One Small Step

12:21:51 PM EST

Connie and I spent Saturday night in a hotel for a romantic getaway. My food choices were spotty and I didn't track points. I'll re-create as best I can what I did just for accountability although right now I don't really care. I'm having one of those down type days. I'm bored and lonely and that usually equals giving in and eating. We shall see. The fact that it is Halloween may not help since candy will abound.

Saturday breakfast was breakfast sandwiches...that was the good part of that days food intake. We didn't eat lunch and had a lunch/dinner (if breakfast/lunch is brunch is lunch/dinner linner?) We ate at TGI Fridays and had the three for all appetizer which means I had two potato skins, two mozarella cheese sticks and 4 wings. All with appropriate (but not good for me) sauces.I got the sizzling southwest chicken and ate it all other than a couple of forkfulls of mashed potatoes that Connie ate for me. Isn't she good :) Later I had a chocolate chip cookie and an oatmeal raisin cookie that Connie brought up from the lobby. We also split a pack of chocolate graham crackers and had some cheese-its.

Saturday we did work in a good long walk to and from Fridays so at least I did that much right. Like I said I have no idea how many points all this was and I'm not going to worry about it. I'll just call this and Sunday's food my weekly points allowance (which I usually don't use so that could be a problem). I think a few days of good eating can fix it but right now I don't want to eat good.

Sunday we walked to Bob Evans for breakfast. I got a sausage and cheddar omelet. It came with two pancakes only one of which I ate. Connie again helped me out by eating one of the pancakes. Of course she gave me half her whipped cream off her french toast for my one remaining pancake so I'm not sure who came out ahead :)

For lunch/dinner during football I made veggie stuffed green peppers which is the one good thing I did on Sunday. They are VERY good and very low points. Two of them is only a couple of points. I also snacked on some weird low fat corn chips. I don't know the brand and wouldn't tell you anyway if I remembered cuz you do NOT want to try them! Didn't stop me from eating them but I won't do it again...but they were not too many points. I finished off the cheese-its from Saturday and had more graham crackers. I probably had something else too but if so I can't remember what now.

Such is the my life when I gooff the wagon. Still it could have been worse. At no time did I eat until I was stuffed and literally could not eat more at least. Be thankful for small blessings maybe?

Oh well. I'm not gonna stress about it. I did promise to report faithfully on what i've eaten though so there it is. Today I've done ok so far. I am hungry and need to decide on lunch. Part of me wants to go to Long John Silvers but I know I shouldn't. Oddly the main thing keeping me from going is that it would be crowded and I really don't want to go out anyway. I guess being lazy is helpful sometimes. I'll go see what I can find to cook.

Hope you all had good weekends whether or not you behaved foodwise. Take care :)

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9:02:05 AM EDT

I had an excellent day Friday. I was over a tad on points but did it pretty much on purpose. I was in a great mood all day and it helped to behave. Even though I was over on points a bit I didn't do anything really bad. The worst was having too much of the Jalepeno Ranch Dressing with my salad for lunch. I just LOVE that stuff! The ten points for that salad and dressing is an estimate but it seems to work out.

If you can handle the sodium of canned soups I highly recommend Campbells Chunky Fajita Steak soup. It was really good. It's so nice to have soup weather here! I just can't eat hot soup when it's hot out. Now I have hopes of a few days cool enough to wear a sweat shirt and eat soup although there may not be many days that are cold enough for both at once. This is Florida after all!

Here's yesterday's food journal:

Daily Points Allowance:             28
Food Points Used:                   31
Activity Points earned:              6 (2 walks totaling 80 min)
Activity Points swapped:            -3
                     Point Total:   28

Weekly points allowance used:        0
Weekly points allowance balance:    35

Food Journal:

Morning
2 breakfast sandwiches               5

Midday
Crisper's Southwest chick salad
   and dressing                     10

evening
4 1/4 oz cooked bnls, skinless
 chicken breast                      4
Simply potatoes southwest hashbrowns 2
1 cup Campbells chunky Fajita Steak  2
1 WW round van ice cream sand        2
                   
snacks
1 WW round van ice cream sand        2
2c V8 low sodium Veggie juice        1
1c FF cottage cheese                 3

                 Total food points: 31

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7:15:14 AM EDT

Well I'm back to counting points and actualy think I may have gone a few days there when I was not counting points that I didn't eat ENOUGH. That could be why I only gained 2.8 pounds during the last two weeks. Looking at this list though while I stayed in my points my choices need to improve. I need to work in more veggies and fruits for snacks I think. That's just a personal preference though. I like the junk, even low fat junk but I know the fruits and veggies are better for me. I'll see what I can do on that front. Here, now, is what I ate yesterday.

