Laurie's Musings

12:34:12 PM EST
Feeling Frustrated

A motorcycle jumped into my journal last night. 

As a result, I'm jumping out of here.

You can now find me here.  Please follow me....not the motorcycle. 

Written by heartsingr Permalink | Blog about this entry |  Add to del.icio.us |  digg this This entry has 1 comments: Show Recent | Add your own

11:36:34 PM EST

:::::::::in my best "Dick and Jane" imitation::::::::

Thanksgiving was fun. 

See the dog.  See the bird. 

See the bird fly.  See the bird land on the floor. 

See the dog pounce on the bird.  See the bird's mommy (my sister) chase after the dog and the bird.  See the bird's mommy land on top of the grandma's bookcase.  See the mommy get the bird away from the dog. 

See the dog's mommy (me) drag the dog into another room.  Bad dog. 

See the bird get locked into his cage.  Stay, bird, Stay. 

See the bird's mommy put ice on her shoulder and knee to prevent bruises and swelling. 

See the dog's mommy tie the dog onto the grandma's piano leg to make the dog stay because it was too cold to make the dog stay outside.  Whine, dog, whine.

See the little girl.  The little girl feels sorry for the dog.  See the little girl ask the doggy's mommy to untie the dog.  What a nice girl.

See the dog's mommy untie the dog.  Happy dog! 

"She's free!", says the little girl.  Good girl.  Good dog.

 

In my own voice:  For now, I will be staying here.  I'm disappointed and upset about the ads.  But I don't have the time or the energy to put up a new space somewhere else right now.  In January that may change because of something else that's happening in my life.  I know that many of the people who have read this journal in the past have gone to other spaces.  It's my hope that they'll continue to read my words here.  In fact, if you all want to post a link to this space in your new spaces that would be fine.  I don't want to lose contact with the people I've come to count as friends.  So, please keep on coming here.  I'll miss you if you don't.

Written by heartsingr Permalink | Blog about this entry |  Add to del.icio.us |  digg this This entry has 2 comments: Show Recent | Add your own

1:39:50 AM EST

Well, it's good to know that there are still a couple of people who read this journal.  What with all the insanity involving the banner ads, I thought that the small number of readers I had here to begin with might have flown somewhere a bit warmer.  I'm glad to see a few of my old friends here.

Okay, now I've done some journal reading and have discovered the reason for all the anger.  I don't really know what I want to do.  In the past month or two, I've been so busy but in the back of my mind I always thought "I'm so glad I have my journal and message board friends to come back to when my life calms down a bit".  But now, both of these groups of people have dwindled in number because of the stupidness of corporate decisions.  I honestly don't know if I want to stay with AOL at all anymore.  There are other ways for all of us to stay in contact with each other.

It was after 9/11/01 that my message board community started to fall apart.  Somehow, though, we've all managed to stay together through email, live journal accounts and a yahoo group.  I'm beginning to think that the same thing can be accomplished through blogger for the JLand community. 

The other thing in a personal way is that I'm thinking of enrolling in college again, and the online classes I will probably be taken require that the computer I'm working on be free of all AOL software.  Apparently there's a compatability issue. 

So, there you go.  I'll post my decision about staying with AOL before too long.  Until then, you can still find me here.  I guess "my life in lyrics" these days would be "the times, they are a-changin'".

Written by heartsingr Permalink | Blog about this entry |  Add to del.icio.us |  digg this This entry has 1 comments: Show Recent | Add your own

1:18:27 PM EST
Feeling Frustrated

Well, apparently there's been a lot happening here in Jland that I've been blissfully unaware of during the last month and a half. 

If anyone that I know is still around here could you let me know?  Or did all my friends leave when the banner ad crap started?  I don't want to lose track of everyone. 

Geesh.  I guess this is what happens when I move to a new state.

Written by heartsingr Permalink | Blog about this entry |  Add to del.icio.us |  digg this This entry has 4 comments: Show Recent | Add your own

11:57:03 AM EST
Feeling Hopeful

Well, now, it's good to be back in this space.  It's been awhile, and the truth is that I felt the need about a month ago or so to simply concentrate only on making the changes that have now placed me here.  Crypticness (is that a word?) aside, in the last month, I quit a job that has consumed me for the last seventeen years.  I've moved myself and my husband and kids back to my home state.  We've settled into a tiny house without a yard, and it's been and will continue to be quite an adjustment.  We've searched for and found a new church in a new denomination that we never thought we'd attend, but the people there have welcomed us and made us feel like old friends.

This is an incredible journey that we never thought we'd take.  I really don't know what more I can say about the reasons.  Some of you know why we've done this.  When I think about it too much, it is quite overwhelming.  I worry most about my children.  They don't understand all of the reasons why we've made these changes, and that has caused frustration and tears, but we are doing all we can to make it as easy as possible.

