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12:34:00 AM EDT
Dipping down from the spirit world...
Sister LaRae when she was around 12 years old
LARAE: I see you are having a tough time, sister, probably from trying to keep the spirits out which you normally would not do. But you are getting so close to departure that you are going to have to allow us to come closer or you are going to be miserable.
GERRY: I suppose that is true since I am getting old enough that new avenues of experience are not going to open up to me that easily here.
LARAE: No, all signs point now to departure, which doesn't necessarily mean you will be taking off tomorrow, but the earth is starting to change for you. I will start coming in closer now that you have finished the series. It was a big hurdle. This was a series that was probably more important here than it was there. It was you linking up to Mother and Dad again. Mother is thinking long and hard about how you portrayed her. I don't know about Daddy. He has not said much. But I know you are saying things to him that you never said in life, were not allowed to say.
GERRY: Yes, I did think I had to gather myself together to say these things if we are to see each other again.
LARAE: People complain a lot here about what is expected of them now, when they were able to get away with so much less progress there in the spiritual sense, but that is the primary reason for death. You cast off the body and go to a spirit realm, where all the activities involving bodies are left beyond. That leaves a lot of people at loose ends for a while, sometimes for years if they have ignored spiritual values completely. All my troubles centered in my body, so without a body I was forced to look deeper into the soul. It was very hard at first. I did not enjoy it for a long time, but that was because I was so undisciplined as a lot of people are when they come here. There is no getting around it, they are going to suffer. When you have been used to getting drunk and a number of other activities destructive to the body and life there, you are going to be pretty lost when you come here, because there doesn't seem to be a 'real' way to do what you are used to doing I struggled for so long just getting used to thinking that much about relationships in another way. Doing your series was an exercise in thinking about a primary relationship, that between you and Mother and Dad, which is what we do a lot here.
GERRY: Dean just came in and said that he was having a terrible time there. I am sure he is. He had not exercised discipline over himself for years if ever.
LARAE: Yes, I can see he is suffering. But here people are trying to do something with themselves, so they don't indulge people like him. They know he is having a tough time but that eventually as he improves his concentration and ability to face certain truths about himself, he will slowly begin to feel better. Dean's problem was his temper. He did not want to listen to anybody, and he gravitated to those who indulged him. Now a lot of his relatives are here and they are ready to point out to him how he took advantage of those who indulged him, and in turn had to indulge them, so there was really little progress going on. He toyed with the idea of placing himself in harm's way which would lead to his death, many times, and finally he defied the gods to take him even if he did take the high risk, and was shocked when the mills of the gods ground up his last vistage of life.
GERRY: I guess he got too miserable with his empty life to exercise the caution he usually did.
LARAE: I would say so, yes, but I don't know whether he can talk sanely and sensibly to you. You don't spend a life time acting one way and then reverse your direction over night. You might say he is in a hard school right now, where I spent years making slow progress.
GERRY: I do trust that you have made a lot more progress than he has, but that stands to reason since you have been gone over 20 years and he not quite 3 years.
LARAE: The spirits who have known you, especially, have come to view your videos, especially the last series. They think you are doing good work in preparation for signaling to your parents what you are thinking about the past. This is like throwing a net acrossthe abyss. If you do this work, you will be able to cross easier. You will not experience the terrible lows that some do who have to inch their way back up, slowly and painfully. I think you have instinctively moved in the right direction to meet both parents on a better level. Doc did help you do this with certain traits of his personality. He is not doing so well himself. He is one who fell to a terrible low and has had to inch himself back up. It does not appear he is making any progress most of the time he has so much ground to cover. He is one who has indulged himself so long that curbing himself had become almost impossible. You have managed to help him stave off the crunch that would kill him for a few years, but a crisis is coming. This you sense. I cannot tell you what will happen because I don't really know. I have not had time to study him enough to predict what the outcome of his struggle will be. I am here standing by to try to help you from being engulfed by his lack of discipline. To do this you will have to trust me. I can't help you if you don't let me in the door.
There are only spirits now where you are to help. Everyone close is played out. They are dying all around you. We cannot get anybody in there to help you on that side, but we can come in to help you get through this crisis, which will be either Doc dying or you. We do not always know who is going to die and when. I know you cannot get through his death without help. I see this situation about as clear as anybody does, so I am moving in now to help. He is fighting now somewhat. I don't know how much fight he has left in him.
GERRY: I don't believe there is a whole lot of strength left in him. Little energy is coming my way from him, as it has come in the past. He seems to be running out. But I don't know how much strength I have got left in me either. I seem to be quite weak, but I don't know if that is connected to his loss of energy or not. As long as I am attached to him nobody else can reach me, nor can I go through a withdrawal so I can try to stand alone. I have to respond to him even if he is fading.
LARAE: I thought maybe he had put too much energy into the series, and would revive, but he has lost so much more ground this past year he does not seem to have alot of revival left in him. He is a star who is burning out, being consumed by the life he has lived, the habits he has not held in check.
GERRY: Life seems fainter. I have said good-bye to others. I definitely did not want to say good-bye to him. I have prepared for our deaths as much as I think can. I made the same preparations so he would not think that I wished him dead, that I would not accept my own death if it should come before his. We just do not know the hour of our death.
LARAE: Whatever life you both have left, you need for some good reason. When it is time for one to go, the air will go still, you will know.
GERRY: He has hardly seemed alive at all in so many ways. He is one whose flame burns imperceptably lower, so gradually, but he seems to view it as impossible to come back. He can surprise me some days with a little show of vigor. Tonight now I feel the flame burning very low. Almost extinguished by the habit. I went away for a couple of days so he must have almost killed himself. I will just have to see if he is still alive tomorrow morning.
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8/6/08 7:50 PM
Kelli
http://journals.aol.com/kamdg