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Monday, July 21, 2008
Kittens in the Mist
Tibetan Chants
Yo, it's fiery, irascible Briege. I've really been trying to tone it down. The kitten's still alive, but no promises.
So you all know, there is only one reason postmodern hippie-chick cats like me don't walk upright. It's a slippery slope to full-time employment. JUST FEED ME; I'm not getting a 9-5.
I'm writing this entry to stick up for Mary(it is also a small attempt at humor. mostly to humor me. be kind, i write on an AOL journal, not for a sitcom). She's been having an email exchange with a person who was offended that Mary left a comment saying Mountain Gorillas are basically humans who opted out on credit cards, mall trips for fulfillment & playing Guitar Hero .
Sure, the poachers, the energetic, blustery, rucksack grad students, & binoculared researchers are an ass pain for the Gorillas, but it beats sitting around in your undershorts sucking back beer (paid for with a credit card) watching COPS & American Idol while you whine about not getting ahead (try Uganda if you don't like it here, but bring malaria pills, bribe money & expect the govt to steal, I mean expropriate, your Land Rover; you'll need one, btw. Save up).
It was not Mary's intention to offend the lady, a nice lady, who feels Gorillas are beneath humans. I have to go with Mary on this one. The DNA of a MountainGorilla is closer to man than it is to an Orangutan. But the Gorilla prefers the dense bush to Denny's &
would rather sunbathe, forage, nap & get *aided than stock sippy cups at Kids R Us for $9 an hour. Also, addictions are kept to a minimum in their world; ever seen a Gorilla that looked like Keith Richards? NO.
Here is Briege's simplified, everyman(sort of a Dr K J Stewart-Harcourt anecdotal approach rather than statistical quantifications ) version of how it might have worked:
It's all about the hip sockets, dude. The whole walking upright thing freed the hands up for complicated tool making, doing sudoku puzzles, spending 8 hours a day attached to a Wii & running the cash register at Taco Bell. The brain stretched to meet these new demands (not all that far considering how many people pair capri pants with crocs & socks) & tada! your alarm is now set for 6:15 am & you owe 17 grand for toys, dinners out, clothes & Dr Phil books.
Progress is a *itch.
On last good census, there were less than 900 Mountain Gorillas. They HATE living in zoos, & that in no way keeps them from extinction since it contributes to genetic drift. Just sayin'.
~~~~~~~
Couple of folks this morning emailing that there are 600 or 700 Mountain Gorillas. It may be the lesser number, but any recent research/census I've read about varied between 750 & just under 900.
frankandmary at 7:57:06 PM EDT
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Sunday, June 22, 2008
In Absentia of Mary's Lap(guess who's there?)
Audio Book~ Sayings: The Wisdom of Zen
It's been a hard few weeks. Thank God my conscience acts as a restraint, or the fur ball would not still be among us. I am not going to use this space to state my case against having a kitten friend since I'd done this with Mary ad nauseam. It all boils down to subjective judgments(& she's wrong).
Anyway, I have a pronounced predilection for GIFTS !
Kathy & Lori sent me gifts. *Snoopy Dance* I'd love to link you to their journals, but they got tired of BS, stupidity, drama & riff raff, so they went private. Your loss.
Gifts glorious Gifts.
Lori, yours came first & I have been compulsively batting & biting feathers for 2 days. Thank You.
Kathy, the mailman knocked on the door with yours yesterday & I thought: Oh, what the Fu, heck does he want? Now I am totally free of acrimony & rancor, munching high quality chicken cat treats, & taunting Pema with all my booty. Munch, Thank You.
Crusader for the commonweal that I am, I will allow Pema to play with one toy. But NO & I mean no, packages are to be addressed to her. She's small. She might get hurt. Err, again, thank you.
Sincerely(munch),
Briege
frankandmary at 11:53:11 AM EDT
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Sunday, June 8, 2008
Kitten Lessons
Franco Corelli
Briege has been sick(I took her to the vet right away. She is on meds.), & last night she was up softly, pitifully, mawing into my neck. Not to diminish my parents pain at all, but this did bring up such memories of them & the caregiving I was lucky enough to participate in.
They needed me, & catch as catch can(I was very young with Mom), I did the best I could, but never felt it was enough. In the middle of the night, I realized it was enough. It was just enough. If I love you I give 120% of me, but never felt before, well, never felt at peace with it. Not totally. Last night I did. I held her & comforted her, she would cry then lick my hand, then maw. I realized my parents taught me well how to do this.
