My Real World

2:55:25 PM EDT
Feeling Angry
Hearing Alexz Johnson - Here We Go Again Why does shit always happen to me? I'm not talking shit as in houses getting struck by lightning but shit as in, oh fucking my. My fucking hair is fucked up.

I'm done with the explicits.

The world remembers me by my bald head. Shaving it was the way to go. No patience, really. It was out of laziness. But in the Summer of 2006 when I spent the month in Italy, it totally grew out on me, and I looked in the mirror after getting out of the tiny-one-person-don't-drop-the-soap shower one day and realized that, quite frankly, my hair looked pretty damn good like this. So since that defying moment, I left it like that.

When I came back in July people didn't recognize me. That's how I wanted it. They said I had lost the weight and gained, well, hair. One of my cousins, you know the kind that never watches what she says said once at a party; "Joe, you look so European. Ever since you got back you stayed european!" And I said thanks for the kind-of back handed insult/compliment. So I tell people, that Joey stayed in Italy and the new one is the one you see now. Total epiphany, no joke. Bring out the Bible.

The only problem I have is maintaining it. Bitch, I was bald since I was in 6th grade back in '98 when Beverly Hills, 90210 was still on the air, Target had just opened in Commack and the Mushroom doo was so "in" that all I had to do was comb it and head to homeroom. In 2006 the Shroom just won't fly. So I styled it usually the same way every day, the messy do.

Flash forward now to the Summer of 2008, 2 years since the epiphany and it was time for the monthly cut/trim at the local barber shop.

Bitch, this is where things went arwy.

The dudes at the place (that shall remain unnamed although I'd rather give them the bad reputation but quite frankly I don't know the name of the place) all speak Italian and always ask me the same question. "Jou go-a to-a Italia eber?" and I say "Yes, twice." and they ask where, it's like a fucking routine. "Naples, Rome, (or Roma as you're supposed to call it to an Italian) Venice, Milan (aka Milano) and Rimini which is the equivelincy of like, Miami or something with beaches. They get shocked and aske me questions that I don't know because quite frankly I was backpacking and stayed at these places for 2 to 3 days, 4 tops. Now bitch, cut my hair.

They do. Except this guy today was giving me a hard time. He was asking me how many inches off my sideburns do I want. I said I don't know and that the man I usually get to cut my hair knows when I tell him to TRIM THE FUCKING HAIR. Quite frankly, he didn't know what the hell that ment. Then he asked me about the top of my hair. And then the back. At this point I'm realizing that this motherfucker doesn't know what he's doing and he's gonna fuck up my hair. I realize how he doesn't grab the whole chunk of hair with his fingers like the NORMAL cutters do. He's doing it in a weird way, sort of letting the sicissors do the work by itself. Not grabbing hair, and he wasn't using the buzzer to buzz the back and side of my hair. Somethings up. I say loudly, "OK WE'RE GOOD NOW!" startling him while he's mid-cut with sicissors and comb still in hand. "Ogay, I get mirror-a for-a jou-a!" I see the back of my hair and have a slight panic attack in the barber chair. I'm talking pale face and open mouth and all.

Fucker, I am not going back to balding my head. Ever again! But at this point I'm thinking fucking shit I just might have to!

I'm talking, half buzzed on one side and half long on the other side. Some strands of hair were long while some were cut extremely short. I could tell that something was fucked up, up on my head just by running my hands through it.

Must...make...random...U-Turn...NOW.

There was an independant hair-cutting place I had just passed and ran into the haircutting place like a motherfucker out of a horror scene. They were Russian. I'm very fimiliar with Russian being friends with Rachel for what, 9 years now? Holy shit has it been that long?

There was nobody in the place. I was like god loves me. Sort of.

"Can I help you?" he asks brushing the floor filled with hair.
"Yeah I sure hope so!" I replied, voice filled with hope. "I just got back from the place across the street and they bloged up my hair, I don't know if you can see." I'm pointing to my oh so difinitive hair. He leans in and looks and grunts. "This really was the place across the street?" he asks. "Yes!" I replied anxiously. He tells his Russian girlfriend or co-worker and talks to her in Russian telling her about my hair. She leans in and grabs a chunk. She shrieks. "OK I fix!" she says.

