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THOUGHTS FOR THE HOLIDAYS, CONT'D.
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THOUGHTS FOR THE HOLIDAYS, CONT'D.
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THOUGHTS FOR THE HOLIDAYS, CONT'D.
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THOUGHTS FOR THE HOLIDAYS...
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LIGHTING CANDLES IN DECEMBER...
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Tuesday, December 19, 2006
2:08:00 AM EST

THOUGHTS FOR THE HOLIDAYS...



Kevin James Bogert
8-18-71 to 2-28-03
 
Dear Kevin,
 
For the next few days, I will be sharing some messages of grief for those who are facing the upcoming holidays without their loved ones.  I hope they are of some help to those in need. 
 
I love you, Kevin, and miss you so much!  I still have a rough time even though it will be almost four years come February 28, 2007.  It doesn't seem possible that you've been gone so long when my heart still hurts as if it was yesterday...
 
 
Gates of Prayer
Reform Judaism Prayer Book
 
In the rising of the sun and in its going down, we remember them;
In the blowing of the wind and the chill of winter, we remember them;
In the opening of the buds and in the warmth of summer, we remember them;
In the rustling of the leaves and the beauty of autumn, we remember them;
In the beginning of the year and when it ends, we remember them;
So long as we live, they too shall live, for they are now a part of us as we remember them.
 
Thoughts For The Holidays
 
The Waves of Grief
 
The ocean has its ebbings - so has grief.  (Proverb)
 
Wherever you are in your grief journey, you have probably found that grief comes in waves that seem to overcome your being.  You may have figured out that some of these waves are fairly predictable and seem to almost be on some hidden schedule, while others hit for no apparent reason without warning.  Some people say they have been overwhelmed by a sudden wave in the grocery store or some other public place.
 
Most likely, you have figured out that all of the special days in a year bring on a wave that starts about thirty days before the event and builds until the day arrives.  The anniversaries of birth, marriage, death or other significant times seem to hit with a vengeance.
 
Then the holidays happen...
 
Those times of great joy and family involvement now must be faced with fear and dread - Christmas, Hanukkah, Thanksgiving, Easter, Mother's Day, Father's Day and even Valentine's Day - all bring on a tidal wave of grief that must be faced and handled with care.
 
Why do the holidays hurt?
 
On the surface, it is hard to see how the holidays could possibly cause a problem.  They are times of great happiness and, to those that have never been through a grief, you look like someone who needs some cheering up and a break from your sadness.  To others, the holidays are family times and it always helps to be around family and friends.  That never fails to bring cheer to a lonely heart, so your family and friends will probably be convinced that the holidays are just what you need.  They may bring great pressure upon you to join in with the enthusiasm so you can get away from your grief for a time of joy.  They do not understand that the holidays themselves can create some added burdens and added sorrows.
 
After the loss of a loved one, the first time you laugh you will most likely feel a twinge of guilt.  It will not seem proper.  You may feel you are not being true to the memory of your loved one if you laugh.  You may well feel you are not honoring who they were or the seriousness of the loss.  The holidays create the same kind of guilt.  "How can I dare have fun when my loved one is gone?" may be the message of your heart. 
 

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