(((Reflections)))

Colorful Calm

Tue, 15 Jul 2008 00:16:02 GMT

Just as the rainbow promises Hope after the rain, so does a garden in bloom. If you'd like to see mine, please click on the smilebox creation below. My images seem to be too large, and some of the petals are cut off, but so be it.... :o/

AOL won't let me post albums any longer ~ Something to do with my browser. I'm assuming it's the change in computers and nothing else. No, I haven't gotten a new one and most likely won't be getting one for a while. For now, I'm content (grateful, really) for the use of my daughter's.

Speaking of my daughter.... Thank you, for the kind and supportive words I received after my previous rant.... uh, post. Of course, things settled down and improved greatly as that particular evening went on. Just recently, she pointed out that she tells me things her friends would NEVER tell their parents. THAT, my dear friends, is good to know.

I also have another vehicle now, so the problem is mostly just financial at this point. I have two catering jobs coming up and another possibility or two in the making, so for now, I'm doing okay.

Life is good. I've been enjoying it lately, which is a plus. Let's hope it stays that way.

Hope you enjoy the photos ~

Make a Smilebox slideshow

To Top It All Off....

Sat, 12 Jul 2008 01:39:54 GMT

"So, are you going to have a car tomorrow, or what? 'Cuz H. wants me to come over, and I need a new charger for my cell phone since you ran over it with the vacuum cleaner, and we want to do something else, and ....."

Somebody stop me......

This, at the end of a day I've been struggling to ignore.

I guess it's too much to ask, that my teenager be appreciative of all that I've done for her this week. The money I spent getting the paint she wanted for her room (even though technically we're not allowed to paint the walls here) and the time I took to help her finish it. The camp-out I planned for us (more money), with all the fixin's for a night under the stars. The one we are supposed to be at right now, but aren't because after packing the car all up this morning, it died again. This, after spending half of what remains of my summer funds to have it fixed just days ago. This, after spending the day trying to think of something to do to make up for it. THIS, just moments after coming in the door from walking 3 miles to and from Dairy Twirl so her little sister could have an ice cream cone (and don't think for a minute I didn't have one myself!). Not to mention everything else that's gone wrong this week.

I'm just plain pissed off ~ and I rarely write when I'm pissed off. Shocking, I know.

She's in her room sulking now, because I asked her to get up off the couch (for the first time today) and pick things up a bit. She's been sleeping in the living room since we finished painting, not wanting to over-exert herself and get it done with.

I AM the meanest mother in the world, you know.

I understand she's disappointed about a lot of things right now. So am I. The difference is, I'm finally allowing it to show. Consider the rules broken.

Thank you, I feel much better now.

::sigh::

Acceptance

Tue, 08 Jul 2008 17:36:38 GMT

When our hearts are willing and able to accept what is and what is not, there is a feeling of Peace that transcends even Hope. I've always believed that without Hope, all is lost ~ but what I'm finding is that Acceptance is much more essential to a healthy outlook on life ~ among other things.

Of course, we all have hopes and dreams and goals. We MUST! Each one gives meaning and purpose and color to our own personal journey through time. One should never be without them.

But sometimes our hopes are not answered. Our dreams are not meant to be. Our goals are not reached. That doesn't necessarily mean that we have failed, but simply that Someone has other plans.

I am learning to derive a great amount of comfort from that. Notice I've said "am learning" and not "have learned". It's a process, really. One that works and sometimes not so much. I was inspired by comments left in my previous post, to share these thoughts. Yes, most of the time, my priorities are in order and my outlook is as it should be ~ Acceptance has a great deal to do with that...

That, and summer breezes.

Summer Breezes

Mon, 07 Jul 2008 01:06:52 GMT

Summer is always filled with adventure of some kind. I always start out by thinking of it as my "down" time. My "me" time. A (paid) break away from the classroom. A time for my kids to take a long trip away with their dad (already home, safe and sound). Time for a bit of leisure and time for my hobbies. Maybe a few days here and there, just hangin' by the water, soaking in the sun....

::cough::

As it turns out, summer has been and will continue to be an adventure all right ~ and a costly one.

First my desktop pc crashed and burned. I've decided NOT to pay the $800 to get it fixed, but instead have my hard drive copied onto disk for $99. As much as they can fit onto it for that price, anyway...

Then my car broke down. I found out Friday that it will cost about $1,200 to have it fixed. I've looked into trading it in, but I still owe so much on it that it makes no sense to even consider doing that for more than five minutes. I've had to cancel my trip to Maine with the girls and drain my savings account to a meager existence. .

THEN my camera started acting up again ~ just in time for the 4th of July, of course. I was so excited (and READY, dammit!) to attempt some half way decent fireworks shots, then I find those same distorted zig zaggy lines I started seeing a couple months ago (they were gone again yesterday, btw... ::sigh::).

So what might seem like a rant to most of you reading this, is actually more of a thing. Just a "thing" I'm going through ~ making life a little more challenging in some ways right now.

But what I really want to share is how little any of this really matters. Not only is there a flip side to each of these situations, there is also something much more powerful and extraordinary than any financial pitfall I have fillingmy plate.

