My walk in life and some beads too Blog

2:11:51 PM EDT
Feeling Ashamed

Hi everybody, I thought I better come and clean up my mess from my last posting.  Yes, that was as bad as I get I guess. I have recovered from my "black hole" of despair.  All I can say is.....thank God they don't last long.  I just wanted to apologize for cursing and generally being so down and depression.  I promise to be better. I just read one of my other friends blogs and I'm going to steal a positive from her, I think she won't mind.

Here's my five for the day:

1. my grandson's

2. my wonderful hubby

3. fall weather and changing leaves

4. beautiful colors to make beads with

5. wonderful friends

Love to all, Deb

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3:20:53 PM EDT
Feeling Depressed

Stop right here if you don't want to hear any pissing and moaning.........

I spent a week in the hospital 2 wks ago with chest pain and had every test known to man but a cardiac cath, I still have the damn tape residue everywhere I'm still trying to dig off. Positive:  my heart's fine, no I won't any time soon die of heart disease like my mom and dad!!

                               

herein lies my problem.......I don't like myself anymore, menopause is a *&^%!!!!! I cry for no reason, I scream for no reason, and I'm not laughing enough.  Everything irritates me for no reason, I'm HOT all the time which makes me more irritable, and I'm generally just not happy about anything.  I hate it!!!!! I'm not like this person who has taken over my body, I feel like someone else, just watching myself travel through each day. So now that I've pissed and moaned, I'll stop......well for one reason who wants to read a depressing blog about depressing things.  I haven't been blogging because I haven't had anything of special interest to say, I haven't made any jewelry, my big show is Nov. 14th, I hate the way I look, I feel so OLD I can't even explain it too you.  I swear I have aged 10 years in the last 6 months, I hate how I look in clothes, and certainly out of them, I don't want to you know what with you know who, because I feel so ugly and shitty I can't imagine how I could possible pull of sexy for him, I don't think I'm that good of an actress, because frankly I would never fake it, and haven't ever.  Now there's a topic, no....no....no....don't go there with me.  I can't be all things to all people, at work, at home with my kids, even though they are grown and should know better, I still pick up after everyone, too tired to yell or fight it anymore.  Yep, I know I'm depressed and we live in a "Prozac Nation", I think there's a movie about that with Christina Ricci, it was pretty good as I remember.  That's another thing my memory is for shit too, I called my dtr because I couldn't find the hair dryer, swore to my hubby I was not going out of this house without doing my hair, he was laughting at me, which made me want to slug him, then yelled at her for losing my cheese spread for crackers, then proceeded to yell at darling hubby for losing it too, broke into tears and then he found the hair dryer which was on top of the cupboard in the bathroom which I then remembered I put there.  There you see.....I am certifiable.  Then a friend mailed me this.......and made me smile, so I am going to share it with you, however I had to let you know how my day was going so you could see the life preserver that was tossed my way today and managed to stop my terror and make me see..............................this isn't me.....just a moment in time I must walk through to get to the other side, any hope beyond hope's that my loved one's will forgive me and love me through it.  Enjoy!  Debbie

25 TIPS FOR A BETTER LIFE - 2008

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1. Take a 10-30 minute walk every day. And while you walk, smile.      It is the ultimate anti-depressant.

2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day. Buy a lock if you have to.

3. When you wake up in the morning complete the following statement,
   'My purpose is to________ today.'

4. Eat more foods that grow on plants, and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.

5. Drink green tea and plenty of water. Eat blueberries, wild Alaskan salmon, broccoli, almonds & walnuts.

6. Try to make at least three people sm ile each day.

7. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip, energy vampires,     issues of the past, negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment. And people who are worth it .

8. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a college kid with a maxed out charge card.

9. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
 
10. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

11. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

12. Y o u don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

13. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.

14. Don't compare your life to others'. Youhave no idea what their  journey is all about.

15. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

16. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: 'In five years, will this matter?'

17. Forgive everyone for everything.

18. What other people think of you is none of your business.

19. GOD heals almost everything. . . and He can heal everything if it's in His plan. We just need to trust His bigger picture.

20. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

21. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch!!!

22. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

23. Each night before you go to bed complete the following statements:

     'I am thankful for _____.'
  'Today I accomplished______.'

