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A BELATED BIRTHDAY REMEMBRANCE...
9/1/05
Saturday, September 3, 2005
2:54:00 AM EDT
People in mourning have to come to grips with death before they can live again. Mourning can go on for years and years. It doesn't end after a year; that's a false fantasy. It usually ends when people realize that they can live again. That they can concentrate their energies or their lives as a whole and not on their hurt, and guilt, and pain.
~Elisabeth Kubler Ross
Dear Kevin,
Because I was taking a break, I missed writing you on your birthday. That's not to say I forgot your birthday because you know I didn't... I just didn't share it in my journal. I will now...
August 18, 1971
On this morning, thirty-four years ago, I still held you in my body. My world was full of possibilities and endless dreams. I loved you even then, before I knew how dear you would become to this mother's heart.
I close my eyes and I remember the love in your eyes and in your smile... the warmth of your cheek... the strength and gentleness of your hugs... the sound of your voice, your laughter... the scowl on your face and that thing you did with your eyebrow... and I try to hold on.
There was a time when thoughts of death would send me into a panic attack. I was terrified of dying. I am calmer about it now. Taking care of the terminally ill and you, has broken death's hold on me. I don't know if I'll ever be that afraid ever again. I watched you go away with death and I know you're okay. And when my time comes to go away with death... I know I'll be okay, too.
If I thought for one moment I'd never see you again, I would give up my life and give up the fight and leave this earth right here and now. But in the mystery of your death, I was forced to see GOD'S promise that - we will be together again.
In remembering this secret anniversary of the heart, I celebrate you... I celebrate life.... thoughtfully, silently,and spiritually.
I love you, Kevin, more than life itself.
Mom
Prayers to the survivors of Katrina; to Joshua; and to all in need. God bless the countries that are sending their help - monetary or otherwise - to the states and the survivors devastated by Katrina. God bless the United States for their help and aid to the Katrina survivors. And prayers to the families of loved ones who can't be found.
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2:54:00 AM EDT
A BELATED BIRTHDAY REMEMBRANCE...
People in mourning have to come to grips with death before they can live again. Mourning can go on for years and years. It doesn't end after a year; that's a false fantasy. It usually ends when people realize that they can live again. That they can concentrate their energies or their lives as a whole and not on their hurt, and guilt, and pain.
~Elisabeth Kubler Ross
Dear Kevin,
Because I was taking a break, I missed writing you on your birthday. That's not to say I forgot your birthday because you know I didn't... I just didn't share it in my journal. I will now...
August 18, 1971
On this morning, thirty-four years ago, I still held you in my body. My world was full of possibilities and endless dreams. I loved you even then, before I knew how dear you would become to this mother's heart.
I close my eyes and I remember the love in your eyes and in your smile... the warmth of your cheek... the strength and gentleness of your hugs... the sound of your voice, your laughter... the scowl on your face and that thing you did with your eyebrow... and I try to hold on.
There was a time when thoughts of death would send me into a panic attack. I was terrified of dying. I am calmer about it now. Taking care of the terminally ill and you, has broken death's hold on me. I don't know if I'll ever be that afraid ever again. I watched you go away with death and I know you're okay. And when my time comes to go away with death... I know I'll be okay, too.
If I thought for one moment I'd never see you again, I would give up my life and give up the fight and leave this earth right here and now. But in the mystery of your death, I was forced to see GOD'S promise that - we will be together again.
In remembering this secret anniversary of the heart, I celebrate you... I celebrate life.... thoughtfully, silently,and spiritually.
I love you, Kevin, more than life itself.
Mom
Prayers to the survivors of Katrina; to Joshua; and to all in need. God bless the countries that are sending their help - monetary or otherwise - to the states and the survivors devastated by Katrina. God bless the United States for their help and aid to the Katrina survivors. And prayers to the families of loved ones who can't be found.
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This entry has 7 comments: (Add your own)
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The secret anniversaries are the hardest....the most challenging.
The days when you want to scream:
Don't you people see what is wrong here?????
xxoo -
I am so glad I found your journal. There is nothing as sacred as a mother's love. I love my 4 grown children more than life itself, so I can relate with you on that. I cannot, however, relate to what it would be like to lose a child. I can only imagine, and my heart breaks in doing so.
Thank you for sharing, and I am putting you on my alerts.
God Bless You always
Jackie
http://journals.aol.com/siennastarr/Waitingtoexhale/ -
I'm with Derek....bless you too Gloria.
10/1/05 1:30 PM
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