Let me tell you motherfuckers. I was studying her every inch and every move. I was not about to get shit-haired on again. She kept shrieking while cutting my hair, gasping and saying "Oh my god!" She could see the fuck up clearly now, the rain is gone.

She took a while fixing it. But I saw how short she had to cut my hair to even it out. She brushed my back with that white brush with baby powder and said "OK, complete!" And I looked in the mirror with excitement.

YES! It's perfect. I thanked them so much and they gave me their business card. I'm like hells yeah, I'll come back to this place that fixes shit-hair. Fuck that Italian place. No more questions about my trip to Italy. I want business up on my head taken care of the way it should be.

Never has my hair looked so good. God I'm so vein, I bet I think this song is about me.


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7:22:20 PM EDT
Feeling Energetic
Hearing Alanis Morissette - Underneath I'm gonna try and see if I can get this done quickly. There is a thunderstorm pending and I'd rather not get electrocuted, I'm already scarred from a recent thunderstorm. You'll get it all once this entry has been read completely.

My cousin Teresa got married. My first cousin, out of all 25 of them, my first one is officially married and is set to live the American dream life. She is also I believe, the oldest of all my cousins. The youngest is 2. Yeah, so I'm talking major company here bitches.

The wedding was nice, blah, blah, blah. I'm not one to rage on about a wedding. A wedding is a wedding to me, but quite frankly I also don't wanna rage on about this wedding to protect myself from anyone who reads this who is related to me. In that case, lovely wedding.

But the point of this entry was to discuss some humorous events that have taken place that day. And it had nothing to do with the wedding, so see, People that attended the wedding, you are safe.

So I decided to go to the church part of the wedding. After all, she was my cousin and I'm close to all one million of them. It was extremely hot that day. In New York that week, New York was going through a major heat wave. I believe that day I topped at like 98 degrees or something. The fans in the church were NOT doing any justice. Instead it was interrupting my hearing of the vows. All I heard was the blowing sound when someone blows in your ears. Really? Do you plan to [blowing noise] through sickness and in health? I would hope the vow actually wasn't "I plan to blow you through sickness and in health." Cuz that must be some marriage. In that case, I want that kind of marriage.

After the church they did the pictures on the steps of the church. At that point it must have been about 101 degrees at that point. With extreme humidity.

The reception didn't start until 7pm out on Long Island. It was, at this point in the story about 2pm.

So we went home.

People came over to see the baby and cooed and awed and held her, pizza came and it was boring to be frank. Then, the sky darkened, and it poured. A few rumbles followed, but nobody would expect what would come next.

It was time for the guests to leave because at this point, the reception would be starting in about 45 minutes and I wasn't even dressed. I put back on my PJ's and hung out with the guests in my PJ's, too. In retrospect, Why would I do such a thing? I should have atleast put on jeans or something.

The guests couldn't leave, the rain suddenly turned into sideways rain. You know, the kind of rain that, when the wind blows so bad it blows it sideways. It was total hurricane scenario. I was keeping my eye out on flying trees and/or cars.

Then the thunder and lightening came. You could tell that the storm was literally over my neighborhood because the thunder and lightening was so intense. But the rain had died down. So my little cousin Mikey, who came over to see the baby, along with my other cousin who by the way, had never been to my house before after I've been living here for about 14 years now, and her boyfriend.

Mikey was just about to make the run from the door to the car when...

BA BAM!

Literally, I could see the lightening rod from the sky touch the floor nearby somewhere across the street. I remember feeling an electric feeling in my left arm, which was holding the door open to let Mike out. It was thunder I've never heard before.

Finally, like a typical summer storm, the sky cleared out and the sun came out and it was 100 degrees again. This time, with firefighters and police cars parking their cars in my driveway. My family all looked at each other in confusion.

The whole block I live on had come out to see the show. About six more firefighters and police cars came by with their sirens on full blast. As if a motherfucker had just killed someone.

After constant journalising around, it turns out the house across the street from us had gotten struck by lightening. Their air conditioning unit had exploded or some shit like that.

That one loud thunder turns out was a lightning bolt that came down.

But bitch, it did--and this was no action movie.


