If Dreams really DO come True!!

Memo to the Miracle Department. I. WANT. TO. GO. to Hawaii for WCNA31 and then on to Thousand Oaks, CA for a family reunion.  The beauty of this request is as simple as IT. IS. IMPOSSIBLE.  and yet if God sees fit to allow it, IT. IS. POSSIBLE!!

That's where you come in.  I need to enlist the aid of the Holy Spirit to work this miracle and you are the department which I must go to in order for it to HAPPEN.

I have NO MONEY ... so the next step we need to address is ... what is my motive?  I have wanted to go to Hawaii for years, years, years.  So what better time to go than to a recovery convention?  That would be good enough motive except for the fact that I know that the ex boyfriend will be there and I have to know that nowhere inside of me am I still piEning over him any more.  I honestly don't care if I go to Hawaii while he is in the same convention and do or do not see him.  This is NOT! about hoping to have him back.  I am truly able to admit I am not in love with him anymore and while I cannot guarantee he has no power to hurt my feelings any longer, I do not give him PERMISSION. to control my feelings or actions any longer.  Oh, I know, know, know I did.  Yeah, in a big way but NOW. I am healed or at least 98% and ready with a vengeance to Move. ON!

So, that clears that one up.

CALIFORNIA. Damage control. 22 or so years of it. Can the amend be made, does poetic justice account for anything?  HUMN. that is a tough question to answer.  I guess this post is all about FORGIVENESS. Not me doing it but others willing to offer it and me receive it fully. 

I told a secret that wasn't mine to tell. The truth would have been better served in its own time I imagine.  Now my child has the same secret but has not decided to embrace or express ~ maybe it's just experimentation as my siblings child is also of the same alternative living and that is what she is calling this choice.  Is it? A choice, his choice.  Can I deal with his disclosure?  Only time will tell.  I know that is half the battle. But will not the subject matter continue to burn at the core of the question should I stay or should I go.

That is the nature of amends.  It must not harm the individual from whom you seek it. Have I caused enough harm already and it is best to stay out of these folks lives altogether?  I do not know.  I have to face this even if it is 3000 miles away.  But maybe it's better left alone.  What is my motive?  Is it just simply cool that the helicopter pilot is having it at his house and that seems glamourous or do I really want to see my relatives?  I have wanted to go back to this event for many years and never before did I realize that an amend would be what I felt was standing in the way of me going.  But it is owed and if by some strange miracle appears and I have flight, room and transportation I must go and I must make the amend.

Don't want to rub salt in any wounds.  Maybe taking the child would make the obvious ... obvious?  Can't child has other plans. 

Again. I. Have. NO. money. so ... it will take A. MIRACLE.

I do not DESERVE. the chance. I shall stay bored in my single wide and repent in dust and ashes while THEY. those I've harmed ... laugh and share and enjoy.  BUT wait, God is not a PUNISHING God. He is about forgiveness.  Maybe, just maybe this will . . . HAPPEN. It. is. impossible. unless there is A. MIRACLE.

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