Journal Jar!

Question

Fri, 21 Oct 2005 01:24:03 GMT

Question 78
What brings you the most peace and why?

Unfortunatly, that answer includes several things. Well, unfortunatly for one of them... First, the good things... my faith, my friends, my sister, my cats, dark chocolate, writing, singing, and doing methodical things such as trying to burn a paper without burning my fingers or setting it down or crocheting. Then the bad thing(s).... hurting myself, drawing on my skin in red marker, and other bad behaviors. Now for the harder part: the why...

My faith sustains me. It gives me comfort knowing there is something bigger than me controlling this world and I have always felt close to the Virgin Mary for some reason. I've always known there is a God and always believed Christ died to save me and always felt connected to Mother Mary.

My friends distract me. They put me at ease and take my mind off my problems. What could be better than laughing a span of time away with friends? Nothing I can think of.

My Samantha, my sister, reminds me of the innocence of childhood. When life had no real downside. She keeps my mind on the positive instead of the negative.

My cats just sit there and let me pet them. It's a methodical thing. Just getting into a rhythm and stroking their fur. It's theraputic.

Dark chocolate. a) It tastes good. b) It releases chemicals in the brain to make you happy and c) I'm female and I'm PMS, what do you want?

Writing gets my thoughts and feelings out on paper. I can put them away for a little bit and then come back and analyze them when I'm more objective and my emotions aren't clouding my judgements quite so much.

Singing makes me concentrate on my technique rather than my life. It can express some things far better than what I can formulate. There's always a song that fits the mood and if there isn't, make one up. It instantly makes me have better posture and better breathing technique. It makes me feel so much better by putting my energy into my singing and not worrying.

The methodical things calm me. It's a pattern with crocheting. It's a caution with burning. It makes me concentrate on that instead of my life.

The pain of SIing calms me. It's nothing you can really understand unless you've been there and done that. The relief I get from seeing those scratches is indescribable. The calm I get from digging my nails into my back is remarkable. But then the regret comes almost before I can feel that relief or that calm. The relief is not worth the regret.

It's the same for the marker. Seeing that red against the paleness of my skin filled me with such a feeling of calm. I haven't done that in about a year so I couldn't tell you if it's worth the regret that always comes or not.

damn

Wed, 14 Sep 2005 23:44:42 GMT

I just did so many questions and it deleted it all. One missed key. One ctrl v instead of cntrl c and it's all gone. When this happens, it typically takes me a while to get back to those questions. So when I get to it, I get to it. Til then, I fall farther and farther behind. *depressed sigh* Dontcha hate it when that happens? (Luckily for my depression due to this, I can just simply think of one person and it all fades away. Maggie says I'm in love. Lindz says I'm not but I was. I say that I'm just happy to have my friend back. Who knows where it'll go... It would be nice to have a date to semi-formal...)

Vickey

Question 86

Sat, 10 Sep 2005 00:12:25 GMT

Describe your wedding day.

Anything I put here would only be fantasy. And all I know about my wedding is that I will be marrying for true love and true love alone. I'll be wearing a long white wedding dress and my prince will wear a black tuxedo if I have anything to say about it. And I think I'm getting married in a church. If not, it'll be some place outside that I find beautiful. Perhaps by a waterfall.

She has returned!

Sun, 28 Aug 2005 23:11:40 GMT

Kay, y'all I'm baaaaaaaaaaack! Ummm.... I'll catch up tomorrow at Gramma's. For tonight, I need to crash. A week away will do that to ya! Love ya and I'll catch up with your lives ASAP. I'm going to turn all alerts back on as soon as I save this. So.... what did I miss in *your* life?

I miss you!

Good-bye for now

Sat, 20 Aug 2005 18:14:08 GMT

Kay, y'all. I'm gonna be gone for a week with Lindz. I'm going to Alpine Lake camping. For some reason I'm not excited about it at all. We leave tomorrow morning but I'm going there tonight. (She gets back from WI tonight.) I better go get my ass in gear and pack up. I'll try to pop by here later to do a question or two that I still haven't gotten to and to say good-bye. If I don't remember or have time, I love you all and I'll miss you! And I'll be back the 28th (but I may not post until the 29th or 30th).