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1:45:32 PM EDT
Feeling Relieved
Hearing Girls Aloud - Close to Love So everybody knows that this weekend was unofficially the "Sex and the City" weekend in honor of the movie and all. People from around the country probably had come to New York City just to see the movie and hit the movie spots for dinner. Can I just say, how unoriginal are we?

Rachel and I were so naive to think that because it is our city, we could get into the movie immediately. We were dead fucking wrong.

Back in September when we found out that they were making the movie, we decided we HAVE to see it in the City, just because. We thought...okay, how original.

Come the actual day, nope.

Bitch, we were wrong.

We were shoed from a movie theater before even walking in. This woman stood by the door that worked at the last theater we went into, the last theater before we gave up and decided to take the next train home, back to Long Island. As we walked in, the woman said those four little words. "Sex and the City?" She asked it as a question. We nooded yes. She pointed to the exit. No words, just finger pointing. She pointed to the exit and nooded no, probably implying they were sold out until one million o'clock.

The first theater didn't even bother putting up the movie at ALL. It had all the current movies except that. A movie theater that doesn't have the hottest movie of the week? Do they want income?

The second theater we went to read this:

SEX AND THE CITY (5/30 Rated R, Movie Times) = SOLD OUT SOLD OUT SOLD OUT SOLD OUT SOLD OUT SOLD OUT SOLD OUT SOLD OUT SOLD OUT SOLD OUT SOLD OUT SOLD OUT SOLD OUT 1:38am

I love how they left the fucking 1:38am showing.

I turned to Rachel like a motherfucker in a horror movie. Bitch, call Commack NOW. We were desperate at this point. Total anxiety.

Rachel: [on phone] "Can you tell us if any of your Sex and the City times are sold out?"

Operator: "All our showings are currently open" She said it as if we were assholes.

Rachel: "If we run we can catch the 6 o'clock train NOW"

We left Manhattan in a hurry, and you know me, I never wanna leave. Not like that at least.

Finally we get to our default theater, the crappy one that you always go to and not the fancy one in the city that had the red carpet. Yes, red carpet.

There was a line as if it were the day after tomorrow. I turned to a random lady on the line. "Excuse me, what is this line for?" she replied, "Sex-" and then I said "Thanks."...she didn't even have to finish.

She could have implied that this line was for plain old sex, as if someone were giving it away for free. I wouldn't know what kind--if it were oral or whatever.

I assumed it was the movie.

At least we got in. The last 7 seats, too!

The minus? A packed theater and an annoying gay dude behind me narrating the whole fucking movie.

"Oh no, that dress is terrible!" or "Oh don't do that!" and "That is the most beautiful dress I've ever seen!" and when the naked man part came "hehehehehe"

Bitch, do you want my popcorn down your pants? Shut the fuck up.

The whole City movie in the City seemed like a good idea in theory but in actuality? Not at all.....


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2:19:05 PM EDT
Feeling Loopy
Hearing Kate Voegele - One Way or Another So baby is here...

And it doesn't feel like it's my life anymore. When you see a birth (I didn't, thank you very much) and/or a new birth you start to become this philosophical motherfucker. You think about the miracle of life and all this nonsense. Not that it is nonsense. Okay, it is but you know where I'm getting at.

I had this whole stream of consciousness that went something like: "It's weird...yesterday she wasn't here and now today she exists. Or did she exist this whole time but while she was in the uterus. I really don't like that word. Do they have any diet soda in the Hospital?"

Total A.D.D I know.

You know what else was fun? Getting yelled at by the nurses every five minutes in the hospital. At one point I was afraid to breathe. Seriously. I was yelled at for being in the Labor room, yelled at for waiting in the waiting room (WHO KNEW!), yelled at for taking pictures, yelled at for being related from someone who was giving birth, yelled at for drinking coffee and yelled at for asking where the fuck is the bathroom. That motherfucker answered me as if I was stupid. Bitch! I have never been in this hospital before! Fuck! Where in the hell is the mens room? They seriously need some more sex in the oncall room. Bitches were stiff motherfuckers. At one point I wanted to change the position I was sitting in, in my chair but was afraid to. I could get yelled at for that you know. How dare I! Because I'm at that hospital every fucking day. I know they were trying to keep their hospital in order. Please say it nicely and don't scare the shit out of your patients. I'm going to have nightmares for the next 3 months.