24. Remember that you are too blessed to be stressed.

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2:35:03 PM EDT
Feeling Cheerful

So, how have you all been, I guess busy like the rest of us eh?......... This summer has been so busy and has gone so fast.  At least I have been healthy....yeah!!  The weather here in Michigan has been ever changing as usual, everyone's sinus's are going crazy, alot of allergen's in the air.  I wake up every morning with a sinus headache and swollen eyes, can't wait for that to stop.  First, it's warm, then cold at night, up and down, up and down, and my head feel's like a balloon. Oh well, it could be worse, don't you tell that to yourself all the time, I do.

I made myself a black and white beaded bracelet and thought I would share it with you.

Wishing you lots of fun and happiness, 

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5:16:09 PM EDT
Feeling Cheerful

 What's up everyone, the summer is going fast.  It's been so hot here 80-90's and for mid michigan that's pretty darn good.  I had another injection in my back and this one hurt so bad, I think it cured me of EVER .....getting another one.  Geesh, what's a girl gotta do to WALK these days.  Any hoo, I made it through it, now because of the steroids all I want to do is eat, and I'm irritable as you know what.  I think I'll probably end up getting surgery, because the steroids alter me as a person and ....they make my blood sugar go up, yesterday it was 390, that's way the frick too high, it's always a fight, living life.  Wow, that rhymed.

  I'm also babysitting my 3 grandson's, lordy that can be work sometimes, takes alot of my energy.  My dtr doesn't understand why I can't just jump to the task and deal with it.  Well somedays, I can and some days I JUST can't.  She's the one who chose to have 3, I can honestly say, I don't know how anyone has alot of kids and takes care of their every need and maintains sanity.  I guess I just wasn't built that way, I do admire those who can.  They are obviously gifted.  I am just chillin today, gonna watch some old movies and veg out, I'll wait to go to the "Mummy" movie with my hubby next week, I wish they had the same girl in it, I like Maria Bello, but Rachel Weiss fit the part so well and complimented Brenden Frasier so well.

Well, off to the movies for me, have a great week and stay healthy and safe.  Oh I will also post some beads I made finally. Deb

 you can see them better on my site

www.deborahhavilandbeadfulthings.com

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2:31:26 PM EDT
Feeling Cheerful

Hey everyone, yeah I know its been awhile.  Since summer I have been outside so much, but the good news is I am healthy, happy and doing well.  It feels great to be healthy again, wow I had my doubts there for awhile, just one thing after another.  But I have been dieting, exercising and am seeing the results, which I guess is why I feel better.  The problem with me is.....its so hard to keep it up, the eating right, the exercising and all that.  Lord, why can't the bad foods we all like be the things were suppose to eat?  Gonna ask him that when I get up there. Lol.

Isn't this the way sometimes, I don't weigh myself, so I can't get discouraged, but I can now fit into my size 12's again, was even able to wear my medium white pants for work, so that makes me happy. 

How is everyone out there??? I haven't too much from anyone this summer, but my buddy MaryJo in Blogger land, hope all of you are doing well and are healthy, happy and enjoying your summer.  I even got on the torch last week and this week as well, so my creative juices are flowing and I'll post what I've done when I get them cleaned, and photographed.

Gonna sign off, take care all of you and God Bless  Deb   (I could upload any more pics, don't know why, so just a plain sign off.

 

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2:35:43 AM EDT
Feeling Cheerful

Hey everyone, what's going on?????  I've finally got myself together again, I made it through the last weekend working only 8 hr shifts, but I made it and I didn't fall apart when I got home like last time.  I don't know what's going on with this blog, but I didn't get notified when some of you posted comments, and when I try to click on them to read, it won't open, Oh PooH!!!

Gonna work 12 hr shifts this weekend, pray they don't try to kill me with a million patients.  Alot of people worked for me while I was off sick, I really appreciate it, I'm trying to figure out what to do to let them know I really appreciated it.  Maybe I'll bake something, or bring in a pot luck.  Hmmmm.......... I'll think on that.

My hubby got me out walking two nights in a row, with a rousting good game of badmitton afterwards, we play it hard like tennis, he won, I was winded, so I want to look svelte like this girl, instead I am out of shape and look like this......

But, since both of us is trying, it might be okay. I'm sitting here eating broccoli and cauliflower for a snack, see.....I'm taking it serious.

Here's a piece of jewelry I promised to show ya.

I have also decided to try and organize and clean my bead room, a major undertaking I can tell you.  You know how artists can be..........and my ROOM is definately that.  I think it will take me days, I go in there and look around and get discouraged and then just sit down and make something, instead of clean up.  Oh well, what can I say, at least my house is clean, and I can shut the door to my bead room, darling hubby put a new door up just for me, hmmmm you don't suppose he had an alterior motive do you?

