White Flag

HI Blog ... lol

Well, I'm writing because I opened up PostSecret and found a message so fine tuned to me that I wonder ... whaaaawhawhawha WHY ... since you've been gone .... and all that jazz.

I've been checking out PostSecret for some time now and I enjoy the entries ... my secret is YES I have sent in a post card and NO it did NOT get picked.  OH well...it's ok because I know the path ahead is not as trecherous as I once believed.  I'm truly healing at a much faster clip now.

The first one that made me wonder was because of the wording ... I loved you more when I thought you didn't love me .. sounds like something he'd say.  Then there was the yellow rose which stated "it's my favorite because it was your favorite" and then today the FORTUNE COOKIE ... I wish things had ended differently.

WELL MR. L ... I wish they hadn't had to end at all.

I loved you with all my heart and yeah, I loved you too much and it was a dragg to have to carry that weigh around. I'm sorry I lost myself in you.  The first time around it wasn't like that as much because I had more self confidence and I could get guys ... I watch Laguna Beach and I know which of those chickies I was then and which one I was when I was with you the second time and I wish there was  a balance between the two.

BUT the truth is, you didn't want what I still want.  You probably still don't want that. 

Someone WILL come along .. maybe waiting in the wings even as I write this.  You may even be in the same room with him tonight ... YOU were in the same convention center as him in Hawaii.

That is the part that hurts the most ... not having been able to go to Hawaii ... the one place I ALWAYS wanted to go.  He showed me his pictures and I was in awe. I was in California .. So Far Away .. Just like at 15.

Circles .... humn.  All I can do is wonder, watch and wait for the picture to become clear.  I don't think you are in my future.

I'm sorry they ended that way too.  I hope we both find what we're looking for. Best Wishes CHOPs ....

love ewe.

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