Peculiar thoughts from a runners mind

Just when I got back to journaling, my internet is down.  Hopefully I will have the problem fixed this week, and be back online ASAP. 

Talk to you all soon.

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4:00 in the morning, and I am getting ready to leave for work.

First, however, I am going to go and snuggle with my kids for just a bit.  They both start school today.  The Girl Child is already in 8th grade.  Grown up.  Beautiful.  I am so very proud of her.  The Boy Child starts kindergarten today.  His first day of the journey ahead of him.  I wish I could walk with them both through every step of their journey.

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I have absolutely the best friends in the entire world.  Protective, caring, unselfish, loving, considerate, intelligent, sexy, funny, and did I mention very very protective.

Yesterday, Todd and I were in class at the gym, and he decided that we should take the kids out on his ski boat.  We spent the entire day on the lake Tubing, Wake boarding, drinking and just enjoying the beautiful weather we have been having out here.  I attempted wake boarding (notice the word attempted) and I tubed with my daughter.  The Boy Child got to drive the boat for a while and that just made his whole day.

So, all of this fun and frivolity was super duper spectacular until this morning at 7 AM when it was time for an 11 mile run.  My legs were tired, my shoulder hurt, Terri and I just sort of plodded along.  It was a fantastic run.  Terri and I talked the whole time.  We talked about her life.  We talked about my life.  Hell, we may have even talked about YOUR life.  I love my friends dearly.  I would not be the man I am today without them.  Not a day goes by that one of them doesn't call me . . . just to check in with me.  Just to see how I am and what I am doing.  We have names for eachother.  There is me (Shuffle) and we have Mama Bear (my best friend in the whole world) Trance, Mosey, GG, The Chosen One, Monkey Face, Crammer (don't ask). 

Now then, the Girl Child used to have a journal called Rose Bud.  She hasn't written in quite a while.  Last night she started a new journal.  She changed the name, because her life has changed.  I don't remember how to make a link to her journal (I need someone to stop by and give me lessons . . . . someone single . . . female . . cute . . .with beer).  Here is the address to her journal though.  Stop by and say hi. 

http://journals.aol.com/bananabear1224/roses-are-red

I hope that works. . . . .

Alright, until tomorrow . . . Run Strong, Run Happy, Run Naked.

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Saturday morning. 

I got up . . . .worked out for about two hours . . . came home and cooked my kids some sausage, eggs and toast for breakfast, and now I am going to sit down and write an entry before I jump in the shower and get un-stinky.

The gym workout was very good this morning.  Jennifer was the instructor and she always has a very tough cardio workout.  I am fatigued, and that is good.

So, I have been getting comments from a lot of people who don't know me yet.  Well, allow me to introduce myself officially.

I was fortunate enough to be involved with AOL journals right from the starts.  First, just as a reader, and then later as a contributor.  I started out just writing about my running, and races and things.  However, things eventually evolved to the point where I was writing about just about anything and everything.

Then life threw me a curveball.  My world fell apart.  I wasn't prepared for it, and I crashed hard.  I tried to be as strong as possible.  I tried to be (as Jae is fond of calling me) Iron Man.  However, I was unsuccesful.  You see, I have always been quite adept at handling issues when they arose.  Fixable issues.  Fastball issues.  When life threw me a curveball, I simply did not know how to hit it.  I let the curveball beat me.  Then I woke one day, and decided to study the curveball.  Analyze it.  Understand it.  I learned how to hit the curveball, and am now ready to hit the thing out of the ballpark.

Being single at my age isn't the issue.  It's that being married was the only thing I knew.  I was married at 19, and spent twenty years with the same woman.  The adjustment to being a single man was very difficult.

Now it's time for me to share my obvious beauty and charm with the single female population of our fine world.  Dating will be a slow process for me.  I still don't trust very easily, and I am still quite protective of my emotions.  However, as a marathon runner, I am used to the long, slow process of journeying.  It's time for me to start the run . . .

Anyone want to run with me?

