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Thursday, July 17, 2008
12:09:27 PM EDT
Sad times here in Michigan
Hot Hot Hot that's what we have been having the last few days. High 90's. So no golf for hubby and I today. We'll stay right here in the air conditioned house. I hate humid hot weather, because I hate having to stay in the house. I'll be doing enough of that come winter.
Haven't been doing much of anything, just staying cool and catching up on my book reading. Plus I've been working on a crochet project that I started last year. Hopefully I'll get it finished soon.
My new hip is doing great, but the arthritis sure isn't. Seems overnight it just got worse to the point I'm stiff upon awakening and it takes a good 5 minutes just to get my back unbent. I look like a little old hunched over witchy-poo. Why can't they invent a good medication to ease the discomfort of arthritis. I've been on Volteran for so long it's stopped working. None of the other drugs do half as good as that did. So doctor said to go off the Voltaren for a few months and then start up again to see if it kicks in. It worked good for about 5 years and all of a sudden quit. So I'm suffering now. But I can still walk and get things done. Can't complain to much, as long as I can still move this body I'm doing good. The older we get the more we all complain about our health aches and pains. It seems to take over our life. If it isn't our health it's talk of the weather or the damn gas prices. It's hit $4.10 here in Michigan. Everything is going up but our retirement check and our social security.
Our area has been hit hard with plant closings, we are a General Motors town. You wouldn't believe all the foreclosures around here. It's so sad to see someones life long treasures tossed out on the front yard. I cried when I saw this the first time. I always put myself in that persons place and thought of how I'd feel if it were me. Most of these folks are hard workers but due to out sourcing to Mexico and high gas prices jobs have been lost.
So I really can't complain, big deal, I have some stiffness and these folks have no home. How sad is that?? I consider myself blessed compared to these lost souls that don't know where their next meal comes from or if they'll have a roof over their heads tonight.
Written by hibye60
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Friday, July 11, 2008
9:40:47 AM EDT
Chucki's 46th :)
Friday, July 11, 2008
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I wrote what's below last month, as you can see, just didn't post it. The month of June is usually hard on me, just as the holidays are. To a lot of people they might think after 10 years....it's time to get over it....to them I say.....walk in my shoes then tell me that. Besides this is my journal to write the emotions I feel. I write for no one but me. This journal is a memory book for as I age, I can come here to remember. Yes, the good and the bad, the happy and the sad........now to catch up
7-11-08 I've been busy with life and living it. My hip is doing fantastic so I've been out golfing with the pro (hubby). Dang he's good :) If I could hit a ball like he does, it would be a lot more fun. As it is I do more hitting and hitting to get to the green than he does. If it's a par 3 I might get to the green in 5 strokes. I believe this is the golf lingo. Heck I know very little about the sport, except that when I do good I love it, when I do bad I hate it and wonder what in the world I'm torturing myself for. Great excercise...ha.ha
Besides golf I've been biking as I still can't walk to far without my legs tiring. But that's not due to the new hip, that's due to arthritis. But biking is lots of exercise and I do enjoy it. Also we got our fishing license and have fished a few times in the last month. We try to keep busy and have fun with life. Before long winter will be here and we'll be stuck in the house, then it will be computer time. So if you don't see me here for awhile, don't fret, I'm just living life the best way I know how. HAVING FUN IN THESE GOLDEN YEARS
June 23, 2008
Hi Chucki, in a few days it will be your 46th birthday, Oh how I wish you were here to cut your cake. I'd give anything to have just a few minutes with you, to hug you and hear your voice. So many years have passed, the sound of your voice and laugh are fading. I knew with time they would, that's why I'm so thankful for all the video's we took at Christmas time. Plus the very last party all your friends and co-workers threwfor you, I'm glad that was taped. But havingthe tapesand being with you is so far apart, it hurts and I find myself crying so easily during the days before your birthday. | 
June 25, 2008 Weds
Today is your birthday, and I feel so broken and sad. I miss you so much Chucki. It's hard to imagine that 10 years have come and gone since I last saw you. Where oh where did the years go? How could life fly by so fast. Ten years are a lot of days, minutes, seconds, hours. But yet it's hard to think of those ten years, that have come and gone in my life. A life that no longer has you in it. There is no time in the day or night that I haven't thought of you, missed you and continue to love you. They say with time you heal from the death of a loved one, but time sure hasn't healed my loss of you. Maybe it's easier to speak your name without tears, but the hole in my heart is still there and growing bigger as each year passes. That hole is the hole of sadness, loneliness and grieving for you my SON. But Mom is getting older too, with each year that passes I'm getting closer to being with you again. There is something nice in death after all. Of course anyone who knows me knows I've never feared death, to me it's a reunion of loved ones on a different level, a better level. A beautiful adventure and a miracle of finally meeting our creator.
