9:20:44 PM CST
Sad News
Well yesterday my mom called me and said that the doctor said my grandma was dying- and that's how she told me, kind of pissed me off. She has had cancer on and off for years but always went back into remmission. I guess it is spreading and she is getting weaker. They don't know how long she has left, weeks, months... I just can't believe itespecially since we just lost Grandpa. We think that she has been pretty sick for a while, but she just had to keep going and be strong to take care of grandpa and now she doesn't have to do that.
It is just so unfair, I don't know what to do, I want to quit my job and move in with her and care for her but that really isn't an option unless Mike found a job. We have always been so close and now I don't even know what to say to her. I just feel so depressed. i want her to marry me and Mike and now I don't know if she'll be here. I want Rowan to grow up knowing her. She is staying at my aunt's for a few days so I think we will go spend next weekend with her, I tried calling her today but no one answered, I just don't know what to say. I don't want to cry and upset her.
I went out last night and drank way to much, but Mike let me take a long nap today so that was nice. Rowan slept till 8:30am!! I've been nursing him at night and then Mike puts him to sleep and puts him in the crib and he is doing great I usually put him in my bed when he wakes up, but I should just nurse him and put him back in the crib but I am usually too lazy.
I am thinking of writing grandma a letter I know that I'll cry the whole time I'm writing it and she'll cry the whole time she reads it but I think it will make me feel better
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9:47:41 PM CST
Ok the picture thing isn't working and won't let me fix them, I guess I'll try later.
Tonight I fit into a pair of 15/16 capri's and they fit great!! I am so excited.
I have so much I need to and want to do and so little time, I need to find a dress and plan everything else for the wedding, look for a house to move, excercise (I am paying for the gym and not going enough) we also need to seriously clean our house and get rid of LOTS of junk. I am also SO behind at work and am not getting ahead cause I have been so short staffed and things just keep coming up.
I need to upload all of our pics to walmart cause we haven't developed any forever- and that takes forever! I wish we were rich and I could quit my job and get everything done now. and I want to learn to sew and am not getting very far with that. I would also like to work on getting Rowan to sleep batter but that might be a lost cause.
My mom started an ebay store to try and make some extra money, she makes some cute stuff- bracelets, candles, little boxes http://stores.ebay.com/The-Polka-Dot-Cottage if anyone is interested- if anyone reads this :)
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7:54:53 AM CST
Feeling Happy
I keep forgetting that I even have this journal, well I obviously haven't posted what I eat here, but I have lost 11lbs since Januarya dn am at 191. I joined the gym but need to go more often- there is no time!!
Rowan is doing great (except with sleep!) he has 2 teeth now crawls like crazy and pulls himself up on EVERYTHING!! He can not ever be still. He is always so happy. He is eating some food now but still loves to nurse.
We are getting married on July 1st. At first I just wasn't that excited about it but now I am really getting into it. It will be a very informal/casual wedding. And hopefully very cheap!! We are doing it all at Mike's parent's house- they have BEautiful flower gardens out there. We need to try and get Rowan to be able to sleep in the crib some cause hoepefully that night we will stay at the hotel and Rowan will stay with my mom at our house.
Mike got into grad school so we will be moving this summer we want to see about buying a house so I'm excited about that!! I'll get to quit my job!! Yeah!! but I'm nervous about being a SAH mom, hopefully it'll be ok. I'll probably just work part time around Mike's classes. We will only be about an hour away and I have an aunt and cousins nearby so if we ever needed a babysitter we might have some options.
On February 5th my Grandpa passed away, I have always been very close to him and grandma so it's beem kind of hard. I am really glad that he got to know Rowan and I have a good pic of the two of them. I am upset that he didn't get to marry us (he's a minister) cause that is what I always wanted, but I will be able to have Grandma (she is too). We've been going every other weekend and staying with grandma she loves seeing Rowan and it really cheers her up. She is also glad that we are not moving further away.
I'll add new pics later.
