PANIK FREE

HERE I GOTS THE CREATIVE EDGE. I GOT THE POWER TO MOVE YOU IN WAYS YOU NEVER THOUGHT YOU COULD. 

BUT....

GOT SOMETHIN HOLDING ME BACK.  SOMETHING HOLDING ME DOWN.  GOT SPIRITS LOCKIN ME DOWN. GOT DREAMS BUT NO MOVEMENT. I GOT VISIONS BUT NOT WALKIN THE WALKS LATELY. NOT SURE WHY.

QUIT THE FOCUS OF ILL GRAMMAR. FOCUS ON THE FEELINGS OF ME.  I HAVE ISSUES AND HAVING GENERAL ANXIETY DISORDER IS NO FUN.  SO I STAND TALL FACING THE WIND GRIPPIN TO WHATEVER I CAN. I STILL GET KNOCKED DOWN BY THE FORCE OF A BREEZE. WHY IS THAT? WHY THE STRONGHOLD OVER MY FLESH?

HERE I BE WITH PANIKS. I AM PANIK FREE. I AM FELLAPANIK, I AM FREE FROM OPINION AND CHARGES OF NEGATIVITY. YOU CHALLENGE MY CHARACTER AND ALL I CAN SAY IS "K HAVE YOUR WAY." I DON'T CARE ABOUT HOW YOU FEEL AND HOW THE WORLD THINKS OF ME.  I AM FREE FROM YOU ALL YET I TUMBLE DOWN BECAUSE I CARE ABOUT ME. I JUDGE ME. I AM THE ONE WHO PUNISHES ME. I WANT TO BE EXCELLENT AND ALL I GOT IS GOOD.

MY HEART IS OPEN TO YOU AND HONEST. THATS ALL YOU GOT FROM ME. BETTER THAN THE FRIEND YOU THINK ARE YOUR FRIEND. I AM STRAIGHT IN MY WALK AND MY HEART POURS OUT TO GOD DAILY.

I AM 34. THE TIME IS NOW TO MOVE. I FIGHT YOU ANXIETY. I FIGHT YOU HEART DISEASE. I FIGHT YOU, WITH THE NAME OF JESUS IN MY RIGHT HAND AND THE WORD IN MY LEFT. I AM FELLAPANIK AND YOU HAVE NO HOLD ON ME!!!!!

PEACE TO THE BROTHERS WHO CAN RELATE. NO TIME TO GIVE IN BUT TO STAND AGAINST THE WIND.

HEAR ME!!! FEEL ME!!!

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ZONED OUT THIS MORNIN. THE SUN PIERCING THROUGH THE BLIND AND IT'S LIGHT HITTING MY FACE HAD NO AFFECT. I WANT TO DO MORE, BUT I FIND MYSELF WAITING. WHAT IS IT? NOT SURE WHAT I AM WAITING FOR. I AM FULLY DRESSED AND READY FOR WORK. I AM EAGER TO GET THROUGH THE DAY AND REV UP FOR THE WEEKEND. MY WEEKENDS ARE MY DRUGS. THE MUSIC IS MY CRACK AND I CAN'T STOP FROM LISTENING TO THE SOUNDS OF THE HEART BEATS ONE MORE TIME. SO... YOU KNOW ME... MY MUSIC IN MY MACHINE PLAYING OVER AND OVER AGAIN. SO... I DANCE.... RELEASE.

SMILING AT YOU KID. THE STRESSED OUT KID. CUZ YOU GOT MORNINZ WITH ANXIETY. I KNOW HOW IT FEELS TO HAVE THE BURDENZ IN THE MORNINZ. YOU COULDN'T SLEEP? WELL. ALL IS GOOD WHEN YOU GOT VISIONS AND DREAMS. WHEN YOU HOPE IN THE FUTURE AND ARE EAGER TO MAKE A CHANGE, A DIFFERENCE. YOUR HAPPY.

I AM HAPPY.

GOT DREAMS. FINDING MY NICHE RIGHT NOW. 34 NOW AND NEVER TOO LATE. MY MORNINZ IS FULL OF HOPE. I AM ANXIOUS FOR FREEDOM AND SUCCESS.

I LOVE DANCE MUSIC. IT MOVES ME. I WILL HURT YOU IF YOU TAKE AWAY MY MUSIC. I WILL BITE YOUR EARS OFF. I WILL THROW YOU OUT.

