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8:06:00 PM EST
Sister Sister
This is one of those entries that's not really about the TV show in the entry title. Never watched the show. I can only imagine it to be as horrible as all the other shows that have ever appeared on The WB network. Never watched any of them.
I have the best sister in the world. Now I know some of you have sisters of your own, and they may be pretty cool, but my sister is the best. She's been amazing throughout this whole divorce mess. She's the only person who always manages to tell me what I need to hear. Not hat I want to hear, what I need to hear. She's always there when I call. She always listens. She always wants what's best for me. So many people just don't know what to say about my situation. Everyone means well, but it's hard to know what to say. People tell me everything will get better, that the future holds wonderful things for me, that I'll get married again some day, blahblahblah. My sister agrees that these things may be true, but there's no guarantee. She doesn't just spew platitudes at me.
My sister is expertly qualified to help me through divorce. She is not divorced herself, but was brave enough many years ago to break off her engagement with a man who was not good enough for her. She's braver than I am in that way. I don't think I could have left LCQ. I'm ashamed of that. Some days I like to tell myself that I'm not a quitter and it's a testament to my belief in marriage vows that I would not quit him. But that's only a small part of the truth. The larger truth is that I was so afraid of being alone; alone forever; that I was willing to let LCQ treat me like shit. I know I deserve better than that. I knew that all along. I just don't always believe that I'll actually get better than that. Not from a man in a marriage. So he made the choice for me by being the one to leave, and I'm glad he did. So I'm not that brave, but I do feel strong enough to get through this.
There's a line in Gone With The Wind that I like to think applies to me. I love that movie and, just like there's always a Seinfeld episode that relates to every situation, there's usually a Gone With The Wind quote that applies as well. This one is spoken by Mammy to Melanie about Scarlett after her daughter dies. It goes something like "What that chile got to bear, the good lord done give her the strength to bear." I feel like that. I will make it through.
There's also the good ole golden rule. "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." I try to behave like that and usually achieve it with the people I care about. But there ought to be a second rule. The Silver rule: Do unto yourself as you would have others do unto you. I need to learn to live by that one too. Now that LCQ is out of my life, the person who treats me most poorly is myself. I say things to myself in my head that I'd never tolerate from anyone I'd call my friend. I don't care for myself the way I should.
And this brings me to the last personal platitude, which speaks directly to my fear of being alone forever. How can you expect anyone else to love what you do not love yourself? I'm working on becoming someone I can love. Until then, I have the love of my sister and the rest of my friends and family to look to as a reminder that I'm worth it.
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Thanks for the compliment. I think you are the best also! I think I would be a horrible sister if I just told you what would temporarily make you feel better but what may not be true. You are a wonderful person who deserves much better than LCQ and it will happen one day. I was in the same boat you are now. I was 37, alone and had no prospects of any boyfriend, much less the wonderful one I got. It will happen for you, don't worry! In the mean time, work on making yourself happy and remember I'm always there for you! XOXOXO
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Amen, sister. No pun intended. Sisters are a blessing and I'm glad yours is there for you as much as mine has been for me. Who'd a thunk it after all the toys of mine she broke. ;)
4/2/05 11:54 AM