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Sunday, June 15, 2008
12:59:00 PM EDT
Feeling Rejected
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12:59:00 PM EDT
Feeling Rejected
Sperm Donor Day 2008
This is my annual entry.
What has changed since last year at this time. Well, in a nutshell, nothing. I have not received a Father's Day card for the third straight year. Let me tell you, that really pains me to the core. To have a child out there that won't even acknowledge you isn't anything I would wish on you. It's been nearly two years since I've physically seen my daughter or talked to her on the phone.
I don't write these entries for sympathy and for Y'all to tell me it will be ok and that she will come around someday. As each moment, week, month, year goes by I feel more pain and at the same time feel more distant from her. I am almost at the point that where I am ready to write off any future relationship with her. I don't know who she is or what she is all about, I am just left with those words she last told me when I asked her the first year why she didn't send me a Father's Day card and her answer was a "I have my reasons" retort. She would not elaborate any further. I have no doubt that the influence of the ex and her family has jaded her probably for life against me, it gets to the point then when your daughter, who will be 17 next month, needs to grow up a bit and take charge of her feelings and if she truly feels animosity towards me then so be it. Don't come to me ten years from now and expect for me to be too welcoming.
Emotional pain, that is what I feel from the past 12 years since I divorced my first wife, has always been a part of my psyche and it certainly isn't a pleasant feeling to have especially on a day such is this. So I say, since I have not been, nor will I ever be a true father to any child, that is why I refer to this day as Sperm Donor Day. The pain is immeasurable and I'm about to tear up right now so I am going to end this pointless entry.
So I guess to all of you that have or had good relationships with their dad's I sincerely hope that you honored him or will honor him in every way shape and form on this day because if you don't it will find him with pain inside whether you realize it or not.
Previous Sperm Day Entries.
2007 SPERM DONOR DAY
2006 Sperm Donor Day 2006
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This entry has 14 comments: (Add your own)
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Isn't it sad the way life is sometimes? My son and daughter always remember their "sperm donor" father on his birthday, Christmas, Fathers Day, etc. Does he remember them? HELL NO! He was never in their life, except to pay his monthly child support (which he hated every moment of, and most likely did the happy dance the day they turned 18). The twins have tried everything to try and be a part of his life, but he disses them every time. Someday they too will get tired of it all, and he will be the one who suffers in his old age. Alone.
I'm sorry that you are feeling so bad, Phil. It's just unfortanate the way life deals us the cards sometimes, isn't it?
Happy Father's Day (because you are a father, and much more than just a sperm doner) even if your daughter doesn't recognize you as such.
She probably has listened to what other people say about you, and is letting that dictate her feelings. Someday, when she is older, she will look at thinks differently. I just hope it isn't too late..
Hugs and love
Jackie
http://journals.aol.com/siennastarr/Hopefloats/ -
Sorry is all I can say love v
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Some one else said what I am going to say. YOU contact her....again and again. I've seen this in my own family and the kids do feel like the parents should fix this . Even adult kids. Just keep trying, that's all I can offer.
Be well
Ellen -
Next year on fathers day send her a card telling her how much you love her and you are glad to be a dad...someday maybe you two can reunite when her mom has less interference! Sending you cyber hugs!!TerryAnn
6/18/08 10:45 PM
Do I feel bad about it? Yes.
Do I change it? No. Because it would just be a roller coaster ride.
I don't know your entire circumstances. I know you would be a great Father to your daughter. Maybe one day she can realize it. The only thing you can do, is do right by her. Pay the support, send the cards and make the calls. At least she couldn't say you didn't try.
Sharon