GETTING VIOLENT HERE.

ACCEPT MY KIDS, MY MUSIC, AND MY DESIRE AND ABILITY TO CREATE. THATS ALL I NEED FROM EVERYONE WHO WANTS TO CHILL WITH ME.

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WHO ARE YOU? THE VOICE CALLING OUT FOR ME TO LOVE LIKE NO OTHER, SO I GIVE MY ALL.  I AM INNOCENT TO BE HUNG DRY LIKE JESUS ON THE CROSS.  THEY SEE ME IN LOVE AND OTHERS WISH THEY HAVE WHAT I HAVE, THEY WISH MY LIFE WAS IN THEIR SHOES. I WORKED HARD TO WHERE I WANT TO BE. MY HEART IS ABOUT TO EXPLODE AND PAIN ARE PULSATING WITHIN MY JOINTS.  YET I AM A SURVIVOR.  WHERE ARE THE SACRIFICES TO SUCCESS IN YOUR LIFE.  OPEN YOUR HEART AND LET SOMEONE LEAD YOU THE WAY. I SURE DID. I LOST 150# BECAUSE I SAID TO MYSELF THAT I AM TIRED OF THE CYCLE AND IT NEEDS TO STOP. I AM IN SCHOOL BECAUSE I AM TIRED OF THE POVERTY CYCLE, THIS TOO HAD TO STOP. YOU ONLY HAVE ONE CHANCE AND YOU NEED TO DO IT WITH ALL YOUR HEART.  DON'T GIVE ME HALF ASS. GIVE ME YOUR ALL.  GIVE GOD YOUR ALL.  IF YOUR GOING TO DO SOMETHING WORTHWHILE THEN DO IT WITH 110% OF ALL YOUR MIGHT AND BEING.

I FEEL THAT I AM PUSHED AWAY BECAUSE SOME ARE AFRAID TO SEE THE POSITIVE CHANGE THAT THEY COULDN'T DO THEMSELVES. I AM A TEAM PLAYER, MOTIVATOR, CHALLENGER, YOU SEE ME AND YOU SEE THE WOW FACTOR. HOW IS THIS MO FO' LIVIN UP TO HIS DREAMS WHEN HE IS SICK ALL THE TIME.  I AM MY MOTHER WHO TENDS TO HER GARDEN DAILY, I AM MY FATHER WHO IS ABLE TO CONNECT TO PEOPLE IN A CARING RESPECTFUL MANNER.

I AM FELLA FROM THE PROJECTS. I AM ALIVE AND GRATEFUL THAT MY BOO LOVES ME FOR ME.  NO ONE CAN DENY THAT THERE IS NO GOD. IF YOU GOT SOMEONE WHO LOVES YOU, THEN YOUR FEELING THE LOVE OF GOD THROUGH THAT PERSON. IF YOU DON'T HAVE SOMEONE, LOOK IN YOURSELF FOR CHANGE AND LOVE WILL FIND YOU.

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STRANGE HOW THINGS WORK. MUSIC PLAYS AND MY SOUL BECOMES AROUSED BY THE SOUNDS, MY MOVES TANTRIC AGAINST YOUR SWEATY SKIN. DRIPPING SWEAT. MY SKIN RELEASING CHAKRA, OOZING SULTRY, INTENSE HEAT MAKING YOU WANT TO BITE ME AROUND MY NECK.

I AM A SLAVE TO THE RHYTHM AND THE NIGHT. I WAKE EARLY IN THE MORNING AND EMBRACE THE MOON BEFORE THE SUN RISE. I AM LIKE THAT, A FALLING CELESTIAL BODY.  ONCE PERCHED OVER THE CAPITAL BUILDING NOW SLIDING DOWN INTO THE HORIZON FILLED WITH CARS, TELEPHONE POLLS AND WIRES.  THE RHYTHM IS MY HEART BUT MY HEART IS NOT WITHIN THIS FLESH CASING. IT IS OUT THERE CONTROLLED BY THE DJ.

MAKE ME MOVE...

MAKE ME FORGET...

WHO I AM...

WHERE I AM GOING...

