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in perpetual motion...

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a little bit of this and that, dealing with twins, cancer and moving with the military. Archives | Subscribe to Alerts Alerts Subscribe to Alerts | Feeds
   
Tuesday, August 26, 2008

every woman for herself!

I just had to call to schedule my mammogram.  It's been 3 weeks since my gyn appointment and have been patiently waiting for the mammogram dept. to call.  Gee.  If you don't look out for yourself, no one else is going to do it!

Go schedule yourself a squish if you are overdue!

BTW, the scheduler asked me, "so did you actually have breast cancer" - I knew she had pulled up my records on her computer.  For some reason, that just ticked me off.

Why am I in such an angry mood today??  I'm not liking myself too much.



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PSA concerning dogs

First, I love dogs.  I've had a few in my lifetime, just not one at the moment.

The PSA is, if your dog goes running up to a stranger, if they are a friendly dog - call that out to the stranger "he's really friendly, he won't bite"; if he's not a friendly dog then bow and scrape and apologize profusely to the person.  You owe them at least that much.

Yesterday I was walking to the school to pick up my boys.  Same route as I always take.  Just a few yards down the street two HUGE (at least 150 lbs apiece) black lab mixes charge me barking ferociously.  I stop, because you don't want to infuriate a dog any further, and try to use a friendly voice, but these beasts were jumping and barking and surrounding me.  Not in a friendly way.  I had a large water bottle in one had and held one dog at bay with it, but the other literally put his mouth on my arm.  I felt his teeth and his wet lips on me.  I could tell that he was going to bite, but gave it a second thought and didn't.  I just knew I was going to lose my arm in a painful way.  Luckily labs are soft mouthed dogs, had it had a terrier mouth I would've been toast.  Where was the owner? - right there in his yard watching the whole thing.  He yelled once for the dogs - they didn't come immediately.  Then when they ran back to him, he hollered out a measely "sorry" and scurried off.  I yelled out that his dog bit me.  He was gone.

Hello?  To the owner:  I see you and your wife walk those two beasts every day.  I always smile, say hello and wave, even though you don't back.  You have to muzzle those beasts for your walks, and it's really not a walk, it's you being pulled down the road.  Those dogs each weigh more than you and are certainly stronger than you and your old, frail self.  The number to animal control is going onto my phone.  There will be no next time.  Had I had my boys with me - I shudder to think of how many years of therapy they would need.  *I* even cried afterwards.  I'm not crying any more.  I'm angry.  It doesn't matter that the dogs didn't hurt me.  They intimidated me and scared me.  Dogs are animals.  I believe that any person is capable of any thing, so what do you think I think about animals?

Rant over.

So, today, I went for my usual walk.  The couple was out with their dogs as usual.  They were sitting on a bus bench, I'm sure for a breather from being pulled by their dogs.  At that same time, a runner (the guy at Fleet Feet who sells me shoes) passes by.  I give him a big smile, Hi and wave - as usual, and give the couple the cold shoulder as I pass by.  Didn't even look at them.

Of course, being who I am, I feel bad about it.  Not very forgiving or Christ-like of me.  *sigh*  Maybe now that is out of my system I'll get over it and not hold a grudge.  Of course, I'll have to pray about it to get over my fear.  Because you know how it is, the story gets bigger and bigger - like a fish story.  Next thing you know I'll be saying the dogs ripped my arm to tatters and only the best plastic surgeon on the planet was able to put it back together.  LOL!  But it's challenging to even want to behave beyond my natural self.  God is so good.  It'll be interesting to see how this develops...



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Monday, August 25, 2008

doctor appointment

Went to the plastic surgeon today.  My scar has healed enough for us to proceed to the next step.  He was measuring and stuff, and does acknowledge that the recon side is "that much lower" (showing me with his fingers), but I told him I'm ready to move forward.  So the nurse will call and schedule a date for the "cherry on top" to get made.  After that heals, it's on to the tattoo. 

While I was there he injected the other side, where I had the lift, because my scar was hypertrophic and it had been a year.  He said it would take a couple of injections, with 6 weeks in between.  I'm so ready for all this to be over.  It's been two years.

Meanwhile, I'm still waiting for a call to schedule my mammogram.  I'm going to have to call them, it seems.

