Hestia Homeschool for Young Wild Women

My reward for getting an hour of housework done is to slip off and write in this journal.  I have a lot going on in my head right now and it helps clear the psychic palate, so to speak.

One is, I am feeling unpopular in journal land. I go visit some of the popular journals and they have ten-fifteen-or more comments.  Even people I know who read the journal a lot like The Perfect Uncle Dave and Rachael rarely leave me comments. There are only a few people in AOL journal land who leave me comments...I feel like I did in high school, I belong to the unpopular cliche... Maybe what I write is uncommentable, not-comment worthy....::sob::

Anyway, I think my dear husband might have realized he was being a Fink last night/early morning when he woke me up to complain about the house and that the one who ultimately Paid the Piper for it was poor Tabitha.  I bitchily said that I refused to get up early and take her to Girl Scouts since I had been woken up twice already and I had only been asleep an hour. It was only one AM, but I was Bone Tired.  I commented even more meanly that HE could get up and take her, since he was  so concerned about her going and it was his week off. (My husband works seven days on, seven days off. he basically has seven free days since the week he is off he doesn't have any obligations elsewhere.)  Poor Tabitha had awakened the baby, who had finished nursing. Tabitha had decided to not go to bed when I told her to, and was up watching television well past midnight.  I told her rather meanly that we have to make choices in life. She had chosen to not go to bed, and that since she was up at one thirty in the morning I was assuming that meant she did not want to go to Girl Scouts in the morning. She had chosen watching television over Girl Scouts.

What precipitated all this was I was carsick and feeling bad when we came back from the trip to Big Toe yesterday and selfishly laid down with the baby to nurse her to sleep at midnight.  I did not help my husband unload the van. I laid down instead. I did not want to go to Big Toe in the first place, since it meant leaving Mandy. I wanted to take the baby to Sunrock Farm for her birthday, but bowed to the wishes of my husband.

I value peace and quiet above all things. I hate to argue. I really, really, really hate strife in the house. But I cannot take care of everything, and I need rest.

GGGRRRUUMMPPHH  Anyway, he just took the kids out. I need to use this time to clean.

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• #2 Comment from donah42 
  5/18/04 7:42 PM | Permalink

  I don't think you require medication---probably just TLC{{{{Hugs}}}}. Your body and your hormones are trying to make the adjustment from pregnant to unpregnant, you're grieving the losses that have occurred over the last weeks...plus the sickness/nursing duties in the household---given everything you've been through lately, I think you're doing remarkably well!
        As for comments, just so you know, I read you every day, but I don't always comment. A lot of it has to do with time---generally I have hubby, daughter & dog desiring my attention, so I'm trying to read all my faves as quickly as possible. Maybe people think that you are so self-sufficient and "together" that you don't require comments, but I think that's always a boost :) Maybe I'll have to "pimp" you in my journal....  
• #1 Comment from bernmilo 
  5/18/04 5:54 PM | Permalink

  do you have pills? I am concerned i think you should get some seriously not trying to be mean, i seen a drastic change in your writings and that scares me....
  http://journals.aol.com/bernmilo/WAYNEATOPICTURES