THE RHYTHM IS LIKE A TRAIN RUNNING THROUGH THE TUNNEL TRACKS. THE SOUND GETS LOUDER AND LOUDER AS THE TRAIN APPROACHES THE ENTRANCE AND EXIT STATIONS. AS THE LIGHT FROM THE TRAIN GETS BRIGHTER AND BRIGHTER SO DOES THE SOUND.

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BEAT BOY STANCE, CAPS'IN THE THOUGHTS TO EMPHASIZE THE ROCK AND THE HARD PLACES. NEED TO SLIDE THROUGH THESE CLOSING DOORS. SO, I RUN AS FAST AS I CAN, TO MY DISMAY, I FIND MYSELF JUST REACHING THROUGH AND MY LEFT ARM GOT CAUGHT IN BETWEEN. SOME ONE PULL ME. PULL MY FINGER. LOL

JUST KIDDING.

BACK ON THE SERIOUS TIP. I WANT TO DANCE.

REMEMBERIN THE DAYS WHEN RAP JUST BROKE MAINSTREAM AND PRE - POP FREESTYLE RAN THROUGH THE LATIN COMMUNITY LIKE HALEY'S COMET ZIPPING THROUGH THE SKY.  I BREAK DANCE TO DA MEATS OF BEATS IN THE EIGHTIES. REMEMBERIN THE DAYS WHEN MY FRIENDS AND I WOULD CLIMB THROUGH A WINDOW OF A BROKEN DOWN MANSION. THE DAYS WHEN I PLAYED FROZEN TAG IN SEA SIDE PARK'S PLAYGROUND. REMEMBERING WHEN I FAKED DEAD AFTER JUMPING OFF A CLIFF INTO A RIVER. MY SISTER FREAKED OUT. REMEMBERING THE DAYS WHEN MY SIBLINGS WOULD PLAY IN THE DARK. WE WOULD RUN THROUGH THE HALLWAY TRYING TO AVOID BEING CAUGHT BY ONE OF US. I REMEMBER THE DAYS WHEN I LAID THERE IN MY BED DRAWING AND LISTENING TO THE JAMS. THE EIGHTIES ROCKED. GREW UP IN THE PEAQUONOCKS PROJECT IN THE EIGHT FLOOR. I FELT GOOD. I REMEMBERED I HAD NO WORRIES. I HAD NO FEAR. I WAS HURT, BUT ALL MY PAINS LASTED FOR A SHORT WHILE.

WHAT HAPPENED? IS IT BECAUSE I GREW UP? NOW I GOT CHALLENGES EVERYDAY. NOT LIKE THE AVERAGE HUMAN BEING. SO - WHAT HAPPENED? WHAT DID I DO THAT CAUSED ME TO BE THE WAY I AM NOW. I AM NOT AFRAID. I AM NOT CONCERNED THOUGH. NOT SURE WHY. ALL I KNOW IS THAT GOD IS WITH ME.

MY BOO....

HE MAKES ME HAPPY WHEN I AM DOWN. HE IS THE SUNSHINE PIERCING THROUGH THE DARK CLOUDS ABOVE. HE GOT A GRIP ON ME. BECAUSE OF MY KIDS AND MY LOVE, I CAN'T BE COMPLACENT. I NEED TO KEEP MOVING DESPITE THESE NEGATIVE THOUGHTS AND PHYSICAL CONSTRAINT. IT HAS BEEN 3 DAYS SINCE I EXCERCISED. I AM ONLY WORKING OUT NOW ONCE OR TWICE A WEEK.

YOU KNOW. IF I LET MYSELF DOWN JUST A LITTLE I WILL GET WORSE. IF I SLEEP ALL DAY I WILL SLEEP THE NEXT DAY AS WELL. SO I NEED TO VOGUE. LOL

FEELS GOOD NOT MAKING SENSE SOMETIMES. CAN WE THINK OUT OF THE BOX. I DO.. EVERYDAY. I AM WIERD AND FEELS GOOD TO BE DIFFERENT. LOVE MY BRO. HE IS JUST LIKE ME EVEN MORE SO SPONTANEOUS AND FRIENDLY. WE HAVE TO BE THIS WAY. I AM OPEN TO SUGGESTIONS BUT NOT OPENED TO CRITICISMS. LOL

GOD CREATED ME TO DIE.