I dropped a can of corn on my foot yesterday.  Left a nasty, painful bruise and a little lump.  Not broken.  But it hurts! 

Gary is going to Vegas tonight.  One of his fantasy football leagues is meeting to do the draft.  Why Vegas?  Yuck.  They should've chosen hawaii!



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Friday, August 15, 2008

racewalking on the olympics

I'm watching it right now.  It's very exciting.  It hurts my knees to watch them, because I've tried to walk like that, and it ain't fun or easy.  I really need to get professional instruction before I make any real effort to do it or I'll hurt myself.  I debate it.  Because I don't know if I want to go that fast.  Seriously.  I chose walking because it's doable.  This looks like too much work.  But it's still exciting.  It's laughable to hear the commentators talk about them "walking".  This is clearly not the average "walk".  They walk faster than a lot of people run.  I would like to kick up my speed though...

Speaking of walking, I've got to go to bed so I can get up early and do a long walk in the morning.  It will NOT be 20k.  Just 8 or 9 miles.  Depending on my cough and ability to get some sleep tonight.



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Thursday, August 14, 2008

cholesterol results

Blissful


drumroll please...

for the first time in my 43 years of life, my cholesterol is

NORMAL!!

here are the stats:

total: 195

HDL: 54

LDL: 124

Triglycerides: 83

plus all my other bloodwork is normal except my white cells elevated, but I've got a bad cold I've been fighting for 9 days.  I'm at the hacking cough stage.  Nyquil has been my nighttime friend.

To recap, last year stats were:

total: 224

hdl: 41

ldl: 156

triglycerides: normal (unspecifide)

I am so beyond thrilled, to say the least.  The WW Core plan is exactly how I need to eat.  I've never been a person who could get away with anything, and so it goes with my body.  Why should I expect anything different?  So, if I have to eat very strictly healthy foods only, then that's what I shall do.  I've been really happy on Core, with only little splurges here and there.  I have not been hungry - maybe I'll crave, especially depending on hormonal fluctuations - and I like the freedom to eat to satisfaction without having to measure every single morsel of food that goes in my mouth.  So now I'm going to have to become a full-fledged food snob.  :-)

So how is this affecting the family?  Gary is losing weight.  I don't know why.  I make them biscuits and french fries and stuff, they've only gotten a few new foods like barley and bulgur.  Whatever.  That's the way it is with men.  Jake - well the other day I made a chicken and barley casserole that has chopped up carrot (and this time I snuck in chopped up broccoli that no one noticed) and he mixed his corn in with it while he ate.  Think about it.  That's kinda unusual behavior for kids.  It was awesome!! Gotta love this kid.  Ryan - different story.  He complained the other night that we've been eating too many bird foods (heaven forbid we have chicken twice a week!).  So tonight I made ham.  "Awwwww, why do you keep making stuff like this?"  me- "what? it's ham, not bird! what do you want?" him "I want things like pizza!".  Ahhhh.  I see.  Not enough "fun food".  (never mind we had pizza twice last week)  p.s. he loved the ham -  tastes like bacon he said.  :-D

EDITED TO ADD:  I've lost 11 pounds so far since I've started WW in June.  Woo-hoo!



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Monday, August 4, 2008

this and that

I had my "well woman" visit today.  He put in referrals for a cholesterol test and mammogram.  I'm looking forward to the results of the cholesterol test.  The man hesitated when I told him that I wanted the results, good or bad.  He said he doesn't usually call if they are good.  Well, I want to know!  I need numbers.  (I'm eating as healthy as I can in a sustainable manner - if I can't control it now eating like this, I'll never be able to) He did acquiesce, but I did not like the hesitation.  He also hesitated when I asked him to check my back for moles.  In fact, he just checked the one I was concerned about - but here's the thing, I can't SEE my back, so how do I know if there is any other area of concern??  He's not my PCM.  Next time I'll hold out for her.  She wouldn't hesitate.  Oh, he also accused me of not taking my bp meds.  My bp was high, but he didn't bother to retest.  The computer did not have one of my meds listed, so he accused me of letting it lapse.  I set him straight, but he still gave me 'tude and believed the computer and not me.  I'm honest to a fault, so this was distressing to me.