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I was at the gym one evening, and was getting my 5 year old son ready to go into the daycare.  He had been in there MANY times.  As a matter of fact, he goes with me almost every day.  Now, I suppose most everyone has little nicknames for their kids. . . the nickname I use for my kids are pretty simple.  The Girl Child and The Boy Child.  Since those names are rather cumbersome, I shorten them by calling them Girl and boy.  So, anyways, I was getting him into daycare at the gym, and once again referred to him as Boy.  I said something like . . . . Boy, come here and get your bracelet on.  The young girl behind the counter (who had dealt with us literally hundreds of times) looks up at me sincerely and whispers , "do you know his name?"  LOL  . . . . I almost wet myself.

Now, The Boy Child and I are getting ready to head over to his school for an ice cream party on the playground.  It's a chance for the new kindergarten students to meet their teachers before the school year starts.  Tonight, it's just The Boy and me.  The Girl Child is off at a drama presentation, and The Mom is working tonight so it's just The Boy and I.  Best buddies.  He loves his daddy and his daddy loves him.  WE do most everything together.  Sailing, running, laughing, wrestling, the "nut whack" game, pee races . . . all the fun stuff.  I love my boy.

By the way, the other day in the car The Boy looked at me and said, "Daddy, we need to find you a girlfriend."  So, I suppose that officially means that perhaps the single most handsome man on the West Coast is back on the market.   

"Be Your Own Loon."  -- Smoking Loon Wine Company slogan

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I'm sitting here eating cheese.  George is jamming away on the stereo.  The cats are staring at me.  My glass is filled with Vodka and OJ.  And I'm eating cheese.

Well, thank you so much for the WARM welcome back.  It seems like so long ago that I wrote that last entry.  Let's try to catch up a bit shall we . . . . . .

I am still running.  Not as fast, and not as far.  I have a couple pretty serious injuries.  I have achilles tendonitis in both achilles tendons.  Not comfortable at all.  Those should heal, however.  That is if I ever decide to let them rest. . . . hmmmmm, not likely.  I also, unfortunately, have (here comes the big technical name the doc gave me) Chronic Advanced Degenerative Arthritis in my right shoulder.  Basically it feels like somebody is squeezing my shoulder joint in a vice grip.  It's hell getting old I suppose.  I am still running though.  I spend a lot more time at gym, trying to build strength in the shoulder and let my achilles tendons rest.

My two beautiful kids are doing wonderfully.  The Girl Child is starting 8th grade next year.  Some of you may remember that I coach her soccer team, and the season just started for us.  She is tall (taller than her mother by a full head) slender and gorgeous.  Makes her old dad nervous to send her off to school.  The Boy Child is still my best buddy.  He starts kindergarten next week.  Don't worry, I have alerted the authorities. For those of you who knew her, their mother is doing well.  She has a nice apartment and has made it very comfortable for herself. 

I have been through two different jobs since we last talked.  My life became very unsettled.  I wandered, I drifted, I retreated into myself.  I leaned heavily on perhaps the best friend that any one person could ever hope to have.

I'm still tall and handsome. . . a few more gray hairs (when I let the hair grow) and a bit more careful and protective of my emotions. . . . . but it feels nice to be right here.  I've missed this.  I've missed the way the words flow out.

Enough for now . . . more later.

By the way . . . thanks Jae for the pimp . . . .you kick ass

Run Happy

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August 13, 2005.  That's the date of the last entry I wrote.  I'm not entirely sure I would have ever written another entry, but when I returned home from the gym this evening, I was pleasantly surprised with a comment form Kathleen.  Wow, thank you for that comment.  After almost a year.  There truly are good people in this world.

So, where have I been? 

On a journey.  A journey to discover who I am.  I journey to discover who the truly meaningful people in my life are.  A journey to discover what I am capable of as a man, father, and friend.

I was looking at pictures the other evening with a friend.  Pictures from my past.  Pictures of a life I no longer live.  Pictures of a life that now seems like a dream.  A happy, safe, pleasant, loving dream.

I've definitely grown.  I've become more of a complete man.  I've discovered things that I desire that I never knew I desired.  Attributes in a partner that I didn't know I was attracted to.  Abilities in myself that I did not know I possesed. 

Am I happy?  Not entirely, but I am very close.  Content.  That is where I am.  I am content because I have two beautiful children.  I have a job that pays well and is consistent.  I have a house that is old on the outside, but that is so comfortable on the inside thanks to my beautiful daughter.  I have the most amazing friends a man could ever wish for.  They have been my saving grace.  They have been my lifeline.  I am eternally indebted to them for the love they have shown me.  I am finding the ability to love, and to allow another to love me.  A difficult journey indeed.