NOW GETTING OLDER. I FEEL LIKE I AM 70 OR SOMETHING. BUT I LOVE TO DANCE AND I DANCE DESPITE HOW I FEEL. I LOVE WORDS HOW THEY SLIP THROUGH MY FINGERS, THEY ARE MY FEEDOM CHAINS, FROM MY GUT I SCREAM THROUGH MY FINGERS AND FROM MY HEART I POUR OUT MY SOUL. I AM CALLING OUT.

I NEED TO LET GO.

WAITING FOR THE NIGHT. FOR THE MEATS OF BEATS.

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GOT SIMPLICITY WRITTEN ALL OVER MY FORHEAD.  SIMPLE, SIMPLE. BEAT CLAP BEAT CLAP....

WENT OUT WITHOUT HIS APPROVAL. THIS TIME I'M SINKIN IN AND I DON'T WANT TO MESS WITH THE REST.  I AM SEPERATED FROM THE MASSES. I AM OF MY BOO AND THERE IS NO OTHER. IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME. THE SOUNDS SOOTH MY SOUL LIKE DAVID SOOTHING KING PAUL'S SOUL RELIEVING HIM OF HIS DEMONS.

I GOT DEMONS

I GOT MOVES. I SLITHER LIKE A SNAKE AND BECON FOR YOU TO COME AND SINK WITH ME. LET THE CLUB BEATS MOVE YOU AS THE AFRICANS, THE CUBAN AND AS THE BRAZILIAN BEATS MOVE YOU. THEIR BEATS ARE LIKE MEATS. PROTEIN FED THROUGH MY EARS INTO MY MIND MIXIN CHEMICALS CAUSING MY WAIST TO MOVE IN WAYS I NEVER THOUGHT I COULD. MY BRAIN COLLAPSE INTO THE SOUND AND MY SPINE WIPS AND SWAYS LIKE A JUNGLE VINE.

HEAR IT? THE MEATS OF BEATS. I AM A SLAVE TO THE RHYTHM.

I AM A SLAVE TO LOVE.

MY BOO....... SIGH........

HIS HEART BECONS ME TO FOLLOW HIM AND I FIGHT VIOLENTLY WITHIN MYSELF BECAUSE I CAN'T STAND STILL ANYMORE. I CANNOT WATCH ANYMORE. I AM LIKE A FIRE UNCONTROLLABLE BUT CONTAINED RIGHT NOW. UGH!

CONTAINED LIKE A DYNAMITE IN A CAVE LIT TO BE EXPANDED CAUSING MASSIVE INTERNAL DAMAGE TO THE INTER-TWINNING RAILES AND SUPPORT BEAMS. CONTAINED. UGH!

LIKE ME, YOU WANT TO JUMP OFF THAT CLIFF. MAKE THAT LEAP OF FAITH. I BELIEVE IN MYSELF DESPITE IF THE WORLD DOESN'T BELIEVE IN ME. SO I FIGHT MYSELF.

MY MIND IS MY ENEMY. IT TELLS ME TO WALK AWAY. THESE THOUGHTS ARE NOT MY OWN. THEY ARE THE VOICES PERCHED IN THE SPIRITUAL REALM TELLING ME THAT I AM A FAILURE. SO I TEAR APART LIKE A TORNADO TWISTING THROUGH THE QUIET NEIGHBORHOOD OF DISMAY. I AM HELD BY THE FINGER OF GOD TWISTING AND DANCING AROUND YOU. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE. YOU SING SONGS OF SUCCESS BUT INSIDE YOUR FAILING LIKE ME. IN OTHER WAYS YOUR JUST LIKE ME. BUT YOU KEEP MOVING. I SAY RUN.

RUN!!

RUN!!

WITH MIND LOADED LIKE A GUN AND ITS BULLETS.

STAND!!

STAND!!

YOU ARE WHAT YOU SWALLOW.

