Weight Loss Wonders!!

Geez....it's been forever since I've posted.  I've been on an extended vacation....not from life...just from journaling. 

Nothing much has changed really.  There's a lot going on in my life right at the moment but nothing has changed regarding my weight or my fibromyalgia.  I'm still fat, lol, and my fibro is still going strong.  I'm still tired all the time but I have gotten a little bit of a handle on my pain.

We are adding on to our home.  My grandmother is going to be moving in with us.  At first, we looked for a new house but couldn't find anything that had a bedroom and full bath on the main level.  There are homes that have that but they cost a fortune since they are in high demand.  We decided to refinance and cash out to add on.  The addition is approx. 800 sq. feet.  Two stories...a bedroom off the living room and upstairs a room off the master bedroom.  We are moving all the office stuff into the room off the master and each of my girls will have their own room upstairs.  The twins were sharing...they are pretty happy about getting their own rooms.  The framing is complete and we just had the inspection today.  There are a few things the city is requiring but we passed enough to keep work going on it.  The bedroom downstairs will be my grandmother's and we are turning the downstairs half bath into a full bath.  All of this is costing around $40,000.  My husband and I know a lot of people in the construction business so we are getting really good pricing on all the work needed.  My brother is doing the framing and roofing, DH's cousin is doing the siding, I work with some guys that will do the interior finish work.  I also know a flooring guy that will do the carpet upstairs and the laminate downstairs.  All in all, we're getting this done at a fantastic price.  Most additions of this size would cost $60,000 to $80,000.  Not too shabby at $40,000.

I'm guessing it's going to be another month or two before it's complete.

Emma's eyes are still in a holding pattern.  She had another surgery in the right eye a couple of months ago.  Her good eye is still responding to the drops so we won't have to worry about that one.  The bad eye is still healing so we won't know if the second surgery worked or not for a couple of months.  I'm keeping my fingers crossed.  That poor kid has had to go through so much at such a young age.  She's a real trooper though!  Kindergarten is going great for her.  She LOVES school.

The twins are also doing well.  We're just tapping the surface of teen-dom though.  I can tell it's going to be interesting.  Haley has her first boyfriend.  He already got her a box of chocolates for Valentine's Day....she was beaming!!  I'm still rooting for Kira's first boyfriend that is now just a friend.  He's a great kid...I'm secretly hoping they'll end up together!  :)

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!!!!!  

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Well, I've decided that I should start journaling again.  It's been a very long time.  I'm changing the focus of my journal from weight loss to just dealing with everyday life.  The weight loss thing just isn't happening right now and I need to work on my mental state for a while.

I was recently diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and my mental state is heading quickly towards the crapper.  I'm so tired of being tired and hurting all the time.  I just want life to be normal again.   If you don't know what Fibromyalgia is there is a TON of information on the web.  I won't bore you with the details here.

I'm on pain medication and medication to help me sleep but it only helps so much.  I have my good days and bad days and I never know what the next day will hold for me.  I just turned 38 in July and I feel like an 80 year old woman.  Being overweight isn't helping matters...but it's increasingly hard for me to worry about diet and exercise when I'm in so much pain and my brain seems to be on a permanent vacation as a result of not getting restorative sleep.  Let me tell you, they are LOVING me at work lately....lol.   I can't seem to remember anything and I'm making mistakes left and right.   I'm just praying that I don't get so bad that I can't work at all.  Very scary thought!!!  Disability doesn't pay crap!

I feel terrible for my poor family.  I don't have the energy to do anything after being at work all day so we eat fast food or prepackaged food most of the time.  My poor kids are going to grow up thinking that's how you are supposed to eat.  I try to cook on my better days so that they see what normal people should eat.  I don't have a very stressful or physical job, but just sitting here at the computer is a strain for me now.

Most people with Fibromyalgia have depression.  I'm heading there fast.  I've always been the type to stress about everything and stress makes the Fibro worse.  It's a viscious cycle.  Exercise is supposed to help but I have to be so careful what kind of exercise I do or I'll make myself worse.  Yoga is supposed to be good for Fibro patients and so is swimming.  I love to swim but don't belong to a club that has a pool and I really can't afford any additional expenses right now.  Yoga is something I need to get into....I've tried a little and it's amazing how difficult it is.  I never realized how hard it is to do the movements in yoga....you're holding still and doing simple stretches most of the time....but it's very difficult to hold a stretch.  If you watch someone doing yoga it looks really easy....let me enlighten you....it's not!!

My daughter Emma is doing well as far as her glaucoma goes.  Her good eye is responding well to the drops and the eye that she is blind in is still transitioning and we aren't sure if she will need another operation or not.  She has another appt. on the 8th of August.  My twins are doing great.  I can't believe that they will be in 7th grade this year.  Emma starts kindergarten this year....geez....time flies as you get older!!  