Food journal:

Daily Points Allowance:             28
Food Points Used:                   28
Activity Points earned:              4 (50 min walk)
Activity Points swapped:             4
                     Point Total:    0

Weekly points allowance used:        0
Weekly points allowance balance:    35

Food Journal:

Morning
no breakfast before WW

Morning snack
2 Snackwells Devil's Food cookies    2

Midday
2 Gortons Cajun Blackened Fillets    5
2 Wonder Light Hamburger Buns        2.5
2 slices FF Sharp Cheddar            1
Lettuce, tomato, onion               0
                          sub total: 8.5

evening
1 Slice Pizza (mall)                 6
1/2 c FF cottage cheese             1.5
1 WW round vanilla Icecream sand     2
                           subtotal: 9.5

evening snack
1 WW round vanilla ice cream sand    2
1 Mrs Fields cookie (connie's fault) 6

                 Total food points: 28

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10:06:44 AM EDT

I've actually been back in Orlando since Saturday but now I'm officially back on plan and will resume posting here regularly. Tomorrow I will begin posting food journals again starting with what I end up eating today. So far today I've eaten nothing because it was my weigh in day.

Weigh in went much better than I expected. I was not very good in terms of food choices a lot of the past couple of weeks. On the other hand I guess I was not that bad either. I weighed in at 234.4 lbs. that is a gain of 2.8. That is a lot less than I expected. I really thought I had gained about five pounds.

My eating, especially in Tunica was a mixed bag. I did a couple of breakfast buffets and did NOT choose fruit. I guess what offset that is that, as usual when I'm off by myself playing poker, I ate only twice a day, breakfast and dinner, on most days. I walked a fair amount as well, never searching for close parking spots and never taking even the free casino shuttles. I also drink all my water when I play because I never drink anything else at the poker table.

I did not behave even when I got back home but even those choices were not as bad as they could have been. I can fully expect to lose the 2.8 lb gain back next week if I am a good little boy this week. I want to set a good example and hopefully encourage others so I'll do my best.

Having said that I'm now, shortly anyway, going to go out to lunch. I won't go overboard but I AM eating both my breakfast points AND lunch points, or I can...we'll see.

I'm glad to be back. I didn't feel good about not journaling while I was gone and I think next time I may at least journal the food even though I may make no attempt to figure the points values on a lot of it (which probably means there is little point to figuring them on anything) at least it will give you some idea of what I eat when I gain a bit. Of course there is always the chance I'll behave really good on my upcoming trip and not have any problems!

Let me know how ya'll are doing and remember....there is no try, only do or not do!

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8:09:23 AM EDT

As I said in the previous entry I didn't have a good evening for a few reasons. I went on a kind of mini binge. Mostly it was mini because there is not much left here that is really bad. I did stay away from the peanut butter for my toast (and oh how I was tempted) and stayed away from Lee's mozzarella cheese sticks, another temptation except that I was too lazy to cook 'em. Even when I binge now it tends to be healthy...this sucks! lol

I hope this wasn't the start of something. I want to do this. Not for me. I want to do it because I want so many others who've supported me for so long to stick with THEIR plan. So far I have not hurt anything much. I used 6 of my weekly points allowance. If I behave the rest of the week that will be no problem. Can I behave while out of town? (get your mind out of the gutter I'm too fat to get that kind of action! lol) I swear I'm going to try. I want to. I want to succeed at this.

Here is yesterday's food which I wasn't going to bother to post (even though it's not bad) but did because I will NOT give up. So YOU can't either :)

Daily Points Allowance:           28
Food Points Used:                 38
Activity Points earned:            4
Activity Points swapped:           4
                     Point Total: -6

Weekly points allowance used:      6
Weekly points allowance balance:  29

Food Journal:

Morning
Breakfast Burritos                             8

Midday
Applebee's Grilled Talapia                     7

evening
Chicken breast over rice with lf cheese sauce  6.5
Brocolli

snacks
3 nibblers cookies                             3

late night snack/binge
WW blueberry muffin                            3
1cup (est) fat free cottage cheese             3
Toast (lite bread) w/ simply fruit             4
Quakes carmel corn                             3.5

                           Total food points: 38

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5:49:53 AM EDT

This would be a good entry to skip. It's like when the news says "we caution viewers that the next story contains graphic footage and sensitive viewers may not want to watch it". Well the next few paragraphs contain the verbal equivalent for emotional eaters and will more than likely be demotivated. If you are in a good mood you might not want to read it. If you're in a bad mood it'll make it worse and you should definately not read it. Having said that more people will probably read this entry than any other. (sigh..I added this paragraph after I'd written the entry and I guess the feeble attempt at humor, such as I am capable of, means I am feeling better....and I guess I am...a little)

I have always been an emotional eater. I guess I always will be. It was ironic reading Robin's entry when I woke up this morning. Her eating was, at least initially triggered by something that went very right and made her feel happy. Celebrating with food. Lots of people do. The focal point of parties, weddings, festivals, almost anything tends to be food. Celebrating with food is an accepted norm. I guess I did it a couple weeks ago with Lee's birthday when I used up every point I could find and then some on pizza and cake. I fixed that. I was motivated to lose weight and I did my binge knowing I was doing it and planning to fix it. It worked out. I lost weight that week.

