like YESTERDAY. The retailer also has fantastic benefits, and is closer to Mom,(10 minutes versus 35 from the grocery store), but how do I know they will call, or offer good money. I know the benefits are great, but maybe they skimp on salary to make the  benefits attractive?? ARRGGHHH!!!!!

Do I take the "guaranteed" position and then walk after a week or two to take the retail job---and this is IF they call---or wait for them to call only to find out they are not going to? One note of interest(?), I have a great relationship with the manager of the grocery and do not want to hurt that consumer/retailer relationship by walking out after a week or two.

Can I say that I am GOING NUTS here???!!!??? I need help. My next post will reveal what Mikes advice to me was. Just a little more input would be nice. Thanks guys and gals...have a great one!!

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Well, Mom is moved into her new place at the assisted living facility. My sister drove her up,(3 hrs), and I met them to move her and her basic items in. The furniture, pictures and misc. had been moved in last week. She looks great, and seemed happy to be here. She is now about 30 minutes away instead of the 3 hours away she used to be. I hope THAT alone will have a positive impact on her health. She seems to be excited about the fact that it is now a local call for her instead of long distance. The one thing I may have not mentioned is that Mom is exhibiting signs of dementia which is such a sad disease. The constant repeating of information is emotionally draining, but a necessity at this stage. I stayed through dinner, then drove home to update you, and complete some laundry for her.

How great was it for Mom to already have snail mail waiting for her, along with phone calls from long time friends on the west coast!! My parents had many friends in this area when they moved away over 12 years ago, so I know once word gets out she is back, they will be dropping in to visit with her too. I plan on having a meal with her at least twice a week, and sending cards by USPS in between. Its a good mix... my sis is the financial link, and I am the emotional link. Sis has a great mind when it comes to business,(must be the D.C. living...LOL), whereas I am the basket case, who tends to cry at sappy commercials and most Lifetime movies!!

 Well, the washer has stopped at 8:30 pm, since its still close to 90 degrees outside, I think the laundry will dry fairly quickly on the line, so I will close for today, with thanks to all of you who have inspired me to start this journal of random ramblings!!

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Not exactly a "quiet" mood, more like a MELLOW mood. Sorta like the furry feline here. Listening to the thunder, waiting on the rain to cool the area down from close to 100 degrees to a more manageable temperature. I pose the question above, because I do NOT know how to do the "unemployment" thing. I have always worked, and now I am not. Granted, it was MY decision to do so, but I should have lined something up first. You know us women... speak before we think sometimes. Don't get me wrong, I am content to have it behind me, but with my work ethic, I find it hard to relax. I will be "pounding the pavement" starting on Wednesday, so the time I have to worry about how to relax will soon be a distant memory.

My Mom will be moving up here tomorrow, so the day will be filled with activity. I am SOOOO happy to have her so close now, but being unemployed at the time does cause me to have a bit of apprehension. I was always able to buy what I wanted or eat out where ever I wanted, and I looked forward to treating my Mom to that. Now, I am watching my pennies, and can no longer justify those "luxuries" until I am bringing home a paycheck again. It is only myself and the cat, who says her job is to eat, sleep and preen herself, so I must start working soon!!

I should get this posted before the rains come and knock me off line. Have a great day, and thanks for stopping in.

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Hello all, and welcome to the first installment of Dreamweaving. I am TOTALLY new to this, so bear with me, and make your criticism gentle...:) I have been pondering starting a journal for  few months now, and thanks to Kathy,(you know who you are!!), I am jumping in the deep end without a life jacket.

Let's see, what to say...A bit about me I guess. I am a 40 year young female, divorced since 1996, was married to my job for almost 10 years, until I said "ENOUGH", and walked out. My time is now being spent finishing a slight re-model of my kitchen, and moving my Mother into an assisted living facility. My beloved Father passed away on May 18, 2006, so the sadness of that is carried with me every day. I am the youngest of 2 daughters, the eldest being a FANTASTIC at 50 highly successful professional in the rat race we call Washington D.C.  I have 2 daughters who lived with me for the first 7 years after my divorce, and now live a short distance away with their father and step-mother. My best bud is a 40-something great guy named Mike, who I consider to be my personal computer guru....Psst Mike, there is your hint to come fix this junk from Dell again!!

I realize now that I have started to ramble somewhat, so I will close this entry and hope the words I have written so far connect with one or two of you and that you will visit again soon!! Until then, take care and remember the words of the wonderful song writer Jim Croce,  "If I could save time in a bottle........"

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