Gary submitted his resume' today.  Fingers crossed!

I've got the start of a sore throat.  I started the Zicam tonight.  I hope it's not too late.

Oh, one good thing about the doc, he said that my recon was good.  He couldn't even tell.  I'm assuming that since he came in the room already knowing about my bc, you can't help but look at someone's boobs when you are armed with that information.  So whether he was looking or not, nothing stood out as noticable to him.  And that's what I want.

The nurse who was chaperoning noted that I had keloid scars where my good side was lifted.  Yes, I knew that, but it was good to hear it from someone who knows.  She gets them herself and she's black.  Darker skinned folks are more prone to keloids.  I knew it was either hypertrophic or keloid, but it was good to hear it confirmed by someone else.  The doc (plastic surgeon) has been brushing it off.  Maybe he's just been putting it off.  Anyway, I'm going to bring it up again.  I've got an appointment for the end of the month.  I think my recon scar has faded enough for us to begin work on the final touches.  The cherry on top, so to speak.  :-)

Big announcement:

I'm not ready for adolescence.  Or the pre-teen years/mouth.  One of my friend's is on the mainland for a week.  We had agreed that I'd walk her kids to school and then meet them at the playground afterwards and they hang with me until their 12 year old brother gets home and then he watches them until the dad gets home.  (he's coming home early)  The two I'm watching are 7 and 10.  They are super independent kids.  Allowed lots of freedoms.  Lots.  The first day I let them talk me into walking them home right after school.  I had gotten the gist from the parents that they were okay for about an hour and it would be about 10 minutes til brother was due home.  Anyway, the next day I was asked to keep them with me for a bit longer before taking them home.  Okay, no problem, message received and relayed to kids.  They left the playground without me!!  I searched for 45 minutes before finding them at some neighbors house.  Oh my word!!  They were not paying attention when I told them 3 times where I was sitting.  They didn't see me and just went home, but home was locked.  When I found them the 10yo was like "where were you" with that tone you should not use with an adult.  It was argumentative.  As in, he was already forming his defense.  Then the attitude I got later trying to get them to go to my house, since they were locked out of their house.    Oh, I could go on.  I know it doesn't sound bad here, you had to be there.  Today went more smooth, but when I asked 10yo whether he heard from his mom, he was all eye rolling and mouthy "yeah, she calls like twice a day, all the time, sometimes three times a day" (which I think is sweet) so I said "awww, she misses you" (no positive response, negative grumbling and eye rolling) and I said", it's like she didn't even leave" and he jumped all over that "yeah! it's just like she didn't even leave".  I wanted to smack him.  His mom is so cute and sweet.

Makes me love my own kids all the more.

10 years old is not that far away.  They had better not get that attitude in just 1+ years.

I told myself all weekend that my friend is counting on me to make sure her kids are safe.  That's what she's depending on, and that's what I would want in her place.  Plus I really don't wish harm on them.  I have to grow a backbone and stand firm when I need to.  (I do not have a backbone with other people's kids)  I also read an article in the Sunday paper that was about the struggles of the middle school years, and that helped to have an insight into the insanity that kids go through at this age.  10 years old isn't quite middle school, but close, and the 12 year old has the 'tude too.

Anyway, that's not even addressing that I think 12 is too young to look after younger brothers...



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Wednesday, July 30, 2008

atlanta

I know I said I was going to talk about the water park, but I'm too lazy to scan the photos that they took of us as we came hurtling out of the water slide.  I'll get it done though.

It's just that I saw a little preview of the newest Housewives show on Bravo.  It's Housewives of Atlanta (something like that).  Let me say, those people are living large.  Unimaginable wealth.  Conspicuous consumption.  I don't know, it just seemed even more than the Orange County or NYC housewives.  Some of them are/were professional athletes.  So, you can imagine the bucks involved.  It will be interesting because all but one of the women are black.  At first I wasn't sure why they picked the white chick, but then I saw why when I saw how she bought an Escalade after a short phone call to her sugar daddy bigbucks.  That she's DATING.  So beyond anything I could imagine.  So it'll be interesting to watch.  Not that i want to live like that.

