The Hole Into The Left Side Of The Brain

I met you, I liked you. I did everything I could to show you. but you wouldnt listen, you didnt hear me out. I thought we were alike, i thought i knew the real you. wow, am I fucking stupid. I took hits for you, jealous swings for you, and heres the glory in my destined fall. I guess thats what I get for giving a fuck. See its people like you, with your shit, that you use, as the truth, but in fact, you dont know, how to handle it, you cant stand it, cause you cant control me, so you label me, as overbearing, a bitch, thats got nothing but ice in her heart, well thats a start, but what you do not see, is the ultimate scheme of things, the creation anger, of me, you all wanna tell me, what you think i am, like i havent lived with myself for the past 20 years,  well ill tell you right now, if you havent figured it out yet, you probably never will, just like all the poor saps of this world, who pray that i shut up and deal, well guess what bitch, ill deal, and im dealin you jokers, cause thats what i think of your words and your faces, your all just so angry, that i gte up every morning, to piss in your coffee, and spit in your faces, and crush all your words, and bury them, in my backyard with all the other cocky suns of bitches like you, who thought that they fucking had a clue, and search for the intent of my brain, but really im just dead in the head, and i dont give a fuck, and i hate all you liars, who think you are innocent, and you hypocrites,  who point out the splinters in eyes, when they got a fuckin log house comin outta theirs, and the rest of you bastards that just piss me off to no end, get the fuck off me,  you do not know me, your not even close, you never will be, youre closer to figuring out the death of Diana, or Jon Randall, or why, my fucking father is even still alive, ill find you bastard its only a matter of time., So j, do me a favor, and go the fuck away, cause i got enough problems, without bein your fall guy, and dealing with shit eating flies, like you. By the way, you say you dont wanna lose me? well, hell, you already have. more bitching sessions at a later date.

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Do you see why i am the way i am now? you fuckers make me this way, you drive me to do the things i do. you drive me to be a heartless bitch, cause when i stick my fucking neck out for people they go ahead and try to chop it the fuck off. Both of you are gonna be surprised to find out i know your little tricks, see, everyone thinks they can pull a fast one on me, and get away with it, but they have no fucking clue that i know the truth, cause it runs to me like a child telling on their bully. You will never hide it from me, no matter how hard you try, i will always find the truth, it will always show itself to me, and i will expose you for the weak, mindless, backstabbing,  cocksuckers that you are. And i will rise into something that you will never be able to stop or control, and you will feel pain. This pain will never leave you, it will stay with you until the day you die, and then it will haunt you, while you walk the earth in a daze, wishing you had made different choices day in and day out,  seeing that your consequences, are now far worse than your actions, and you will know who has given you this great pain, and you will break down into tears, and i will walk past you in with no pity, and i will not stop to help you up.

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Well, now we have a problem. after a month of not hearing a word from you, you completely disappear, all of a sudden your back, and you miss me, and want to see me again. wow. i dont know what you take me as. obviously you think im an idiot or something, someone who doesnt know what the fuck they are doing, and someone who has no brain whatsoever,or, you simply know my weakness. which, knowing you, i wouldnt doubt either one, but, shit, what the hell is your deal? i will give you a chance to say a few things to me, and let you get the oppurtunity to say what you think deep down inside you need to say, (which you must have something to say or you wouldnt even be bothereing to contact me at this point) and then, i will tell you my feelings of betyrayal, what i really feel for you, which, in all honesty, is nothing but good things, as far as that i care about you, most definetly, but that doesnt change what you are, and that you did a lot of damage, and that you are nothing but trouble. besides all of that i want to give you a chance to get things off of your chest, i would never deny anyone that, and then, we will take it from there. but dont get your hopes too damn high, cause im watching my back.