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10:30:44 PM CST
Feeling Happy
The New Year
Well we all had a great Christmas. Rowan got a bunch of toys and some clothes and I finally got him a high chair. Mike FINALLY gave me my engagement ring- he made it. I LOVE it I should take some pics of it. We are probably going to get married next fall, unless it'll be better financially for us to do it before he goes back to school, but we'll see.
Rowan is going to be 6 months soon and starting solids in a few weeks, It's gone so quick I can't believe how quick he is growing up already. He is rolling like crazy and he'll go around in circles although not forward or back yet. He is starting to get up on his knees. He is usually so happy all the time.
Michelle and I took the kids to the mall and out to eat about an hour away the other day. Rowan was very good. At the mall we went back to the bathroom and saw the family bathroom area and just went there there was a room with a couch and chairs (very nice furniture) and then two separate bathrooms and another door to a nursing room- I was kind of surprised I've never been anywhere with one. Someone was in there and I just sat on the couch and nursed Rowan. We looked in there after the woman came out and all they had was a hard rocking chair and a changing table- the couch was much better than that. Oh well I guess some people want privacy?? Still nice that they had one.
I have decided to start dieting and Mike is doing it with me- we both need to take off our pregnancy weight. I am going to try and start journalling about it so I can hold myself more accountable. I have already lost 9lbs since December 6th cause I had the flu and then just started watching what I eat better. I did weight watchers a few years ago so I might use that stuff, but I don't know if I have the time to be that strict with myself. I'll see how I do in the next few weeks. I am 202lbs right now. I think I was 175 when I got pregnant, I would like to get down to 140-150. Maybe when I lose a little more I'll post a fat pic of myself :) and a skinny one.
Today I did good ate 3 meals and 1 snack drank a bunch of water and watched my portion sizes(my big problem). I also packed my lunch for tommorrow so hopefully I won't be snacking at work.
Maybe I'll just post everything I eat, that might help me more
Breakfast: Oatmeal w/ strawberry jam (out of brown sugar, but not bad)
Lunch: Spaghetti
Dinner: 2 small Quesadilla's w/ sour cream, big salad with carrots and light dressing, slice of orange.
Snack: 5 small slices of cheese and 5 Triscuits
I didn't keep track of my water but know that it was a lot. I have one og those huge cups- 64oz- that I take to work with me cause I won't drink this town's tap water.
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10:31:50 PM CST
Feeling Happy
Hearing Mike cooking
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!
Well I can not believe it is already Christmas. Rowan is just growing so much every day. I found out my neighbor is still breastfeeding so I was excited about that, she brought over her baby girl the other day she is so cute!! and has tons of hair!! Today she brought Rowan a present- they are so nice.
Today we went to my mom's. First we went to the nursing home and opened presents with grandpa, then to mom's. It was nice and Rowan got some really nice clothes and toys that he loved. Of course he had to "taste" everything first. My dad and grandma were supposed to come but of course didn't show up and now he wants to come down and take us out to dinner. My mom is working different hours so she won't be able to come and I am not very excited. But I know he'll give us money and I really want to get Rowan a high chair cause next month we are going to start solids.
I've decided to try and stick to eatin g better. I've already lost 8lbs, which started when I had the flu, so hoepfully I can stick with it. Maybe I'll turn this into my diet journal. I gave Mike his present tonight- I can never wait- a bunch of kitchen stuff- gadgets, knives, cheesecake pan... which of course he loved. I don't think I'm getting my sewing machine yet- since Walmart closed earlier than we thought, and Mike waits till the last minute. Oh well, maybe I'll get my ring.
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9:01:07 PM CST
Feeling Happy
5 months
Rowan is 5 months tommorrow- god where has the time gone. He doesn't see the dr till 6 months so I don't know his weight though. Only one more month and he gets to try food- how exciting!!
We still haven't got the car seat in yet- they cancelled the appt casue it was snowing a lot and they won't do another till January. I can't believe Christmas is so close, I am not buying that much for anyone and Rowan's not getting a lot either. It's not like he'll even care. We did get him some fun toys he'll like and there is one more I want to get him. I hope that our parents get him some clothes cause his are all shrinking- fast!! We took Rowan in the snow and he seemed to like it but probably just cause it was so bright
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