 

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I WOKE UP THINKING AND WORRYING ABOUT MY FUTURE. I HAD A DREAM MONTHS AGO, IT HAUNTS ME TO THIS DAY.  I WAS AT SEA SIDE PARK IN BRIDGEPORT, CONNECTICUT.  I COULD SEE THE SILLOUHETTE OF LONG ISLAND FROM THE ROCKY SHORE.  I WAS SITTING ALONG SIDE THE SIDE WALK, AND SUDDENLY, IN A BLINKING OF AN EYE, THERE IN FRONT OF ME SAT AND OLD WITHERING MAN. YOU CAN SEE HIS BONES THROUGH HIS THIN SKIN COVERING. HE SAT THERE AS A MUMMY AND I WASN'T AFRAID BECAUSE I KNEW WHO HE WAS. PEOPLE GATHERED TO SEE THE SPECTACLE HOPING TO HEAR THE TRUTH. HE IS THE ANCIENT OF DAYS. THE ALPHA AND OMEGA. AS MANY TRIED TO LISTEN HOPING TO HEAR SOMETHING THAT WOULD BENEFIT THEIR LIVES, I TRIED TO WALK AWAY SLOWLY. I TRIED TO AVOID THE TRUTH. I TRIED TO WALK AWAY BECAUSE I WASN'T SURE ABOUT MYSELF. I WANTED TO KNOW BUT FEARED THE TRUTH. HE CALLED OUT ME..

"WILLIAM"

HE DID NOT YELL BUT HIS VOICE WAS LOUDER THAN THUNDER. SO POWERFUL I COULD NOT COVER THE NOISE WITH MY HANDS.

"WILLIAM"

I TURN AND LOOKED AT HIM AND COULD NOT HELP BUT TO LOOK DOWN IN SHAME.

"WILLIAM"

HE POINTED DOWN TO A CHEST BESIDE HIS THRONE MADE UP OF SKULLS AND STONES. IT WAS OLD AND ANTIQUE LIKE, AS IF TAKEN FROM A PIRATE SHIP. I TOOK THE CHEST. IT WAS LIGHT AND VERY EASY TO OPEN. I CLOSED MY EYES AND LIFTED THE LID.

"WILLIAM" "DON'T FEAR"

I LOOKED. I SAW ALL THESE HATS. ALL IT HAD WAS SOME HATS WITH THE ACRONYMS OF AIDS AND SOME HATS OF JESUS' NAME.

I LOOKED AT HIM AND I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND.  A YOUNG GIRL AROUND THE AGE OF 11 WALKED UP TO THE BOX AND WITHOUT LOOKING TOOK A HAT. I WAS HOPING IT WASN'T THE HAT THAT SAID AIDS ON IT. I DIDN'T SAY A WORD TO THE YOUNG GIRL. SHE LOOKED LIKE MY DAUGHTER. SHE HAD LONG BEAUTIFUL BROWN HAIR AND A DARK CARRIBEAN SKIN TONE. SHE LOOKED UP AT ME AND SMILE. SHE SLIPPED ON THE HAT THAT SAID JESUS ON IT. I CRIED.

I AM AFRAID OF MY FUTURE... I DON'T WANT ANYONE ELSE THAN JONATHAN.  I FEAR IF I LOSE HIM I WOULD END UP WITH SOMEONE THAT WOULD LEAD TO DEATH. I FEAR THAT I WOULD END UP WITH AN ENDLESS CYCLE OF LOVE AND REJECTION. WHO WANTS TO START ALL OVER? HE IS MY CAUSE OF MY ANXIETY. I CAN'T WAIT FOR EVER FOR HIM TO SEE AND KNOW THE TRUTH. I WILL TURN TO GOD AND BE WITH HIM. AFTER HIM I HAVE DECIDED TO BE CELEBATE AND SERVE THE LORD WHOLE HEARTEDLY. GOD NEVER SLUMBERS NOR SLEEPS. HIS LOVE IS AN EVERLASTING LOVE, HIS EYE IS OVER ME WATCHING ME. I AM OPEN TODAY.

I HAVE TO BE.  I HAVE ANXIETY ISSUES.

MY CURE TO ANXIETY IS TO FACE IT AND CHALLENGE IT AS IF I WAS IN AN ARENA WITH TWO LIONS READY TO TEAR MY APART. DOUBLE THE PAIN AND SO I SAY DOUBLE THE PLEASURE. I FIGHT THEM BECAUSE THE WORLD RATHER SEE ME BE TORN APART BY THEM. IT IS HUMAN NATURE TO SEE THE WORSE OUTCOME. I WILL THINK ABOVE THE INFLUENCE. I WILL SURVIVE.

SO I TAKE DRUGS. LOL

SO I WAKE UP AND WRITE.

