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4:43:00 PM EDT
Feeling Quiet
No strike...
I guess before I write the results of the situation on Monday, I should mention--to be fair--the my husband works seventy hours the week he works. He works his butt of the week he works, supporting the family so that I can stay home with the children. He basically does nothing but work all night and sleep all day the week he works.
When he married me he thought I was going to be an OBGYN, so he ended up with something quite different than he bargined for. LOL Especially since I asked him to get married.
So I guess I can understand his desire to play on the week he is off. He also does most of the maintaining at the rental property, since I can't paint, lay carpet or tile when I have a toddler clinging to my breasts/legs/ arms. I can't paint, anyway, since I am allergic to latex.
When he came back on Monday from gathering all the goodies for his gourmet meal--a trip that took at least three hours-- the house was still in shambles. (I had spent much of the weekend putting away the camping gear that had been dumped in the living room and foyer. Since it gets musty and mildewy smelling in the basement, I had decided to empty the large closet in the computer room that held files and photographs and move it into there. That works great for our outdoor/fishing/camping gear, except now all the files and photgraphs and UNHUNG pictures are piled into the bedroom. I am going to move all my clothes and shoes out of the bedroom closet down to the basement. I have to by an armoire to keep them in. One big problem with an historic house like this is NO closet space.)
So, in the midst of all this moving about of stuff, coupled with his being gone at the Red's game, the Amusement Park, and Fishing, is that the house was a disaster zone. I also was determined that the girls sit down and do some paperwork "school", since they hadn't worked at Formal Workbooks in almost a week and a half, what with the camping trip, the Red's game, salsa dancing, the field trip to the creek where they seined for macro invertebrates, the trip to Big Bone State park and it's museum, the library story times, the Girl Scouts, the back-to-back days at the Natural History Museum, the Omnimax....yada, yada, yada...He was angry that I had said I wouldn't clean if my painting wasn't hung up.
(When he did hang it up it took maybe five minutes).
When he came in and saw the house a disaster area and the girls quietly working on their workbooks instead of cleaning, he got very pissed and told them to get up and clean. So they did. Not without defending me, though.
I couldn't let them clean alone, so I did to.
When his dinner guest was an hour late, he hung up my painting.
She never showed up. We ate an excellent meal, rather subdued. Shelby and I went to bed at nine PM.
Yesterday morning the girls and I got up, I went to Sears and bought my own drill and other stuff I would need to hang the forty or so pictures that need to be hung up (we have an extensive collection of lovely old historical family pictures--of my great grandparents, Dave's family....). I also went GROCERY shopping for stuff I want. (Dave also does the grocery shopping. He says I spend too much). We also bought stuff for the gerbils and the dogs and the bird.
When he got up he was mad that I spent the money on the drill and told me to return it. He got out his drill and taught me how to use it on our walls (horsehair plaster is very tricky to drill holes in). I hung up some things on my own. I then returned the newly purchased drill to Sears.
We all went over to The Old House (the rental property) and cleaned it while he painted the bathroom.
I try to be fair. I do know he has no idea what I really do to keep the house running and the kids educated. All he sees is what DOESN'T get done.
I did mention that to maintain family harmony that next time he invites friends over, to make sure I have ample time to clean the house to Guest's Level THE DAY BEFORE, and that he should SHOP THE DAY BEFORE.
I want to get the Old House rented, too. We need the money. We are losing seven hundred dollars a month when it is sitting there empty, and we just break even on the house anyway...
I asked David out of all the things I am responsible for what he prioritizes on top, and right now it is getting the other house rented and getting our basement cleaned out.
My priorities are quite different, so I think they will need to be hashed out sometime soon, with the children as well.
Today when Mandy took the baby for a walk I took a long soak in the tub and read a book instead of cleaning. I also checked into both scrapbooking classes and belly dancing. I need some time to be ALONE and be a person. Now that Shelby is two and a half I can leave her for a few hours. And I am going to.
So there.
There are times I feel like reminding him I made better grades than he did in college and I was the Outstanding Senior in my major. I AM NOT STUPID AND I AM NOT LAZY. Our decision to homeschool, to have attatchment parenting, and to have the wonderful family life we enjoy comes at the occasional price of a messy house or having to decide what time gets spent on what. So I will remind him, gently. Soon.
As soon as I get to poop by myself.
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Ya you definately need to spend some alone time or else you will get very grumpy and resentful....at least that is what happens to me if I don't. You work just as hard as he does, but it is hard for men to remember that sometimes. I hope that you guys can work out everything for the best of both of you! :)
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Wow, my hubby would never dare mention my lack of housekeeping...I told him the only way I would work full time driving the big yellow bus is if he would help with housework. He does a little, but life is way to short to be stuck dusting and scrubbing all day. Healthy is my motto. And yes do something for yourself YOU deserve it!!! rose
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I understand just how you feel, I have felt that way or worse for 32 years. My DH does nothing to fix up the house, I have to guiltily ask one of my sons in law. And when he does something after much nagging its a disaster. I worked for 10 years at our local library after my youngest was 10 months old. Then i homeschooled David many years, then quit working because my mother was very ill and my Uncle was dying from cancer, they needed me which at the time was more important than the extra money. Now david is a Junior at our local high school and learning how to drive.( Boy my pacemaker kicks in when he gets behind the wheel!) My dh never has time for his son, he'd rather be at his local club drinking. Kas knows all this, i just needed to vent, thanks for listening ,this is just a little of my story. luv Pam
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You are a lovely person Kas and you delight me in the way you manage and maintain a lifestyle that many couldn't. I too was EVERYTHING to my kids twenty four hours a day, and there were times I thought I would go insane. On the days when they were sick and I never got to shower, and the X came home and wondered why his dinner was not hot and on the table....... well, the dynamic changed some over the years because it had to.
Here's to peaceful moments of private pooping, and maybe even another bath!!! xoxoxox,
judi
10/7/04 9:42 PM