I'm worried right now though. My worse emotional eating is when I'm down. I'm way down now. I ate last night for comfort. Wasn't much comfort because I've pretty well cleaned my environment of all the crap. Obviously WW knows what they are doing when they tell you to clean up your environment lol. I didn't do too much damage last night. I was too lazy to go out and get anything really bad. Maybe I'm trying to hold on to the one thing that I might possibly be successful at, the one thing I can look at in my life and say that I was a success at. I, at one time, reached my goal. I lost over 100lbs. It felt good to achieve a goal to feel successful. That I screwed it up is not surprising. The good news, I guess, is that I know how to fix it. That's what I've been trying to do by posting this journal and doing what it takes to lose the weight and hopefully keep it off this time.

Then the down times come. I feel like I will never be worth anything to anybody. I get lonely. I get frustrated on so many levels and nobody seems to understand. I want to eat. I want comfort food. I want donuts. I want fried chicken. I want to go to a restaurant and not have to think about anything other than what I really WANT, not what I SHOULD eat. I know I'm not alone.

Today, this whole coming week, is going to be hard. I stumbled last night. Wanted to eat and did. So far little damage is done. I ate too much of basically healthy foods. Today is another day. I'll have the opportunity to go out. This week I will not be eating at home. I'll not be at home. I'll be surrounded by temptation. Right now I don't think I care. I kinda care. I guess. Part of me wants to say f**k it I'll eat until I die since sooner or later I'll die anyway it doesn't matter if it's sooner rather than later.

I'm going to disappoint some people here probably. I may not be much of a motivating factor in the JLand weightloss comunity for a bit. I went to bed unhappy about a number of things I can't begin to discuss. I woke up crying and feeling worse. So much for sleeping on it. Now I've got the guilt added on top of that of stumbling off my path here and contemplating a major deviation if not a one hundred eighty degree turn. (I can also add in the fact that in today's society men are not supposed to admit to crying but I don't give a s**t).

The only good news right now is that I know where the path is and know how to walk it so that if I screw up today, this coming week, I can get back on. At least writing here has made me feel a bit more like trying even though it seems pointless still.

Such are the travails of the emotional eater.

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10:08:10 AM EDT

Just got back from my weekly weigh in. It was not as good as last week but that is hardly surprising. It was, however, something that I think I can maintain relatively steadily if I stick with it and that is all I could ask.

I was down 2.0 lbs to 231.6 and have 30.6 to my goal weight. At this rate that could be just fifteen weeks. Of course with Thanksgiving and Christmas in there not to mention my upcoming Tunica trip that could be unreasonable to expect but on the other hand it's not impossible!

Here is yesterday's weight watcher journal:

Daily Points Allowance:            28
Food Points Used:                  25.5
Activity Points earned:             4
Activity Points swapped:            0
                     Point Total:  +2.5

Weekly points allowance used:       0
Weekly points allowance balance:   35

Food Journal:

Morning
Breakfast Sandwiches on light bread w/ham    6

Midday
Stir fry with squash, other veggies, chicken 3

Afternoon snack
WW blueberry muffin                          3
Yoplait light Boston Cream Pie yogurt        2
                                  subtotal:  6

evening
117g cooked lean beef steak (NY strip)       5
oven grilled veggies w/200g potato           2.5

snacks
Quakes ranch flavor                          2
nibblers                                     2

                         Total food points: 25.5

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11:39:04 AM EDT

Stacy asked for the recipie for the Chimi's I made yesterday for dinner

I made it up from an idea in a WW cookbook and ingredients I happened to have on hand. I'm posting it for one serving of 2 chimis but you can do multiples and figure points from that pretty accurately.

2 soft taco size fat free tortillas (89cal, 0fat, 3g fiber check the package some vary) (3pts)
1/2 cup Old El Paso Fat free refried beans (1 point)
1/4 lb very lean (4%-7% fat) ground beef  (3.5 points)
chopped green chilis and/or onion to taste (0 pts)
2 tbsp Old El Paso Low Fat Medium Cheese Dip (1 point)

brown the ground beef with seasonings, chili powder, cumin, garlic, whatever floats your boat. drain it.

spread the beans on the tortillas, top with the beef and the green chilis and/or onions

roll the tortillas as you would for burritos.

spray a cookie sheet with Pam, put the chimis on it, spray them LIGHTLY with Pam. Bake in 350 degree oven until crisp and beginning to get a bit brown, or to taste. About 20 min.

transfer to a serving plate and top with 1 tbsp each of the cheese dip (heated in the microwave before hand)

approx 9 points for two Chimis.
serve with an additional 1/2 cup refried beans on the side for only 1 more point if desired.