Written by hibye60
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Saturday, June 28, 2008
7:43:04 PM EDT
Spooky :)
We went to our daughters over the weekend and decided to stop at one of the oldest cemetery's in Chicago. I swear the grave below, is the spookiest one I've ever come across. I read about it on the Internet and decided to check it out for myself. According to what I read, this memorial stone has no name on it, and if your standing in front of it you can make out the face, but when you take the picture no one has ever been able to get a picture with the face showing. Now mind you, it was a beautiful sunny/bright day and when I focused the picture I could see the face, but once it got developed the face was missing. There is lots of talk about this tombstone, lots of creepy talk I should say. I didn't believe the talk but I sure do now. Because I definitely saw a face but none developed in the picture. Spoooooooooooooooooooky. haha
Written by hibye60
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Wednesday, May 28, 2008
12:28:20 PM EDT
Update on Hip Surgery
NO WALKER< NO CANE> 3 months as of the 17 of May
I finally can walk without the cane. It's still rough going at times, especially when first waking up or getting up after sitting for awhile. Very very stiff and takes a few minutes to get upright from all the stiffness in my back, mostly. It's a bitch having osteoarthritis. Seems each day brings a new pain, I've noticed lately I have stiffness even in the fingers of both hands. It's hard to unscrew a cap and I used to be able to snap my fingers, well no more. Fingers are to stiff. But what the heck, at almost 65 I have to expect some aches and pains. I just keep telling myself, things could be so much worse.
As far as the hip replacement, all is going really great. I'm able to do just about anything. In fact I went on my first bike ride last week. At first I just stood with legs between bike, thinking......can I do this....can I get my feet on these pedals and get myself going? I must have stood there holding up my bike for a good 5 minutes, before talking myself into just doing it. I didn't want my fear to ruin something that I'd always loved doing. So with fear pushed to the back and courage to the front, I got on and away I went. Hubby went along with me, for safety sake. I only went the length of our road one way then the other. But it was a start. Now I know I can do it and nothing especially fear, will prevent me from getting on my bike and enjoying the ride.
Next I must try to get back into my walking. I used to walk twice a day total of 6 miles, 3 in the morning and 3 in the evening.....So far I've walked to my neighbors whose one house away from me. My right leg is still stiff and uncomfortable at times. Not painful, just sorta stiff where the new parts are. I haven't really tried to walk very far, out of fear again....that damn fear can really put a damper on life and living it to the fullest. But I'm afraid to walk for fear of running into trouble and not being able to walk back. I'm waiting on a cell phone to be delivered to the house, then maybe I can give this walking a try. The cell phone will be my security blanket in case of trouble, call hubby and he can come get me.
It's been a little over 3 months and I'm back to doing everything I did before the surgery. Actually I'm doing more, because now I can bend over and touch my toes, well, put my shoes on with no problems is what I should say. I can ride my bike with no pain in the right groin area. I can get in an out of the car with no problem now. I can go up and down the basement stairs with no discomfort. I can sleep with no pain and wake up with no pain. This surgery was a blessing and I'm so glad I had it done. In fact I've already set up my next hip surgery date, for removal of my left hip. I don't want to wait till I'm older and then maybe not pull through the surgery as well. As we age our bodies slowly start to wear out. I'm still healthy enough now to have these replacements done and recuperate so well. Another few years and there's no telling how my health will be. But at least I'll have new hips.... See I'm planning ahead...I know what old age can do, so it's good to plan ahead, right ? The date will be Nov 17th. I'm not gonna wait forever like I did the right hip, and suffer with 24/7 pain.