SO I DRAW AND CREATE GRAPHIC DESIGNS.

THEN I THINK ABOUT JON LEAVING ME AND MY ANXIETY RETURNS.  WHY SHOULD I CARE? WHY CAN'T I LEAVE? WHY CAN'T I FIGHT FOR HIM TO LOVE ME? ONE.. I AM TIRED OF TRYING TO PULL INFORMATION FROM HIM. I AM TIRED OF SEARCHING HIS HEART. I AM TIRED, YET I LOVE HIM WITH ALL THAT I AM.

THESE ARE FEELINGS THAT EVERYONE FEELS IN ONE DAY IN THEIR LIFE. NOTHING IS NEW UNDER THE SUN. YOU KNOW ME. YOU FEEL ME. MY FEARS AND ANXIETY. MY STRESS IN YOUR PLATTER. EAT AND ENJOY MY DEFEAT AND VICTORIES.

I AM HAPPY TODAY.  GOD IS AN AWESOME GOD. HE HEARD MY PRAYER. MY JOY EXCEEDING. I LAUGHED. I WAS CRAZY. I DANCED. I LIBERATED MYSELF FROM ALL CARES AND WORRIES.

"SELF - LIVE, LOVE WITH NO REGRETS."

TANTRIC ARE MY MOVES TOWARDS TO YOU.

HE DOESN'T LIKE MY IRRATIONAL SPONTENAIETY. NOTHING IS LOGICAL UNDER THE SUN. JUST LIKE MY DAUGHTER WOULD SAY TO ME AFTER ASKING HER WHY DID SHE DO THE THINGS SHE DOES AFTER DOING SOMETHING WEIRD.

"DADDY, I AM JUST DIFFERENT."

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TAKING MY TIME, SAW THE SUNLIGHT HIT THROUGH MY WINDOW AT FIVE FORTY SEVEN THIS MORNING. AS SOON AS I WOKE UP I KNOW I WILL HAVE A CHALLENGING DAY OVERCOMING MYSELF. I AM MY OWN ENEMY, I CONTROL MY OWN DESTINY SO I MUST RISE ABOVE THE INFLUENCE OF ANY NEGATIVE THOUGHT AND FEELINGS OF THE DAY. I BELIEVE I CAN DO IT. CAN YOU?

I BELIEVE YOU CAN DO IT TOO. WHO EVER YOU ARE.

THINKING ABOUT MY LIMITATIONS SEEMS TO ONLY CAUSE ME TO PAUSE MY PROGRESSION TO A FULL AND SATISFYING LIFE. NOT REALLY SURE ABOUT MY FUTURE BUT I CAN'T WORRY ABOUT THAT NOW. ALL I GOTTA DO IS FINISH WHAT I STARTED. I HAD ISSUES IN THE PAST THAT WHEN I STARTED SOMETHING I DON'T FINISH BECAUSE OF MY MENTAL AND HEALTH ISSUES. SO I DON'T WANT TO MAKE EXCUSES.

CAN YOU CLIMB WITH ME TO HIGHER HEIGHTS? CAN WE WORK TOGETHER SUBCONSCIOUSLY AND PULL EACH OTHER THROUGH? HOW CAN WE DO THAT? PULL EACH OTHER THROUGH EVEN THOUGH WE ARE SO FAR AWAY. i THINK THE BEST WAY IS PRAYER. YELL OUT TO THE GOD OF THIS EARTH AND PRAY A POSITIVE, UPLIFTING PRAYER.

PRAY WITH ME...

THANK YOU FATHER GOD FOR THE GIFT OF LIFE. THERE IS NO OTHER GOD LIKE YOU SO I KNOW YOU ARE HERE FOR ME AS I AM HERE FOR YOU. LORD GOD, I KNOW YOU WANT ME TO SHINE IN ADVERSITY AND IN RETURN GLORIFY YOUR NAME SO THAT ALL WILL KNOW WHO WAS THE ONE WHO PULLED ME THROUGH THIS STORM. THANK YOU FATHER FOR HELPING ME THROUGH MY DIFFICULT TRIALS AND TIMES. ONLY YOU ARE WORTHY TO BE PRAISED. AMEN.

