To Kevin... With Love...Mom

Hi You!

I know it's been awhile since I've written to you.  But here I am now.

The family Thanksgiving took place at your sister's home and went fairly well.  I say fairly well because your 12 year old niece, Chelsea, fell apart and that of course got me going.  There's always going to be the one who's missing - for Chelsea and I - it will always be you.  Your sister Suzanne took her outside and calmed her down by speaking of you and sharing thoughts about you.  When she returned she was fine and we went on with our dinner...  which by the way was excellent.

We (Chelsea and I) lit a memorial candle in rememberance of our loved ones who are no longer here physically but remain with us spiritually.  Before we left for home, Chelsea said prayers and blew out the candle.  Lighting the candle was a physical sign that helped ease the absence of you...

I felt your presence with us... just differently.  I know you're always around.  I can feel your energy.  It's an inside job.  It happens from within... I can deal with that.  It's better than nothing at all. 

Dear Kevin,
This is for you...with great love.


May the winds of love blow softly
And whisper so you'll hear,
We will always love and miss you
And wish that you were here...author unknown


AND GOD SAID

I said, "God, I hurt."

And God said, "I know."

I said, "God I cry a lot."

And God said, "That's why I gave you tears."

And I said, "God, I am so depressed."

And God said, "That's why I gave you sunshine."

I said, "God, life is so hard."

And God said, "That's why I gave you loved ones."

I said, "God my loved one died."

And God said, "So did mine."

I said, "God, it's such a loss."

And God said, "I watched mine nailed to a cross."

I said, "But God, you're loved one lives."

And God said, "So does yours."

I said, "God,where are they now?"

And God said, "Mine is on the right, and yours is on the light."

I said, "God it hurts."

And God said, "I know."
Author Unknown

God Bless You and Keep You.

I ask the Father to heed the prayers in my heart that go out to you and for you, and to all in need,  Lord, hear my prayers...

I love you, Kevin, more than life itself.  You are a BIG MISS!...
mom

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Hi everyone...

I am taking this and incorporating it into my beta journal.  I find it's too hard to keep up two journals.  This here one started as my grief journal to my son and I will continue it on the beta journal...Thanx to all who have helped me thru this first year of my grief you will always live in my heart.  If you come here, I will leave the link to my other journal...just click on...

http://beta.journals.aol.com/gbgoglo/ToKevinWithLoveMomPart2

Love you all!

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#19.  I like the longer days of summer with its balmy summer nights...a hint of night blooming jasmine travels thru the night air, filling the senses with a sweetness so divine...my soul becomes intoxicated with its fragrance.  My favorite time is early morning...watching the sun rise, awaiting its first "good morning"  welcoming the new day.  This is my time....my time for communing with nature and taking my stroll in the cool  and very quiet part of the day before the rest of the world wakes up.  Everything is so fresh and smells of flowers and wet grass and the damp earth.  It's time for backyard barbcues and swimming parties and picnics at the beach.  Children not normally seen or heard, are having fun in the pool, splashing and jumping in and out, dodging the voice screaming out..."Marco...Polo"...not wanting to be tagged, trying not to be "it."  Everywhere you look, the young and the old are dressed in their best sunburns and suntans...their hard bodies trim and firm, looking like Greek gods and godesses, strutting their stuff like peacocks.

#20.  I love Fall...  Autumn and its leaves...a spectacular kaleidoscope of color.  The trees are dressed in their very best...busting with vibrant colors in yellows, oranges, reds, greens...it's a beautiful time of the year!  As a child, I used to collect the different types of leaves for various school projects and crafts.  I remember the leaves being raked up and piled against the curb for controlled burning...but first, we were allowed to jump on top of the piles...one last bit of pleasure before burning.  Soon, the leaves will disappear and nature and all its creatures will settle in for a long winters'    sleep.  

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Thank you all who stop by and visit...I greatly appreciate all your comments...I look forward to them all.  Much love and BIG HUGS to all!!!