I do have some discomfort in my left hip. Nothing compared to the pain I had in my right one. But with time it will get just as bad. The MRI showed both hips bad, but right one was the worst. At least with this next surgery I'll have nothing to fear......there's that 4 letter word again.......FEAR !!! How many of us go through our lives living in fear of one thing or another. How many of us let FEAR take over our lives to the point we can't enjoy them? I've always been the type to look Fear in the face and say bring it on. But the older I get the weaker my walls are getting towards FEAR, but as long as I can continue to out smart fear and talk myself out of fearing life's hurdles then I know my life will be lived to the fullest. But it does seem like age makes us weaker to stand up to some of life's surprises.
But I'd hate for fear to win me over. I'd miss out on so much living, I have left to do. I figure I have a good 20 years left, or maybe 15. I'm gonna be 65 and I sure don't feel like I'll live to be anywhere past 85. Heck just seeing 80 will be a miracle to me
Do I want fear to be my constant companion through out those remaining years....NO NO NO.
But I have come to one conclusion......Health is what makes us or breaks us. I found that out when I went through this hip crap. I have always been outgoing and very athletic. Never ever had to depend on anyone. Then the old hip went out and I was helpless for the first time in my 64 years. It felt awful....heck there isn't a word in the dictionary to describe how torturous it was. Being laid up and depending on others, I think I aged 10 years from that FEAR. Fear of wondering if I'd ever be normal again, normal enough to take care of myself and do the everyday chores that needed to be done. Without our health we age into old old old and that's bad enough but then we are dependent on others for our daily living. I know to some this is part of growing old, but to me, I'll fight it off the best I can. By trying to keep myself as healthy as I can. If that means watching what I eat, so I don't gain weight, not after losing 100 pounds years ago, nope don't want that all back. Can you imagine how my hip surgery would have gone if I had that 100 pounds back on me. Not good at all :( So to stay healthy I will watch what gets past my lips, I will get back into biking and hopefully walking the miles again. Just staying active helps to stay healthy and keeps the bones from getting to brittle. Even thou I've inherited my mother's genes of poor bones I'll still try to take care of what bones I have left.
I really really abused my body by gaining all that weight and carrying it around for all those years. That did more harm to my bones than anything else could have. Weight is one of the reasons for hip replacement. To much weight on the body parts and they wear out faster plus having arthritis and a history of family that have bad bones.
Well I've rattled on enough. That's me...I ignore this journal for weeks sometimes months and then I pop in here and go on an on
Written by hibye60
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Friday, April 11, 2008
7:32:36 PM EDT
Wicked Weather
I really should shut down this computer as it's getting mighty nasty outside. Weather has really turned bad and lightening and heavy rains are here. But I shall push my luck and give a quick update on what I've been doing. My new hip is doing fabulous and each day that goes by I get more an more strength in my hip to walk. I still use the cane cause I don't wanna undo all the good the doctor has done for me. Living without that 24/7 pain is a miracle to me.
I can actually sleep now with no pain in the groin/leg/hip area. Still don't sleep through the night, but I think that's just me. No cause from the hip. I would love to sleep through the night, but I'm happy if I get 6 hours uninterrupted. Usually I sleep maybe 2 hours then wake up, then fall asleep and wake up. It goes on like this all night. A few times I've actually only woke up once and that was another miracle to me. But I've heard the older we get our bodies don't need much sleep. Myself I kinda think that's hog wash. Gee, I don't know why I thought to use that word, I never have used hog wash before. As I age I'm noticing lots of different things that I do or say that really aren't me.....ha.ha Oh well, as long as nothing comes flying out of my mouth that will hurt someone, then I'm doing okay.
