To Kevin With Love...Mom Part 2: The Painful Grace of Flight...

Dear Kevin,

I find myself constantly looking back and thinking back to my past.  A place where you and I once existed. I often wonder if God is okay with me visiting the past so frequently...  I would suspect so otherwise He wouldn't have allowed me the memory of it.

I look back and see where God was so significant in my life - and yours.  I look at my days then, compared to now.  Those days were filled with miracles and blessings galore.  I would not have survived those days without God as my anchor and my guide... my very all.  This was an unforgettable time in the history of my life... one that will never be erased or forgotten from my mind, from my heart, from my soul.  So, what good does it do me to go back?  Of what value is this to me now?

Returning to the familiar of my past, shows me the way in my present.  I recognize God's faithfulness.  I recognize HIS hand in all that was.  If HE was able to bring me through and out of that past, then HE can show me the way to my destiny whatever that may be.  These moments of reflection on my past give me renewed strength and courage to go onward and forward.  If God was with me in the past, then HE is the same God who is with me in my present...

God's purpose for me is not to go back and recreate a past that no longer pertains to me - hold on to it for dear life or get stuck in it.  This is neither healthy nor productive.  Besides, I can't go back... life moves forward not backwards... as does God's purpose for me.  What once was, is no longer there... you, Kevin, are not there.  You have moved on and so must I.

I will visit the past from time to time to honor a time where God, you, and I came together for a meaningful while.  I will use that time to renew my love for HIM... in my present.  I dare not linger in the past as my yesterdays are much different than the demands of my todays... life waits for no one and this world of mine is ever changing.

Here's to you and my destiny... until we meet again.

I love you SOOOOOOO much, Kevin... more than life itself.
See you in my dreams.

mom

This is the last entry I will be posting in this journal.  I will continue my letters to Kevin in the following journal:

http://journals.aol.com/gbgoglo/ToKevinWithLoveMomPart3WeepNotFo/

I will retire this journal and move on to, I hope, a well-lived present.  Thank you all for your support and your kind and caring comments.  I especially thank you for the love you've shown towards myself, Kevin, and my family.  You're the best!  Look forward to seeing you in Part 3 of my journal... May God bless you all...

From my heart to yours with great love and appreciation,

gloria and Kevin   

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• #10 Comment from deabvt 
  4/13/06 7:24 PM | Permalink

  Gloria!  Miss You!
  V
• #9 Comment from deabvt 
  9/25/05 1:46 PM | Permalink

  Hugs and Prayers.
  V
• #8 Comment from zosche973 
  9/23/05 10:56 AM | Permalink

  This is sooo touching.....and your giving ME an idea.....maybe if I wrote an open letter to my son Chris...I'll feel better about not saying 'this & that' before that horriable morning I found him on the floor. And I bookmarked the journal you'll but posting these special letters/entry's. ~Diane~
• #7 Comment from keepthefaith4117 
  9/23/05 10:01 AM | Permalink

  Thank you Gloria,
  I have learned to love your son Kevin and shared your love and memories of him.
  I have seen you grow in faith,love and have been uplifted from your courage and
  love for others as you helped so many by sharing your wondeful but heart breaking journal. God bless you and many prayers as you move on.
  Much Love
  Mickie
  
• #6 Comment from karensull12 
  9/22/05 7:30 PM | Permalink

  Gloria this is beautiful.  You sound proud and strong and I am so happy for you.  I will no longer be writing in my journal either and want you to know that I will always remember you.  Karen