My girls are happy. I am happy. We are all healthy. Thankful by day and comfortable by night as we sleep. I'm finding new and creative ways to (hopefully) earn more money. I feel the warmth of love and the fulfillment of peace in all that I do and all that I face each and every day because of the presence of family and friends and loved ones by my side.

Summer breezes ~ take me away.

Enjoy yours, if you are able.

Peace,

Chelle

Basic Instincts

Tue, 01 Jul 2008 02:49:08 GMT

"The active part of man consists of powerful instincts, some of which are gentle and continuous; others violent and short; some baser, some nobler, and all necessary."

Francis W. Newman

'Tis true, what they say... Our instincts are better followed than ignored. But honestly, how many of you actually DO?

I've been thinking lately, about my own instinctive abilities and inabilities. Therefore, I am second guessing myself left and right ~ thoroughly frustrating myself to the point of exhaustion. Looking back ~ and I'm talking YEARS, I consider all the crossroads I have come to and ponder my actions and choices based on instinct alone. That's not at all to say that I have followed my inner voice on every occasion, because more often than not, I chose to do the opposite of what my instincts were telling me ~ and got myself in a heap of trouble. Maybe not at that exact moment in time, mind you, but at some point soon thereafter.

Like the fact that most recently, I KNEW my car would break down again... And it did.

My instincts HAVE gotten better over the years. That is, while I continue to fail miserably at following them, I can honestly look back and see HOW strong those instincts were at the time, and how badly things turned out, by my having NOT followed them.

I think about the day I became engaged and then of course, the wedding itself... And the lingering doubt that crept it's way into my thoughts at the most INOPPORTUNE times (so i thought)...

I think about events that shattered innocence and hearts. Events that, to this day, I continue to believe ~ had I followed my instincts, never would have happened.

Part of trusting your own instinct is having the very courage to do so. Oftentimes, what we feel deep down is the truth, may in fact be what hurts the most. It may be what brings us to our knees in the darkest hours of night. Who wants to come face to face with that kind of pain?

But what if knowing and feeling and enduring brings us to that beautiful somewhere we thought we'd never go? Isn't that what instinct IS? Our gut ~ or our God, if I may, leading us into greener pastures and brighter tomorrows?

And does basic human instinct originate in the heart ~ or the mind? Someplace else then? What if our hearts and minds tell us two completely different things ~ each one bringing very different results? What then?

I will more than likely contemplate this forever...

May your instincts guide you well in all you do...

Summer's Bloom ~ a video

Fri, 27 Jun 2008 15:49:35 GMT

Summer has officially begun, and I've had a lot more time to experiment and redevelop my creativity lately, which is a nice distraction from some of the heavier issues weighing on my mind.

The video above is my first attempt at creating a slideshow using my photos AND putting it to music AND posting it on YouTube. I've had a YT account for quite some time, but have never done anything with it till now. The video ends abruptly and the song is cut short ~ I'm just glad I managed to figure out how to do it. Of course now, I have the perfect song in mind that would fit right in with the time frame.... "LittleTooLate" is my middle name, don'tcha know.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy it, for what it's worth. The photos themselves seem blurrier than they do on the computer. My desktop hard drive holds every digital photo I've ever taken, and is currently in the hands of the Geek Squad at Best Buy, so it's been theraputic to do something with the only photos I currently have on this PC.

Happy Summer!

Reflections ~ Magic Smoke Style

Fri, 20 Jun 2008 04:54:08 GMT

(as written in Magic Smoke)

"And the day came when the risk [it took] to remain tight in the bud

Was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." Anais Nin

Greetings, fellow journalists ~ And a warm welcome to all those passing through

Please allow me to introduce myself. My name is Michelle, and I've been sharing my thoughts, feelings and fateful journey in the pages of my journal, Reflections, for over three years now. What began as simple documentary of my daily activities turned into something I never would have imagined ~ a beautiful, fulfilling and delightful way of reaching out and searching within. Reflections has been and continues to be so many things to me: A place to vent. A quiet retreat. A connection to the world. A place where friends always know they are welcome to visit and share a smile ~ or offer a shoulder. It has become a celebration of the moments I have captured through my camera's lens. There are times when I reflect quietly ~ even silently, as a picture paints a thousand words, or a poem finds my heart when my own words elude me.

More importantly, I've been incredibly fortunate to have stumbled upon some wonderful journals that have brought some very special people into my life. Many of them have been mentioned on these pages before, and I would gladly add them (and countless others) to my personal list of "must read's". What I would like to do today however, is highlight a few journals that are relatively new additions to that list. And if you haven't yet already, I'd like to suggest you pay them a visit sometime as well. You won't be disappointed.

VagabondJourneys "Ambling through a forest of ideas, influences, events, art and people I have known, trying to define in some positive way a difficult and troubled life, with honesty, humility and humor. No rituals, no rules, no summations." A thoughtful man with clever with words and inspiring thoughts and ideas, DB has become someone I am honored to call "friend".