Hugs to All, Just Lil Ol Me...Deb

http://www.deborahhavilandbeadfulthings.com

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12:26:50 AM EDT
Feeling Bored

 Well, its been forever since I wrote in here, about a month in a half, I've beenIt first started with apiration pneumonia, man I felt like death, it makes you so weak. Then when I finally called to say I was coming back to work, I got pancreatitis and ended up in the ER all day and night, getting pain meds and puking my guts out. I have had a crappy couple of years for sickness, so I can say......I am sick of being sick!!!!!

I worked yesterday for 8 hrs, when I got home I felt like a MAC truck ran me over, I hurt everywhere, I was sick to my stomach, I took insulin, then when I tried to eat dinner, I was sick and couldn't eat, then in the middle of the night I had an insulin reaction, because I took insulin , then wasn't able to eat but only two bites. When the alarm went off to work 8 hrs today instead of 12, I felt awful, but since being off for so many weeks, our money is getting very tight, so I tried to go in and work, I got there at 6:45am and lasted until 8:40am, I felt like I was going to fall over, so weak, sick to my stomach again.  It makes you feel so bad, because everyone at work is covering for you and you know your disappointing them and I feel like I am letting my hubby down as I can't work.  I sure hope I can do it next week, work I mean, I was really looking forward to seeing all my patients again, and they made me feel very missed, that was nice, one of them even teared up and told me not to get sick again.  They're so sweet.

Then I found out one of the new nurses who was just hired to our unit, has already tried to get my weekend staffing job, she said......"well...she's been off enough, I want her job", well I can tell ya that was a slap in the face, I was shocked, dismayed and generally wanted to smack her, I mean gee's talk about cut throat.  I for one, am seeing the forest for the tree's and I think she is going to NOT be an asset to our dept.

Well enough of the bad stuff, let's talk of something positive, my daughter graduated from x-ray school, 2 yr program, 3 if you count the pre-req's, she 4.0 everything and has a weekend job, she is praying for a full timejob opening. With gas being 3.80-4.00 a gallon, life is expensive, as she is finding out.

Older dtr is still going thru with the divorce, then she said she wanted to get a dog, she is so delusional sometimes, she will be alone now with 3 kids, a cat, how is she gonna walk a golden retriever, I told her she better now, which probably means she'll go out and get one, maybe I should have told her to GET one, and then she won't.  Crazy!!! Why didn't our children come with manuals.

I will write more, and post some jewelry, take care

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6:00:21 PM EDT
Feeling Happy

Hey everybody, I was sent something today that I liked, apparently its National Sister day, if you don't have a sister, then the one's you love like a sister counts.  I hope you enjoy it.

Words of wisdom to my dearest of dearest...........

Life is too short to wake up with regrets.
So love the people who treat you right.
Love the ones who don't just because you can.
Believe everything happens for a reason.
If you get a second chance, grab it with both hands.
If it changes your life, let it.
Kiss slowly.
Forgive quickly.
God never said life would be easy. He just promised it would be worth it.

Today is sister's day, send this to all your sisters. If you get back 7,
you are loved.
Happy Sister's Day!

I LOVE YA SISTA'!!! :-)

Girlfriend and Sister's Week
I am only as strong as the coffee I drink, the hairspray I use and the
friends I have
To the cool women that have touched my life. Here's to you!

National Girlfriends Day
What would most of us do without our sisters, confidants and shopping,
lunching, and traveling girls? ?Let's celebrate each other for each other's
sake!
TO MY GIRLFRIENDS!

If you get this twice you know you have more than one girlfriend. Be Happy!
PLEASE PASS THIS ON TO ALL OF YOUR GIRLFRIENDS AND RETURN IT TO THE FRIEND
WHO SENT IT TO YOU!

It is good be a woman!

Told you it was good. My hubby bought me a new outdoor swing, and he's putting it together for me today, I can't wait, I love to swing in it, and my little dogs love to too, as I think I've told you before.

Sun shining here, but chilly still, but on the bright side, it's probably snowing somewhere, so I won't dwell on it.

Take care and enjoy your day.  Love and Hugs,

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1:46:50 PM EDT
Feeling Happy

                            Sorry, I haven't written in a while, I have been outside in  the sunshine, soaking it up, as it hasn't been out in forever here in michigan.  It got alittle cooler here yesterday and today, but at least there isn't flooding like in maryland.  I have been working outside with landscaping and working muscles I haven't used in awhile and now I'm a bit sore and stiff, oh well, it's good for you right?

