Fury's Fiancee

Okay,  I've decided to continue with my blog.  I deleted the first one,  so it was necessary to create another.  I think I like the name of this one better.  It has a part of one of all time favorite saying I've heard,  Hellfire and Fury.....and it also has a part of Rick's screen name included. Despite the powers that be,  I am picking up where I left off.....I'm continuing on my journey and I'm not giving up! 

I've decided I have something to say.  Now, whether anyone is paying attention may be another matter all together!  LOL!  I have been thinking about this since I've gotten a few things figured out and I think this will be good for me.  By chance, if someone else in this world agrees,  well HOT DAMN!!!  By chance, if someone gains something from what I've said here,  well HELL YEAH!!!  So,  with Ameeris in mind,  I have something to say!  It may be ranting,  it may be reconciling,  hopefully it won't be boring to anyone who may stumble upon this. 

I have one true love in my life,  my fiance' Rick.  He is in the Army.  I love him more each day and miss him all the time.  He has taught me what true love is.  He reminds me every day what honor, character and duty means.  Rick found me at a time in my life when I thought these things had gone the way of the dinosaur.  Rick made me believe again in what is good, that these things are still out there in this world if you open your eyes and your heart to absorb it, to witness it.  You may think that I have put him on a pedestal and have made him out to be this knight in shining armor.  No,  he is not,  he is flawed like the rest of us, a mortal.  Rick and I have determined that we are not perfect,  but we sure are perfect for each other.  We are very aware of our lack of perfection and it's the last place I want Rick to be, on a pedestal.  I want him firmly on the ground right next to me.  I think it's only right I feel this way about him,  this is the man I want to spend the rest of my life with.  Every one should feel this way about their spouse to be.  There should be an amazement of ordinary capacity.  A realistic amazement.  It's all about his heart, his compassion, his mind and intelligence,  his sense of humor and those wonderful things so uniquely him.  He is worth the wait, the worry and everything that comes with separation.  I'm the luckiest woman on earth to know him and be able to look to a future by his side.

There have been a lot of changes in my life since meeting Rick.  I have opened my eyes to the world around me.  I have opened my eyes to myself as well.  I've learned a lot.  The part about learning about myself has not been easy.  It has been tough.  There are things that you don't want to delve into, it's like opening an old wound and scraping out the icky-ness that lies therein.  Not a pleasant thing.  I'm still learning a lot about myself.  The one thing I've learned is that I'm an emotional eater.  I get stressed I go for chocolate and pasta.  But not together.  UGGGH.  This past year I've put on 50 pounds from this insane practice that I've had for a lifetime.  Old habits die hard.  Here is the concept I've learned this last week.  When I have been upset, stressed, sad, lonely that is when the overeating begins.  Food has been my tranquilizer.  It quells the bad feelings.  Eating is a natural, good experience that all of us have.  Instead of drinking or drugs to get rid of my bad feelings, I've turned to food.  What a concept!  Food isn't illegal and it doesn't make you want to call your friends at 3 in the morning to ask "What are you doing?".  But like the alcohol and drugs, it is a vicious circle.  After you overeat,  you become depressed and the bad feelings come back.  Then you go into self loathing and hate what you see in the mirror.  Then it's time to call on Mr. Hershey's or Martha Gooch again.  Vicious, vicious circle.  I'm still reading about emotional eating.  I'm learning what triggers it and what holds it at bay.  I think this blog will be a good thing for me to do when I need a more positive alternative than eating more to take care of the stress.  I think the worst is being lonely for Rick.  It isn't a loneliness in general,  I've never had a problem with being "alone".  It's about missing Rick,  it's about wanting him to come home finally after such a long separation.  It's about wanting to start a life and future with the person who makes you feel whole and complete. 

I'm an opinionated person.  Yeah, I said it.  I also believe that I'm stubborn as hell.  Stubborn and opinionated,  whew! what a combination.  Yes, it gets me into trouble.  Which may very well be why I possibly have a special group of readers that I call the "Peanut Gallery"....howdy folks!  I would never want to be inconsiderate and forget to say hello. 

I believe....that true friendship continues to grow even over long distances.  Same goes for true love....

Never give up, Never give in, Never let go!

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