So now I have the future to look forward to.  I feel like I've time-traveled back to my 21st year, and now I'm faced with the rest of my life, wondering what I should do and become.  I need to find a job.  I think I may go back to college.  We need to find a better house to live in.  Time is precious, and I must make the best of it and make wise decisions.

But the title of this entry is Thanksgiving.  Reflecting on the last couple of months, here is what I'm thankful for.

A strong marriage.  One that is able to stand against the winds of change.

Children.  They remind me of what's important...really important. 

A home.  It's more than the house you live in.

Faith.  You can take it with you wherever you go.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.

Written by heartsingr Permalink | Blog about this entry |  Add to del.icio.us |  digg this This entry has 3 comments: Show Recent | Add your own

12:30:57 AM EDT

The hurricane that slammed into Louisiana and Mississippi on my birthday seems to have also sent some sort of chaotic energy up north and now I'm going for the ride of my life.  I'm not trying to make light of those courageous people who weathered that awful storm.  But I'm struck by the idea that at the same time of the storm's destruction, the life that my husband and I have built together in serving with the Salvation Army for seventeen years began to crumble and wash away. 

We're moving on, literally.  As of next week, we will no longer be employed.  We are moving to a new city...a new state.  We are beginning all over again.  And it's terrifying and exhilerating all that the same time.

For me, I will be going home.  I will be going back to a familiar place, near people with which I share my blood and childhood memories.  For the other three people that share my life with me, it's been a nice place to visit every year, but it's a place where they've never spent longer than a few days every year or so. 

So, what made us do this?  It's a complicated story, and the details of it have made our close personal friends' jaws drop, and have caused incredulous laughter from some and out and out rage from others.  And I must say that when one experiences such a trying situation, one learns quickly the true nature of friends and those posing as friends.

So, now we are moving on.  Anyone want to help me pack?  I'm out of here next Thursday.  For now, though, I'll need some sleep.  Good night.

Written by heartsingr Permalink | Blog about this entry |  Add to del.icio.us |  digg this This entry has 2 comments: Show Recent | Add your own

9:56:21 AM EDT
Feeling Hopeful

I'm dusting off the journal.  It's been sitting here unattended for long enough, and Lord knows that I have a myriad of thoughts and adventures to share.

Did anyone miss me?  ;-)

I'm going to be writing more here now.  But, I'm incredibly busy with some life-transforming stuff so the entries will probably have to be short.  So, to help me describe what's going on in my existance, I'm beginning something called "My Life in Lyrics".  Sometimes a song just says it all, right?  Here's the first installment.

Something More

Monday, hard to wake up
Fill my coffee cup, I'm out the door
Yeah, the freeway's standing still today
It's gonna make me late, and thats for sure
I'm running out of gas and out of time
Never gonna make it there by nine

Chorus:
There's gotta be something more
Gotta be more than this
I need a little less hard time
I need a little more bliss
I'm gonna take my chances
Taking a chance I might
Find what I'm looking for
There's gotta be something more

Five years and there's no doubt (make that 17 years)
That I'm burnt out, I've had enough
So now boss man, here's my two weeks
I'll make it short and sweet, so listen up
I could work my life away, but why?
I got things to do before die

Some believe in destiny, and some believe in fate
I believe that happiness is something we create
You best belive that I'm not gonna wait
'Cause there's gotta be something more

I get home 7:30 the house is dirt, but it can wait
Yeah, 'cause right now I need some downtime
To drink some red wine and celebrate
Armageddon could be knocking at my door
but I ain't gonna answer thats for sure.
There's gotta be something more!
~from the band Sugarland

Written by heartsingr Permalink | Blog about this entry |  Add to del.icio.us |  digg this This entry has 3 comments: Show Recent | Add your own

8:06:51 PM EDT

August 29th was my birthday.  Because of some stuff going on in my life, I didn't feel much like celebrating.  And I still don't.

August 29th was also a day of devastation.  I've been watching the news.  I've seen the chaos.  I can't really imagine what these people are going through.  It's an immense tragedy that will not be solved quickly.

That said, though, help must get to these people faster.  I've done relief work.  I know what it is like to feed people from a mobile kitchen.  I know what it's like to see the sadness and panic in people's faces when they're faced with the question of how to put their lives back together.  But this is nothing like I've ever seen before.

Telling people that help is coming really doesn't mean much when you've already spent days without food, water, electricity, and sanitary facilities.  These people need help now. 

The government needs to do it's job to protect and defend the innocent.  They need to do more.  There is no excuse for dead bodies lying on the streets.  There is no excuse for babies and sick people being shot at while being evacuated from a demolished hospital.

