Thoughts of an (almost) middle-aged veterinarian, or is it mother?

I have this idea that in other people's lives, change comes about slowly- that there is a ticking sound before the bomb explodes.  From what my friends say, that is wishful thinking- that big changes occur in their lives without forewarning also.  It just doesn't seem right- doesn't seem like the reality that is my life (or anyone else's) should change dramatically overnight.

But it does.

I'm lucky, I guess, I've had three test runs to deal with major life changes- my father's stroke, my father's suicide, my mother's severely broken leg. 

But the change from an apparently healthy mother to a mother with multiple lung nodules is a tough reality.

She's fine, right now- they have a chest tube in, and they will move her out of intensive care today.  They will try to biopsy on Friday.  They wanted to biopsy yesterday, but her heart apparently got pissed off.  The heart is the final say in what happens and doesn't.  Mom's heart said, "The hell you will,"  and the doctor's listened.

My mother apologized. 

She is a woman who makes me speechless more than most.  What is there to apologize for? 

Then she worried about everyone else- how they would feel about this news.

I told her that she only needs to worry about her own emotions.  She told me that she's fine.

So here we are- this entire new place.  I told her that everyone is dying, at some rate, but truly only the next three minutes really mattered.  And that I thought we were both okay for that amount of time.

Here's the thing- everyone dies.  And my mom's going to.  So am I.  But not today.  Not for her, and hopefully not for me.  What else can we do, except live today? 

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• #7 Comment from pprrrr39 
  4/24/08 5:44 PM | Permalink

  Keeping you in my prayers
  
  hugs Jayne
• #6 Comment from momiscool2 
  4/21/08 3:24 PM | Permalink

  I will keep your mom and you and your family in my prayers.
  
  love,
  Michelle
• #5 Comment from ceilisundancer 
  4/21/08 2:22 PM | Permalink

  Agreed.
  
  And, yeah, immediate turn arounds in life happen and it can be a bitch (and not the kind with four legs and a wagging tail).  
  
  I will pray that your mother's health improves.  The next 3 minutes, yes, I like that.
• #4 Comment from gladiatorsdpike 
  4/20/08 10:09 AM | Permalink

  Our mother needs to worry about herself now; she has raised 3 children and passed on to them the skills needed to take on the world.  At times we may not realize that we have the ability to do it, but we do.  Whatever time is left for mom, she needs to enjoy herself, go do the things that she "always wanted to do".  The three of us are survivors, in more ways than one, and we will get through this as well.  So, mom if you read this...go live your life to the fullest!
• #3 Comment from mmcn515 
  4/20/08 4:02 AM | Permalink

  All any of us really have is today, and what you choose to do with your day determines what kind of life you have.  You could live to 110 but if all you do is sit in a chair brooding about your life and all that has befallen on you it isn't much of a life.  But if you live only until you are 60 but you have spent those 60 years doing everything that you wanted to do, enjoying every minute like it was your last then those 60 years have been more fulfilling than the 110.  
  
  I'll be praying for you and your mom.  Let her know I'm thinking about her and if you need anything you know my number