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9:19:00 PM EDT
Giving Up Some of the Control
Being a good, loving mother means being able to give up control and not say anything when...
he folds the towels in simple quarter folds, instead of your compulsively neat and more complicated way
she has mowed uneven, zig zag swaths of lawn
he doesn't do the dishes in the order that you're obsessed with
she polishes the wood furniture against the grain
he vacuums uneven, zig zag swaths across the carpet
she dusts your nic nacs and then lines them up rigidly, instead of achieving that softer layout
he makes his own bed and it looks worse than before he made it
she hangs up her clothes facing the wrong way in the closet
and I could go on.............
We let Eler Beth mow for the first time yesterday. She did a great job, but I had to bite my tongue at first to keep from giving her precise instructions on how to mow in neat rows or squares. Instead I praised and watched proudly as she really did a good job. Most of the strips that she left she went back and got, and I won't mind too much if I have to even some of it up tomorrow. I learned a long time ago that it's best to let them do it wrong a few times before you gently correct their methods. I am so anal about most things like washing dishes, mowing, folding towels, etc., and it used to drive me nuts when I would show Andrew how to do something more than once (and all the while thinking, he should know I like it done this way -- he sees me do it this way all the time), and he just couldn't seem to catch on. I finally, when he was about 11, gave up trying to get him to do the dishes the way I wanted him to do them. Slowly he worked out most of the kinks in his chores on his own, and I could make one suggestion at a time on ways to be more efficient or show him why I do things a certain way, or simply ask that he humor me and do it the way I prefer. By the time Eler Beth was old enough to have regular chores of her own I had learned my lesson.
Of course with Eler Beth it was easier because she just naturally notices more details anyway (maybe it's a girl thing). She was so proud that we had finally let her do some of the mowing. She is one hard worker, that girl.
Yes, I've learned to let go of some of the control and to let some things slide.
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Oooooooh I know! That is sooo hard! The absolutely hardest was giving them the steering wheel. I'm not a big lover of driving anyway, I didn't even get my license until I was 22! So giving them CONTROL of my car when they were 15 was awful! My youngest drove too close to the edge of the road. I kept quiet until I thought he was going to run off the road......THEN I TRIED TO CLIMB IN HIS LAP AND TAKE THE STEERING WHEEL! He said "Mom! You're making me nervous!" HA! HIM NERVOUS! Then I was sooo embarrassed! I still get embarrassed thinking about it!
Hang in there, you are doing great!
Darlene
http://journals.aol.com/djohn52/AgeingGracefullyWithAllTheH elpIC/ -
The good thing is... they did it!!!!
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You are absolutely right! All too often we squash a child's natural inclination to help and learn tasks by being too demanding and taking all the joy and feeling of accomplishment out of it. ;o) - Barbara
http://journals.aol.com/bhbner2him/LifeFaithinCaneyhead/ -
I know what you mean. Gosh its hard to not say anything, isn't it? I remember one time we payed Leah our youngest to paint an old garage on some rent property. When we went to check on her she had painted the step ladder yellow. Her Dad was so upset and she was so proud of herself. Just last time she was here we were in the garage and she spotted that ladder and commented on getting in trouble for painting it. Paula
4/25/06 8:08 PM
Jackie
http://journals.aol.com/sienn