We couldn't even visit her in the room. After birth though. Visiting hours ended at like 8ish, and my mom had the FATHER bracelet on. Yeah, my mom totally fathered that child. She's full on man mode now. Funniest shit ever.

I'm not gonna say what hospital but (Jennifer Lopez gave birth to her kids there) Ahem COUGH COUGH

The labor was fucking long as hell. And the waiting room was beginning to close in on me. (The waiting room that was mean nurse free and after they moved us for the third time. Yes, they moved us three times to three different fucking rooms) The room was a stuffy shit that gave me a panic attack. It was small and had a TV that only had channel 4, which is where I found out that they are filming The Real World 21 in Brooklyn next year! And they showed the new loftand all. I was totally wide eyed during that.

6 damn hours later the lullaby rang over the loudspeaker which meant that our baby was finally here. We ran to the nursery where I got my first look. Adorable it was.

But my home? What once housed 2 adults and 2 college-aged kids now looks like a motherfucking preschool. Diaper disposals, empty bottles, blankets, screaming baby, rocking chairs, and the major construction of the new room.

Do I live here? Oh yeah, there's my room! Okay, I'm good then.


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6:00:10 PM EDT
Feeling Happy
Hearing Stars - Your Ex-Lover is Dead I have tons to say. Tons have happened within the past few days since the Mothers Day post that will have Soap Opera's rocking in their boots. Or Stilettos, whatever they wear. Keep it here for a long juicy entry.

And oh yeah--it's finally summer vacation motherfuckers


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11:49:37 PM EDT
Feeling Loopy
Hearing The Subways - Rock 'n' Roll Queen Today is Mothers Day...how cute are mothers?

My mother is the coolest most "in" mother. Yeah, totally. Let me discuss a recent conversation I had with my mother that had me rolling on the floor in severe laughter that I swear I almost broke a rib. Really.

My mom uses iTunes, yeah I know she actually knows how to use a computer well and doesn't fret when shit happens on a PC, she just calls me in hopes of making it go away. I'm like the PC magician. Fuck. For her birthday a while back I even got her a tiny little iPod nano. Ohh yes i did! Dude she was still using cassettes to record her favorite song on the radio! Yeah, totally 90s style. No joke. I had to save her from this time mix-up of technology. Off to Apple I went.

So back to my story that had me on the floor, she wanted some new songs on her iTunes but I had the CD so she wanted me to rip them for her and all that shit that iTunes makes you go through for one fucking song. Yeah, I know. She really liked that Alicia Keys song "No One", if I had it my way, that should be my mothers day gift alone. But no, I went to Macy*s (Yes, I had to put the little star there I just wanted to okay?) and got her this bitch of a purse.

Dish Network offers no fucking channels. Especially when it comes to music. If you don't like music don't subscribe to Dish. They do offer one or two. One of them my mom watches, you know--the Spanglish Mun2 channel. It's actually pretty good. It's not mainstream like Fuse or MTV.

So while I was bringing my Now 69 CD that I had brought on an Import from Amazon because they offer so much in new music from across the pond I stick when them. I'm addicted to them. I've discovered so many new artists through that magical piece of plastic that is overpriced. That Alicia Keys song is on there.

While I was burning that song onto her iTunes song, the video for "Elevator" came on, you know, the one with Timbaland. Good song. Don't like it enough for it to go onto MY iTunes.

I proceeded to ask her; did she like that song?

Get this Bitch: Her response:

"I don't really like Fritos"

FRITOS!

Me: "Mom, Fritos? What do Potato Chips have to do with my question?"

Mom: "Fritos! The singer!"

Me: "There is no singer named Frito."

Mom: "Then what's his name?"

Me: "You mean Flo Rida?"

Mom: "Ohhh yeah him. I don't like him too much."

Me: "Mom, Fritos and Flo Rida don't even SOUND the same!" At this point I'm in total hysterical mode. Flat out laughter with uncontrollable breathing.

Mom: "I don't know these rappers all have crazy names."