The whole Atlanta thing sparked my interest because my sights are set on Atlanta at the moment.  Gary came home telling me about a job opening there.  Civilian job.  It's at a base that's on the BRAC list, so it's slated to move to Ft. Eustis in 2011.  Does Ft. Eustis sound familiar to you?  Well, that's where we were living before we moved here!  We moved there at the start of this journal.  Gary told me about the job and I immediately got online and began to look at houses FOR SALE!  This is a huge deal for me since we've never owned a home.  The next day Gary popped my bubble, I think he got cold feet.  He told me he was just thinking about applying for the job.  Here I am ready to sign up for the Disney marathon!  I've got our lives planned out already!  Um, do you know how many houses are for sale in the Atlanta area??  It's unreal.  Overwhelming.  And with a BRAC move coming up, it'd be impossible to sell, and then the houses would be jacked up in the Eustis area with all the new people moving in.  anyway...that's just being negative... LOL!

On related news, Gary told me today that the assignment officer for O5's is someone we know well.  So if he gets passed over again and we decide to stay in, we may get a shot at actually choosing our next assignment.  Yeah, we can dream.

I talked to my mom today.  She's been really missing us.  She misses all her grandchildren.  I know a lot has to do with the fact that they just moved back to Alabama, and us kids are so scattered.  She was just begging us today to apply for Huntsville.  Um, you don't apply for jobs, and there has to be something open.  I kinda thought they might be happy about the Atlanta thing.  That's not too far from either Alabama or NC.  No.  She told me her dream was for us or my brother to buy the big house (they bought the little MIL cottage on the property and the Big House is still for sale) and all of us to live next to each other.  Yep.  She can dream.  Ain't happening.  My brother has declared he didn't ever want to live there again.  He's one of those that once broken free of the small town he doesn't want to go back.  Me, I'm homesick for it.  I would LOVE to live in the big house.  Tear down that 5 car garage and put in a ginormous pool.  I'm a southern belle at heart.  I want to live in The Big House.

It's late.  I need to hit the sheets.  School starts early tomorrow.  Oh, yeah.  School started today.  It was a short day, but the boys enjoyed it fine.  Ryan came home with a fever.  He still had it at bedtime, so he'll probably stay home tomorrow.  We'll see how he feels.  Stink way to start school.



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Thursday, July 24, 2008

pictures in Maui

We took a 3night/4day trip to Maui this past weekend.  I'm not going to bother posting pictures of the scenery, because frankly, I didn't take a whole lot of those kinds of pictures.  Some, but not really a lot.  This is my 3rd trip to Maui.  But I do want to post a few family pictures I took there.

Okay, picture loading problems, so I'll have to summarize here while you browse through the album above.

First, Jake and Ryan at the summit of Haleakala.  It's the dormant volcano in Maui.  The elevation is 10,000 ft., so it was quite cold, rainy and windy.  It was around 43degrees, so that long sleeved t-shirt and thin jacket and shorts just didn't cut it.  (at least we weren't wearing slippahs like some other tourists there!)  there was no view that day.

The next picture is me and Gary and my dumb hat.

Next, it's a horrible picture, but I had to include it so I could deconstruct it.  I'm feeling that the dumb hat would have served me well to cover up the out of control, curly, wild, gray hair and the large Henderson forehead.  Notice the belly bulging on one side.  I always saw this on myself, but never realized that it was visible to others until I saw this picture.  I'm horrified.  Here's the explanation of what is going on here:  From various surgeries, I have a large scar going from my bellly button down.  I've always had a bit of a "butt belly" where it goes in at the scar and bulges out on either side - like a butt.  (doesn't that sound pretty?)  The last surgery was for my c-section and after then is when I started noticing that one side bulged more than the other.  Now I know it's not just in my mind.  Oh, I'm holding up the peace sign because that is a Peace Pole I'm standing next to. (and that's my Honolulu Marathon finisher shirt I'm wearing <wink>)

The next picture is a nice one of the family.  We are at an overlook somewhere on the infamous "road to Hana".  This may be our Christmas photo this year.