I remember my Mom used to say some shocking things, hard to believe it came from her. Bless her heart, she lived to be almost 90 before her heart just gave out. But she used to say, at her age she had nothing to hide and nothing to hold back. Only problem with that is, she did embarrass folks although she never felt she did. She was one strong lady. A Southern born and raised mama. Picked cotton as a youngster and saw the hard side of life. Christmas time brought her apples or I should say apple and maybe a few pieces of candy. She was never spoiled, married young and had kids while herself still a kid. Yes, she saw the hard side of life, but she never ever let it get her down. I better bring this to a close and maybe continue about my Mama at another time. This storm is getting wicked so I'm outta here....
Written by hibye60
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Tuesday, March 18, 2008
11:54:50 AM EDT
Feeling Ecstatic
Anniversary of 47 years :)
Today I celebrate 47 years to my childhood sweetheart.
I'll never forget the day I spotted him walking down the hall at school. He looked sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo handsome with his silky blue shirt and jeans and his hair in the Fonze style. My heart went crazy and I told my girlfriend, Oh my God, check out this guy coming towards us, what a Cutie, I'm gonna marry that guy someday. Call it love at first sight, cause it sure was :)
( does anyone remember back in the 50's how the guys wore those flashy silk shirts ?) And they'd wear their jeans down around their hips looking so cool.
Her and I had been standing around the hallway just checking out the guys, none of them made my heart beat like seeing him did. We went together for 4 years and got married after he came home from Navy Boot Camp. We spent the first 4 years of our marriage in the Navy traveling all over the USA. Since he was stationed on the aircraft carrier Essex he'd be gone 6 months of the year. Now that was usually the longest. Most of the time it was 3 months then in port for a few weeks then back out to sea. He missed the birth of both our kids cause he was out to sea.
But oh my!! when he'd come home it was like a honeymoon all over again. It's a wonder I didn't have lots an lots of kids...ha.ha
We have so many many wonderful memories from those Navy years. When I look back at the pictures of us, we look so young to be married. He was 19 and I was 17, I'd never been away from home and actually was kept in a shell most of my life. Except when I'd rebel and fight for more freedom to do normal teenage things. So to go off and be on my own was all new to me. I loved every minute. Well I will admit I got homesick the first month, but I soon got over it and never looked back. I did miss him so much when he'd be out to sea. But all us Navy wives stuck together. We helped each other out and watched over one another. A few of us lived in what's called Quonset Huts. It was made out of metal and when it rained wow! put ya to sleep. I loved it. Then we got base housing and that was a big step up. An actual house with 2 bedrooms and a backyard :)
Yes lots of wonderful memories are wrapped up into these 47 years. Someday I hope to jot more of these memories down here at my journal. As we age our memories start to flicker so to speak, so I'll keep a written memory for when and if this does happen to me. If my mind goes then at least someone else can read all this to me. I do copy every page I write here at Xanga. So I'm off to enjoy this wonderful day.
PS..Hubby gave me a card with 50 single dollar bills inside. He knows how I love to hit garage sales in the summer and I never have enough money. I just love this man, even after all these years, he still is my # one
Written by hibye60
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Sunday, December 30, 2007
4:10:02 PM EST
Twice in one day
Before My Total Hip replacement Surgery
First off, it's excruciating pain just trying to get my socks on. In fact I can't put them on anymore. Nor my shoes. Soaking in the bathtub is a complete no no. To hard for me to get in. So I take showers and even that's a chore when it used to be fun. Not no more. It's a job and a painful one at that. Can't wash the bottom of my feet so I have to use a brush with a long handle. Shaving my legs is torture but will put up with the pain just to get my legs nice and smooth :) But each time I do this it does seem harder than before. I do lots of groaning.
Forget about me painting my toe nails. I tried and the pain was so bad it wasn't worth having pretty toe nails. Hubby did say he'd try doing them for me, before I have to go in for surgery :) Nah, I think unpainted toe nails is the least of my worries or needs.
Haven't slept in bed in months, I start out in bed and within an hour my right leg is starting to ache like a toothache so I go sleep in the recliner.
Shopping has become a struggle when it used to be fun fun fun. I have to use a cart to get around the store. Without it I really don't think I could do it. I even have to use the cart to walk out to my car. I need the support of the cart.
