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11:49:00 PM EDT
Feeling Mischievous
Blonde Joke and a few PG 13 ones
A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started."
Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's
finished?"
The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a
tiger."
Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.
He studies the pieces for just a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger."
He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then....." he sighed, "..let's put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box".
This woman and her husband have a really bad fight.
He goes off to work the next day without talking to her, but she doesn't care.
She's busy doing her thing around the house when all of a sudden, the doorbell rings.
She goes to the door and opens it and there is a young delivery guy from the local florist shop with an enormous, beautiful bouquet of long-stemmed red roses from her husband.
She says to the delivery guy with disgust, "Oh CRAP!"
The delivery guy says, "What's a matter lady? You don't like roses?"
She replies, "Yeah, I like roses, but do you know what this means?"
He says, "No, Lady, what does this mean?"
She answers, "It means for the next two weeks I'll be laying on my back with my legs in the air."
He replies, "Geez, Lady, don't you have a vase?"
This guy told his doctor that his wife hadn't had sex with him for
seven months.
The physician told the guy to bring his wife into the office for a
private talk.
When the wife arrived, the doctor asked her about her libido.
"Well, doctor," she replied, "the truth is that I take a cab to work every
morning and lately the cabbie always asks me, 'So are you going to pay today
or what?'
We don't have much money so I always give him an 'or what'.
That makes me late for work and then my boss asks me, 'So are we going to
dock your salary for being late or what?'
Since we needthe money, I always give him the 'or what.'
By the time I get home, I don't feel like having sex anymore."
"Hmmm,"the doctor said, "I see... So are we going to tell your
husband about your problem or what?"
The house was very, very dark, so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3-year-old girl, to hold a flashlight high over her mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby.
Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked. The mommy pushed and pushed, and after a little while Conner was born. The paramedic lifted him
by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom. Conner began to cry.
The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-year-old what she thought about what she had just witnessed.
Kathleen quickly responded, "He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place; smack his butt again!"
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Nice to wake up in the moring to smile.
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Ok: Here's one for you:
4 Catholic Mothers are sitting having Brunch.
The first mother decides to brag on her son: "My son is a priest. When he walks in the room, people call him "Father."
The second mother says: "Well, MY son is a Bishop. When he walks in the room, people call him "Your Grace".
The third mother, not to be outdone, says: Well... MY son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room people call him "Your Eminence."
The fourth mother looks at the others, takes a long drag off her cigarette and says:
My son is a male stripper. He's 6 foot 2, muscled like a greek statue and he's got a 12 inch cock. When he walks in the room, people say: "OH MY GAWD!!!"
M
4/8/05 5:09 PM