The walk of a Christian terrorist

1:26:48 AM CST

It breaks my heart how many unsaved people I'm finding in this world.  Today was probably the worst experience I've ever had with christians.  Those who pretended to love You, actually desecrated an unsaved soul and made him apologize to them.   The very arrogance.   It breaks my heart that the unsaved soul left feeling disgraced and ashamed when he was not at fault.  He was a searching soul - something we all should be and because he called them on their own bad behavior, they thought he should apologize.  When will christians get what their purpose is on this earth?   It's not to condemn but to love the lost.   Instead of bringing this man closer to God, they probably drove him further away.  And, why not.  I wouldn't want what they have either.  

Christians are missing some very big points.  There are 262 mentions of love in the bible.   I have to count forgiveness but definitely 262.    That must mean God thought it was important to have it mentioned that many times yet man cannot comprehend that. 

My soul breaks tonight for fear we will have lost a good hearted man to hell. 

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12:12:47 PM CST

Life has given me a second chance

Now all I wanta do is dance

whatever greet me on this day

I'll bow my head and humbly pray.

Lord Father in heaven here me please

Help me go through this life with a little more ease

causes eyes are watching me as I fail

help me not to run scared and leave a painful trail

For I cannot leave this world I know

without showing you the love my God has sewed

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9:29:15 PM CST
Feeling Happy

Had the best day

Met a guy online I’m glad to say

He opened my eyes to flaws in my faith

Making me think I speak too much in haste

I realized he was a unique intelligent man

Who forced me to really take a stand

Do I really know of which I speak

Or does my religion really reek

From this point forward, it is a new day

I am going to search and search away

All my funning aside,

He’s really deep inside.

He helped this soul come alive.

 

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7:42:36 AM CST
Feeling Sad

I’ve attended church since the day I was born

Yet the world held what I wanted to explore

So no more feelings of foreworn

I’m off to save the world and all it’s for

So off I went to save this world

My life was in such a whirl

I slept with men who didn’t love me

In search of all I thought I could be

They weren’t single – wish they would have been

My heart couldn’t take them way back then

My wounds are deep inside this weary soul

For even the Christians still seem stone cold

After leaving church for 20 years

Walking back in releases so many fears

I’ve been back in church now for 8 or so years

Not one single negative thought disappears

I still feel like I’m smothered

Surrounded with fakeness, phony liars

I can’t shake this feeling that I’m knee-deep in mire

Forgiveness, grace and mercy is what I’ve been promised

Yet for me to believe that tonight I would have to be a sheer optimist

Why is it I cannot release these feelings inside

Why I would rather hide

I’m supposed to belong in a world I don’t know

I don’t fit in at church so off I go

I sit in the pew each and every week

Still feeling also very weak

No matter how much I try to fit in

They do not know God for they knowingly sin

They do it under God’s umbrella

Feel like saying – you look a little yella

I need God in my life each day

For when I stray – I run away

To face more sin

Which then becomes the beginning and the end

God I bare my soul

For only you can heal

Make me free

So I may breath

Keep me searching for only You

I’ve had enough man – I only need You

So when you sit in that pew so upright,

remember I just be in your site.

Please love me freely

but do not lie

cause if I hear one more

I just may die.

 

As the songs go:

Hold me Jesus, I’m shaking like a leaf

I give you my heart broken and bruised

Still beating strong, wanting to trust you

I know I’m unfaithful I know I do wrong

Will You protect what You already own.

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7:41:45 AM CST
Feeling Quiet

Once I was lost but now I'm found -
what profound words that I certainly feel.
Life has betrayed all of my dreams
what few there are, what few remain.
No one seems real, at least not to me
I'm still discovering
what I'm yet to be.
You ask for truth
people stair at you blank
I want true love
just being frank - No not the sexual kind.

I long for God's love
simple and pure
yet man has castrated it
from what it surely means
I cannot believe that I am here to hate
yet that subject is always, always up for debate
So ask me no secrets,I'll tell you no lies.
Just be straight with me
and the rest we'll let be
longing only for me to always be free.

 

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