WE ALL GO THROUGH THEM. WE WAKE UP. WE GO TO SLEEP. WE CRY AND SHAKE UNCONTROLLABLY. WE LIFT OUR HANDS TO GOD AND ASK; WHY ME? SO, I TELL YOU THAT NOTHING IS NEW UNDER THE SUN. THE RAIN FALLS ON THE JUST AND UNJUST ALIKE.  THERE IS NOTHING THAT YOUR GOING THROUGH THAT OTHERS ARE NOT EXPERIENCING. REJOICE THAT YOUR NOT ALONE AND THERE ARE PEOPLE AND ANGELS PRAYING ON YOUR BEHALF, EVEN JESUS. SOME HOW THE LORD WILL FIND A WAY.

I SEARCH AND I WILL FIND A WAY. I CAN'T LET ANYONE THINK THAT I CAN'T MAKE IT THROUGH MY SITUATIONS. I BELIEVE I AM WALKING UPWARD TO SUCCESS IN MY OWN PACE.

LOVE IS A ROCK IN A HARD PLACE. YOU FIND YOURSELF IN LOVE AND NOW YOUR DISTRACTED. ROMANCE IS A FAIRYTALE, THE LOVER BEING ROMANTIC SHOULDN'T BE THE REASON WHY YOU SHOULD MARRY. LET HIS FAITHFULNESS AND CONSISTENCIES BE THE REASON FOR YOUR DECISION TO MARRY.

THERE IS NO FEAR OF DEATH IN ME. I FEAR DEFEAT. WE HAVE TO WIN THIS. PASS THROUGH THIS. EXCEL AND CHALLENGE OURSELVES. IN OUR OWN WAY. SOMETIMES PEOPLE GIVE YOU DIRECTION. ITS OK TO FOLLOW YOUR OWN PATH AND DREAMS. YOUR HEART IS IMPENETRABLE.

fellapanik at 7:00:26 AM EDT Permalink | Blog about this entry |  Add to del.icio.us |  digg this This entry has 0 comments: Add your own

NEW SOUND - NEW MOMENT.

I AM ALONE TONIGHT. THINKING ABOUT MY PARTNER WHO IS IN THE HOSPITAL. I DON'T WANT TO CALL HIM. I AM OUT OF SORTS AND I KNOW HE NEEDS A HEALED ME. HE NEEDS ME TO BE STRONG SO I WILL WAIT FOR MY BOO. I WILL HEAL THROUGHOUT THE NIGHT. ITS A NEW HOPE TO A NEW DIRECTION. I AM OPTIMISTIC ABOUT MY OWN FUTURE. I AM OPTIMISTIC ABOUT MY FAMILY'S FUTURE. I KNOW MY BOO WILL LIVE A FULL LIFE. HE DESERVES THE BEST. I KNOW I AM A PIECE OF A PUZZLE TO HIS LIFE MYSTERIES. I AM MADE FOR EVERYONE ELSE'S SUCCESS.

DO I MAKE SENSE ABOUT THE WAY I FEEL ABOUT MYSELF TO YOU? YOU WORK YOUR HARDEST FOR EVERYONE ELSE AND FIND YOURSELF LOSING YOURSELF IN ALL THE TO DO TASKS IN YOUR LIFE. OUR LIVES ARE NOT OUR OWN. I KNOW THIS IS TRUE. I AM GOING TO DIE SOON.

I AM OPTIMISTIC. I FEEL GOOD. I AM NOT AFRAID.

I LOVE MY MISTER.

I AM ALONE RIGHT NOW.

MISSING HIM RIGHT NOW.

I WISH I WAS IN HIS ARMS. HE IS MY PASSAGE TO HEAVEN, MY PEACE BEFORE THE STORM BEFORE THE PEACE AGAIN. MY CONDUIT TO PARADISE.

I AM SICK BUT HEALTHY IN MY THINKING. I FEEL ALIVE WITH THE SOUNDS OF LOVE AND HOPE. WHEN I MOVE AWAY FROM MUSIC, I AM AWAY FROM GOD. WHEN I AM SICK, LIKE SAUL, I LISTEN TO THE SOUND OF PEACE TO PULL ME TOGETHER. GOD MAY BE DISTANT, BUT HIS WORDS ARE TRUE. WHAT EVER WALK YOU WALK AND TALK YOU TALK, YOUR MOVING TO A SOUND GENUINE TO YOU. I APPRECIATE THE SOUNDS YOU MAKE DESPITE MY DIFFERENCES WITH ALL THE WALKIN AND TALKIN THAT YOU CREATE. WE CAN RELATE. CAN WE?

