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Sunday, May 25, 2008
8:15:00 PM EDT
Hearing White Wedding ~ Billy Idol

Terms of Deniability(or I swear I didn't bring the beer)


I visited a couple of residents at the facility where my Father used to reside. Residents who never seem to have visitors (I brought Samuel Adams Summer Ale & pie. Was that wrong?). I was invited to a relative's home for a BBQ(Happy Birthday Jonathan) & also to a boat party(Dallas, we are in our 40s now. Vodka & pot are no longer considered holiday food), but this seemed more right. Ever since Dad died one month ago (& the anniversary of Mom's death was the 21st), I can't envision myself getting back on the public journal entry conveyor belt. I forced that last entry out to show, well, something that didn't involve death. I'm focusing much more on reading the blogs of
others(like this one > Chippertue's World), hoping to offer some of the support I got in spades with Dad.
 
I have been writing some observations in my handwritten journal, & thought I'd share them here, since I'm at a loss to come up with an entry topic.
 
I've had lots of significant opportunities for gratitude in my life, but fighting off the shrieking hyena women at the food store right before a holiday weekend is not one of them. Unless a person regularly gets satisfaction out of outrage, I do not understand food store anger.
 
I don't mind expression of intuitive insights, if you actually have any.  Hillary Clinton needs to stop talking.right.now.
 
I was speaking with the parents of a young girl with Goldenhar Syndrome recently(Facio Auriculo Vertebral Syndrome) & the folks at the next table  were bemoaning (gulping down sniffles) their canceled holiday plans due to high gas prices. Oh, boo hoo.
 
Your behavior toward your parents is a strong barometer of the kind of person you are, not of the kind of people you think they are.
 
I'd love a companion with whom I can safely share joys & frustrations, but, realistically, I bar interpersonal commitment beyond a certain point.  This is why Dede gave me an impulsive, improbable kitten.
 
 
90% of relationship catastrophes would slowly work themselves out if the partner most often swollen with gouty pride would shut up.
 
Roughly 7 million years ago there was a split in human/chimp lineages.  I wish I'd gone the other way. Maybe with just one pair of Christian Louboutin shoes & a few bottles of French perfume.
 
Sanctimonious condemnation nearly always comes with bad hair. Please don't feel the need to protect me from my personal freedoms; I'll be just fine left to my own devices, really.  These are the same people who say children die to become God's Angels. If I had an ill child, I'd rather be under constant mortar attack than hear that just once.
 
The drama of disclosure is often ruined by the fact that everyone knew you were like that 12 years before you admitted it.
 
The enormity of the role my Father played in my life, tragic & triumphant.  It has trivialized everything else for the time being. Yes, I'm conflicted, but then the tendency to engage in conflict is innate, especially for Italians .
 


Written by frankandmary Blog about this entry
This entry has 62 comments: (Add your own)
  • #62 Comment from helmswondermom 
    6/4/08 9:35 PM | Permalink
    I'm so glad you went to visit some residents who don't get visitors often.  And why am I so not surprised that you did that?  I enjoyed the observations that you shared with us and would like to comment on two of them.  I have always been appalled when someone asserts that a death is God's will or that a child (or anyone) has died to become an angel.  I don't see how that is supposed to comfort someone suffering a loss.  And "the drama of disclosure is often ruined by the fact that everyone knew you were like that 12 years before you admitted it."  is SO, SO true!!! I love that statement!  Isn't it amazing that no matter how self-aware we really are, we still don't know ourselves like some others do?

    Lori
    http://journals.aol.com/helmswondermom/DustyPages/
  • #61 Comment from suzypwr 
    6/3/08 10:35 AM | Permalink
    Lotsa good thoughts!

    xoxo
  • #60 Comment from rbrown6172 
    6/1/08 7:11 PM | Permalink
    i hope you don't leave us.  i enjoy your journal and would really miss you.
    gina
  • #59 Comment from lurkynat 
    6/1/08 4:54 PM | Permalink
    I meant interpersonal
  • #58 Comment from lurkynat 
    6/1/08 4:53 PM | Permalink
    inerpersonal
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