So, here I am.  A year later.  Still running.  Slower, because of injuries.  Perhaps another entry about the injuries later?  Still living.  Still laughing.  Still crying.  Still being the man that I am meantto be.  I love her still . . . . you know who I mean . . . I always will . . but we are better this way.  We are better apart.  That doesn't change how much I love her.

I'm not sure who still reads these journals . . . .I will await a response . . . . anybody still here?  I'm here.  I'm back.  Will you welcome me back?

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I feel like writing an entry this morning.

I honestly don't know what to write.  My life is so different today than it was just mere months ago.  Funny how quickly life can change for us, isn't it.

The capacity the human mind has to reach a place of acceptance is amazing.  Acceptance that the life you imagined isn't necessarily the life you will live.  Acceptance that the life you are living, may simply be all that there is.  Acceptance that no matter how badly you want to change the inevitable . . .there is a reason it is inevitable.  When your mind finally brings you to a point of acceptance, then the journey can begin.

When we try so hard to hold on to what we can no longer have, we become stagnant.  We stop moving forward.  We stop progressing.  We were simply not designed to be stagnant people.  We were designed to be "in motion."  That's why we run.  That's why we challenge ourselves.  That's why we play.  When we stop being in motion, emotionally or physically, we are giving up a part of ourselves that is vital to our emotional and physical health.

"Life is difficult."  This is how Scott Peck opens his best seller, The Road Less Traveled.  He goes on to say:  "This is a great truth, one of the greatest truths.  It is a great truth because once we truly see this truth, we transcend it.  Once we truly know that life is difficult -- once we truly understand and accept it -- then life is no longer difficult.  Because once it has been accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters.  Most do not fully see this truth that life is difficult.  Instead they moan more or less incessantly, noisily or subtly, about the enormity of their problems, their burdens, and their difficulties as if life were generally easy, as if life should be easy.  They voice their belief, noisily or subtly, that their difficulties represent a unique kind of affliction that should not be and that has somehow been especially visited upon them, or else upon their families, their tribe, their class, their nation, their race or even their species, and not upon others.  I know about this moaning because I have done my share."

Acceptance doesn't make the pain any less dynamic.  Acceptance doesn't make your desires any less real.  Acceptance doesn't make the love you feel for another any less intense.   Rather, acceptance merely help you move forward. . . . towards a place of recovery.

Run Happy

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So, I received a phone call this morning from a friend.

Him, his wife and another couple (also friends of mine) had tickets to see Def Lepard and Bryan Adams in concert tonight.  3rd row.  Great seats.

He can't go.  He got bit by a Hobo spider and is sick.  He asked if I wanted to go.  I told him that he knows I can't afford that type of ticket.  His response?  I just want to give it to you.

Well, okay then . . . how can I say no to that.  I tell him to have his wife call me from the front of the stadium so I can meet up with them.  He tells me that won't work.  I have to meet them for dinner.  I remind him that I am on a tight budget and cannot afford to go out to dinner on a whim.  He explains to me, that because I agreed to go to the concert FOR HIM on SUCH SHORT NOTICE that they want to buy me dinner.  So, apparently, since I am making such a HUGE sacrifice by sitting in the third row for Def Lepard and Bryan Adams tonight, I am also going to be treated to dinner and drinks.  The things I will do for people ;)

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Two entries in one day?!?  What the hell is up with that?!?

Well, the fact of the matter is this.  I have something else to say about my friends.  I know, quit talking about them for crying out loud.  I will, I promise.  However, for now they are encouraging me to do things I have never done before.  They are encouraging me to look at life in ways that I have never done before.  They are encouraging me to approach my life in a way that I would have never thought possible before.

One of the things that we have all decided to do together is a Relay called Hood to Coast. 

Next August 25 and 26th.  It is a 197 mile run, starting at the top of Mt. Hood in Oregon, down to the Pacific Ocean at Seaside, Oregon.  Each team consists of twelve runners.  You travel in support vans together, with each runner running three different legs of the relay. 

The Around The Corner Runners are becoming a team.  We are practicing.  Talking. Anticipating.  Enjoying the planning.  Dreaming.  Living.

Check out the Hood to Coast web site for more details.  It should definitely be an adventure.

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