The pic above is so cute, not my doxie, but I thought it was so cute, I love weiner's, actually I love all animals, except the reptile variety.  Hence me having 4 little dogs, and a cat.  All I had was two dogs of my own, and my daughter's cat ending up attaching herself to me, so I inherited her, and then my daughter couldn't deal with potty training, so I ended up with "Happy" the Chi Jack, and then my younger dtr in college full time, working full time, I ended up bringing up her white yorkie poo....Sebastian.  So I now have a managere of little babies.

I have a staff meeting tonight........do I want to go to it?............................NO, we are going to talk about how we can sell ourselves to the public.  What I mean by that is, they now have scripted things we have to say to our patients, dang...........when did we become robots?  I am kind and compassionate to my patients, I try to make them feel better, I joke to make them laugh, I offer to give coffee, food, warm blankets, all for the comfort of the patient and to make them comfortable while they are with us.  How do you say something scripted without sounding like a robot or absolutely rediculous for that matter.  I think they are taking things way to far.  So I just want to turn my mind off when the boss starts spewing this tripe, everyone at work feels the same, but we are supposed to look at them and agree and tell them like nice robots that we will do this, what crap. I have hugged patients, held their hand, I have cried with them, weeped over them when they have passed, I think I am doing all that I can and if I were the patient, and I have been in the last couple of years, I don't want a nurse who scripts what she is going to say to me, or sound robotic in her comments to me.  They're nuts, what is the health industry coming to, one has to wonder.

 What do you all think, would you want a nurse who comes in and starts talking to you impersonally and sounds like a recording, instead a genuine interest in you and your care??

Well, better get off my soapbox and give you my two positives for today....

1. I went to the eye doctor and my eyes haven't changed, so I didn't need laser surgery again.

2. My hubby bought me a magnolia tree(also known as a flowering tulip tree), that's romance to me, I have been wanting one so bad.  He planted it on sunday for me while I was at work, he made sure he planted it in a spot so I could see if from my swing on the deck.  Yep......I love him BIG!!!!

Well, I'll go now, see what today brings, I want to see my grandbabies sometime today, I can't go to long without missing them.

A lady who has a bead store wants me to put my beads in her store, and give some wire working classes.  I just don't know if I want to do that, she charges 25%, which I think is kind of high, and she says she can't be held responsible for any stealing etc, and she just comes off as so bossy, and walks around like she is someone important, I am so on the fence about this, then she tells me.....don't price your beads to high, so if she takes 25% and I don't price my beads high, then what I get for them won't even be wholesale and I will end up losing money, not even breaking even.  Then she says.....well you will be getting your name out there, what logic is this, I am also in business, and if you can't make money at all, then you won't be in business for very long.  I just don't think I like her much, and if she won't even be alittle responsible for my things, then why would I want to put them in there.  I think I might just do the classes, and not put my beads in there.  Just 3 more years and I can retire and have my own store and teach my own classes.  Here's one of my new pieces

Hey, have a wonderful day, Hugs and Kisses,

www.deborahhavilandbeadfulthings.com

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1:51:25 PM EDT
Feeling Surprised

I got a package in the mail yesterday, I had sold a 3pc turquoise and carved ivory goddess jewelry set from my web site.  I wrapped it thoughtfully and put it in a lacy pretty bag and had sent it to sedona arizona, only to receive it back in the mail with not a note of why, just a refund it, not as expected.  I don't understand...... I had a detailed pic as I will show you and .......I had described it, the goddess is hand carved ivory, and then the little mini goddesses are carved resin, and then genuine turquoise stones, and the clasps all sterling or 14k over sterling.   I didn't understand....and I have to say it made me feel bad, like it was trash or something.  In the 7 years I have been doing this, I have never had this happen.  Even in the late 80's and early 90's when I had a country store, I never had that happen. I suppose it was bound to sometime, I just didn't think I would feel this lousy about it.   So, I am putting it back on my web page, but I feel nervous about it, don't know why....... I just kind of feel like I got kicked in the "jejunum". (in case you don't get that....it was in the Will Farrell film about the basketball team.....he kept saying that).   So I hope all is well with all of you out there. I am going to follow a 70's bit of advice....... "Don't let the turkeys get you down".  And I think I am going to watch what I say......realizing that just a few choice words can really effect how somebody else feels about themselves or their world.I also woke up today aching in both my arms, that's weird, I never hurt there, and its gorgeous out, oh well, gonna give you my two best....

1. gorgeous day out    2.  had dinner with grandkids last night-mmmm I loved it!!

www.deborahhavilandbeadfulthings.com

Hugs to all, Debbie

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