Vickey

Not Journal Jar but deal

Tue, 09 Aug 2005 02:48:05 GMT

True Story. A religion teacher assigned her class an essay on what makes a good Christian. One student wrote about praying nightly, say no to abortion, banning gay marriage, and donating money. The other student wrote about talking to God and allowing people to enjoy their lives, and supporting gay marriage. The day the teacher was to hand the papers back, she called up the second student and told him she would pray for him when he went to hell. The student asked why would he be going to hell, and why he got an F on his paper. The teacher told him that Catholisim is against gay marriage. The student looked at her for a minute, then said aloud, "I'm gay." The teacher kicked him out of class as if he had said fuck or worshiped Satan. A girl in the back of class who had a boyfriend and was obviously straight got up and left too.

If you would leave the classroom, repost this. It doesn't matter if you're straight, bi, or gay. It doesn't matter if you're Catholic or not. Everyone is a human being and deserves happiness.

Caught up except for ONE

Thu, 04 Aug 2005 22:36:18 GMT

Question #73

What was your favorite age so far and why?

So far, I liked being seven best, I think. I was innocent and naive and Daddy's Little Girl. We went to Niagara Falls that year and we moved that April. I hated it at first but, I quickly made friends and learned that I could walk to school in the spring (with my parents, of course). I still played with my Barbies and Mrs. Foro was still my teacher (but that year she had a baby and was out on maternity leave so we had Mrs. Colway for part of the year but she was just as nice and wound up being my fourth grade teacher). And I *think* I had lunch with Mrs. Murdock (our principal) (this was a good thing) but that may have been second grade. So seven was my favorite age so far.

Question # 76

What personality traits do you admire the most?

I admire open-mindedness, honesty, trustworthiness, and sincerity most. If someone can't accept diversity, I can't admire them. If someone isn't honest and trustworthy, I can't like them because I can't trust them and I can't take their word at face value. If someone is insincere, I, once again, can't respect them. I guess it's just the way I was raised and the beliefs around me.

Time to go finish my daily plans (aka do my nails and dust my room).

Vickey

still catching up but ALMOST there!

Thu, 04 Aug 2005 03:00:30 GMT

Question #77

What was your favorite thing to do with your family when you were young?

I loved playing cards when I was little. We'd play Uno a lot. Dad taught me blackjack before he went to Canada so he'd have practice for the casino (great role model, no?). We went on vacations twice and they were fun (but another question). I loved just hanging out as a family. Mom would make picnics and we'd have them on the picnic tables Dad made. I remember loving the family nights we'd have. Typically when the power went out, we'd get out the candles for light and play board games. We'd watch videos and just have fun.

Question #70

Where do you like to vacation and why?

I haven't really been anywhere but, I like camping. It's fun to just get away for a few days. No real modern conviences. Of course, I'm sure I'll be in hell coming back after my week in Alpine what with all the journal alerts I'll have but, I'll get through that. I loved NYC, Niagara Falls, and the Adirondacks (both times).

Question #63

How do you feel about Doctors and why?

I don't mind them. I hate shots (terrified of needles) but, doctors are okay. Mine is pretty nice. Shrinks are another story. I'm not as bad as Sayiiiiid is but, I don't like shrinks. My last one was nuts. Course, this all may change after my OB/GYN appointment.

I've just been told to get off. So my stories about NYC, Niagara Falls, the Adirondacks, and Ontario Park will have to wait for tomorrow. God bless and good night.

Vickey

Nearly all caught up

Sat, 30 Jul 2005 02:14:45 GMT

Question #66

What is your favorite holiday and how do you celebrate it?

I love the Fourth of July. It means I get to hang out with my friends and dance and celebrate and whatnot. It also means guaranteed fried dough. I go to the fireworks here with Lindz (used to be with my family) and we hang and run into people and eat junk and play games. I do my nails red, white, and blue and I typically wear red, white, and blue, too. It's really fun to just hang out and be so anonymous in such a large crowd. And the fireworks are *amazing*. (Green! lol don't mind me)

Question #67

Did you and your father share any interests? Tell about your relationship with him.