Neither one of us slept(She little cat naps, if you will excuse the pun), but she is sleeping peacefully right now, for which I am grateful. And my parents are peaceful, for which I am overwhelmingly grateful. I did enough. I did my best, & somehow a little 4 pound kitten, crying & sleeping on & off on my lap showed me that.
frankandmary at 11:19:36 AM EDT
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Wednesday, May 21, 2008
I love anything that says Meme twice, cause it's all about...
First Stage Practice with Shugen Sensei
It is really a shame I am so freakin' interesting because Marie(sometimes she has pictures of chicken dinners in her blog. i love her) did a 13 Un-Interesting Things About Me Meme & it looked like fun. I very much want to show Mary I can have fun on my own, since she's been muttering about getting me a kitten friend.
My feelings on this: HELL NO. She took me to the SPCA to look & I thought she was leaving me there. I started promising to be good. I am so glad it wasn't that since I can't be good.
13 Un-interesting things about Briege:
1) I'm a reassurance blamer. IT MUST BE YOU who made the mistake, killed the bird or peed on the ex bfs laptop. I am perfect.
2) I'm pseudo unselfish. Here, let me lick you. Now get me some F'n chicken.
3) I'm into wanton usurping of authority. Too many examples to name, just trust me.
4) I have a tendency toward histrionic behavior that comes out full throttle if you try to touch me. Socialization is for the weak.
5) I'm a power hungry oppressor, when life allows. I'm only 4 pounds so my nonnegotiable demands are sometimes ignored. Very frustrating.
6) I don't dwell on the truth, even when caught with a blouse in my claws.
7) I believe catastrophes abound because I do not rule the world.
8) I am a politician. I respond disproportionately to the needs & wants of those who can best finance my chicken.
9) I'm quiet & deferential (I threw that in to see if you're still reading).
10) I have many elements of compatibility with Mary. Her waking at 6 am every day is not one of them. Yawn.
11) I've been called pretentious, grandiose & highfalutin. Yes?
12) I purge myself of bitterness by ruining throw pillows.
13) I get to eat roasted chicken while laying on Mary's kitchen table. I am sure this is partly due to her rebellion against domesticity. I really hope she doesn't get a new boyfriend.
frankandmary at 9:21:37 AM EDT
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Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Hungers Appeasable
First of All I want to thank Kathy for sending a St Patrick's Day card that mentioned ME.
Mary is Italian people. What are you sending her cards for? I live here too, Briege McIntyre. Irish,yes?
Mary & the salty(I bite him a lot. He tastes like he has Cystic Fibrosis, just sayin') Irish guy went out last night & didn't take me.
Briege McIntyre sat alone on St Patty's Day. <snnnnnifffffllle>
When they came home he fed me chicken. I ate it & then bit him. I am publicly admitting I bit him because he told Mary I lack personal responsibility. Dude, I'm a kitten. I have inherited opposing tendencies or I just really like chicken. Your call.
frankandmary at 3:10:23 PM EDT
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Thursday, March 6, 2008
I love gifts, wait, this isn't about me. DAMN.
Don & Henry talking
As a stunning, selfish kitten, I don't really like to give gifts, I am more about the receiving. Mary likes to give gifts, so I will play along for her sake. I got this off of a private journal & she won't let you in, cause they are talking about YOU in there right now.
PAY IT FORWARD
Here are the rules:
1.~Leave a comment on my blog that says you want to play. First three folks to comment will get a gift from Me. (Let me know how I can contact you, an e-mail with your address will work.)
2.~Do the same thing on your blog. The first three folks who leave a comment and commit to doing this on their blog, too, will get a surprise from YOU at a surprise time in the next 365 days!
Anyway, I have to go now because Don is here & if I let up torturing him for more than 10 minutes he gets all sweet with me & thinks we are friends. Can't have that.
frankandmary at 9:33:04 PM EST
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Saturday, February 23, 2008
Folks have been asking for me; I'm touched.
Mario Lanza
Yo, it's Briege. I decided to do Barry's Meme mostly because he's one of those crazed postal workers ;-) & I don't want to piss him off.
Who am I? When I daydream I'm Cleopatra, but I'm really a spoiled kitten whose challenges to authority have diminished since I've come to realize I get everything I want anyway.
Who knows me best? Not sure. I try very hard to remain an enigma. You get more chicken that way.
How old am I? I'm a baby kitten. Is that too young to be philosophically opposed to monogamous relationships?
The most important thing in my life is CHICKEN.
I always carry my condescending airs & often a water bottle cap. There are currently 468 stored behind the stove & couch.
Something I always do? Pretend to be licking my paw instead of tearing at the wallpaper when Mary comes into the room.