Porchswingpoet "my journey through time......" Rarely do I find a journal that reaches deep inside and touches me as instantly as this one. Your heart needs a little understanding? Go here.

Rosarium "Mindscapes, rants, deep philosophical reflections...Well, okay, let's just say rants and leave it at that. Man, you're fussy!" Honestly, you won't want to fuss after reading some of these stories. I have been deeply moved here as well. Especially by the "Thankfulness" entries.

ChosenWords "... mostly about poetry, sometimes art." This is a brand new one for me, too... But with each new visit, I am always left looking forward to the next one.

Iwasthinking... ~ "Each new day is a blank page in the diary of your life. The secret of success is in turning that diary into the best story you possibly can." ~ Douglas Pagels Memories, thoughts and personal reflection ~ a journey ~ honestly and thoughtfully shared with the world. You'll find yourself wanting to ride along.

Thank you for allowing me the opportunity and honor of being this week's Guest Editor! Happy reading ~ and writing!

Peace,

Chelle

Tags: Guest Editor, Magic Smoke, Journal Links

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Up, Up and Away.....

Wed, 18 Jun 2008 00:53:03 GMT

The above photos were taken Friday evening at the Quechee Balloon Festival in Vermont. The NEPE (New England Photo Expedition) group had a Meetup planned for the entire weekend, but I was only able to spend a few hours ~ thankfully, a few GOOD hours!

If you've never been to a hot air balloon festival, I would like to suggest that you search for one in your area to attend. There is nothing quite like observing and experiencing such a magical event... As soon as the balloons begin to inflate with their hot air ~ one by one until there are too many to count, it's like being a kid in a candy store.

However, I must admit, I couldn't imagine actually riding in one... I have a fear of heights that puts my kids into fits of laughter at any carnival. It's gotten better over the past couple years ~ as I've found the inner strength to settle my self and my heart as needed, to will a friend across the edge of a bridge for a photo op, or to accompany my kids on a high gondola ride. But inside, I am absolutely fluttering. I find it interesting, that even with such inexplicable fears, my most enjoyable dreams are those in which I am flying...

Thank you friends, who have decorated my life in countless ways and have given me wings to fly.

Saint Gaudens National Historic Site

Tue, 17 Jun 2008 03:36:41 GMT

Our class recently took our annual field trip to St. Gaudens National Park in Meriden, NH. We spent time in and around the gardens and home of artist/sculptor Augustus St. Gaudens. We visited a sculptor in residence as well as a museum of St. Gaudens' work. We also explored the grounds, ate a picnic lunch and hiked a trail through the woods (my favorite part).

View of Mount Ascutney from the porch (see below)

One of many beautiful spots

This angel seemed to be craving a burst of sunlight, so I gave her one.... ::smile::

Things are finally beginning to settle down here, as the end of this school year quickly approaches. The students, however, are far from settled, as they anxiously await the first day of summer vacation. Today was step up day, and we welcomed 17 new, energetic students into our classroom for introductions and activities.

My own "little" ones are also finding it hard to sit still. They have some fun of their own planned for the summer months, and we are all looking forward to having a bit of time off. I know I'll enjoy having more time to enjoy reading journals and hopefully writing a little more myself. Still, the lazy days of summer will be hardly that ~ I'll be working part time, for the same catering business I worked for last year (put in almost 14 hours on Saturday alone!), and the "off" time will be well spent and celebrated in every which way.

Nothing new with regards to my PC troubles. I'm having a difficult time trusting programs that offer to remove the bug(s) from my system. I was finally able to get online for the first time in days (on that computer at least... Thank goodness my daughter is willing to share!) and tried a few things to no avail. ::sigh::

Thank you to all who offered support and words of advice. As always, your comments, emails and friendships are very much appreciated!

Tags: Saint Gaudens National Historic Site, Pesky bugs

Beware: Munching CYBERBUGS!

Tue, 10 Jun 2008 02:29:57 GMT

We've been invaded.....

MalwareProtector is a program that has just recently been launched (or so I've read ~ maybe you've all heard of this to some degree...) into cyberspace and is infecting computers at an astoundingly high rate of speed.

Mine's one of them.

At this very moment, as I type away at the notebook PC, large, disgusting black bugs (literally) are crawling all over my desktop computer screen, eating away at my files. A tad bit disconcerting, to say the very least... A swift swipe of the mouse temporarily exterminates the little buggers, but soon thereafter, not one, not two but countless hungry critters return to dine upon my precious electronic world.

The program flashes a warning that your computer has been infected and insists that in order to fix it, you will need to purchase Malware Protector for 50 smackeroos (don't waste this week's gas money, people....). If you click on the link provided up above, you'll see that this is in fact a SCAM, to steal your money and perhaps destroy what's LEFT of your computer and all the files you've meticulously created and organized since the very first day you logged on.

I've downloaded the software needed to remove the program to no avail. I just thought I'd put the warning out there to anyone else who may be experimenting the same technical glitch in their system. There ARE ways of exterminating the little buggers for good ~ I just haven't found them yet. When i DO, I'll be sure to let you know....

This is what your computer screen will look like when you've been infested:

Luck be with you.