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I decide not to have Gary baptized Mormon... Memoirs 147
A photo showing Gary going to school when we were in Boulder, before we went to California. The photo says Raymond but it is really Gary Shurtz, not Raymond.
Since I had decided to withdraw from the Mormon church, I did not agree with the Mormon Bishop who insisted I had no right to keep Gary from becoming a member, but I pointed out that he was too young at 9 years old for it to make a difference. I thought it would be meaningless for Gary because there would be noone to take him. The Mormon Bishop who came with two counselors to try to reason with me when we were in Boulder had been bishop for many years in the Boulder ward. I didn't really explain my reasons for withdrawing from the church, because I knew he did not want to hear them. I just felt it was up to me to decide what was best for Gary when it came to membership in the church.
I just did not think that the Mormon church dealt with the most troubling problems we sisters faced in our family. None of us were really active members nor were our dad and mother. My biggest fear was that the violence between our parents would accelerate and that we, the daughters, would follow along similar paths in our marriages. The church always had to be so concerned with convincing people of the relevancy of Joseph Smith's revelations. The outside world did not understand his introducing polygamy into the church and there was always skepticism about whether the gold plates even existed except in Joseph Smith's mind. Had there really been a visit from an angel named Moroni who was honored with a gold statue atop the famous Mormon temple in Salt Lake City? If you approached these claims with logic, I thought, you were apt to become a doubter, as I was.
My sister LaRae was an even more vociferous doubter than I was. She had begun to pour over what were known as the Parker books in which many of the most fantastical claims made in the early days by the prophets had been tracked down. They had been expunged from official Mormon history so as to make converting people a little easier. I was a little bit alarmed at LaRae's indignation as she read these books. I pointed out that we daughters still had to figure out how to conduct ourselves. She did not think much of my conviction that we had to tell our husbands the whole truth. She was in the throes of withdrawal from her marriage and had developed considerable interest in a married man. I asked her if she was having an affair with this man and she said no, they were just friends. If she wasn't telling the truth then she was already doing what our mother had been doing for years. She was the one I was most worried about as I had the least influence over her. In the years Margie and I had been off to school, she had become very independent.
So I tried to reason with her that our honesty was very important even as we severed our connection to the Mormon church. She wanted her temple marriage rendered null and void. She was plannng to divorce just as I was as soon as preparations had been made. I didn't know if what I said made any impact, but my own temptation to stray had been removed by staying away until Reed left Page. The married man she liked had five children and his wife was upset with his interest in LaRae. I thought there was a hypnotic lure in these attractions. If we were not strong within ourselves in resisting, leaving the church might lead to tragedy in our lives. I thought if we continued to be honor bound to tell the truth about what we were doing, we would be safer. I didn't think that LaRae's husband was capable of extreme violence toward her, since he did not drink, but he had very strong opinions, one reason LaRae was leaving him. I was worried about her. I was worried about Linda in California who had confided in me there had been an attraction between her and one of her husband Sam's friends. He seemed to have been scared away by her breakdown, but both Linda and LaRae were very beautiful during those years. I was sure they were not done being tempted to have affairs while married.
I was afraid that just attracting other men so easily would prove to be very dangerous for these beautiful and alluring sisters. Margie always thought she had too long of a nose to cut much of a swath. My fat nose kept some men from pursuing me. I thought it and my fat ankles were fairly good protection. For example, after Reed was gone, Paul the womanizing cop, came to be somewhat of a temptation, but the gorgeous love he had left behind on his last job still occupied his thoughts. When he thought love he still thought of her, and I was very wary and determined not to suffer so terribly from my severance from Reed only to fall into his net. Paul, like I did, had a truly spectacular nose that he handled very well but which kept him from being the extremely handsome man that Reed was.
In the meantime Jerry the straight cop was going through a terrible experience. He had found out that the wife he loved and was determined to be faithful to was having an affair. In fact, she told him she had fallen in love with the man and promptly left him. He was devastated, even though his wife soon declared she had made a terrible mistake and wanted to come back to him even though she was pregnant with the other man's baby. She and Jerry had never had a child together. Jerry had let her come back, because he still loved her, he said, but it was obvious he was so disillusioned he could hardly live.
Paul's suicidal thoughts troubled me so I always talked to him, if occasion arose, but I was mighty careful to keep my passions in check. Everyone was trying to help Jerry, the good cop, survive one of the worst broken hearts I have ever witnessed. Jerry acted as though he was mighty suspicious of both Paul and me since he had learned about my activities with Reed from my brother-in-law. With everybody watching for me to behave badly, I thought I would be able to get through my last year in Page without committing any major sin.
Margie was quite a flirt, too, but so far she had been able to hold herelf in check, even though she, too, said she was not happy in her marriage and thought she had better plan for a divorce. She had already caught her husband stepping out on her just as she was about to deliver her first child, Camille. And did not trust him a bit. Oh, we were a very high risk taking bunch of young women with a mother who had already moved on from her affair with the young hitchhiker to other attractions. She started talking about the new tenant who had rented one of the apartments in Phoenix, married of course but apparently ready to play around on the side.
The hitchhiker did call Mother after he had taken off with her belongings. He apologized and blamed the thefts on his pal. Mother had taken his collect coll without realizing our father was in the other room. He got out the 30 30 rifle and ordered her to hang up the phone. Then he spent 30 minutes asking her just why he should not shoot her once and for all. He held the gun on her, cocked, she told us later, the 30 30 with a known hair trigger.
I was so petrified when I heard about our father's murderous rage, I asked for an angel escort and went every night for two months to him in spirit, arguing with him and presenting all the reasons why murdering our Mother would be the ultimate tragedy of our lives. I knew he was too angry for me to talk to him about it in person. I never thought he was more in danger of killing her. So I had to pray very hard, I thought, without let up until our father got over his rage over Mother's scandalous affair with the hitchhiker. I knew he was getting to an age where his health was preventing him from pursuing his own life of affairs. He was becoming a bitter old man nobody seemed able to love. I thought it was up to us daughters to keep him from a murder-suicide which Mother said she was sure he was plotting.
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Wow your father was a scary man! I don't know how your Mom avoided having a heart attack sitting there with a gun to her head. OMG!
Pam -
Well, you certainly keep me hanging on to every word. I'm enthralled. You women are such an interesting bunch. And your father sounds as scary as mine.
Thanks for the compliment in my journal about dialogue writing. That seems easier for me than anything else.
Love,
Nelishia
http://journals.aol.com/nelishianatl/PRAYINGANDBELIEVING/
4/2/08 7:37 AM
What a life you all lead. What a terrifying moment for your mother too.
I'm so glad he didn't shoot her because heaven knows what repercussions that would have set off.
Jeanie xx
http://journals.aol.co.uk/kir