I pretty much wing most of my means from ingredients I have on hand. I just calcuate points and add them together for each ingredient on the fly adding or removing or changing ingredients to get the target points i'd like for the meal.

This turned out to be really tasty and filling. It's cut the points to the bone about as far as I can see possible other than maybe taking the meat out and having just bean chimis which would probalby be very good too and would save 3 points or so.

Questions or Comments? Let me know!

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7:10:12 AM EDT

The scale looks ok and I should not show a loss. I'm a little surprised it's not lower but who knows what it will be like tomorrow at weigh in. This time last week I thought I was going to show a gain so I'm just going to shut up and post yesterday's data and wait for my results tomorrow.

Daily Points Allowance:              28
Food Points Used:                    26.5
Activity Points earned:               4
Activity Points swapped:              0
                     Point Total:    +1.5

Weekly points allowance used:         0
Weekly points allowance balance:     35

Food Journal:

Morning
Egg Beater Omlette w/lf sausage & lf cheese sauce 4

Midday
Ham Sandwich on lite HB bun                       3
FF Hot dog on lite HD bun                         2

Afternoon snack
1 small banana                                    1.5
1 peach                                           1

evening
Oven baked Chimichangas                           9
TCBY non-fat no-sugar-added juniorcup            2

evening snacks
10 items Quaker Quakes - Ranch                    2
1 WW round vanilla ice cream sandwich             2

snacks

                             Total food points:  26.5

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7:45:07 AM EDT

I had a pretty good day yesterday foodwise. I didn't really eat enough for lunch, the stir fry didn't stick with me that great. It was yummy since I love scallops and tons of veggies but I should have cooked rice and had at least a half cup of rice with it. It all worked out though with a good snack mid-afternoon. I kept to my points mostly, only having to swap out 2 activity points. That looks like it makes 6 activity points swapped out this week. You could also look at that as I'd used 6 points from my weekly allowance of 35 leaving me with 29, still a heck of a lot better than last week. The scale this morning was better than this time last week. That does not necessarily translate to mean I'll lose more than I did last week. I seriously doubt I'll lose another 4.4 pounds. I will be quite happy with 2 and any loss is a good lose, even a tiny one.

I'm getting a little nervous about my trip to Tunica in terms of eating. There is not a hotel with a kitchen available and the place i'm staying while nice i'm sure does not even have a fridge and microwave. I'll have to be VERY good at comped buffets (at least I hope the comp policy for poker players is generous enough to get one or two a day) I can do that though, just eating veggies. Buffet veggies seem to always have SOME butter on them but if you drain them well they don't seem too injurous. The problem will be avoiding much of the 'good' stuff. LOL. I'm hoping that Tunica has a Subway. That may be my saving grace. I can eat and get full on 7 points there. I can also do that once or even twice a day if I have to, at least for a short time. I'm not viewing this trip as a vacation of any sort so I won't, hopefully, be on a vacation eating mind set. Send me good thoughts on good eating next week I'll need all the help I can get! I should be still doing this journal though as I'm taking my laptop. I will post everything, the good the bad and the ugly. I still can't quite believe I'm doing this. The people at my WW meeting thought I was bonkers when I told them. None of them were prepared to have ANYBODY see their food journals. I don't understand that. If you eat good stuff why is it a secret? If you're not then there is the answer to why you're not losing more :) I don't think they liked me saying that :) I still maintain it's true...just maybe not politically correct.

And now before I ramble on all morning here is my WW journal from yesterday.

Daily Points Allowance:           28
Food Points Used:                 30  
Activity Points earned:            4
Activity Points swapped:           2
                     Point Total:  0

Weekly points allowance used:      0
Weekly points allowance balance:  35

Food Journal:

Morning
2 Breakfast sandwiches                5

Midday
scallop Stir fry (no rice)            3

Afternoon snack
6oz Yoplait Light Boston Cream yogurt 2
WW Blueberry muffin                   3

evening
Mashed potatos (203g potato, garlic,
                1/4c FF chick broth   2.5
147g(uncooked) BS Chicken Breast      3.5
108g broccoli                         0

Evening snacks
Quaker Quakes Ranch (30)              5
2 mrs fields nibblers                 2
2 WW Round vanilla ice cream sand     4

                  Total food points: 30

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