The woman seriously thought that FRITOS was the rapper who sang "Low" and "Elevator". The mix up has no resemblance. Don't ask me. It's not even like it could be played off as dyslectic. I just can't seem to comprehend that.

Funny shit. In honor of Mothers Day 2008, I just had to post this.

Does anybody like Fritos? You know the singer?


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9:14:14 PM EDT
Feeling Worried
Hearing The Bravery - This is Not the End OK so I'm totally fretting right now it's not even funny.

I watch too much fucking TV I swear! You know when you see something on TV about some outrageous disorder that you had no idea was possible and then you go around the rest of the day thinking 'Holy fucking shit--I have that odd-disorder!' I think everybody goes through that. But I fucking live it. It's so bad. Does anyone have a number for a good therapist out there? Anyone?

I was watching Extra the other day...yep I know, that right there is already a mistake see!

So I was watching Extra on Friday afternoon since, the loser that I am had no plans that day so I spent the whole day in my brand new king sized bed (which I need to rant about but that's for a whole 'nother post) and watched TV buried in my millions of pillows flipping through the few good channels that Cablevision distributes. How can Fios not be available in my area? But the truck is always there across the street? The fuck?

So Extra did this cover story on this woman who has this odor disorder where the food she eats, the odor exits through the pores of her skin. What the fuck? She was actually a decent looking woman. She was saying how she can't do normal things like go to the mall and stuff because the smell gets so bad that people actually think something died and they cover their faces and leave the store or whatever.

I started to smell myself.

But bitch, I did.

Now, I usually always get compliments on my scent. I'm always told I smell good. My cousins say we have a certain smell. A good one. My mom over doses the fabric softener. But still man, I think I have that disorder! I started to smell like nasty shit. I know, you would say that it was my imagination and that you can create phantom smells if you can put your mind into it. When I hug people they say that I smell like peaches. That's a good smell. I can deal with that. It's a mixture of the David Beckham cologne and my hair product. Somehow: David Beckham Cologne + Hair Product = Peaches. I don't know.

I'm obsessed with the David Beckham cologne. I've been using it for years now People are telling me to change, but I just can't. I need to smell like David Beckham. Just not when he's all sweaty playing soccer. Cuz that's just another disorder in the works.

So the other day in my Writing Class someone was reading one of their stories that we had to write for an assignment and suddenly, people started to burst out into little laughter, covering their faces and making the "PU" gesture with their hands. The professor went and opened the window. Now bitch, I know I didn't smell shit. I tried to smell what was funky but just didn't. Oh shit--my breakfast is now making its way out of my pores! The Extra odor disorder! And they say you can't smell your own stink. My mind started to race like a motherfucker. Was it me? Was my Count Chocoula Cereal somehow making its way out of my pores? Say what now?

So ever since discovering that disorder I've become obsessed with the way I smell. More spray's of David Beckham go on my body and extra deodorant goes underneath my arms. You should see me applying that motherfucker. I'm like when you fast forward a VHS Tape.

I found a brand new bottle of Fabreeze in my hall closet and I stole it and put it in my room. Now I'm Fabreezing my shit every 10 minutes. I'm Fabreezing my jeans and my shirts ALONG with my cologne.

Now I must smell like shit.

Or at least I will soon enough--you know, with the new baby coming into my house this Summer. Changing diapers is just not what I am created for.

This whole 'Phantom Smells' thing was uttered by Seth Cohen on an episode of The O.C. that was on SoapNet the other day. Seth was caught smoking pot and said something along the lines of "They say phantom smells are a sign of a brain tumor." Fuck! Do I have a brain tumor now? Onto Yahoo! Answers I went. I'm feeling weird pains in my head now.

See? I think I just need time to obsess over something else for the time being. You know there was a time where I thought I had Tourette Syndrome? I also thought I was having a heart attack during Health Class back in the Spring Semester of '06. Yes, I'm OCD...I had to include the year of the semester.

