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First Published by the Center for Loss in Multiple Birth in l991
Miscarriage Moon
I stand weeping, gazing out my window at the moon. It swells, full of promise and mystery. The tides that surge and move within the bodies of fecund women have deserted me. I am cut off from nature and life, berefit as the tiny lives within me ebb and seep from my womb. Three times in the past two years this has happened: my body swells with promise and life, my heart rises and fills with hope and love. Then, quietly, insiduously, I begin to bleed and another part of my soul dies.
I press my hands to my empty womb.
Where do they go, these tiny lives that I conceive? Are they with me still?
They are. I carry their unlived lives within me. My heart waits and listens for the chatter of a five year old Robyn, the bravado of a two year old Jesse, the tender mewling of a nurseling Summer. And now, these unborn twins that are leaving me, will they join my invisible family, the infants that I have not carried to independent life, the tiny ones who have lived out their entire existences within my being?
They will. I will never forget you, my forever babies. I will sing your songs within my heart. I will grieve always for you, but never regret that you lived, however briefly. I'll always rejoice that you existed, quietly intertwined within me.
Copyright l991 by Kathryn Miller Ridiman
I have created an index to all my journal entries about miscarriage, pregnancy loss and stillbirth.
Prayer to heal the pain of infertility
No Baby to Be The baby we lost in the spring
Losing a baby the experience of miscarriage this past spring
"mortal enemy": about infertility
poem for the loss of my baby son Jesse
An Infertility poem Waiting for the Moon
Miscarriage Poetry Lullabye (about being pregnant after so many losses) and a few other poems
Postpartum depression How I felt in May after losing Peyton
more on abortion I talk about how I helped a young relative who had an abortion, even accompanied her to the clinic and brought her home with me.
Heartbreaking letter from girl whose husband is in Iraq and who lost a six week old baby
unusual resource for bereaved parents
3-D ultrasound inspires thoughts on pregnancy loss and abortion
(disturbing content)Christian Zhu Yu...Extreme Chinese Artist baby eater about the performance artist that ate a stillborne baby
Midwifery Today that features my poetry and an article
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I feel for you and your three angels. I am 20 and a new mother. I cannot imagine what it would be like to be without him. I will keep you in my prayers.
I know that no words will ever be comforting enough, but perhaps your little angels will come to you again. Sometimes in dreams, I'm sure and later I know in my heart that you will be blessed again with a child that will make it into your arms.
I look forward to reading more entries.
If you want to check out what it is like to have a new baby read mine. I will have it updated just for you. -
Your little muses.
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I am so sorry for your losses, Kas. I hope you never forget any of them and carry them in your heart forever. xoxo
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Life is not easy. I grieve with you, wondering why the ones who want, love children more than anything suffer this awful loss. It's not something that you forget..I see a child of a certain age and wonder what would of been, what could of been...I've had three healthy kids but lost another three...I think about them, can't forget about them and in my own way am the only one who loved them. I rejoice now in my own daughters children...can't wait for my two sons to have their own families too.....and for some reason, children come to me easily to play to read to love....I guess my loss has turned into a love of all children....Sandi...http://jo
urnals.aol.com/sdoscher458/Lif eIsFullOfSurprises
6/24/05 12:48 AM