YOUR BEATS CAUSE ME TO RELAX BECAUSE YOU EXPRESS BY SHAKING THE AIR WITH THE GUITAR HIDDEN WITHIN YOUR VOCAL CORDS AND BASE FROM YOUR LIPS. BOOM SPAT CLAP, CLAP- PAUSE - CLAP. REPEAT.

I MISS LAURYN HILL.

ESTELLE REMINDS ME OF HER, YET SHE IS HER OWN. SHE WALKS AND TALKS HER OWN.

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I AM HAVING A HARD TIME TODAY LETTING OUT MY PAIN. FEELS LIKE THERE ARE CHAINS AROUND MY ANKLES AND TAPE AROUND MY MOUTH TODAY. I AM DOING THIS TO KEEP THE LOVE AND FAITH IN EVERYONE AROUND ME. DON'T KNOW WHY BECAUSE ITS KILLING ME. ITS HARD TO FIND GENUINE PEOPLE THAT YOU CAN TRUST IN. EVERYONE SEEMS SUPERFICIAL AND LESS DOWN TO EARTH. IF SOME PEOPLE SEEM DOWN TO EARTH, THEY DON'T WANT TO HEAR WHATS REALLY BOTHERING YOU INSIDE. MAYBE ITS TIME. TIME IS OUR ENEMY. WHEN I NEED TO SPEAK, NO ONE HAS TIME TO LISTEN. I HAVE TO PAY FOR SOMEONE TO LISTEN TO ME. I AM FRUSTRATED.

SO I EXPRESS ON E PAGES BECAUSE THE WORLD MOVES AND I STAND STILL. WHEN I NEED TO BREATHE, MY BLOG LISTENS AND REITERATES MY THOUGHTS THROUGH IMAGERY AND WISDOM FROM NO WHERE. MAYBE SOMEDAY SOMEONE WILL READ MY BLOG AND UNDERSTAND ME.

LETS JUST SAY YOUR NOT ALONE.

QUIET ARE MY MORNINGS AND NIGHTS BECAUSE I AM BECOMING MORE DISTANT THAN THE STARS AND PLANETS ABOVE. YOU SEE ME THERE BUT YOUR UNABLE TO CONNECT TO ME AS YOU DID BEFORE.

I AM FLYING AND I CAN'T GET MYSELF DOWN. THE CLOUDS ARE MY CLOTHING AND THE LIGHT OF THE SUN IS MY AURA. I AM SHINING.  YOU CAN'T TOUCH ME BECAUSE I WAS MADE TO BE ALONE.  A MEMORY TAKEN BY THE KEY TO YOUR SOUL. YOU SAW ME. NOW I AM JUST THERE SITTING IN YOUR MEMORY. I WISH I CAN BE MORE.

LIKE A BIRD WITH EXPANDED WINGS I STAND AT THE EDGE OF A TREE BRANCH REACHING OVER A DEEP GREEN CANYON. READY TO FLY. READY TO LET THE WIND LIFT ME UP ON HIGH ABOVE THE ROUGH TERRAIN. NOT AFRAID. I WANT OUT. I WANT FREEDOM.

I AM NOT MADE TO LIVE HERE ON EARTH. MY THOUGHTS ARE OTHER WORLDLY AS IF I BELONG TO ANOTHER TIME AND PLACE. A PLACE WHERE EVERYONE IS FREE. WHERE OUR SPIRITS ARE CONNECTED. I WOULD KNOW YOU AND YOU WOULD KNOW ME KIND OF THING. IS THERE A PLACE?

GOLDEN GATES? NOT SO GLAMOROUS AS IT WAS IN THE PAST. NOT SO MAGICAL. NOT SO WONDERFUL. THE AMOUNT OF GOLD IS A PAUPERS MEASURE OF SUCCESS.

MY CONNECTION TO THE WORLD. THE ULTIMATE ONE WORLD CLIQUE IS THE PRICELESS TREASURE I SEEK.

YOU ARE MY FRIEND. WHO EVER YOU ARE.

FORGIVE AND FORGET, LIVE WITH NO REGRETS. LOVE...

 

 

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