I don't know when I'll get back here again...but I'm going to try to do it more often.

Take care everyone!

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Today is a not very pleasant entry.   I've been a little out of the loop because of some health issues with my 4 year old. 

Emma has been diagnosed with developmental glaucoma.   The opthamologist figures this has been coming on slowly since she was around a year old.   She has no sight in her right eye.  Her vision in her left eye is still good but the pressure is higher than it should be.   There is basically nothing we can do for her right eye vision-wise, but we need to get the pressure down.   He is figuring that he will have to do surgery on her right eye.  Hopefully, we can control the pressure in the left eye with drops (which, by the way, are absolutely horrible to have to give to her - she cries and it stings and I feel like crap when I have to give them to her.)   The doctor figures she will be on these drops for the rest of her life.

We had no idea that she had a problem with her eyes.  She has smaller than normal eyes, but so does her dad.  The doctor said we probably couldn't have discovered this earlier because she doesn't have the 3 markers that lead to glaucoma.   She hasn't ever had any pain (which is one of the markers) the doctor figures that she has adjusted to it since it came on so slow.   She isn't photophobic, light bothering her eyes.   She is bothered by light but not any worse than I am.  We both have light colored eyes and are more bothered by the sun than people with dark colored eyes.   She also doesn't have the tell-tale line inside her eye that would have alerted her pediatrician to test for glaucoma.  I still feel like a horrible mother and that I should have caught this earlier so that we could have saved her vision in her right eye.   I've always wondered about that eye because her lid droops a little more than the left. 

I have been crying myself to sleep every night.   It's so unfair that she should have to endure all that is going to entail with this disease.  She's only 4.  

I probably won't be around that much.  Things are really stressful right now.   I'm not even worrying about what I'm eating anymore.  I'm sure I'm going to gain back everything I've lost...but at this point...I don't really care.   When I'm depressed and stressed like this I eat horribly.   I can't deal with all of this and worry about what I eat too.  It's just too much.

She has another appointment on Thursday.  They'll check her pressure and do an ultrasound on her eyes and take pictures of her optic nerves.  It's hard for the doctor to view the optic nerve because she's so little and can't hold still well enough.   If he has a picture he can study the nerve.  I'm hoping they don't have to put her out to do these tests.

I'll check in again sometime soon.

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Just thought I would jot down a little entry about the online counseling that I signed up for.   What a waste of money!!!   It's great for someone that hasn't researched anything about emotional eating.  I'm finding that it has shown me nothing new.   Everything that I have read on the site I already knew.  Not that I'm overly intelligent....just that their info is very very basic!!    I can't get a refund unless I put out another $80.  You have to pay for the whole program before you can request a refund.  I wanted to be sure to let everyone know what I have learned about the site before you go and spend the money.   Please don't!!!   Total waste of time and money.   I guess it would work for someone that has no clue about themselves.   I'm pretty in touch with my thoughts and actions so it didn't benefit me at all.

I made my pumpkin chili last night for dinner.  Very yummy.  It's a recipe I got out of Light and Tasty magazine.   High fiber from the pumpkin and you can't even tell that there is pumpkin in it.  I make it with ground turkey and kidney beans.  Low fat, high fiber.  Not too shabby.  Hubby isn't thrilled over it but who cares....lol.

I wanted to share a little bit about what I know about emotional eating.   I know that it's been the subject of quite a few journals, as well it should be.  For me, emotional eating is eating when you aren't truly hungry and you are eating out of boredom or lonliness or anger...etc.   I tend to eat the most when I'm bored or depressed.  Boredom is my #1 killer.  I have found that if you do breathing exercises and really think about whether or not you're physically hungry it makes a huge difference.   When I feel hungry I ask myself....what sounds good?  Then I stop and think...OK, does that sound good because it's the food you reach for most when you are bored or upset or does it sound good because you are physically hungry?   Then if it's something I know I shouldn't eat I will have myself dig deeper into why I want the food.  Usually, if it's not good for me it's something I eat out of emotion.  Like I crave pizza when I'm depressed.   I crave sweets when I'm bored, I crave crunchyfoods when I'm angry, I crave baked goods when I'm feeling lonely.   If you pay attention to the foods you are craving it will most likely open your eyes to a pattern.  Most of the time I can talk myself through a craving or breathe through it.  It's amazing what deep, intentional breathing can do for you.   Try breathing deeply, 4 seconds in and 4 seconds out.  Really expand your abdominal muscles and chest wall.  Most people who are overweight have a habit of holding in their stomach muscles.  I'm so guilty of this.  This restricts your breathing.  You need to concentrate on really letting your muscles relax and getting in a full, deep, cleansing breath.  Try this for 10-15 minutes when you are craving something and see if it helps.  Drinking water is also very important for getting through a craving.  I will add more info as I have time...most of it's probably stuff you have heard before.