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Ok, so, i have a few more things to say that i didnt get out the other day, and it has to do with everything that is going on. First off, im tired of people thinking they know who and how i am, and they get this idea inn their head because i swear and cuss a few people out that im an evil bitch, and that i have no soul. First off, i unfortunately do have a soul, but no mercy and/or compassion at times, simply because people dont give me a reason to have those qualities. People act like im this this kind of a savior, who can help them with their problems, and save them from the issues they carry, but yet at the same time that i dont need any help, and that i can get through everything on my own, because, after all, i am the savior.  Im not saying by any means that i actually want the help of all of those idiots, on the cotrary, i dont. Ive been holding this burden for so long now i know how to deal with it on my own, ive had plenty of betrayal that i know how to get even, and how to beat them in the ground. Thats not what im saying, im just sick of everyone admiring me, but not seeing that just like them, i hurt, im still hurting, and will to the day i die, it will never go away. But yet people put me on this tall pedistal, and im up there wondering how i should live up to these lies that im not. And then when i break down and lose it, everyone wonders why and wants to run away causew i shouldnt be breaking down, like they do, no, i cant be, it cant happen, like its a shock or something. Well, let me tell you, i havent put up with it for a long time now, and a few more people trying to screw me up isnt gonna change that. You see, people wonder why i am the way i am, well just fucking think about it for a minute, think about how you all fuel my fire, how people have done that my whole life, and you wonder why i say the things i say, and why i am the way i am? What the fuck? hello? I dont have too much more to say right now, but im sure more bitching sessions will come to pass.

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OK, I KNOW IVE SAID THIS BEFORE, IVE RANTED, AND RAVED, AND BITCHED. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? ALL THAT DOES IS CONFIRM THAT I HAVE A DAMN GOOD REASON TO! IM SO ANNOYED WITH THE FACT THAT PEOPLE CAN BE SO SELF -CENTERED AND NOT REALIZE WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON. IT REALLY PISSES ME OFF. AND YOU KNOW WHAT? I KNOW IT SEEMS LIKE UNLESS IM PISSED I NEVER WRITE, BUT , DONT WORRY, IM ALWAYS PISSED.  THERE IS PLENTY OF BITCHING TO BE DONE 24/7. THIS TIME, IM TIRED OF PEOPLE PUTTING THIER FRIENDS LAST, AND NOT REALIZING THE DAMAGE THEY ARE DOING. BY THE WAY, BLOWING PEOPLE OFF? NOT FUCKING COOL. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE. ITS PRETTY SHADY CONSIDERING THE THINGS THAT PEOPLE HAVE DONE FOR YOU, YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE. WELL, GUESS WHAT? NO MORE, HAVE A GOOD FUCKING LIFE, AND ILL DO THE SAME. ANYWAY, ISNT IT GREAT HOW PEOPLE THINK YOU LIKE TO HAVE THEIR FOOT UP YOUR ASS? HA! WELL GUESS WHAT? GO FUCK YOURSELVES! AND ALSO, WHEN YOU DECIDE TO GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS, DONT EVEN THINK OF COMING AND SAYING ANYTHING TO ME, CAUSE YOU WARMED OUT YOUR WELCOME, WHICH YOU DIDNT EVEN DESERVE. more bitching sessions ata later date. why does it always rain on me?

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So, once again, im annoyed and bothered with the realization that i really am alone in this world, because once again, someone close to me has brought me down and made me their doormat again. i just want to take this time to say, im not a fucking doormat, so get the fuck off of me. why when things go ok for a while does life slap you in the face as if to say, nope, not this time. why dont you all just dig the knife a little deeper? i dont think its all the way in, i dont think youve done enough damage, you havent made me bleed enough, those wounds i did have already scarred, its time for you to make new ones.  every time i heal a wound, some dipshit pops up to give me a new wound to heal. so this goes out to all motherfuckers, you can never give me enough, ill keep taking the jabs , but you better believe in the end, ill get you, ill get you all good. Once again, more bitching sessions at a later date.

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You know, i dont really have that many pet peeves in life, but when people lie to me, then i get pissed off! its really unfortunate that people feel that they have to lie to me, cause i feel im an easy person to come to. So when people decide for themselves that im not and try to bullshit me, i get an attitude. there was no reason for this person to bullshit. none whatsoever. But i guess ill just take it with a grain assault, like i have with everything else in my life. Nothing new. The thing is i was really looking forward to tonight, and then shit had to get all fucked up. Like usual. I dont ask for much, and yet i still cant even get that much. I know ill get my time, though, the sun shines, even on the wicked. Ill be back with more bitching sessions later this weekend.

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