Walking has really gotten shorter and shorter. I'm lucky if I can walk to my neighbors . I can stand on my feet for about 15 minutes before the right leg starts to ache and I need to find a place to sit. To think I walked 6 miles a day, 3 in the morning and 3 in the evening before all this happened. Was going on my 5th year of walking when the hip from hell decided to attack me.
I think that's about it. If I think of more I'll add to this list. Plus after the surgery I will post an entry as to how everything is going and how the pain changes from day to day. Not to many personal journals about hip replacement is on the internet. I know I've looked.
Now when I start belly aching about some minor stupid thing that goes wrong in my life in 2008 I will come back here and read this entry. It should wake me up and get me off my pity party.
Written by hibye60
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11:35:11 AM EST
Feeling Hopeful
New Year Approaching
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New Year Approaching
Seems my entries are getting fewer and further apart. I just haven't had the urge to post here. Nothing much has been going on. We had a wonderful Christmas and I'm looking so forward to the New Year. Hopefully my hip surgery on the 18th of Feb will put me back in the loop of the living. Seems each day that goes by I'm getting much worse. Now when I walk it takes much longer and I do more of a limp walk than straight. I can't walk through the stores without a cart to hold on to and help me get through and shopping done. Getting in an out of the car is really hard and hurts worse than a few months ago.
I'm hoping to we can go see our daughter next month. The trip to Chicago usually isn't hard for me, but then I was never this bad off. Each day seems to make the old hip worse and more painful. So hopefully I will with stand the pain till I see my baby girl. Just another few weeks to go.
Then in February it will be time to concentrate on getting the surgery. Never been cut open before so this will be a first. By the time the date gets here, the pain should be out of sight to the point I'll be begging to get it over with. From all I've been told and from all I've read, having total hip replacement is worth the fear and worry to get it done. Afterwards there will be no more pain from this rotten hip, just discomfort from the surgery itself.
No more restless nights woke up from pain, this I'm so looking forward to. No more pain while walking, no more pain trying to put on my shoes or even getting dressed. Pain free is what I've been told this surgery will do for me. Here's hoping I'm one of those people that breeze through surgery and recovery.
But this is all that's been going on around here. Not much to write about. My year of 2007 started out great, within a few months though the old leg'groin pain started to kick in and got worse with each walk that I took. Got to where I had to give up my daily walks cause I could no longer stand the aches . Last walk I took was in April. Summer was good, I did play a few rounds of golf, did lots of sitting and resting in between holes but I did it. The last game I played I only made it to the 7th hole and had to quit due to pain in the groin area.
Never realizing that the groin pain could possible be due to my deteriorating hip. You'd think the hip itself would hurt, but nope never did. Just the groin pain that would shoot down the thigh into the knee and ache like a tooth gone bad. So if you ever have groin pains remember it could be coming from your hip. Get it checked out. I waited and waited till the pain got so bad I had no choice but to go to my doctor. Well to make a long story short he thought at first it was my back, bad disc's. But decided he could no longer help me and sent me to a specialist in back surgery. One look at my MRI and this doctor sent me to a orthopedic specialist. Mystery solved, hip surgery in the making and should be back on my feet by spring or before and hopefully playing golf or at least walking and biking. Kinda iffy about the golf. I'm a heavy hitter, meaning I put way to much into hitting that dang tiny little ball. So for me I might give golf up for awhile, till I see how well my new hip does.
But I can walk and bike ride. Plus I plan on getting into an swim class, they say this is the best form of exercise for hip replacements. Hey, maybe in the year 2008 I'll finally learn how to swim. Being 64 and learning to swim for the first time will be a block busting event to celebrate..ha.ha
So 2008 has lots of wonderful things ahead for me. I'll be turning 65 and finally getting on medicare. This will surely help out with our health insurance. We have great insurance now but you just never know when some of these benefits will be taken from us.
Plus I think we're finally at a point in our life where we want to sell our home that we've lived in for 33 years and downsize. Hubby and I need to find a smaller place that we can take care of. Especially me, if something should happen to him. He wants to know I'll be okay where I sure wouldn't be living here. I don't know the first thing about sump pumps or lift stations or replacing leaky faucets or taking care of the acres we have. We only cut one acre but even that would be hard for me now. Doing the trim would be a 2 day job. Nope I want something small and easy for me to maintain. Lots of thinking to do on this subject. But putting it off may be a big regret.