Now I KNOW that I am OCD. That's one thing for sure. I had to include the year of the semester. Seriously, there's this bowl of fruit my parents have on the kitchen table and I'm always re-arranging them on the plate to look nice. Then I yell at the person who takes the fruit and doesn't fix the rest. The fruit has to be perfect. I'm also OCD about my iPod. Every song MUST have the appropriate Album title and the appropriate Album Artwork. That giant blue music note just gets under my skin. Hah--bitches you should see my DVD shelf arranged accordingly. Melrose Place is next to 90210 which is next to The O.C which is next to One Tree hillwhich is next to Desperate Housewives which is next to Degrassi which is next to Instant Star which is next to Will & Grace which is next to Friends which is next to Sex and the City which is next to the My So-Called Life complete series box.

I could make a list. But I won't.

Fuck, what's that smell?


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1:17:04 PM EDT
Feeling Hopeful
Hearing Mutya Buena - Not Your Baby I just want to use this space to rant for a bit. I just saw MTV's Real World Bash on TV on Wednesday night, and I have one thought...holy crap.

First off I could not believe that Cara was there! I actually really liked her from The Real World Chicago back in 2001...I was a Freshman in High School when that season aired and it was one of my first seasons ever watching. I watched the NYC one before that and I saw the New Orleans one before that one too. Despite her being a bit of a hoe, I really liked her. She Sued MTV I heard shortly after moving out of the Real World house. Aneesa was also there and she looked real good AND Chris was nominated for hottest male or some crap like that. I could not believe it, my favorite cast was -almost- reunited.

Second off I LOVED Coral's speech when she won for biggest bitch or roommate you loved to hate...whatever I can't remember--she got up there and her speech began with something along the lines of "First of all I would like to thank no one!" and at the end she goes and throws the award into the water below the stage thingy. Hilarious!

I also was really excited to see Brynn from Real World Vegas and that she is pregnant with her third child! I love her story how she was a little bi curious girl who was 21 moving to Vegas and was a go-go dancer at clubs and then throughout the years got married and became a domesticated housewife and is now a mother of two (and a half) children. It's like a Disney story. Seriously, someone animate her.

I would hope that MTV would air the "lost" seasons sometime in the near future. By the lost seasons I mean like the Miami season and the Boston season. I've never really seen those episodes and I would like to. I saw the Miami season on TV once in a marathon but I was at an Aunts house where kids were screaming and I couldn't really hear the TV. I only remember one episode where the black girl with huge ass nails was pissed at another girl for calling her a "black bitch" which is the same fight they have in almost every season.

This was like the superbowl for me, seriously, you HAD to see me lol. I'm a huge fanatic when it comes to this show. I think I know almost every cast (all 138 people) and their story on the show and what-not.

I was upset to see that Matt was the only member of the New Orleans cast that was there. I know Kelley is married to an actor and was probably there but they didn't show her because people probably wouldn't remember her (the New Orleans season aired wayyy back in 2000) and Melissa wasn't there! My neighbor!! She probably didn't want to fly from New York to LA. She has a serious job these days. David, Jamie, Julie and Danny were nowhere to be found.

People probably have no idea who I'm talking about. I'm just ranting and raving. This is my favorite shit. I just don't know why. I've tried to get my best friend into The Real World but she just didn't care for it. None of my friends really watch MTV. But they do watch America's Next Top Model. Go figure--the ONE show I absolutely HATE the most!!

Lastly--I couldn't believe the Austin cast won for best cast. I didn't like them AT ALL. They were those annoying casts that were always drunk. It was a good season, actually they all were, I just wasn't feeling them. I actually really liked the Paris season back in 2003. It got low ratings and bad reviews, but I really liked them! They were the only REAL people that were ever casted. They weren't always drunk and they didn't hook up with each other at all. It was more of a living situation in a foreign country story. They weren't nominated. I was hoping for the San Diego cast. They were the best cast in my opinion. Although they were another drunk cast--they were REALLY hysterical! FREE BRAD! or when Charlie said "I Hope Britney Spears see's me on the show and wants to give me a call"...he seriously thought Britney Spears would watch The Real World during her world tour and give Charlie a call--a roommate that replaced Frankie after she left and only appeared in the last four episodes of the season.

OK, I've wrote an essay and ranted enough--believe me, I could go on forever. I just had nobody to rant to so I figured let me do it here hahh.

