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11:52:00 AM EDT
The lost boys everywhere...
Dr. Phil has been doing shows on the polygamists this past week, and he last interviewed two of the 'lost boys of polygamy,' so called. I thought these two boys had some very good insights into the world of polygamy. One said that the polygamists had been living this way for generations and to them it was the norm, which was why reasoning with them did not work the way outsiders seemed to expect. One boy had come home to find that his father with 38 children had simply had all his wives and children taken away from him and given to someone else and was banished because he had run afoul of Warren Jeffs. This is the kind of thing that Jeffs was doing before he was charged and convicted of some of his crimes. He described his own disciplinary talk from Warren Jeffs whose word was law the kid said. He was God. The kid did not think it was right what Jeffs did to his own father. You can imagine what Jeffs would do to a rebellious teen if he was willing to banish an older polygamist with 3 wives and 38 children! He also said Jeffs asked him many embarassing and penetrating questions about his sexual thoughts and feelings which would indicate that Jeff's nephew's charges he had molested him and forced sexual activities on him might be true. This is one of the crimes Jeffs is being charged with in Arizona for which he has yet to go to trial. I think that trial is coming up.
There was a lot of talk in the Arizona Republic today about what possible harm this sweep by Texas authorities might do, with so many children taken away from mothers at least temporarily. They cited a similar sweep that took place over 50 years ago in Colorado City by both Arizona and Utah law enforcement. I remember that event so well, and always thought that they were not primed to expect negative reactions. Of course they were going to raise a ruckus, but that should not have caused them to drop the whole problem of the abuses of polygamy as I think they mostly did for these past 50 years. I hope Texas is more determined to keep the abuse issue alive.
I thought it was extremely devious for the FLDS to go in there and buy up land on the pretense of building a hunting lodge, an out and out lie. I am sure as the polygamy conclave grew under their very eyes to what it is today, law enforcement as well as the ordinary Texan became more outraged. I am wondering how many of the women applied for welfare as has been the case for years in Colorado City where the laws have been in their favor. When women are willing to 'milk the beast' as it is called for as much as they can get, taking the attitude that government is evil even as it supplies the money to pursue your life style of polygamy and children you cannot feed.
A 'soft' policy when it came to dealing with polygamists had been in effect in Utah for years because of its early origins when polygamy was its norm. With the doctrine still on the books in a religion that is very heaven oriented, how could people help but be conflicted about polygamy, not really knowing what they ought to think about it. If it was still a law in Mormon heaven what then? The last I knew a man can be sealed in the sacred temples to more than one wife for the hereafter!
I believe that not only was my dad one of the lost boys of Mormonism, and his dad, but I am one of the lost daughters. We have all rebelled against Mormonism in our own ways. And we suffered the consequences. The lost boys who stay in Utah as the only world they know are going to be prey to a society where good Mormon girls are counseled to wait for a good Mormon man. My grandfather was 30 years old before he found a good Mormon girl who was brave enough to defy her father and marry him. As it was, her father threatened to cut her out of his will and did.
But sadly enough out on the trails for many years, I feel my grandfather found sexual outlets among males, as did my father who grew up with the same problem as a Mormon rebel. If you make it too difficult for boys to get together with girls some of them will become homosexual in their behavior, as is found in prisons, logging camps, anywhere there are no women. And some will undoubtedly become pedofiles. I feel my own father crossed that forbidden line. I never trusted him enough to stay anywhere with him over night. And I suspected him of putting pressure on young guys who worked for his family who had to camp out with him. This was a practice I thought was all too common up there.
I was also devastated when he showed signs of trying to get at my 14 year old son. Had he succeeded, my son would have been so disallusioned. He loved his grandfather, he wanted to love him, and it hurts him when I talk about this. How I wish I felt differently about my father. How I wish he had not done things that upset me. I stopped him then, he was old and not as aggressive, but I knew there were times in the past that nobody could have stopped him. I thought he was the victim who later victimized.