I really feel 2008 is gonna be full of lots of wonderful surprises and big decision making. Hopefully our health will stay good. Let's face it with good health you can do just about anything.
Peace to all in the New Year. Pray we see peace in 2008 |
Written by hibye60
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Tuesday, December 11, 2007
5:00:04 PM EST
Feeling Hopeful
Verdict is In
Finally I find a doctor that knows his stuff. I was gonna use another word that starts with an S but I'll be a lady with this post...smile
I will be getting a hip replacement sometime in February. This doctor did X-Rays and showed my husband and I exactly what the problem is. My right hip looks terrible compared to my left. It's almost bone on bone. Like he said it's very severe. Thank You Doctor for coming to my rescue and putting a name on what is ailing me.
I had Xrays and an MRI done during the summer but it must not of been as bad, as they never said anything about my hip. Just that I had severe arthritis in both hips. But the xrays today really leaves no doubt.
I've never been cut open, you'd think I'd be terrified but I'm actually looking forward to it. I just wanna get it over with and get my life back. My hubby has had 2 hip replacements and 1 partial where the ball was replaced, so we're pro's at what to expect.
After all this suffering I feel the surgery will be my answer to getting back on my feet. Both feet that is. I also found out that the terrible cracking in my right knee is caused by the bad hip. The excruciating pain that I have in the buttock at night is also from the bad hip. This pain gets so bad that it seems every hour on the hour it wakes me up, lately. Everything is getting worse and it's time to get it taken care of . Thank God I finally found a ortho surgeon that knows his profession. I've been told he's the best in the field. His bedside manner or I should say office manners :) sure are great. Such a down to earth caring doctor.
My neighbor thinks I've cracked up cause I'm excited about this surgery. I'm not scared and she would be. But her and I are so different. I've always been a strong individual and face life head on. Plus she has no idea the kind of pain I'm living with on a daily basis. I will do whatever it takes to get rid of this pain and be able to walk again.
Just before the surgery I will go for a physical to make sure everything is in tip top shape. Plus I will be giving my own blood to store for this surgery. Heard it's one of the bloodiest surgeries and this way they can use my own blood to replace whatever blood loss I have.
I can't explain how I feel right now except to say I'm on cloud 9. That may seem nutty to some that read this. But just to know what this problem is....FINALLY......is the best Christmas present I could get. So now I'll be getting myself in as good a shape as I can, to face what's ahead of me. Maybe even drop a few extra pounds that has been lingering on my body since last Christmas....lets say about 10-15 pounds.
But I'm also tickled that I'm not carrying around that 240 pounds from a few years back. I lost 100 of it, gained about 12 back. So I'm still way ahead, but I just feel the lighter I'm the better for my new hip.
Well folks this is where it all stands as of now. I thank all who have come to my aid with info and a shoulder to lean on. Having this computer has been a God send to me. How did I ever live without it ?????
Well enough of the health talk. Looks like we have an ice storm heading our way. Supposed to hit us tonight and also drop about 3 inches of snow. I'm glad I was able to make my doctor appointment this morning. They had predicted bad icy roads right about the time we'd be on them, but the salt trucks were out in full force. The rain was turning to sleet but no slipping and sliding for us. So today has been a special day that will get recorded, not only here, but in my off line journal that I keep by my bed and jot in every night. I've been doing the diary's since I was 12 years old. To bad I didn't have all of them. But Mom found them and burned them. But I do have the past 25 years of memories all wrote down in special journals that I get from Doubleday book club, every year. Been a member of there's for over 30 years. They have some nice country diaries in case anyone is interested just go to their web site and I'm sure you'll find them there.
Well it's time to come off the cloud and get dinner started. Hubby is growling that he's getting hungry. So to whom ever reads this entry I wish you the best of evenings.
Written by hibye60
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Monday, December 10, 2007
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