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7:29:00 PM EST
Feeling Happy
We meet an "autistic" child at the Aquarium
Last Thursday we went to the Newport Aquarium as a family and spent several hours meandering through the wonderful exhibits. Almost as soon as we arrived we met Clayton, a little boy from Indiana who is a few months older than Shelby. He was not as vocal as she is, but that is not at all unusual.
(You all think I write a lot--you should hear me talk. My children take after me. We are all very outgoing and talkative.)
Our families walked through the exhibits together, letting the little kids play. My family gave an informal tour since we are so familiar with the aquarium, being that we visit about once a week. The very young mother was sweet--and her mom was not much older than me. After about forty minutes or so, when the little boy did not respond to me when I asked him if he wanted to pet the horseshoe crab, she blurted out, "He is autistic. Do you know what that is?"
I looked at her, told her I knew what it is, and told her that her son is NOT autistic. He may be on the upper end of the autistic spectrum, maybe Aspergers, but he is not autistic.
I mentioned mildly that I have a degree in Psychology.
While we were talking I called his name. Clayton looked up, made eye contact, and grabbed onto my pants leg. He did not rock, did not flap, or exhibit most of the autistic behaviors. I asked her why "they" said he is autistic. She said he does not make eye contact well and he does not play well with other two year olds in his daycare.
I told her most two year olds don't play well.
The Young Mom had been hanging out with Mandy quite a bit--they were only separated by a few years in age. With Mandy's permission, I called Mandy over and said to the Young Mom, "When we adopted her "they" told me that she would be mentally retarded, drag her left side, and never be bladder/bowel trained. She rocked and banged her head and flapped her hands."
My incredibly beautiful daughter smiled gently at the mom when I declared that she is Perfect. Sure, she has some reading challenges, but she is so bright and lovely...they kept blurting how brilliant Mandy seemed and how beautiful she is.
The mom was almost in tears. The grandmother was in tears.
I told them to take advantage of all the special programs the professionals are offering Clayton, but to never allow the medical/social work professionals to limit what she wants for her child. I said that I know Clayton would be fine.
And I do know.
I wish they lived closer (they lived three hours away) so I could mentor her a bit. But I think that meeting Mandy was a godsend for them.
I also modeled some appropriate coping behaviors for her. When we went into the bird room, the overwhelmingly loud shrieking of the birds made him cry, cower and cover his ears. She seemed at a bit of a loss. She kept him in the room. I told her, "This is too much stimulation for him. Take him outside where he can cope with all the stuff coming in." I showed her how to "press" him (squish him rather tightly) and he calmed down right away.
Lots of kids get overstimulated and need Sensory Integration Therapy. Doesn't mean that they are autistic at all.
He also spent a lot of time walking through the hanging chains they used to separate an exhibit. His family was trying to hurry him along, but I pointed out how much he liked the chains. I let the chains fall on my upturned face and arms, and Clayton let me pull up his shirt sleeves so the chains could brush against his arms. He smiled beautifully. I was down on his level, talking as quietly as I do to wildlife. We liked each other. :-)
If he had been my child I would have slipped off his shirt so the soft brushing of the chains could touch him as much as possible.
I pointed out how easily they could make a little area like this for him at home, in a doorway, and they were very enthusiastic.
I learned so much from Mandy. I learned to watch what the children need.
Of course, I had some wonderful mentors along the way--Sue Duncan of HSN was incredible for me...Sue watched four year old Mandy stepping up onto a step and then back down over & over & over again, and she told me that Mandy was learning something she needed to know. So instead of me grabbing Mandy and telling her to "Stop That!" I let her do it for a few weeks...
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Excellent. :-)
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The gift of hope is very precious indeed.
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Hopefully that boy will get the help he needs.
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There was obviously a reason for you to meet them that day at the aquarium.. a destiny of sorts.. now that child may have a great life ahead just because you spoke to his mom..
As Ralph Waldo Emerson has said..
To laugh often and much;
To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children;
To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends;
To appreciate beauty, to find the best in others;
To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition;
To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived.
This is to have succeeded.
You seem to have done all those things.. :) Mel
3/22/05 8:57 PM