Hestia Homeschool for Young Wild Women

Amputee

I have a phantom pregnancy

like an amputee whose  limb is

no longer there

but never really gone

the nerve endings still twitch and tingle.

I am forever

eternally

pregnant with you, oh, my darlings.

My hand caresses my empty womb.

I sleep curled protectively around my ghost babies,

I have no milk for you, but

I feel invisable letdowns, flowing loss,

hunger when newborns mewl.

I feed you on my tears. 

When I close my eyes I am still hunkering in the warm garden

my bare feet   dusty in the Earth

my rounded belly resting on my knees as

I eat a ripe tomato

the juice flowing down my chin

all good food for you my babies

I'll mourn a life for you.

Kathryn Miller Ridiman (first published in The Doula, Summer l994)

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