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Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Checking In
I've just got time for a quick check in. I've got a bunch of family coming in this week for my dad's funeral and Passover. Saturday night, I'm having 22 people for a sit down dinner for the first night of Passover. That will be a charming follow up to Friday morning, when we're having a private graveside burial for my Dad. We'll be burying his cremated remains which the funeral home refers to as "cremains". Every time I hear that word, I think they've mixed his ashes with dried cranberries....
indy1016 at 8:06:37 PM EDT
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Thursday, April 3, 2008
Doh
So, here's something kind of funny about when your dad kills himself. And by "kind of funny" I mean "horrifyingly morbid".
Let's say your dad shoots himself and even though you don't know
exactly how it happened (was he calculating and determined? scared
and tearful?) and you only have a vague idea of where (in the hall
outside the bathroom) you still manage to create an image of it that
appears unbidden in your head when you try to do things like, say, fall
asleep. And after spending a few weeks with this image your mind returns to it with such frequency that it almost becomes comforting. And then you suddenly remember Oh shit! He was
left-handed. And you have to adjust the image accordingly and start
all over again.
indy1016 at 11:13:22 PM EDT
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Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Confessions of a CF Husband
Are you guys reading this blog? http://cfhusband.blogspot.com/
I just found it a few days ago and it's absolutely riveting. The blog is written by Nate who is married to Tricia. Tricia has cystic fibrosis and was on the waiting list for a double lung transplant until she found out she was pregnant. Her baby, Gwyneth, is doing well despite being born 12 weeks ago at 25 weeks gestation. A donor lung match was found today and Tricia is, at this very moment, undergoing a double lung transplant.
With everything going on in my life, I'm thrilled to root for people who are desperate simply to live, love, and raise their child.
indy1016 at 11:46:24 PM EDT
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Tuesday, April 1, 2008
My Dad
Thirteen days ago I was awakened by a phone call from my uncle telling
me my father was dead. I know some people prefer the term "passed
away" but to me, that conjures an image of someone gently slipping from
life. My dad went out with a bang. Literally. He shot himself in the
head.
My dad and I did not have a close relationship. He struggled with
an addiction to pain medication for most of my life. This addiction
caused him to lose his medical license, spend time in jail, and
ultimately commit suicide. Whether from the extensive drug use or
perhaps from undiagnosed Asperger's, my dad did not know how to connect
with people the way most people do. We used to call him Mr. Spock
because he was so much more comfortable with logic and rationalization
than with emotion.
Over the past ten years or so, my father and I hammered out a
semblance of a relationship. This meant talking on the phone maybe 4
or 5 times a year and me sending updated pictures of the kids twice a
year. In the past few years, my father began sending me books he'd
read that he thought I might like. He'd call and ask if I'd be
interested in a book about building bridges or sea battles or zeppelin
flight. Yes, I'd say. Yes to everything. Then the books would arrive
sometimes with a scrawled note attached to one saying "Don't miss this
one" or "Superb dialog". I read some of them and put the rest on my
shelf. They were books I never would have chosen for myself and they
were fascinating.
In the past few years, my father also started ending conversations by
saying "I love you." I was surprised the first time he said it, but
managed to say it back. When he died, I was at peace with the
relationship we had. It wasn't much, but it was a small connection. I
think it was the best he could offer me and I accepted it as such. Now
that he is dead, I am saddened but not heartbroken. That I am only
saddened is the part that breaks my heart.
indy1016 at 1:45:22 PM EDT
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Sunday, March 23, 2008
Death and Disneyland
We've had some bad news here at HinJew central. I found out Wednesday morning that my dad had died Tuesday night. We weren't close but it still came as a huge shock. I plan to write more about it, but right now we're at the Portland airport getting ready to board our flight to Disneyland. In the midst of all the misery, I am happy to be spending my spring break with my family making happy memories.
indy1016 at 12:39:40 PM EDT
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Saturday, March 15, 2008
Friday, March 14, 2008
Blah Blah Blog
Let's see, where have I been and what have I been doing?
For starters, the Zoloft has reached a nice, therapeutic level. Oh, did I forget to mention my clinical depression and need to start on meds? Ooops. Silly me. The good news is that I'm feeling like my old self again and only drag out the depression diagnosis when I need some sympathy (like forgiveness for sporadic blogging) or to get out of something (like being on the PTA board).
In general things have been going well. I was busy with Juliana's birthday (and yes, rest assured she did indeed receive mechanical pencils along with her olives) and then we spent a weekend in San Francisco to witness my niece do a spectacular job at her bat mitzvah. After that we had science fair projects to finish, a viola concert, and the beginning of the spring soccer season. In addition to all my regular school and synagogue volunteering, I'm taking an adult ed class through the synagogue that meets twice a month.
Also, we're still working on the office. You'll remember that I finally finished removing the wallpaper. Did I show pictures of the walls now painted in official licensed University of Michigan colors? Ritu and I (and Ron The Floor Guy) decided to put down a cork floor in the office. We felt it would reflect the mood of the room better than a more formal wood floor. Plus, fraction of the price, people. I grew up in a house that had a cork family room floor, so I was all for it. We chose a nice dark color that looks almost like leather. Ron came and installed it and put down an extra coat of polyurethane which was great until two days later then the polyurethane began to separate from the cork. I am not kidding when I say that you could peel the polyurethane off like you were peeling dried Elmer's glue off of your hands. I am also not kidding when I say that the kids were actually asking to help peel the floor. Trusty Ron came right back over and (with our enthusiastic help) spent two days getting the coating peeled off. He put down a different type of polyurethane which seems to be holding thus far. Ritu put together the Ikea desk that's been in boxes since November and we plan to start moving furniture in this weekend.
Lastly, I've started watching America's Next Top Model. Seems like everyone I know watches it and I've never been organized enough to get in on the beginning of a season. Oh, what delicious fun! I could do without all the squealing though.
I'm off to take pics of the office. I'll try to get them uploaded soon but please remember that <insert weak eye-blinking here> I am clinically depressed.
indy1016 at 4:08:19 PM EDT
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Sunday, February 17, 2008
Happy Birthday, Juliana!
Birthday wishes DO come true!
indy1016 at 5:55:50 PM EST
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Wednesday, February 13, 2008
I Want Whatever She's On
Today at breakfast, Juliana remarked "I feel like we live in a crayon box because of all the colors around us."
On the walk to school she showed me a wet splotch on the sidewalk that resembled a butterfly and a rock that looked like a heart.
For her birthday she has asked for five cans of olives and a mechanical pencil.
indy1016 at 12:15:01 AM EST
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