Have a great day!!

Niki

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Geez.....it seems like I'm always changing my mind.  I'm not doing the liquid diet anymore.  It just got to be too restrictive.  I'm incorporating the shakes into a cross between WW and South Beach Diet.  I have to use up the shakes I have left.  Sorry to always be changing gears .....but I have to find something that will work for the rest of my life.   I'm not going to commit that this is the last change....LOL.  You just never know where the journey will take you. 

I'm still learning about myself and I'm realizing that this is a lifetime project.  I think that since we are changing all the time we are in a constant state of learning too.   I'm reading up on emotional eating and I'm trying to make it my goal to break away from it.   I really, truly think that's the key.   The eating plan really doesn't matter as long as you are eating when you are truly hungry and not to fill some void or just because you're bored.   I'm concentrating on eating healthy and trying to get into a certain calorie range.  I'm shooting for 1500 a day.   I also need to exercise more and that's going to be a constant....I hate working out sometimes.  There are days when it's really easy for me and other days when I have to FORCE myself to do it.   Such is the saga of the overweight!!!

I got really discouraged with the Liquid Diet Discussion board.  It's the same thing day after day.....too many pats on the back and not enough delving deep into why we eat the way we do.   I'm just done with support groups....its got to come from within.   I'm the only one that I have to rely on and it should be that way.  If we rely too much on external forces to keep us on track we will always be disappointed.   Only I can control what goes in my mouth and I'm the only one that suffers if it isn't good, healthy food.  

Enough for today.  I should be around more since I'm done with the other board.....I still read about everyone daily and I enjoy keeping up on your progress and pitfalls.  See you again soon!

Niki

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Had a bad weekend, I didn't even try to diet.  I didn't eat outrageously, but I know that the numbers aren't good.   So, I'm excusing myself from weighing in this week.  

I'm back on plan today and I'm going to stay on plan!!!  

I signed up for this cool online counseling type thing I found that teaches you how not to eat emotionally.   It's 100% guaranteed.  If you don't feel like you've benefitted from the program you can request a refund.  It's a 12 week program.   It looks kinda cool....figured it's worth a try.  I'll let you know how it goes.

So, no weigh in.....stay on plan.....virtual counseling......we'll see how it goes!!   

P.S. - Linda....thanks so much for the compliment!!  Glad to see you back to journaling!!  

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Weighed in today at 259.7.  Only two pounds down from last week.   It's OK though....I thought I would either gain or stay the same....it's that TOM.  I'm happy with 2 lbs. 

Diet is going well, this is the first time I've been with a plan that I think will work for me.  Usually by this time I've given up.

Not much else to say....

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WOOOO HOOOO!!  I weighed in this morning at 261.7.....that's 8.6 pounds lost in ONE week!!!  I'm so happy!  I didn't even stick to the plan 100%.  I'm finding that I have to modify it a little to stick with it.  I'm on plan about 95% of the time.  I'm finding that I have no problem eating something off plan and then at the next meal going right back on plan.  I'm glad that at this point it's not a trigger for me to quit or go crazy with my eating.  If it ever becomes an issue I'll stick to the plan 100%. 

Not too shabby for a week one do-over.

SW: 284.6 (November 2006)

CW: 261.7

GW: 199 (for starters)

See you in a week...if not sooner.

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Day 2 of the do-over.   I weighed in yesterday at 270.3 so that's my new official starting weight.  I went to the gym to weigh in.  I decided I'm not going to buy a new scale.  On the days I want to weigh in I'll just get up early and go to the gym to weigh.  That way I can spend that money on shakes instead of a scale.  The one at the gym is probably accurate since it's one of those with the sliders like in the doctor's office.

Anywho...not much else going on today.  I'm really hungry today for some reason.  I can't wait to get home and have my salmon burger and brussels sprouts.  YUM!!  Last night I had salmon burger and asparagus.  That was yummy too.

I guess I'll go make another shake.  See you soon.

Niki

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I'm so frustrated. My scale is broken and I can't rely on my weigh ins. I'm going to have to start over. Which actually, is pretty cool. I can take all I learned from my first two weeks and apply it for the do-over! I'm starting with a clean slate. Kinda cool. I'm going to buy a new scale this week and then I can have an accurate initial weigh in. I found out that every time we moved our digital scale it would weigh up to 7 pounds different. I then found out (today) that my husband was moving the scale every day to weigh himself. I don't move the scale when I weigh in. I have no idea where I started or how much I have lost or not lost. I'm going to buy a normal scale (not digital) and go from there.

Have a great day!!
Niki

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