Keep mean comments to yourself lol I know what is going through your mind thankyouverymuch


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12:47:14 AM EDT
Feeling Surprised
Hearing Some annoying bitch from the Tonight Show You could add polls on this bitch now? I didn't know this.

I've been absent, well, absent minded for the whole month of February. Total personal reasons what won't be made into a joke here as do all the other events of my life that usually make light on here. Let's just say my life is totally an episode of Melrose Place right now. Or 90210. Or The O.C., no wait or, Days of Our Lives...how about all of them? What's the difference?

So my sis needed a new computer because hers crashed for the bagillionth time, and I'm always re-installing Windows XP. I winded up doing that crap 10 times. Obviously the computer is a goner. So I have her my old laptop, well not really old, I got it 2 summers ago. And I'm over computers. Ever since I went the sidekick way, I'm always on that bitch instead of actually using a computer. But I still needed one. So I decided to change it up, why not try a Mac for size?

So far, total culture shock but I'm loving it. If there's anyone out there reading this, do e-mail me and let me know what I should know about using a Mac, such as any tips and tricks or any real cool stuff out there. My e-mail is the same as the screen name in the address.

The battery on this is amazing. (It's a laptop I left out...I'm always leaving details out)

I'm on spring break so my life has been uneventful. But there is one thing I can rant on for a bit. Just a bit. But you know my rants usually go on for a novel length.

I've been getting into watching the Jay Leno show lately. I've always followed the show, like I'd watch it for a while and then stop, and then watch again. But lately after the writers strike ended I've been catching myself watching every night. I don't know why I've been into it. His monologues aren't really funny. Sometimes he'd make a joke and would get total silence in the audience and play it off by saying "the show is free". That's when I'd laugh. I laugh at total awkward moments.

I was at a party the other day and a husband and a wife were the hosts of the party. It was a 2nd birthday party, so there were kids crawling about. The husband was getting mad and literally yelled at his wife. I'm talking red face and pointing the phone in her direction and echoes all around the kitchen angry. It was total rampage mode. He was mad because the maid didn't do a good job or that the kids were making a mess or something. I had no idea why he was angry at the maid. But he was letting his anger out during the party. Dude, the whole fucking party paused at shock when he was yelling. But not me. I laugh at awkward moments and was sitting in my corner thinking "Holy fucking shit, this is hilarious!" with a huge smile on my face. But it was unintentional. I covered my face. But see--I laughed when Leno made a bad joke.

But the headlines are the best. An ad for a chef had a major typo on it that read, "Salmon, covered in crap." or "Easter Egg hunt from 11:00am until 11:01am, Don't be late!" So yeah, Don't be late!

I don't know. I told you I had nothing good to rave about. I just felt like I haven't updated this page in a while. This entry sucked. I promise the next one will be better. And it will head back to my roots of making light of a dark situation. I just wanted an excuse to use my new mac.

Wait--it won't let me post this directly?! What the hell is this! It won't let me click save!!

HEYYY!!!

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7:35:15 PM EDT
Feeling Anxious
Hearing Madonna & Justin Timberlake - Four Minutes to Save the World I haven't been on here in ages but I promise an all-new post soon. Especially since spring break is around the corner, this should bring me time to post my usual novels.

And I'm in love with that new Madonna and Justin Timberlake song but it doesn't seem to exist anywhere on the net! Me! The person who can find the next unreleased single from any artist you want--cannot find the newest sensation on the net. Anywhere. I even bumped into some fake nude picture of Justin Timberlake all for the song. It was when I drew the line. The song isn't that good if I'm looking at photoshoped photos of JT. Nude. Ew.

And Britney's new video is an animated video. I ask you--how lazy can you get? It takes...what? 2 days tops to film a video? It SUCKED. The video was awful. Awful video for an amazing song.

And I am now in love with SNL (aside from the Penelope skits..so..) Last week the CW Announced they're currently working on the next Beverly Hills 90210 spin off. And the Weekend Update host (I can't remember their names, being they are constantly changing the Weekend Update hosts) said that it is going to be called "One O.C. Hill Gossip Greek Girl" LMAO. The End. Wasn't the O.C supposed to be the next 90210?

I promise a new post. I Really do.


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