The last photo our waiter took for us.  We were at a little organic pizza joint in a hippy town (at the beginning of the road to Hana) named Paia.  It had a fabulous homemade wood fire oven where they cooked the pizzas.  The restaurant is called Flatbread Pizza and I highly recommend it.  So let me tell you about our experiences in this town.  When we embarked on our road to Hana trip, I had some food leftover from the Haleakala trip the prior day that I had packed for my lunch, so the guys needed to pick up sandwiches for their picnic lunch.  We stopped at what I thought was a small grocery store - called Mana foods (IIRC).  It was a natural foods grocery store!!  LOL!  It was so funny seeing the expression on their faces.  Like ducks out of water.  I directed them to the deli counter and pointed out that they could make them turkey or roast beef sandwiches that didn't have sprouts bursting out of the sides.  LOL!  And guess what?  They even have chips!  So they were set with minimal fatalities.  The next day, our last day in Maui, our plane didn't leave until 2:45, so we had time for lunch.  I had read about the pizza place, and they agreed to go there.  Hey, it's pizza, how strange could it be?  When the waiter started talking about the organic and healthy ingredients they use, I was a little nervous.  Not for me, but for them.  We found a cheese pizza and a pepperoni pizza.  The pepperoni was, naturally, nitrite (nitrate?) free.  Whew.  They survived.  The salad was delicious, even if it was topped with some sort of seaweed stuffs.

Well, it's getting late.  My next entry will be about our water park adventure.  We still have our sunburns from that.



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Monday, July 7, 2008

he's gonna give me a heart attack one day... plus diet stuff

my husband, that is.  It happens every single night.  You'd think I'd remember and be prepared for it.  I'll be at the pc, doing Lord knows what.  I waste so much time on here, usually looking at recipes or reading the latest cat-fight on whatever group du-jour.  I'll also have the t.v. on.  And he sneaks up on me.  Okay, he says he isn't sneaking.  His version: he's a 200+ pound man in a white t-shirt (not in camoflage) making kissy noises.  My version: he's creeping up behind me and all I hear is strange noises and see shadowy movements in my periphery.  It always scares me!  Okay, fine.  He does it every night to say goodnight to me.  So I shouldn't be so high-strung...  (and he shouldn't have that mel gibson crop circle movie on either)

But he creeps up on me at other times too.  He's very stealthy for a big guy.  The only time he doesn't startle me is when he's rubbing his feet on the carpet in order to shock me.  LOL! 

I've been MIA for a while.  It's because I'm on weight watchers (have I mentioned this yet??) and I'm doing the core plan, which has a little bit of a learning curve.  The rules are easy enough, but I need to learn a new way of cooking.  It takes a bit of time to plan meals and journal all you are eating and hunt and peck through other blogs trying to find recipes that I and the family will like.  I've enjoyed almost everything I've made.  I'm digging barley and bulgur, but the recipes out there are so limited.  People seem to think that tabbouleh is the ultimate bulgur recipe and that's about the limit of what I can find.  Well, I'm not wild about it.  I think the bulgur is too light and fluffy for it.  Like it's going to blow away in the trade winds.  (needs a good gravy to weigh it down - LOL!)  I know, that's a lame reason, but I definitely have my ideas of what is right and wrong food-wise, despite what the experts say.

Okay, what is my honest opinion of Core?  Well, I'm very proud of what I"m eating.  I feel like it's very healthy.  No sugars or breads etc.  I'm looking forward to my next cholesterol check.  It's a little bit (a lot) challenging to eat in a public venue.  This is definitely a fix-it-yourself lifestyle.  But I"m doing all right.  The first week cravings have dissipated drastically - but they are still there, just waiting to pounce.  Some old habits still nag at me.  I had gotten into the bad habit of buying a York Peppermint Patty at the checkout counter a little too often as a treat.  Before bed snack, either a little peanut butter or a little bag of fruit chews.  Very hard habit to resist.  I still "need" to snack a lot, but now I choose fruit or I get in my milk.  My bones thank me.

One of the big tenants is to eat to satisfaction.  Meaning, you have to be aware enough to know when you are satisfied but not stuffed.  I'm so used to stuffing myself, that I haven't quite figured out how I'm supposed to feel.  I've also learned that my satiety meter is slow.  I'll sit there after a meal wanting something to top it off.  Not that I'm necessarily hungry.  Logically, I realize I just ate a wonderful meal and ate plenty.  But I don't have that "done" feeling, and my mind is prowling like a tiger.  If I manage to get distracted and stop thinking about whatever I'm plotting, the satisfaction feeling eventually comes.  I'd say it takes 45 minutes to an hour.  That's too late, IMO.