My dad and I were very close when I was little. When my parents split, I stayed with him. I was always Daddy's Little Girl. Before I got my tonsils out, I wanted my dad to go in with me but I didn't want Mom to feel like Joey and I loved Dad more so I had her in with me. Funny because now, my reaction is typically "I want my mommy". When I hit puberty, things got weird. Dad didn't get me and I didn't feel close to either parent. I was closer to Lori than anyone. Now, I'm a little older and I fight with my dad a lot but, it's getting better. Coming out of my depression made me easier to deal with and when I'm easier to deal with, he's easier to deal with. So I don't mind him as much. We both read a lot and we both love to camp. Camping in our house means in a tent in a sleeping bag in your jeans on the ground. In the morning, coffee is made by heating water over the campfire before breakfast. I got my love of camping from my parents. The smell of a fire, the taste of s'mores, the sounds of the woods, the feel of the earth under your feet, the satisfaction of setting up camp, the sight of dinner burned so horribly over the fire that you give up and go to a restaurant. lol My dad and I were thisclose when I was little, but now not so much. But some part of me will always be Daddy's Little Girl.

Question #74

Describe getting a Christmas tree with your family. How did you decorate it? When did you put it up?

Since I was in, like, second grade, we've had a real tree. We go and try to find the perfect tree. I never got to get the one I liked until this year. For some reason, it was really important that I got my tree. We cut it down and bring it home and set it up. It sits there, bare, for a few days and then we decorate it. On go the lights. On goes the garland (which we lacked this year). On go the ornaments. The baby Jesus is the highest ornament below the angel. My Barbie ornaments always go on along with our year ornaments. The year bulbs only go on for certain years. 1990, 1993 or 1994, and 1989 almost always make it on. I set up my tree in one day. It comes out of the basement. I find a spot for the 2 1/2 foot tall fake tree that is horribly crushed. The branches get poofed. The ornaments rehung. The Barbie placed strategically so that I can remember Gumpy but not get depressed about him. The aluminum and cardboard star goes on top, just like every year. I love seeing the lights blurred before I go to sleep. (Because I'm very myopic, the lights become circular and blurry.)

Question #75

Tell the words of a song from your childhood and describe any memories it holds for you.

Easy. You are my sunshine. My mom always sang this to me. I remember one time, I don't know how old I was or what it was about but, I was crying and Mom stroked my hair and sang that to me as I cried all over her shirt. It always makes me feel young and protected. Also, the Garth Brooks song, If Tomorrow Never Comes. My dad used to sing this to me. Whenever I'm mad at him, if this comes on the radio, I have to change the station. And My Girl. I got out of the shower one night and I was looking in the mirror and Dad had helped me shower (I was like 5). I was wrapped in my blue towel with it over my head pretending I was the Virgin Mary (always a religious child). Dad stood behind me looking in the mirror and sang that song. He picked me up and started dancing. We danced all the way to my bedroom so I could get dressed I think.

That's it for tonight. My eyes hurt. Damn contacts. G'night y'all.

Vickey

Goin' to the chapel

Tue, 19 Jul 2005 17:29:35 GMT

Question #71

Describe your wedding. Who was in it? What did everyone wear?

Obviously I'm not married yet but, I'll tell ya what I think I want for my wedding though.....

I want to get married either in a church or some gorgeous place out in nature. I don't really know QUITE what I want but, I want it to be the love of my life standing at the alter. I'll be wearing a long white dress (possibly the one my mom was going to wear for her renewing of her vows to my dad but probably not). My fiancee will be looking *quite* handsome in his outfit (probably a tux). The bridesmaids probably won't want to kill me for the outfits I choose because I'll probably give them a lot of choice in it. I don't have any set ideas except I will be wearing a long white dress and it will be the love of my life waiting for me. It will be a romantic amazing event no matter how it turns out.

Vickey