May I suggest that we all write to our governmental leaders and urge them to do more?  It's the very least we can do...especially since we still have homes to live in.

House of Representatives
Senate
White House

Written by heartsingr Permalink | Blog about this entry |  Add to del.icio.us |  digg this This entry has 4 comments: Show Recent | Add your own

11:45:42 AM EDT

First of all, before I get into my entry, my thoughts and prayers are with everyone in Louisiana and Mississippi.  Such devastation is hard to imagine, and even with pictures to look at it is difficult to comprehend.  Those of you who have friends and family down there...please know that I'm praying for them.

Lately, my life and the world around me has been going full speed ahead, and I feel like I'm lagging behind.  My husband and I have some decisions to make and the last week has been filled with phone calls, meetings, discussions, and a few tears.  I may be able to share more about what's going on next week, but until then, if you don't mind, we couls use your good thoughts and prayers, if you're the praying kind.

The kids started school on August 23.  It's hard to believe, but the daughter is a freshman in high school.  So far, things have been going well for her.  She's already gone to a football game and to a couple of afterschool club meetings.  I'm so glad to see the mature, level-headed girl she's become.

The son is a fifth grader who says he "hates" school.....but I know better.  He is a child that thrives among his peers, and has been growing so much lately.  He is proudly a member of the safety patrol, and even got to help a teacher direct traffic in the parking lot the other day.

We, the parents of these children, look at them and wonder where the time has gone.  I wish, in a way, that I could save time in a bottle, like the old song says.

If I could save time in a bottle
The first thing that I’d like to do
Is to save every day
Till eternity passes away
Just to spend them with you

If I could make days last forever
If words could make wishes come true
I’d save every day like a treasure and then,
Again, I would spend them with you

But there never seems to be enough time
To do the things you want to do
Once you find them
I’ve looked around enough to know
That you’re the one I want to go
Through time with

If I had a box just for wishes
And dreams that had never come true
The box would be empty
Except for the memory
Of how they were answered by you

But there never seems to be enough time
To do the things you want to do
Once you find them
I’ve looked around enough to know
That you’re the one I want to go
Through time with

We're spending the holiday weekend in Wisconsin with my family.  It will be good to rest and see if we can catch up on the important things, like family.  I hope everyone has a great weekend!

Written by heartsingr Permalink | Blog about this entry |  Add to del.icio.us |  digg this This entry has 2 comments: Show Recent | Add your own

11:42:04 AM EDT

I'm a Christian, but I'm not a Bible-thumper.  So, I'll warn the readers of this journal right now....if you don't like the Bible, you might just want to skip this entry.

Last week was probably one of the worst weeks of my life.  Lots of uncertainty, immense stress, along with the inability to think clearly much of the time.  I was struggling with allowing myself to be hurt and angry, and at the same time knowing that I needed to keep my emotions in check so that any decisions that needed to be made were not based solely on what felt right.  When I feel that way....I pray.

Give ear to my prayer, O God;
And do not hide Thyself from my supplication.
Give heed to me, and answer me;
I am restless in my complaint and am surely distracted.

What came over me more than once was the wish that I could just get away.  In my mind, I imagined myself flying to a cloud and resting there on the soft fluffiness.  I imagined that there I would be able to rest my mind and emotions and find peace.

And I said, "Oh, that I had wings like a dove!
I would fly away and be at rest.

When words hurt and accuse it's easy to react emotionally.  Perhaps that's why children resort to excuses when accused of something.  "It wasn't me!"  "I didn't do it!" 

For it is not an enemy who reproaches me,
Then I could bear it;
Nor is it one who hates me who has exalted himself
against me,
Then I could hide myself from him.
But it is you, a man my equal...

What hurts the most is when someone who should know you better, accuses you of something wrong.  Not only wrong, but covenant breaking. What gives someone the right to speak words of accusation when there is nothing in your life that would show that you could commit such an act?  What gives a person on the outside the right to speak words that accuse another of unfaithfulness and oath breaking? 

He has put forth his hands against whose who were at peace with him;
He has violated his covenant.
His speech was smoother than butter,
But his heart was war;
His words were softer than oil,
Yet they were drawn swords.

When confronted with trouble and confusion it's so easy to be overwhelmed.  The world seems to spin faster, and it's like vertigo takes the place of clear vision.  Where can I find comfort in the midst of all this craziness?  Where can my soul find rest, and be lifted away from the storm?  Where is the solid ground that my feet depend on to walk the past destined for me?

Cast your burden upon the Lord, and
He will sustain you;
He will never allow the righteous to be shaken.

~scripture portions from Psalm 55, NASB~

Written by heartsingr Permalink | Blog about this entry |  Add to del.icio.us |  digg this This entry has 4 comments: Show Recent | Add your own