Okay, as far as weight loss.  I'm not so sure about it.  I lost a whopping 4 pounds the first week.  That's huge for me.  The next week I lost 3!  Incredible.  The 3rd week I gained 6/10 pound (I had to weigh like 20 times to get the scale to settle on a number - I choose whatever weight that shows up 3 times).  You can imagine what a downer that was.  I tried to tell myself it was due to bloating.  I weighed myself all week and my weight was creeping up.  I came so close to throwing in the towel so many times.  So my weigh-in today was a bit better. I lost 4/10 pound.  But I don't totally trust it.  See, because I weighed a couple pounds higher throughout Sunday (I know,stop weighing myself!!) and went walking sunday night and sweated like a pig.  So in the back of my mind I'm saying it's water weight I lost.

Gosh, I hope no one is reading this because it is truly a stupid self dialogue here, but it's what I'm thinking.  No one said it had to make sense or even be sensible.

I know all the platitudes - you've started adding a weight routine, maybe it's muscle mass.  (yeah, right, those 5 pounders are really packing on the muscle)  Or, you should judge by how your clothes feel, not the numbers on the scale.  (well, my clothes fit just the same, thank you very much)  I have real doubts here.  But I HAVE to be doing better for my cholesterol.  I'm holding out for that number.  If my cholesterol goes down significantly, then I'll stick to it no matter what the scale says.

Augh!!!!  There.  I'll say it again.  I hate that I can't just treat food as fuel.  How on earth did my mind get messed up without me even being aware of it????  Who knew???  I always thought of myself as a well grounded, solid person.  Yet I can obsess about dumb stuff as well as the rest of 'em.  ('em would be nut jobs)

It's late.  I need my sleep.  THAT"S why I'm not losing!!  I need 8 hours.  Ha!  6 to 7 hours is more like it.  Actually, that's a good thought.  If I go to bed earlier, I won't be tempted by a bedtime sneak-snack and I'll be getting all my sleep.  Yep.  I'm gonna try it.  It'll have to start tomorrow because it's almost 11 now.  The boys are up at 6 despite our efforts to get them to sleep in during the summer...Obviously, we'll not have transition problems when school starts back...



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Monday, June 16, 2008

exposing the ugly, naked truth...

Oh, not me.  My pantry.  I don't think you can grasp the extreme nature of how much it was stuffed and disorganized.  I came home from the grocery store and Gary told me there wasn't room for everything.  Today I decided to tackle it.  As you can see, I already cleared off half a shelf before I thought to take a picture. 

I threw away a big trash bagful of old stale chips and cereals.  This is a closer picture of the two bottom shelves.  Note the bottom shelf is for the boys foods.  Their snacks and poptarts.  Dem ain't mine!!

Frankly, I'm embarrassed at the excess.  For cryin' out loud!  I've been to a third world country!  I KNOW how privileged we are here in the U.S.  And somehow I'm hording a grocery store in my house.  Here's the after  photo:

Disregard the pantry floor.  It harbors our recycling (that and the bag full of empty pepsi cans on the doorknob), plus larger items that don't fit on the shelves.  What did I uncover?  3, yes, count them, THREE unopened bottles of  KC Masterpiece BBQ sauce.  And TWO unopened bags of popcorn.  And two fairly new, opened boxes of graham crackers.  And two boxes of lasagna noodles.  I make lasagna every other year or so.  Weird.  yes, I do have a lot of beans and tomatoes, but I eat those every day.

Note the nice new rice cooker (that I now have a spot for on the top shelf).  I bought it today and used it today.  I bought it as a reward.  I've been on Weight Watchers core plan for a week and lost 4.4 pounds!!

I'm not sure about the arrangement of everything though.  I swapped the shelves I put the canned goods and the boxed goods on.  But I don't like the tiered thing I have the cans on.  In theory, it's great, but the depth of the tiers is too shallow.  I can just imagine cans falling on the top of my head.  (excuse the extreme grammar errors)  I'm organizationally challenged.  So I think I did okay.



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