Archives
June 2007
6/27/07
6/27/07
6/20/07
6/19/07
6/19/07
6/17/07
SPERM DONOR DAY
6/16/07
6/14/07
6/12/07
6/9/07
6/8/07
6/7/07
6/6/07
6/4/07
6/3/07
6/1/07
Sunday, June 17, 2007
9:30:00 PM EDT
Feeling Quiet
Written by imgr8phil Blog about this entry |
Add to del.icio.us | 
digg this
9:30:00 PM EDT
Feeling Quiet
SPERM DONOR DAY
So how has Sperm Donor Day 2007 gone so far? Well, pretty much like its predecessors have. Not much going on here and that is right in line with expectations.
I have not received a phone call from my daughter. I haven't really expected one. After all, the past two Sperm Donor Days I have not heard a peep from her. I did not receive a card either. Oh well, I guess. The longer I don't keep in touch with her the easier it is getting even though I do wish deep down that things were different. But I cannot be involved in my ex wife's crap as well as her family. They are all a bunch of dysfunctional people.
I had hoped beyond hope that my daughter would turn out different and actually develop a mind of her own, but these days I find my hopes waning. Actually, I haven't seen nor talked with my daughter since last July. If you are new to reading my journal you may not understand that the first ten years of the post first marriage debacle has taken its toll on me. I've tried for an entire decade to be close to my daughter and it has never worked out that way.
It may sound callous to some, but as time goes by, as the days pass into weeks, then turn into months, and the years tick off one by one, the more removed I am from that situation the more I don't want any part of it and to me it is going to be totally my daughter's choice for us to have a future relationship. I have given my all, shed many tears, endured much heartache in the past and have nothing to show for it. I have to try to keep the past in the past and think about the present as well as plan for the future. She is going to have to show me she wants me in her life, otherwise I will never have a daughter in my life and she will never ever know her father. That is a shame to be sure, for both of us.
I have been without my father now for ten years, so this day simply has little to no meaning to me at all. I really dread it to be quite frank. It kind of makes me nervous to actually think that my daughter may call. I would not know what to say to her anymore, as it always seemed that any phone conversation we ever had was pretty much about nothing and I'm sure that her mother and the rest of that family were always listening in anyway which made it difficult to ever relay feelings the way I wanted any to her.
So as Sperm Donor Day comes quickly to a close, I hope that you all have had a good day of celebration honoring your fathers or having your children honor you if you are a father. Take care and have a good week ahead.
Written by imgr8phil Blog about this entry |
Add to del.icio.us | digg this
This entry has 7 comments: (Add your own)
-
I posted some pics of the race for you on my journal but I forgot to get a picture of Tony for you! I was too busy hoping that he didn't pass Martin so I could win the money to worry about getting a pic of him! LOL sorry I will do better next time! Linda
-
She may change her mind one day, Phil. I am sorry this day was so hard for you. I love you and I am here for you if you need a friend.
Terra -
Awww Phil... We need to talk... I am sorry about your day... I hate this day too for other reasons... they could chuck it out the window... ICK! what a bunch of hooeee...
Good news is... ya still got me!
Hugs Chickie -
I am hoping she changes...calls and makes amend of the Good DAD that you are...have a good week ahead...
Joyce
http://journals.aol.com/springangel235/TreasureChestFullofL ife/
http://journals.aol.com/springangel235/save-the-drama-for-y our-mama/
6/22/07 10:01 PM