I am happiest when I'm left alone with a big chicken.
On Monday morning you can find me starting a fresh new week by trying to summon the strength & emotional maturity to halt a couple of my self absorbed urges. Doesn't work. By noon I'm singing I've just gotta be me & tearing wallpaper again.
My favorite mode of transport? Can you ride a chicken?
My eyes are tranquil green(very deceiving).
My favourite material possession is the Trust Fund I've convinced Mary to start for me. It is just in the planning stages right now, but I am nonetheless very excited.
To relax I like to eat some chicken, lick my entire body 3 times, & then fall asleep on a heat vent.
The town I live in is: I haven't been out much lately, but according to Mary, it's filled with big white vans going 80 miles an hour driven by men who are either serial killers or out to run over kittens who like to dash out the front door every time it is opened. She loves me so much that she is wary beyond vigilance; I can deal.
My worst habit has yet to be formed. I'm a freakin' dream pet.
My guilty pleasure: Send $19.95 & a self addressed, stamped manila envelope for photos.
When I look at someone the first thing I see is whether or not they are holding chicken.
I think I am beautiful.
One thing I can live without is visiting strangers. Eh, unless they have chicken.
One thing people don't know about me: I mock hapless good natured dogs from the safety of my windowsill.
My life is sweet.
frankandmary at 11:09:11 AM EST
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Tuesday, January 8, 2008
Briege does not need medical attention, but Don might.
Tool
I know how wrong it is to find this so funny.
Oh well.
Don's been in NJ for a few days. He's trying to bond with Briege. So far this has resulted in his feeding her lots of chicken & her ruining the leather band on his watch & scratching up almost biblical designs on his briefcase.
She just ran into my desk & hit her head. She lay motionless(read: bluffing) under the desk for a few minutes. Don, ever the dad, thinking she had passed out(uhm, no) stuck his hand under there & she bit the s*it out of him.
Bad Kitty.
frankandmary at 7:49:45 PM EST
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Friday, January 4, 2008
Nothing gets done around here unless I make a list.
Chicklet on the phone complaining about sloppy brothers
95% of the living experience here for a kitten is quite good, I must admit. Nevertheless, some resolutions must be exacted. I will need Mary's help with these; I am extremely busy ruining her house, I cannot do everything.
1) Chicken is available 75% of the time. HOWEVER, Briege does not always have access to said chicken. Either Mary needs to resolve to open the fridge door every hour, or I need one of those easy touch doors. Home Depot has them. They are currently in stock.
2) The man with the water bottle has a few articles of clothing left here. Someone needs to resolve to mail these to him or she needs to donate them to the garbage pail. I am tired of living with the constant fear he will be back.
3) Mary needs to go on a diet. This will hopefully stop the Chinese food influx. Last night I could smell an Aunt or Uncle.
4) No drinking after 6pm for Mary. Getting up at 3am to pee does not work for me. I lay on TOP of her. Guess what happens when she gets up?
5) Mary is currently paying $500 a month to heat the house because I need a wide open window at all four corners. I like to know what is going on. She needs to resolve to work harder rather than mumble about heating costs. I am not giving my viewpoints up.
6) All phone calls must be limited to 5 minutes. After 5 minutes I have an uncontrollable urge to be be held, pet & comforted. I cannot wait 6 minutes.
7) I like to step all over the keyboard while Mary is on the computer, this often shuts the computer down. Someone needs to resolve to spend less time on the computer so this will happen less often.
8) I bit someone's eye lid. He'd only been here twice & he leaned over me, all Hello Kitty. Mary has to resolve not to invite morons over.
I think that covers it, Peace.
frankandmary at 7:33:39 PM EST
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Tuesday, January 1, 2008
Happy Birthday Carrot
Heart to Heart~ Betty Buckley
Mary & I didn't really celebrate the New Year last night, but you can bet for damn sure I got my chicken. She is still in a funky mood, but I lick her tears(which are much less frequent) & that seems to help. Over the last couple of days, I've developed a bloat from the sodium content. It's the TEARS, don't believe her if she says it's CHICKEN. I ate the chicken sparingly. The things a kitten will do for love.
Mary's friend, Cathy,~Cathy's Thoughts~ is having a Birthday today. Her journal is private but she's really cool & will let you in if you email her @ carrotlife@aol.com.(maybe)
Mary whines to her instead of me at times. I am very grateful for this, since chicken is not digested as well with all the moaning. Thanks, Cath.
Happy 32nd (sorta) Birthday, Cathy.
frankandmary at 11:13:58 AM EST
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