And he was far from being one of the worst offenders up there. There were men I thought had more victims during their whole lives. Of course the heterosexual world protected the married offenders. That is one reason that marriage was desired, as a cover of respectability that masked infidelity and criminal acts with the underaged.
Another big problem as I see it is that the gay world has yet to come out strong against the homosexual pedofile, so that pedofiles can more easily hide in their ranks. They can call themselves gay and among gays not alert to their pedofile activities, they can find protection and even people to defend them. They may even find gays with a half hostile attitude toward parents called 'breeders' by some which is certainly a denigration of what parenthood is all about. Who allow themselves to feel satisfaction when parents have problems. Which is one reason I started this journal in an attempt to open a dialogue between all the different factions that can affect children.
We all have to be concerned about protecting children. Who wants a corrupt society where children are not safe? Texas authorities have brought the problem of abuse in polygamy before the whole nation. We need to expose abuse and that is not easy to do. But dialogues ensue and people think about the problems so change can possibly take place.
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Hope you're enjoying your weekend.
Missie -
Comment 2 in response to Katerh99: Warren Jeffs is reputed to have many many children. In a previous entry I talked about a woman in Salt Lake saying her husband in polygamy had atleast 100 children. No man could adquately take care of so many children. Having looked at the statistics over the years, I have seen that welfare has gone to the polygamous areas in much higher porportion than to other parts of the state, so obvously these people are not able to care for the children they are having on their own. They are not independent as they want people to think. The memoirs I have read written by women who were in polygamy have almost without exception been stories of terrible poverty and deprivation trying to take care of so many children, so I think the society around them has struggled constantly to try to find a way to contain the polygamists and their irresponsible child bearing, forcing the state to carry the burden of their choices in too large a part. There has always been intermarrying resulting in some ghastly birth defects making these afflicted children unimaginably hard to take care of. The society is so secretive it is hard to document these things, but I have taken an interest in polygamy studies over the years.
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In response to Katerh99: This is exactly why Utah and Arizona authorities were so criticized over 50 years ago when they did a big sweep in Colorado City very similar to what has happened in Texas. I do feel outrage sort of drove the whole thing in Texas. All the time they were purchasing and building this community I kept thinking to myself, what is going to happen in Texas when law enforcement and the people get sufficiently riled up? But Jeffs did not like what was happening to him in Utah and Arizona where attempts to deal with each case separately has been the policy with polgyamy abuse, but polygamy has become so big in Utah, I suppose Texas is seeking to greatly discourage it from happening there and have perhaps overacted. I doubt very much if they are prepared as you say with anything better for the children.
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If anyone reading this is a good and caring foster parent, read no more.
My concern is the idea of shuffling those children off to foster homes where there is equal amounts of abuse, both physical and psycological. Can you imaginethe needs of these children, being separated from their mothers and going to a totally unknown culture, to them? I know my own state is ill equipped to handle such multi-problamatic children. Texas may be a large state, but are there enough skilled foster parents,much less workers, to meet their needs? Will they be moved from home to home, as is so often the case? Wish I knew the right answer to this horrendous problem.
4/27/08 10:26 AM
I don't think any state is prepared to take on that many foster children. They should instantly be put up for adoption yet that takes years. Many people want babies anyway not older children. I am dealing with Katie, who has separation anxiety because of things that happened to her. It's called Reactive Attachment Disorder. She has become what is also called Oppositionally Defiant as a way to deal with it all. Foster parents especially the uninformed and untrained would not have the time or patience it takes to take on even one such child, much less siblings whose behavior is incorigible as a result of being removed from the only life they know. Reprogramming and introducing them back into mainstream society is the key but what state agency will provide that type of counseling?
I read in the news or see on tv that often children whose behavior is this strongly obstinate can and do often end up being physically harmed or killed. Fortunately in our personal situation, I love my Katie and have almost no end to patience and the ability to be repetitious. Firm loving and consistent.
Nelishia
http://journals.aol.com/nelis