#17.  I am a hopeless romantic.  I love candles and soft lights; moonlight and soft instrumental music; and pillows...lots and lots of soft, fluffy pillows...the kind you sink into.  During the spring and summer months I love to surround my home with fresh flowers.  Pillows are usually in floral prints mixed with some solids...mostly greens, blues, touches of yellow and coral.  Summer months, I like plain white or linen colors mixed with a touch of floral prints (usually pillows)...giving the rooms a light, airy and cool feel to it.  For fall and winter, I like a mixture of solids and prints using earth tones for a warm and cozy feel...and candles all over the place.

#18.  I like all the seasons...like people...each season has its purpose for being.  I love Spring because it represents rebirth...new life, new beginnings and warmer and brighter days ahead...after the long winter coldness.  I love Spring showers that water the earth anticipating its new growth...flowers, leaves, foilage, wildflowers and wildgrass.  I love the sounds of the birds singing, heralding their new arrivals and announcing, "Spring has sprung"...look ahead for that first robin.

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#15.  I love stones...all kinds, all sizes.  From pebbles to river rocks to gemstones.  Stones are very pretty and very soothing to hold.  I love the way hanging crystals, with the help of the sun, cast bright rainbows against my kitchen walls.  I keep different bowls filled with a variety of stones in each room of my home...I love the energies that radiate from them.  My whole yard is surrounded by them... I have them in the yard, on the porch, in my plant and flower beds.  On my walks,  I always find a stone or rock that catches my attention, and ends up coming home with me.  I place them on my front porch.  Now, my neighbors leave their calling cards  by adding their finds to my pile...their way of letting  me know they care and that they're thinking of me.
 

.#16  I love flowers...my favorites are lilacs, lilly of the valley, violets and daffodils...in that order.  I love the fragrance of the lilacs...a heavenly scent to be sure.  I love all kinds of indoor and outdoor plants.  I don't like anything with thorns no matter how beautiful they are.  They remind me of the crown of thorns that Jesus was crowned with just before his crucifixion...thorns hurt in more ways than one.

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#11.  I love the smell of burning incense.  I like to burn it when I am meditating...it helps me relax and clears my mind.

#12.  I love Nature...in all its beauty and glory.

#13.  I love trees and still like to hug them or sit up against them or lay under them...  probably a carryover from my childhood days when I used to climb and sit perched atop their strong limbs,  protected from whatever evils I needed protecting from. Great hiding places especially when they were fully covered with leaves.    Sometimes I would tell them my secrets; other times I would release my tears to them; still other times I just lay against them listening to the sounds of Nature, cradled in their strong embrace.   I never fell...not once.  I always felt safe.

#14.  I love all flowing waters...babbling brooks, lakes, rivers, oceans, and pools of all kinds.  I enjoy being in the water.  I  love the way it sparkles under the sun's light, casting white shadows and rainbow lights.  On a very hot day, the water is so refreshing, cooling and relaxing.  It was made for playing as long as you respect her conditions.  Water aerobics are my favorite form of exercise...it's the only exercise I can do without stressing or hurting myself.  I love the lightness of me in the water.

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#7.  I married my childhood friend.  I was 12 and he was 13 when we met.  He lived across town.  I use to see him every week when I went across town to my dance classes.  We became friends.  When I was 16, I moved across town and ended up finishing my Senior year at the same school he attended.  We started dating.  The summer right after graduation, we became engaged.  We were married the following year, June 20, 1959...yep, a June bride.  I was 18 and he was 19...and no, I wasn't pregnant!   I was too dumb and too afraid of doing the "wild thing"...I heard about it in the girls' bathroom and it didn't sound like anything I wanted to experience just yet; besides, my strict upbringing at home and at church put the fear of God and my Grandmother in me...No, thank you...I passed.  We were married for 25 years...divorcing in October, 1984.  The fruits of that marriage produced one stillbirth and four children.  My older son, Michael, is 42;  my oldest daughter, Marisa, is 39;  my youngest daughter, Suzanne, is 34;  and last but not least is my youngest son, Kevin, who is 31 forever.  This year, August 18, would be his 33rd birthday.  I also have a grandaughter, Chelsea, who is 11 going on 16...She is my gift from God for having survived motherhood.  I have two grandsons by marriage...Mike, 22; and Brandon, 13.  And 27 other children that I helped raise.  My kids were real good about bringing home stray animals and stray kids...we opened home and hearts and took them all in until such time they could go out on their own or until the problems with their parents were resolved...whichever came first.

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